New to writing!

Hi All,

I've been a reader on the site for some time, but finally set up an account to try my hand at writing. I'll freely admit I've never been one for creative writing / writing in general so I'm a total novice but I seem to have 'caught the writing bug'.

I'd love any feedback readers have... I know there is no perfect way to write a story as everyone wants something different but hints and tips for future reference are always appreciated.

A little bit of background... so far the stories are all based around one main character so they loosely link together although they don't form a definitive series and can be read independently.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=4168482&page=submissions

I read the first one and I thought it was very good. There are some nice details that make the story seem more real.
One hint is that you might get more feedback if you changed your settings to allow privare messages. Some people might prefer to comment privately.

Thank you.

How do I change the settings?
The posts should allow anonymous feedback. I wasn't aware of any other settings. I've not had an account long so if I've missed something obvious, please share!

SultrySophia said:

Thank you.

How do I change the settings?
The posts should allow anonymous feedback. I wasn't aware of any other settings. I've not had an account long so if I've missed something obvious, please share!

Click to expand...

He is referring to Private Messaging, which you can enable in your User Control Panel under "edit options".

If you do so, I advise that you switch to Invisible Mode, or you will get a lot of "Hi, want to chat about my dick?" messages.

I get much more private one-on-one feedback than I do public comment. I find that people who have questions about your writing are more likely to ask them privately. I have also been honored by people who have messaged me to tell me how something I've written has touched them. They are not as likely to do that in public.

I've just read When Two Becomes Three. (I'd have just said "Become", but that's a quibble.)

First, a comment on the comments. On the issue of the character being married, she is married because you thought she sould be married. If the reader doesn't like it, oh well. Some commenters look for moral objections. If you have read any of my stories, you can imagine I've heard my share of that. It's an "agree to disagree" situation in my opinion.

As to the continuity error, well, that stuff happens Just the other day, someone pointed out to me that my character's older sister's age was mentioned, and she was younger than him. Oops.

To your writing; overall, very good. I am always careful not to turn my critiques into "That's not how I'd do it." It's your story to tell, not mine. But I do think you would benefit from a bit more economy in your style.

For example:

"Mia looked divine, and for the first time I started to think about me and her being together. You may be thinking we had already been together, but that was also with James, I wasn't currently thinking about James."

To me, this flows better. Try reading both excerpts aloud and see if you agree:

"Mia looked divine. For the first time I thought about me and her being together. We had been together with James, but now, I wasn't think about James."

Again, not trying to claim my style is superior, but I offer that as food for thought.

There was one point where I was thrown off your story.

"I'd never seen her bedroom before, and I still couldn't describe it if I tried."

After that line, my mind kept trying to fill in the blanks as to the bedroom. You don't have to go into great descriptions, but a line or two to sketch the scene helps ground the reader in the place.

Good luck with your writing, I hope I've been helpful.

Ah I already have private messaging switched on, I've recently started getting a bit of feedback this way, but at the time of starting this post I don't think I'd had any.

Melissa... you picked my least favourite of the stories to read haha.

Thank you for the comments though, I will take them into consideration as I write the next story.

Private messaging

According to what comes up when I click on your user name, you do not have your private messenger on.

I agree with MelissaBaby above that the line about the bedroom really stokes our curiosity.

It's phrased in such a way that readers are likely to expect an extremely unusual bedroom with unexpected features, like distinctive furnishings or decor.

I think your intent is to say that your character was caught up in Mia's insistent and dominant handling, right? In this case, it might be better to say something like,

"It was the first time I'd been in her bedroom, but there was no time to take in the details - Mia led me straight to the bed, her kisses hot on my lips. She didn't seem bothered at all that the door was wide open."

There're many ways you could do this, but I hope I've accurately conveyed your intention there.

KatieTay said:

I agree with MelissaBaby above that the line about the bedroom really stokes our curiosity.

It's phrased in such a way that readers are likely to expect an extremely unusual bedroom with unexpected features, like distinctive furnishings or decor.

I think your intent is to say that your character was caught up in Mia's insistent and dominant handling, right? In this case, it might be better to say something like,

"It was the first time I'd been in her bedroom, but there was no time to take in the details - Mia led me straight to the bed, her kisses hot on my lips. She didn't seem bothered at all that the door was wide open."

There're many ways you could do this, but I hope I've accurately conveyed your intention there.

Click to expand...

Yes! I was picturing some palatial bedroom with 15 foot ceilings and gossamer draperies everywhere.

Your private messages are still not on

RKK said:

Your private messages are still not on

Click to expand...

If I go to my userpage > options > edit options... there is a yes/no box for "accept anonymous feedback. This is set to yes. I can't find anything else about accepting messages. If I'm looking in the wrong place, please can someone direct me?!

SultrySophia said:

If I go to my userpage > options > edit options... there is a yes/no box for "accept anonymous feedback. This is set to yes. I can't find anything else about accepting messages. If I'm looking in the wrong place, please can someone direct me?!

Click to expand...

From the Discussion Board, NOT your author's page, go to "user CP" in the bar near the top of the page. A short way down the page on your left you will see Edit Options. On that page, you will see "Messaging and Notifications" That is where you'll find "enable private messaging".

I’m new here as well

MelissaBaby said:

From the Discussion Board, NOT your author's page, go to "user CP" in the bar near the top of the page. A short way down the page on your left you will see Edit Options. On that page, you will see "Messaging and Notifications" That is where you'll find "enable private messaging".

Click to expand...

Just like SultrySophia I’m new to this site and also new to the Literotica site itself and I’ve just had my first story published so there’s much I’m getting used to also. I’ve followed the instructions for allowing private messaging. Does this refer to messaging between contributors to this forum or does it expand to include messages to the story site? Perhaps someone could provide an explanation for dummies who’ve just begun using this forum.

Emirus said:

Just like SultrySophia I’m new to this site and also new to the Literotica site itself and I’ve just had my first story published so there’s much I’m getting used to also. I’ve followed the instructions for allowing private messaging. Does this refer to messaging between contributors to this forum or does it expand to include messages to the story site? Perhaps someone could provide an explanation for dummies who’ve just begun using this forum.

Click to expand...

Turning Private Messages on (assuming you don't have any restrictions you've chosen) will allow any registered member of Lit to send a message. This is for the bulletin board only and has nothing to do with your stories.

P.S.
The How To board has many FAQs.

I read Sexting with Oliver.

The story is very rushed; there are words missing, some poor punctuation, including long run-on sentences, which in places makes it hard to work out what you actually mean to say. You shift from present tense to past tense, and back again, far too often. You might not even register you do it (it was pointed out to me in one of my stories, and I'd missed it completely when editing - as soon as it was pointed out, it was 'duh'). It's easy to do, but does get distracting.

I suggest you write your first draft quickly, then come back several days later to edit. They're silly, obvious mistakes that you'll hopefully spot straight away and correct, and it will make for a better read.

It's all over rather quickly - perhaps this is you rushing. Take your time, and do a closer edit before submitting.

Firstly, well done in submitting your stories and in being brave enough to ask for feedback. You open yourself up to potential criticism in doing this so it takes guts and we ought to credit you for that.

Like electricblue66 I also read 'Sexting with Oliver'

To start on a positive note I will say that I think you've got something going on. The story did turn me on just a little so well done. I like the premise of the story and there were some good moments.

That said, I would second many of the observations that electricblue66 made. Spelling mistakes, poor grammar and confused sentence structure together with multiple changes in tense interrupt the flow of the read. You may think we're being pedants but all of these shortcomings make it difficult for the reader to clearly understand your meaning. This impedes upon the eroticism. Instead of appreciating the scene's growing sexual tension, our mind is too preoccupied with trying to decipher exactly what it is you're trying to say.

Personally, I don't mind a story being short so long as it gives me adequate descriptive detail. I approve of the fact that you didn't tell us anything about the character's ages and pretty much nothing about their appearance. This leaves more to the imagination and allows the reader to fill the spaces. However, like the previous poster, I did feel that Sexting with Oliver could have done with a little more colour. In particular I wanted to get inside of the character's heads and understand more of their emotions. This is a difficult art for any writer but what I would have liked was for you to hint at what they are thinking and feeling just a little more.

My final thought is a more stylistic consideration. Given that you were depicting a text conversation I would not have chosen to use quotation marks. Likewise, to my mind sexting involves a little more back-and-forth rather than the large blocks of text you convey.

For clarity, if I was writing a sexting story this is how I would present the exchanges:

Me: You can’t stop there!
I was genuinely alarmed but Oliver soon text back with a reassurance.
Oliver: Don’t worry. I’m not finished with you yet.
Me: Phew!
I settled back and waited for his next message.
Oliver: Slowly, I work my ...

Something like that anyway

I read "First Threesome" and I wish you had spent more time sharing Sophia's thoughts. What is her relationship with her husband Luke like? It wasn't clear, but it seems like Sophia has been married to him less than five years. She seems very blase about cheating on him - "Look, James, you know I love Luke, I could never plan to cheat on him." That doesn't sound like love to me. It's hard for me to like a character with so little commitment to her marriage. After James brings up her cheating on Luke and having a threesome, she hangs around so I took that to mean she wanted a threesome where she cheated on Luke.

I felt as she hung out with James, she should have thought through the idea of having a threesome with Mia and James. As she was staying, it was clearly going to happen. When Mia first kisses her, she's clearly accepted having a threesome.

I was expecting a lot more reaction to Mia kissing her. If a man kissed me romantically for the first time, I'd have a strong reaction to it. But Sophia is so muted in her reactions, so blase. There isn't a comparison with how kissing with Mia was different than kissing a man.

Lastly, what did having the threesome mean to Sophia? Does it make her want to change her life? Or does she view it as fun but meaningless sex? How does it change what she thinks about her marriage with Luke? Does she want to do it again as Mia suggests in the last line?