Isolated Blurt Thread

slyc_willie said:

I felt much the same about five years ago, when my wife and the little not-yet-two-year-old entered my life. It's a frightening concept, in a way, to be a parent at our age. But I subscribe to the "age is only a state of mind" philosophy. I can still chase my child in the back yard, can still show her how to play futbol (soccer). While my wife and I may never have a "real" child of our own -- there are various issues with that -- we love our daughter, and I am supremely glad every time she calls me "daddy." That tells me I must be doing something right.

All in all, I feel that, when you're a parent, you find ways to be a parent. You teach, you lead, you direct, you punish, you chastise . . . and eventually, you get it right. Because so long as you try, you can't screw it up completely and you can't make a mistake you aren't able to rectify later.

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MagicaPractica said:

My brother met his wife when her son was 3, and helped take care of her mother, who was dying of a rare disease. They've been together 18 years now. His is not the only story I've heard like that. Now, I don't think he would have done that if they'd met five years before. Maturity does a lot for people, men and women both.

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Awww, thanks you two. It's very heartwarming to read your stories. Thank you for sharing.

My dad is ...awesome. We were speaking mostly in hypothetical terms, but still, it was a wise thing of him to say. My dad has always been my "go to" person. Most girls have their moms; I have my dad. And thank whatever higher power for that! See, my dad met my mom when she was pregnant with me. My dad isn't my bio-father, but he's the only dad I've known, and he's awfully special to me. So I guess he knows a thing or two about taking on responsibilities that aren't necessarily his own. He adopted me when I was very young; the judge asked my parents how he knew that I wanted to be adopted if I couldn't speak for myself, and my dad said, "Watch this." Then, he looked at me and asked, "Where's daddy's sweetheart?"

I patted my head and smiled at him.

The judge was won over, and a family was born.

TheeGoatPig said:

I am very emotionally fragile right now, and I don't need my email playing tricks on me like this, making me think my ex sent me a third friend request in the last week, when she didn't. Or if she did she recalled it before I could see it, and I don't need that either.

What. The. FUCK???

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Take a deep breath, Thee. Sit it out. Then, let it go.

I >hate< having a cold/cough.

Cough/cold here, too. We need some sunshine in Blighty.

McKenna said:

Awww, thanks you two. It's very heartwarming to read your stories. Thank you for sharing.

My dad is ...awesome. We were speaking mostly in hypothetical terms, but still, it was a wise thing of him to say. My dad has always been my "go to" person. Most girls have their moms; I have my dad. And thank whatever higher power for that! See, my dad met my mom when she was pregnant with me. My dad isn't my bio-father, but he's the only dad I've known, and he's awfully special to me. So I guess he knows a thing or two about taking on responsibilities that aren't necessarily his own. He adopted me when I was very young; the judge asked my parents how he knew that I wanted to be adopted if I couldn't speak for myself, and my dad said, "Watch this." Then, he looked at me and asked, "Where's daddy's sweetheart?"

I patted my head and smiled at him.

The judge was won over, and a family was born.

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My daughter is very much a daddy's girl, to the point where she tells others she is. It's a very heartwarming thing, but also intimidating. She's old enough now that she has begun asking us (her mother and I) why the Jackass (her biological father, who only wants to see her when it's convenient for him) wants her to call him "daddy." So my wife explained the basics to her, but Little One isn't quite able to understand it. Not the way we do, anyway.

She doesn't call him "daddy;" that's a term she reserves for me. She calls him by his first name and refers to him as her "second babysitter." Grandma -- my wife's mother -- is Little One's "first babysitter."

Whenever she comes back from staying with the Jackass overnight, she's happy to be home. She has fun with him, but she is always happy to come back to mom and dad. I'm glad her experiences with her biological father have thus far been positive, but I lament the very real possibility that he will do or say something that will hurt her. More than that, I fear the day she will want to spend more time with him because he's her "real father." That will be a supreme test for me, I think, but also for her and her mother.

It's a storm we will all have to weather. In the end, I hope, Little One will realize that I have always been the one to take care of her when she was sick, the one who went to all of her school functions, the one who hugged her at night and kissed away the boo-boos. I hope she will realize that, in all the ways that truly matter, I am her father.

Aw, listen to me. I'm gonna make people think I'm just a big softie.

Carry on.

slyc_willie said:

Aw, listen to me. I'm gonna make people think I'm just a big softie.

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Yes, you are. And it's wonderful to hear you talk about the kidlet. Warms my heart.

I just got online-support on my computer and now it's faster than ever!

No problems with my keybord anymore. .........

sheablue said:

Why why why do I do this to myself? Why can't I let go? Why can't I be brave enough? I know I am being a fucking moron and I can't stop myself. I thought I was a better person than this. But I'm not. I am a pathetic, selfish asshole. I really am.

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No you are a tired mommy, who does everything for everyone and deserves a break.

TheeGoatPig said:

I am very emotionally fragile right now, and I don't need my email playing tricks on me like this, making me think my ex sent me a third friend request in the last week, when she didn't. Or if she did she recalled it before I could see it, and I don't need that either.

What. The. FUCK???

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Oh dear! I hope you ignored either the email or the ex. Not worth the effort, dahlink! Like McKenna says it, take a deep breath and let it go.

McKenna, Willie - I am 50! and here I am with my Piglet, having a lot of fun. I thought my life would change when I became 50, I sort of thought I would get a proper academic job.
LFMAO! As I hit the big half century I felt like I no longer needed to be dignified, so I've just been going out and having fun ever since. I started writing my stuff up spicier than ever and running around flirting my skirt and I think it might work much better for me than the academic gigs. And Piglet and I have a total gas. I am the mum who makes volcanoes using bicarb of soda with the cub scouts and chips for tea. It's great to be an older parent, you really appreciate it.


Maj - way to go girl!

NaokoSmith said:

Oh dear! I hope you ignored either the email or the ex. Not worth the effort, dahlink! Like McKenna says it, take a deep breath and let it go.

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Both. The only thing there is pain and heartache. I don't really need either right now.

TheeGoatPig said:

Both. The only thing there is pain and heartache. I don't really need either right now.

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Good for you, TGP! It can be hard not to give in the temptation to respond in a manner which provides a fleeting satisfaction but opens the door to annoying recriminations.

Chips!!

Chips in the car in a Friday lunchtime. My guilty vice.

Well, one of them, anyway...

Why am I having to defend a local football club against NIMBYs?

The council proposed a massive football hub, far more than the club needed, and decided after a rigged consultation that there was only one site large enough. But that site has real problems with access because the residential roads around are already heavily congested with traffic for the local hospital.

They now can't afford their grandiose proposals and have scaled back the requirements to what the football club actually wanted.

But they annoyed the local residents so much that they now oppose anywhere for the football club because it is a 'commercial enterprise' that shouldn't be anywhere on public land.

Some 'commercial enterprise'! If it wasn't for small sums from their local sponsors, the football club would be bankrupt within a week. Their part-time players are on retaining fees of £60 a week.

What is needed is a site for football that isn't beside the hospital. But neither the residents nor the council seem able to compromise.

I'm trying to bang heads together but am I wasting my time?

slyc_willie said:

Aw, listen to me. I'm gonna make people think I'm just a big softie.

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Think?!

NaokoSmith said:

McKenna, Willie - I am 50! and here I am with my Piglet, having a lot of fun. I thought my life would change when I became 50, I sort of thought I would get a proper academic job.
LFMAO! As I hit the big half century I felt like I no longer needed to be dignified, so I've just been going out and having fun ever since. I started writing my stuff up spicier than ever and running around flirting my skirt and I think it might work much better for me than the academic gigs. And Piglet and I have a total gas. I am the mum who makes volcanoes using bicarb of soda with the cub scouts and chips for tea. It's great to be an older parent, you really appreciate it.

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I find I'm not so hung up on looking cool as I am connecting with my little guy. Besides which, that playground equipment is fun!

Let's hear it for older parents!

I'm trying to bang heads together but am I wasting my time?

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Ogg, you might be wasting your time, but it'd be entertaining as hell to watch you knock a few heads. You could sell tickets!

NaokoSmith said:

McKenna, Willie - I am 50! and here I am with my Piglet, having a lot of fun. I thought my life would change when I became 50, I sort of thought I would get a proper academic job.
LFMAO! As I hit the big half century I felt like I no longer needed to be dignified, so I've just been going out and having fun ever since. I started writing my stuff up spicier than ever and running around flirting my skirt and I think it might work much better for me than the academic gigs. And Piglet and I have a total gas. I am the mum who makes volcanoes using bicarb of soda with the cub scouts and chips for tea. It's great to be an older parent, you really appreciate it.


Maj - way to go girl!

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Thank you, darling.

McKenna said:

Think?!




I find I'm not so hung up on looking cool as I am connecting with my little guy. Besides which, that playground equipment is fun!

Let's hear it for older parents!

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Older parents have the best fun! We are wise enough to know what a great time we are having and really enjoy it. As the kids get older, they only come to an age where they can watch more fun movies with you, too. We watch Avengers and Pirates and Bride and Prejudice .

Although, OK, today we are going to watch a Barbie DVD but sometimes it has to be done. LOL.

Ogg, you might be wasting your time, but it'd be entertaining as hell to watch you knock a few heads. You could sell tickets!

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Ogg, my money is on you and not on the NIMBYs! Give 'em hell. (And dancing bananas.)

NaokoSmith said:

Older parents have the best fun! We are wise enough to know what a great time we are having and really enjoy it. As the kids get older, they only come to an age where they can watch more fun movies with you, too. We watch Avengers and Pirates and Bride and Prejudice .

Although, OK, today we are going to watch a Barbie DVD but sometimes it has to be done. LOL.

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Barbie?! *gasp* I have to admit I was ecstatic to learn the gender of my baby was male (at the time). Raising a female seemed FAR more intimidating to me, plus, I just always wanted a houseful of boys. (He's two, and the only one, but sometimes it feels like a houseful!)

We've run the gamut of kid's series/movies. His absolute favorite it Cars (the original). He LOOOOOVES it. He asks to watch it at least once a day, but mom only lets him at it once or maybe twice a week. He also loves Blues Clues and Dinosaur Train. I can't wait til he gets older and we can enjoy other types of movies/shows together! He does watch MASH reruns with me (though he does protest). It's about the only 'adult' show I feel comfortable watching with him.

McKenna said:

Barbie?! *gasp* I have to admit I was ecstatic to learn the gender of my baby was male (at the time). Raising a female seemed FAR more intimidating to me, plus, I just always wanted a houseful of boys. (He's two, and the only one, but sometimes it feels like a houseful!)

We've run the gamut of kid's series/movies. His absolute favorite it Cars (the original). He LOOOOOVES it. He asks to watch it at least once a day, but mom only lets him at it once or maybe twice a week. He also loves Blues Clues and Dinosaur Train. I can't wait til he gets older and we can enjoy other types of movies/shows together! He does watch MASH reruns with me (though he does protest). It's about the only 'adult' show I feel comfortable watching with him.

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LOL, Barbie is a big concession from me. I do enjoy the Princess movies 'tho. I would like to see Cars! It's so great to hang out with someone-else who really likes Disney movies. They make some such cool kids' films these days, too. We really enjoyed The Croods, even though we took nine little girls for a birthday do!

I like the other things as well - making Barbie dresses and volcanoes with the cub scouts and ... <sniffle>, getting cards that say 'best mum in the world' in sprawling handwriting. LOL, it's such fun that the sleepless nights (all five solid years of them!) actually seem worth it.

McKenna said:

Barbie?! *gasp* I have to admit I was ecstatic to learn the gender of my baby was male (at the time). Raising a female seemed FAR more intimidating to me, plus, I just always wanted a houseful of boys. (He's two, and the only one, but sometimes it feels like a houseful!)

We've run the gamut of kid's series/movies. His absolute favorite it Cars (the original). He LOOOOOVES it. He asks to watch it at least once a day, but mom only lets him at it once or maybe twice a week. He also loves Blues Clues and Dinosaur Train. I can't wait til he gets older and we can enjoy other types of movies/shows together! He does watch MASH reruns with me (though he does protest). It's about the only 'adult' show I feel comfortable watching with him.

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NaokoSmith said:

LOL, Barbie is a big concession from me. I do enjoy the Princess movies 'tho. I would like to see Cars! It's so great to hang out with someone-else who really likes Disney movies. They make some such cool kids' films these days, too. We really enjoyed The Croods, even though we took nine little girls for a birthday do!

I like the other things as well - making Barbie dresses and volcanoes with the cub scouts and ... <sniffle>, getting cards that say 'best mum in the world' in sprawling handwriting. LOL, it's such fun that the sleepless nights (all five solid years of them!) actually seem worth it.

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Raising a girl isn't too much more of a handful than a boy. I think most of the really trying times will come when she's a teenager. Little One is both a princess and a tomboy. At the moment, her favorite movies/shows are Brave and Doc McStuffins. She went to a recent "Princess Night" at a local kids' theater, in which all the little girls were encouraged to dress as their favorite Disney princess. There were a dozen each of Cinderella, Belle, Jasmine and Ariel, and then there's my kid, wearing blue tights, a blue tunic, and carrying a bow. She was the only Merida, and the only one not in a dress. She loved the attention.

And, for the record, I'm not a softie, damn it. I'm not.

slyc_willie said:

Raising a girl isn't too much more of a handful than a boy. I think most of the really trying times will come when she's a teenager. Little One is both a princess and a tomboy. At the moment, her favorite movies/shows are Brave and Doc McStuffins. She went to a recent "Princess Night" at a local kids' theater, in which all the little girls were encouraged to dress as their favorite Disney princess. There were a dozen each of Cinderella, Belle, Jasmine and Ariel, and then there's my kid, wearing blue tights, a blue tunic, and carrying a bow. She was the only Merida, and the only one not in a dress. She loved the attention.

And, for the record, I'm not a softie, damn it. I'm not.

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No no, dahlink, you are as hard as nails.
<Nudges McKenna and snickers>

Girls are good fun. Mine is the only one in her cub scout group, I was a little nervous when she first joined. I'm so proud of how easily she's taken to the rufty-tufty. We like to do our nails together too. And I teach her rugby moves, of course.

NaokoSmith said:

No no, dahlink, you are as hard as nails.
<Nudges McKenna and snickers>

Girls are good fun. Mine is the only one in her cub scout group, I was a little nervous when she first joined. I'm so proud of how easily she's taken to the rufty-tufty. We like to do our nails together too. And I teach her rugby moves, of course.

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Similar here. We got her in Girl Scouts to do something with all her energy. Funny thing is, she wants to play soccer, climb on monkey bars, ride her bike or scooter, and do all the "boy" things while the other girls want to make posters and dress their dolls and such. But then, after half an hour of rough play, she is ready for the girlie things. It's a pattern with her.

My little boy is only 14 months, but already showing so many 'masculine' traits. Planes and trains rather than flowers, locomotion over communication. He's super cuddly though and cheeky as hell. One cuddle makes everything ok.

Even if he does like to beat me with a wooden mallet while he has his bedtime feed...

Vermilion said:

My little boy is only 14 months, but already showing so many 'masculine' traits. Planes and trains rather than flowers, locomotion over communication. He's super cuddly though and cheeky as hell. One cuddle makes everything ok.

Even if he does like to beat me with a wooden mallet while he has his bedtime feed...

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Knit a woollen one and hit hit with it ?

slyc_willie said:

Raising a girl isn't too much more of a handful than a boy. I think most of the really trying times will come when she's a teenager. Little One is both a princess and a tomboy. At the moment, her favorite movies/shows are Brave and Doc McStuffins. She went to a recent "Princess Night" at a local kids' theater, in which all the little girls were encouraged to dress as their favorite Disney princess. There were a dozen each of Cinderella, Belle, Jasmine and Ariel, and then there's my kid, wearing blue tights, a blue tunic, and carrying a bow. She was the only Merida, and the only one not in a dress. She loved the attention.

And, for the record, I'm not a softie, damn it. I'm not.

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That is so cool that she identifies with Merida! I love Brave. Best Disney Princess ever. I was sooooo glad to finally see a princess who didn't need rescuing.

NaokoSmith said:

No no, dahlink, you are as hard as nails.
<Nudges McKenna and snickers>

Girls are good fun. Mine is the only one in her cub scout group, I was a little nervous when she first joined. I'm so proud of how easily she's taken to the rufty-tufty. We like to do our nails together too. And I teach her rugby moves, of course.

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That's cool that she's in cub scouts! I didn't think they allowed girls to join? Maybe it's different between the U.S. and the U.K.?


My husband and I don't always play traditional gender roles in our relationship, so we've been careful about what we try to teach our son. He has trucks and trains (Thomas! ) and all the boy stuff, but he also has a play kitchen (which I painted in orange and green... do you know how hard it is to find a bloody play kitchen that isn't girlified?!) He also has a little crib where he tucks in his stuffed animals at night. OK, one of his stuffed "animals" is a plush monster truck, but still. I want him to know it's ok to have a nurturing side. It's ok to like to cook. It's ok to play rough and it's ok to play gentle. Hopefully, with luck and love, we'll have a well-rounded kid on our hands by the time he flies the nest. That's the best any of us can hope for, eh?