How do I make her squirt?

Mmmhmmm And now you wish you had a leaky vagina, too? I get it. Go on.

Whoa, whoa...pump your brakes Doctor Phil. My penis has given me years of enjoyment.

I guess all vaginas are leaky. I'm wondering why you had to qualify that.
 
Whoa, whoa...pump your brakes Doctor Phil. My penis has given me years of enjoyment.

I guess all vaginas are leaky. I'm wondering why you had to qualify that.

I qualified "leaky" as the reason for wanting a vagina. And no, not all vaginas are leaky.
 
I qualified "leaky" as the reason for wanting a vagina. And no, not all vaginas are leaky.

I don't want to a vagina, I enjoy being good at math too much.

You might have a point there, but what use is a dry vagina?
 
I might not even charge you for this session. That's how impressed I am.

I don't know about that, let's keep things professional. The alcohol is having the desired effect, maybe it's that and not you that's making me advance emotionally.

I'd be impressed, too, though. I came in here a hardened cynic, and now I've progressed to merely a cynic who appreciates the virtues of wet vaginas.
 
I might not even charge you for this session. That's how impressed I am.

Now I have a question. Your byline has changed to "Fuck you bich", did you know that bich is latin for generosity? Is that what you're telling to fuck off?
 
I don't know about that, let's keep things professional. The alcohol is having the desired effect, maybe it's that and not you that's making me advance emotionally.

I'd be impressed, too, though. I came in here a hardened cynic, and now I've progressed to merely a cynic who appreciates the virtues of wet vaginas.
This is why I never discount the amazingness of alcohol. Ever.
Now I have a question. Your byline has changed to "Fuck you bich", did you know that bich is latin for generosity? Is that what you're telling to fuck off?

"Fock you bich" is what my 7 yr old son wrote on paper to impress my 9 yr old son tonight. He's very grounded.
 
This is why I never discount the amazingness of alcohol. Ever.


"Fock you bich" is what my 7 yr old son wrote on paper to impress my 9 yr old son tonight. He's very grounded.

I can't be snarky if you keep saying things that I believe wholeheartedly in my deepest-darkest. Quit ruining my cynicism game. You know, I've never turned my back on alcohol, it's never turned its back on me.

You've got the both of them on the right path. And if this is your subtle way of teaching them Latin then all the better. No matter how much I might protest against reproduction, that's pretty funny.
 
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I can't be snarky if you keep saying things that I believe wholeheartedly in my deepest-darkest. Quit ruining my cynicism game. You know, I've never turned my back on alcohol, it's never turned its back on me.

You've got the both of them on the right path. And if this is your subtle way of teaching them Latin then all the better. No matter how much I might protest against reproduction, that's pretty funny.

Well that's a problem because your fake therapist is also a snarky cynic that loves alcohol. Most of my threads are about alcohol. I might need my own fake therapist.


My children will certainly need one.
 
Well that's a problem because your fake therapist is also a snarky cynic that loves alcohol. Most of my threads are about alcohol. I might need my own fake therapist.


My children will certainly need one.

Therapy is a bourgeouis indulgence. Your kids will be fine.

I knew there was a reason why you were able to work past your intital revulsion at my posts. Listen, if we're gonna have the weirdo sex let me know now, I'll need to plan. I don't want to carry sex toys across the airport security.

Okay, so, Doctor Garnate, do you have any more quastions for me?
 
Therapy is a bourgeouis indulgence. Your kids will be fine.

I knew there was a reason why you were able to work past your intital revulsion at my posts. Listen, if we're gonna have the weirdo sex let me know now, I'll need to plan. I don't want to carry sex toys across the airport security.

Okay, so, Doctor Garnate, do you have any more quastions for me?

But....I don't think I have enough penis for you :( All the weirdness about our sex will be you having to have sex with a girl. Please just promise you won't cry during the entire thing. That would be fucking depressing.

What's your drink of choice?
 
But....I don't think I have enough penis for you :( All the weirdness about our sex will be you having to have sex with a girl. Please just promise you won't cry during the entire thing. That would be fucking depressing.

What's your drink of choice?

Well, you can always strap one on. My gay comment earlier was a test of your literary knowledge. I was refering to Marcel Proust. I only have sex with women.

I don't cry, if the urge ever hits me I take a spoonful of cement and harden the fuck up.

I love Guinness, and I don't use the word lightly. What about you?
 
But....I don't think I have enough penis for you :( All the weirdness about our sex will be you having to have sex with a girl. Please just promise you won't cry during the entire thing. That would be fucking depressing.

What's your drink of choice?

Let's not get too far away from spraying vaginas, isn't that why we're all here?
 
Well, you can always strap one on. My gay comment earlier was a test of your literary knowledge. I was refering to Marcel Proust. I only have sex with women.

I don't cry, if the urge ever hits me I take a spoonful of cement and harden the fuck up.

I love Guinness, and I don't use the word lightly. What about you?

I'm sure my blonde hair fooled you but I'm not actually that well read up on Proust. I leave that to Des. Whenever people start talking over my head I just pull my shirt down more. That's my one move; don't tell everyone.

I used to strictly be a beer girl but now I prefer hard liquor. Preferably mixed with other hard liquors and made drinkable by adding fruity liquor. Irish Trash Cans, Long Island Iced Teas, Irish Car Bombs. I'm not all that picky.
 
Hard

I'm sure my blonde hair fooled you but I'm not actually that well read up on Proust. I leave that to Des. Whenever people start talking over my head I just pull my shirt down more. That's my one move; don't tell everyone.

I used to strictly be a beer girl but now I prefer hard liquor. Preferably mixed with other hard liquors and made drinkable by adding fruity liquor. Irish Trash Cans, Long Island Iced Teas, Irish Car Bombs. I'm not all that picky.
Rusty Nail or anything with Glenfidich or Bushmills.
 
I'm sure my blonde hair fooled you but I'm not actually that well read up on Proust. I leave that to Des. Whenever people start talking over my head I just pull my shirt down more. That's my one move; don't tell everyone.

I used to strictly be a beer girl but now I prefer hard liquor. Preferably mixed with other hard liquors and made drinkable by adding fruity liquor. Irish Trash Cans, Long Island Iced Teas, Irish Car Bombs. I'm not all that picky.

You're a product girl, not so much the process, eh? Guinness is smooth, silky and delicious. The way I hope ever vagina is. I've been disappointed many times. Who is Des? Is this my main rival? Do I need to be worried because I'm Canadian and unarmed?
 
I'm sure my blonde hair fooled you but I'm not actually that well read up on Proust. I leave that to Des. Whenever people start talking over my head I just pull my shirt down more. That's my one move; don't tell everyone.

I used to strictly be a beer girl but now I prefer hard liquor. Preferably mixed with other hard liquors and made drinkable by adding fruity liquor. Irish Trash Cans, Long Island Iced Teas, Irish Car Bombs. I'm not all that picky.

Boobs work on that part of the conversation. Quit being agreeable.
 
You're a product girl, not so much the process, eh? Guinness is smooth, silky and delicious. The way I hope ever vagina is. I've been disappointed many times. Who is Des? Is this my main rival? Do I need to be worried because I'm Canadian and unarmed?

I'd say that since he's a proper English gentleman that the two of you are on pretty even grounds. I'm getting Lit married to him. It'll be Litbeautiful, I'm sure. Although he has a problem with strippers so I'm not sure how much I can trust him.

I've had Guinness and just can't. The closest I can get to drinking it down is in a black 'n tan.
 
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