How to be a Dominatrix if you're shy?

Hey NightL, whine much?

Loverskitten said:

I love that everyone is so worried about her, I'm more worried about the poor guy who's expecting a Dominatrix but getting a total fake. Poor guy

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If he's a serial killer it could all end up a bit messy. One shouldn't be flippant but it's true. There could be a bloody end or he could be disappointed that his Dominatrix can't crack her whip or bring him to heel.

<Channelling my Bitch side>

Debbie said:

If he's a serial killer it could all end up a bit messy. One shouldn't be flippant but it's true. There could be a bloody end or he could be disappointed that his Dominatrix can't crack her whip or bring him to heel.

<Channelling my Bitch side>

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Well, I get pissed when I don't get what I pay for.


On a side note, for all you guys know, she could be a serial killer too.

Loverskitten said:

Well, I get pissed when I don't get what I pay for.


On a side note, for all you guys know, she could be a serial killer too.

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Fair enough. (On the comment about getting pissed off for not getting what you pay for.)

Personally I wouldn't consider using Craigs List to hire someone and then meet them in the first place. Granted people will say they haven't had problems, they met the love of their life through there etc. I be there are many happy stories. It's risky though.

If you google Craigs List and serial killers it's really scary what results come back.



Why wouldn't the guy go to an establishment to get the Dominant/Dominatrix experience or seek out a safe, experienced Dominant with a proven CV?

It's seems a bit hinky.


If I want an arborist I am not going to hire Leatherface. (Sorry, as a bit of a horror fan that amused me. It isn't meant to be making light of the thread or laughing at the op.)

Debbie said:

If you google Craigs List and serial killers it's really scary what results come back.

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I'm pretty sure that if you google anything + serial killers, it's pretty scary.

Im pretty sure he just wont pay me or will demand a refund if I do a crap job.

So I will do the best job I can.

When I was practicing with my friend last night, I think how I did was pretty ok for my first time, except I kept smiling and laughing periodically...I dont know if I should train myself not to laugh at all or if I should just make my laugh sound more sadistic and evil, or would that be overdoing it?

I find it easier when I pretend that Im an actress on a set. In addition t o studying how to be a dominatrix (via internet), Ive also been studying how to be a good actor. So that I dont over act or under act. I will be practicing on my friend again this evening.

last time I just tied him to the bed using some paracord, blindfolded him, got on top and did whatever I wanted. I,know it doesnt sound like much but it was a big step for me psychologically, as I had never even been in the top position before.

My biggest hurdle now is coming up with stuff to do...Ive been watching fem dom porn to get some ideas, which I will rehearse this evening. Ive even been drawing from stories on here for ideas.

I have a lot to learn tonight..

Haxansia said:

Im pretty sure he just wont pay me or will demand a refund if I do a crap job.

So I will do the best job I can.

When I was practicing with my friend last night, I think how I did was pretty ok for my first time, except I kept smiling and laughing periodically...I dont know if I should train myself not to laugh at all or if I should just make my laugh sound more sadistic and evil, or would that be overdoing it?

I find it easier when I pretend that Im an actress on a set. In addition t o studying how to be a dominatrix (via internet), Ive also been studying how to be a good actor. So that I dont over act or under act. I will be practicing on my friend again this evening.

last time I just tied him to the bed using some paracord, blindfolded him, got on top and did whatever I wanted. I,know it doesnt sound like much but it was a big step for me psychologically, as I had never even been in the top position before.

My biggest hurdle now is coming up with stuff to do...Ive been watching fem dom porn to get some ideas, which I will rehearse this evening. Ive even been drawing from stories on here for ideas.

I have a lot to learn tonight..

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That's quite a challenge you've set yourself but you're certainly giving it your best. Good luck.

Haxansia said:

Im pretty sure he just wont pay me or will demand a refund if I do a crap job.

So I will do the best job I can.

When I was practicing with my friend last night, I think how I did was pretty ok for my first time, except I kept smiling and laughing periodically...I dont know if I should train myself not to laugh at all or if I should just make my laugh sound more sadistic and evil, or would that be overdoing it?
I find it easier when I pretend that Im an actress on a set. In addition t o studying how to be a dominatrix (via internet), Ive also been studying how to be a good actor. So that I dont over act or under act. I will be practicing on my friend again this evening.

last time I just tied him to the bed using some paracord, blindfolded him, got on top and did whatever I wanted. I,know it doesnt sound like much but it was a big step for me psychologically, as I had never even been in the top position before.

My biggest hurdle now is coming up with stuff to do...Ive been watching fem dom porn to get some ideas, which I will rehearse this evening. Ive even been drawing from stories on here for ideas.

I have a lot to learn tonight..

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Just be careful you don't end up sounding like Cruella DaVille.

One of the places I write for is an escorts classifieds site, and I've done several blogs on escort safety. PLEASE get a driver if you pursue this. Indie girls often do not want to cut their profit by getting a driver, who also acts as protection, (only a scream away). Your clients must know you have a driver, right outside the door practically that WILL use force if anything funny starts up. The girls found buried on Long Island a couple summers ago didn't have drivers. They paid the price with their lives. I realize you're not talking about escorting, but the same principal applies here.

so...haxansia, have you had the meeting yet & if so, how did it go?

ed

Hey NightL, whine much?

Okay. So. I'm a pro switch.

The thing that helps the most for me is to make a script ahead of time. Write the scene out act to act ahead of time. When you get into it feel free to deviate but you'll always have something to fall back on.

I laugh a lot in scene. Real laughs, not evil ones. If he's into shame genuine laughter is plenty humiliating. If he's a straight up masochist then the pain is probably more important than you being in character.

As far as safety goes what I do is turn on GPS on my phone and arrange for a safety call at the end of the scheduled scene and another 15min later and another 15min after that. If there's no response to any of those tell your friend they can call the cops.

You're the one in charge. Don't forget that.

And have fun!

drinkz said:

Actually it applies even more here. OP set out to deceive the guy for money. If he doesn't get what he paid for, it could get ugly. Or... He could be so happy to get whatever part of his fetish satisfied that he doesn't care. You never really know what might happen.

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Exactly. I would be leary of the whole thing. Haxansia says she is enticed by the money he is offering. So it probably isn't a pittance.

If she turns up and he realizes she has been pretending and stringing him along he could be pretty mad and embarrassed.


I don't think Haxansia has thought this through or realizes how dangerous this could be.

sensualsharon said:

One of the places I write for is an escorts classifieds site, and I've done several blogs on escort safety. PLEASE get a driver if you pursue this. Indie girls often do not want to cut their profit by getting a driver, who also acts as protection, (only a scream away). Your clients must know you have a driver, right outside the door practically that WILL use force if anything funny starts up. The girls found buried on Long Island a couple summers ago didn't have drivers. They paid the price with their lives. I realize you're not talking about escorting, but the same principal applies here.

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Excellent idea. Even if it's just a friend acting as a driver.

sensualsharon reminded me of a workmate of hubby's who worked at night for a few hours as a driver for a few ladies. He drove them, walked them to the door, returned to the car and waited. If anything seemed amiss he could be there in seconds.

He said some of the guys were pricks and rough with the girls. He wouldn't stand for it and would warn them he would sort the guys attitude problem.

Hey, everyone. I am just updating to let you all know that Im still alive and...to my surprise, I think it went well. My strategy was basically this:

1. Make a script and memorize it. I made this script from a combination of erotic films and some stories on here. I also had backup scripts and subscripts in case something needed to be changed. I squeezed in a rehearsal with my friend in before we met.
2. Over-act. My friend gave me the feedback that my acting was still too soft for a domme, so I over-acted the entitled princess role and that helped me seem more controlling. I acted like this the whole day to get myself more and more in character, which pissed off a few of my friends, lol. But I told them later I was just acting so its all still good.
3. Get over fear. This was the hardest part! Its hard to be a domme when youre feeling fearful, so I had to get over my fear of messing up, erase any doubts about him, and just trust that everything will go as planned.

The guy was nice and I think I did an alright job because he wants to meet with me again.

Doing this took some 'core acting', meaning that I pretended I was a different person to the core. I made up this whole life where I was a switch and I regularly saw clients like this, so I really became a whole different person in a way.

I know I wasnt perfect and I know I messed up a few times, for example I forgot my script a few times and had to make stuff up on my own. But he seemed satisfied so thats all that matters.

If I ever do this again with anyone else, I will take the safety precautions you guys all mentioned. I realize that not everybody will be normal.

Now that I got the first time out of the way, hopefully I will be better next time.

Do you feel as if you have re-invented yourself?

Ha! I knew it would go well

The objections raised that you would somehow be "faking" it come from a perspective that discounts the nature of and rarity of an enthusiastic service top.

It is my understanding that most pro dommes are serving in that role for pay.... outside of their innate predillictions.

No one questions whether an escort is "faking" it. This service that you provided is just another branch in that industry.

Well done.

I'm not particularly submissive myself but were I in the market for a pro domme, I would just as soon employ an eager newbie who was exploring.

Its not like anyone deducts points from escorts or strippers for being "new to the business."

Hey NightL, whine much?

drinkz said:

Dude! Don't do that again. I almost blew oatmeal all over my laptop because I nearly couldn't contain my laughter.

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Oh goodness me! That missing s is HILARIOUS.

Its a shame I gotta type on my phone...can't haul out the laptop with that evil Firefox on it. I wonder if there any gay friendly spell checkers?

Good to know that I can count on your attention to detail....and my posts.

Haxansia said:

Hi, everyone. Well, here's what happened:

I was applying for jobs everywhere and not getting hired at any of them, so I turned to Craigslist looking for jobs. I answered an ad for a guy who wanted a personal dominatrix, enticed by the money he was offering, and "applied" to that job.

We did a phone interview and I pretended to be a dominant kind of person; I made my voice sound louder, faked confidence, etc. And then he hired me.

At first I was excited because I finally got some kind of job, but then I got nervous because I know I'm not really a naturally dominant person. I'm actually quite shy and timid and more submissive in person. And that will be a problem for somebody who's trying to be a dominatrix.

So, basically, I need some advice...how can I be less shy and timid about this? How can I exude the confidence and strength needed to be a convincing dominatrix if I'm naturally shy?

It's a lot easier to fake high confidence through emails and over the phone than it is to do it in person.

I need to learn sort of quick because we're meeting for the first time in just a few days.

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Watch a lot of BDSM videos.

Read Stella Omega's essay

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=42017419&postcount=148

Read some threads in the BDSM forum there are a lot of tips for tops both new and old.

Most of all relax. You're the boss and I hope you know that being a domme is not all about sex. Many of them don't have sex all the time with their subs(shows you women are stronger the male masters almost always fuck the subs, the females can show enough control and disdain not to)

Humiliation is key. Think of simple humiliating things to make him do. Hell sit back on his couch and make him lick your toes then tell him he sucks at it and you're not coming back until he gets better.

You only have to sound confident, you don't have to be a whip wielding psycho.

Whatever you do, do not read 50 shades of gray

Hey NightL, whine much?

drinkz said:

I don't know whether you're claiming to be gay, or calling me gay as an insult, but if it's the latter that's so childish.

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Are you unaware of the current controversy regarding Mozilla's CEO?

Are those the only two options for anyone making reference to that controversy? Either be gay, or be anti gay? Can one for instance be heterosexual, pro-tolerance and in favor of spell-check?

Hey NightL, whine much?

drinkz said:

What does Mozilla have to do with you making a childish insult? You're really reaching for a defense there.

In order to not trash OP's thread with an argument with a child, I shall say nothing else to you on this thread.

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You sure like calling people childish. How was it that you read that as calling you gay? And if so, why would it be an insult?

I guess this contributes to the unemployment rate going down. Nothing like a good work ethic. Does he take taxes out, and pay unemployment and worker's comp insurances? How about a 401K and health insurance? Is there any room for advancement?

i always wondered if the experience described in the OP devolve into the expected spiral of horrible or if it was even worse. cuz those are really the only realistic possibilities.

ed