What the heck; I'll review your story for you!

Carnevil9 said:

I love psychological horror, I love Frank Zappa, and I was fascinated by the movie Creep (although I didn't quite love it). I'll look forward to reading your story!

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I love BDSM, bi and rural but even if these aren't your kinks, I think you'll enjoy it. I just finished reading it and loved it. The story was exceptionally well paced, and I had to go back and vote because I didn't want to stop reading.

I know I can use all the feedback I can get. Can you review Roadside Blowjob ?

astuffedshirt_perv said:

I know I can use all the feedback I can get. Can you review Roadside Blowjob ?

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If nobody else has claimed this for a band name, I'm calling dibs.

Carnevil9 said:

Four Little Words by Areala-chan

This is a difficult story to review without giving everything away. It is another recursive story, in a sense, because it is about a professor challenging his students to think in a certain way, and at the same time, the author is challenging the readers to think (and reply) about the same thing. (the fact that the story has so many replies shows that it is very effective.)

Personally, I thought the prose was bit too brittle. Too many adjectives, too many details, and sentences that went on a little too long. Then again, that might have been deliberate to enhance the academic feeling of the setting, the fussiness of the professor, and the nervousness of the students at final exam time.

Note that the category is non-erotic, and there was indeed nothing erotic about it. But it did have a lot of emotion, which is sometimes even better.

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Thank you so much, Carnevil9! So...did you have any words to share with the family?

eh, maybe not. Thanks for the offer, tho--nice of you.

HectorBidon said:

What the heck. This one doesn't have such a high score, but I kind of like it: Waiting for the Locksmith, a one-page Exhibitionist & Voyeur story (for lack of anywhere else to put it).

Actually, this is a really great service you're providing. You're a clever and big-hearted reviewer, and I've really enjoyed the reviews you've provided so far. Thanks for doing it.

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Waiting for the Locksmith by HectorBidon

I really liked this quick, short story a lot! No real sex happens, but plenty of saucy naughtiness is implied for the near future, as well as awkward situations that we can somehow all identify with. It is based on college dorm life, an environment where anything can (and usually does) happen.

If anyone thinks the events in this story are implausible, I'm here to tell you that they are not. I lived in the dorms in college. This stuff is TAME compared to the tales I could tell you. Crazy crap goes down in those places.

Anyway, the best thing about this story was the dialog. Very natural, very crisp, very casual, and very real. I felt like I was listening in on real people, saying real things, in a situation that felt very plausible. Granted, I'm a sucker for college-based stories, as most of my stories are also college-based. And I've had my share of very strange college episodes in my real life, so I could relate to this one as well. I think those college years are rife with life-changing experiences, and this was a prime example of the type of experience that set the stage for the rest of our lives.

This is the kind of story that garners lots of comments like "can't wait for the sequel!" But really, sequels, while nice, aren't always necessary. Sometimes the setup is all that is needed, and the rest of the story is pretty much implied by the setup.

(Although, scanning your story list, I see that you do have a later story with the same characters, although it is not listed as a continuation of the same story. I'll have to make a point of reading it!)

Thanks for the nice review. I'm glad you liked my story, and it made my day to hear that you did.

I do have two other stories with the same characters in the same college setting: Trying to date a seamstress and Three kids in a tub. They're also short vignettes, basically about a boy and a girl who are becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

CoffeeWithMonkeys said:

I'll play.
I usually write long stories but have written a handful of short ones. This one was a challenge. A friend sent me the picture and I wrote a shirt story based on the picture.

I have two short stories posted here with strange ratings and favorites.
This one has 8 favorites but is only at a 4.08(I'll say right now I don't like any rating under 4.5, so it takes a lot to not pester Laurel to delete any of my stuff that goes under that)
https://www.literotica.com/s/next-time-the-beach-1

The other one has only 5 favorites but rated a bit higher at 4.42.

But anyway, this is just a shirt story so there is no character development, or not much at all, but I like it for what it is.

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Next Time, The Beach by CoffeeWithMonkeys

I really liked this short, sweet, slice-of-life kind of story. It's about a girl who is reluctantly brought on a trip to the beach with friends, but who ends up having the time of her life.

The thing I liked the best about this story is that it is mostly told through inner dialog. That is, the main character and her thoughts, with only occasional interruptions for external dialog and exposition. As a man, I find the inner workings of the female mind incomprehensible. But this story made me feel like I was being given a behind-the-scenes tour of the real deal. This particular woman was full of self-doubt, insecurities, and just a touch of humor that kept the story humming along. It really rang true, too, and I felt that I was really getting to know a real person. The boy-toy was just so much window dressing, but that's how it should be. The story is all about her and her struggles with life.

Oh, and the sex was good, too. Did I get a boner? Absolutely.

Carnevil9 said:

Next Time, The Beach by CoffeeWithMonkeys

I really liked this short, sweet, slice-of-life kind of story. It's about a girl who is reluctantly brought on a trip to the beach with friends, but who ends up having the time of her life.

The thing I liked the best about this story is that it is mostly told through inner dialog. That is, the main character and her thoughts, with only occasional interruptions for external dialog and exposition. As a man, I find the inner workings of the female mind incomprehensible. But this story made me feel like I was being given a behind-the-scenes tour of the real deal. This particular woman was full of self-doubt, insecurities, and just a touch of humor that kept the story humming along. It really rang true, too, and I felt that I was really getting to know a real person. The boy-toy was just so much window dressing, but that's how it should be. The story is all about her and her struggles with life.

Oh, and the sex was good, too. Did I get a boner? Absolutely.

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That is one of the best reviews I've ever gotten. Thanks so much for your kind words!
I've had a couple other people comment that they like getting inside a young woman's brain, so I'm trying to write more like this.

And I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

LaRascasse said:

Well... I see you have quite a few stories queued up. I'll add mine. No rush. You'll get to it when you're able.

One of the few stories I've written which is under 2 pages.

https://www.literotica.com/s/echoes-6

Category - Incest. I hope you like it.

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Echoes by LaRascasse

Wow, another short, intense piece that I totally loved. This thread must be bringing out everyone's A-game!

This is almost more of an essay or a memoir than a story, as there is no dialog, and little plot; mostly just memories of a love that is lost. But it is extremely evocative; so much so that it makes me wonder if it is based on actual experience. The writing is fluid and solid and starkly believable, and thankfully lacking in irrelevant details that would only distract from the emotions. And it is laced with all sorts of emotions, both high and low. Mostly low, but tinged with the bittersweet highs that come with the lowest of lows.

Technically, it is incest, as it involves physical intimacy between a brother and sister. But it doesn't feel like incest. There is no naughtiness, no taboo feeling, none of the squickiness that I think most incest fans are looking for. Just love and tenderness and feelings of inevitability. Maybe that's how real incest feels? I don't know. But it is certainly not prurient smut.

A great read, highly recommended. Now I've got to dig out my Pink Floyd collection.

Carnevil9 said:

Echoes by LaRascasse

Wow, another short, intense piece that I totally loved. This thread must be bringing out everyone's A-game!

This is almost more of an essay or a memoir than a story, as there is no dialog, and little plot; mostly just memories of a love that is lost. But it is extremely evocative; so much so that it makes me wonder if it is based on actual experience. The writing is fluid and solid and starkly believable, and thankfully lacking in irrelevant details that would only distract from the emotions. And it is laced with all sorts of emotions, both high and low. Mostly low, but tinged with the bittersweet highs that come with the lowest of lows.

Technically, it is incest, as it involves physical intimacy between a brother and sister. But it doesn't feel like incest. There is no naughtiness, no taboo feeling, none of the squickiness that I think most incest fans are looking for. Just love and tenderness and feelings of inevitability. Maybe that's how real incest feels? I don't know. But it is certainly not prurient smut.

A great read, highly recommended. Now I've got to dig out my Pink Floyd collection.

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Thanks for the vote of confidence. Much appreciated. This is the story I sat down one day and rattled off without a break. It just came to me and would not let me go until it was completely typed out.

It's a pity you have limited your critique to one story per author, because I do have another 2 pager I think you'll like. Oh well.. some other time.

LaRascasse said:

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Much appreciated. This is the story I sat down one day and rattled off without a break. It just came to me and would not let me go until it was completely typed out.

It's a pity you have limited your critique to one story per author, because I do have another 2 pager I think you'll like. Oh well.. some other time.

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Well I'm going for breadth rather than depth in this thread. But sure, I'd love to hear the title of the other story you think I'll like. I'll put it in my private queue. What is it?

Carnevil9 said:

Technically, it is incest, as it involves physical intimacy between a brother and sister. But it doesn't feel like incest. There is no naughtiness, no taboo feeling, none of the squickiness that I think most incest fans are looking for. Just love and tenderness and feelings of inevitability. Maybe that's how real incest feels? I don't know. But it is certainly not prurient smut.

A great read, highly recommended. Now I've got to dig out my Pink Floyd collection.

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Copy that - this is the first piece by LaRascasse that I've read, but glad/sad that I did. It's erotica with a difference, and a rawness to the writing that works.

rutger5 said:

Don't know if this is among my best (if there is such a thing) but due to subject matter it is one of my favorites. It's called Megan and the Monster and is in Nonhuman category.

https://www.literotica.com/s/megan-and-the-monster

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Megan and the Monster by rutger5

This is a cute story that counts as both nonhuman and non-consent! Megan, her inattentive boyfriend, and some other friends are out camping, when Megan finds herself abducted by none other than Bigfoot himself. Well, he isn't named as such in the story, but I thought it was pretty obvious. Anyway, Bigfoot also has a big cock, and a big sexual appetite. Megan at first is reluctant, but after a time (or a few times, anyway), she begins to see the charms of the big fella...

The story is cute, good-natured, mildly humorous, and chock full of sex that gradually escalates. The author does a good job of showing Megan's emotional arc: her attitude towards her unexpected date gradually changes from negative, to accepting, to enthusiastically positive. I suspect that arc was the point of the story, and it was well done.

If the story has a flaw, it is that the prose is a bit clunky. Some of the sentences are awkward, and they don't flow all that well. But the point still comes across, and you find yourself rooting for the mismatched couple to somehow work things out in the end. Do they? You'll have to read it to find out.

I hope you have the time to review my story. I started a thread but have had no luck in responses. I've only posted 3 stories and they've received a lukewarm response. I'm not complaining, I have received extremely touching and encouraging pm's. Any critique would be appreciated on my last story as I thought my writing was improving. I'd like to hone my writing skills but it's difficult with zero feedback. Thanks in advance for your potential consideration.
https://www.literotica.com/s/party-favour-ch-02

Carnevil9 said:

Well I'm going for breadth rather than depth in this thread. But sure, I'd love to hear the title of the other story you think I'll like. I'll put it in my private queue. What is it?

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Try this one then ... https://www.literotica.com/s/on-loving-a-flawed-creation

It's a bit hard to show with 2 page efforts, but I try to bring my own experimental spin to what is erotica. I am curious what you think of this one though...

Carnevil9 said:

Megan and the Monster by rutger5

This is a cute story that counts as both nonhuman and non-consent! Megan, her inattentive boyfriend, and some other friends are out camping, when Megan finds herself abducted by none other than Bigfoot himself. Well, he isn't named as such in the story, but I thought it was pretty obvious. Anyway, Bigfoot also has a big cock, and a big sexual appetite. Megan at first is reluctant, but after a time (or a few times, anyway), she begins to see the charms of the big fella...

The story is cute, good-natured, mildly humorous, and chock full of sex that gradually escalates. The author does a good job of showing Megan's emotional arc: her attitude towards her unexpected date gradually changes from negative, to accepting, to enthusiastically positive. I suspect that arc was the point of the story, and it was well done.

If the story has a flaw, it is that the prose is a bit clunky. Some of the sentences are awkward, and they don't flow all that well. But the point still comes across, and you find yourself rooting for the mismatched couple to somehow work things out in the end. Do they? You'll have to read it to find out.

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Thanks for the review Carnevil9. Can't argue that the writing is a bit clunky. It was written eight years ago and only my second story for the internet. Hopefully my current writing is a bit better.
Still I managed to slip in a few decent jokes and write about a topic that I like and many of those who enjoy a bit of monster fetish have enjoyed so to me it's a win-win.

DKerr8047 said:

If you’ve got time, please take a look at this one.

https://www.literotica.com/s/an-open-letter-to-steve

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An Open Letter to Steve by DKerr8047

I think this story falls into the category of "Well written but TOTALLY not my thing!" Basically, it is a cuckold story, but in the Letters & Transcripts style. A husband is writing to his wife's old boyfriend, asking him to seduce her. The entire story is the letter. The husband goes into intimate detail of how he imagines the old boyfriend taking, undressing, kissing, fondling, and of course fucking the wife. Clearly the husband is way into it, and can't wait to be humiliated, over and over again.

My problems are, for one, I just don't grok the whole cuckold thing in the first place, so there's that. For another, I find it a bit hinky to listen to one man talk to another man about all the details of sex, describing the other man's cock, anus, and other parts. It just comes off as too gay for me (not that there's anything wrong with that). Sure, it isn't fundamentally different than a male author writing as an omniscient narrator, but it sure feels different to me when it is one character to another.

But I must add, the story itself is well constructed, well written, and well paced. I thought the sex sounded a bit clinical, but overall, if this type of story pushes your buttons, then by all means you should give this one a whirl.

LoquiSordidaAdMe said:

Thanks for the offer, Carnevil9. I've given others enough feedback, I suppose I deserve a little of my own.

If you find the time, I'd love to hear what you think of Platinum Anniversary. It is my least read and least commented story, and I feel like it deserves a bit more attention.

Thanks again!

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Platinum Anniversary by LoquiSordidaAdMe

Like a good Chinese entree, this story is both hot and sweet at the same time.

As the title implies, it is about an anniversary evening between a long-time married couple. They are very much in love with each other, as well as very much in lust. The story itself is pretty much wall-to-wall sex, and it is very hot and saucy. But there is also a lot of love, a lot of heart, and a lot of tenderness.

The drama in the story comes from the fact that the two lovebirds are desperate not to let each other down; they each want to provide something new for the other. It demonstrates the old adage: if both partners focus on the other one's pleasure, neither will ever be disappointed.

The story is told from the wife's point of view, in first person. She comes across as a very down-to-earth person, very much in love with her husband, a devoted wife and mother, but at the same time, a completely randy and sexual being, capable of slutting it up with the best of them when appropriate. We should all have such good balance in our lives between our respectable and our depraved halves. She also has a good dollop of humor in her narration, which is a nice counterbalance to the eroticism.

This story also passes, with flying colors, one of my favorite tests: after reading the story, I want to feel like I know the characters intimately, but at the same time, I should have absolutely no idea what they look like! As no descriptions are ever provided, I am free to envision the characters in whatever way works for me. This is a prime example of this technique pulled off perfectly.

Go read it!

Could you review this one for me? I think it's underrated but It might just really suck balls.

https://www.literotica.com/s/lisas-revenge

Carnevil9 said:

Like a good Chinese entree, this story is both hot and sweet at the same time.

...

Go read it!

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Wow. I mean... Wow. I'm really flattered. I wasn't expecting anything like this. It's like you "got" everything I was trying to say in this story. I'm touched.

Thank you, Carnevil9.

Thanks Carnevil9 for the review

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-main-event-3

This is my first story. I have others that I am currently editing and some that I am writing but would love some feedback before I post anything else. I particularly need advice on creating a title. Thank you for reading. https://www.literotica.com/s/a-fishing-story-2

First story, published a while back, but I have plans to write sequels and I could use some feedback.
https://www.literotica.com/s/tights-of-a-teacher

Sonia Ch. 01 - The Winter of our Discontent

It's a fetish story, specifically focusing on titfighting, and currently my 3rd highest rated one (the top two are later stories in other series). I'm guessing this is well outside your norm, but I would love any feedback.