Total noob looking for advice and/or suggestions

azeera · Feb 1, 2015

Hello everyone,

I know that might now sound a bit like rambling, but I've got honestly no clue where to start.

Met dude two months ago, and had two dates (he ain't from around my area). During those days, I'd first taken him as the dominant one, but now slowly it sinks in that he's actually a sub at heart. I'd never been in such 'obvious' relationship where the topic of 'do naughty things to me' had been addressed (boring total white vanilla marriages before). So, anyhow, next meeting time stand around the corner, and he wants me to 'take charge', and hinted he enjoys pleasure pain. Awesome news! But wth he means with that? We both are the born jokers and tease each other with sarcasm back and forth, while we also have our tender/loving moments. But most important part, we feel safe with each other. There's a trust which can't be explained.

So, as I said, he wants to put me on the spot to be in charge....but how? Another insinuation was made in the form of "I am a big spoiled boy, and I want to keep being spoiled'. Sure I want to play, but I've lacking the ideas on how to start and how to 'do it right'. We are living in a country where toys are hard to get, so I have to rely on you all here to help me out with some common household ideas of play....he clearly stated that this time 'he doesn't want to do the work'....but as sub it's part of his role to work for his reward as well, isn't it???

Am a bit overwhelmed, but still want to make him happy, just having no idea how or where to start....

mrron · Feb 1, 2015

.....

seela · Feb 1, 2015

I suggest you read this excellent post by Stella Omega to find out that there is more to BDSM than sub and dom. Based on his comment about being spoiled boy, it very well might be that your guy is a bottom.

I also suggest you talk about his wants and expectations. He can't expect you to read his mind and make his fantasies come true unless he spills the beans. It's also very important to talk about limits so that you know what's fair game and what's completely off limits. Also if you are a total noob, learning about safety, like how to do bondage without nerve damage or where not to spank, is paramount. You can study these things together and maybe it'll move your discussion forward as well.

There was recently another thread that dealt with similar things, maybe you want to have a look at that.

SlutAddicted · Feb 1, 2015

azeera said:
Hello everyone,

I know that might now sound a bit like rambling, but I've got honestly no clue where to start.

Met dude two months ago, and had two dates (he ain't from around my area). During those days, I'd first taken him as the dominant one, but now slowly it sinks in that he's actually a sub at heart. I'd never been in such 'obvious' relationship where the topic of 'do naughty things to me' had been addressed (boring total white vanilla marriages before). So, anyhow, next meeting time stand around the corner, and he wants me to 'take charge', and hinted he enjoys pleasure pain. Awesome news! But wth he means with that? We both are the born jokers and tease each other with sarcasm back and forth, while we also have our tender/loving moments. But most important part, we feel safe with each other. There's a trust which can't be explained.

So, as I said, he wants to put me on the spot to be in charge....but how? Another insinuation was made in the form of "I am a big spoiled boy, and I want to keep being spoiled'. Sure I want to play, but I've lacking the ideas on how to start and how to 'do it right'. We are living in a country where toys are hard to get, so I have to rely on you all here to help me out with some common household ideas of play....he clearly stated that this time 'he doesn't want to do the work'....but as sub it's part of his role to work for his reward as well, isn't it???

Am a bit overwhelmed, but still want to make him happy, just having no idea how or where to start....

I found that a good starting place was for her to simply take control of some of the smaller things in life. Telling me what to wear, picking the venue or activity for our date, etc. The key to introducing me to the concept of her dominion over me was decisiveness. It doesn't matter what we do so much as the fact that she makes the decisions and provides directives and commands. Her approach doesn't need to be overbearing or overtly controlling, just completely devoid of any sense that she is asking or seeking approval.

Even when she wants my views she is very careful to put parameters around what she is asking and demand a complete and honest answer. "I don't know, whatever you want" is not an acceptable answer as she already knows she has the power to decide and the command I am being given is to provide my perspective. And when she is done hearing what I have to say she ends the conversation and makes the decision.

My greatest pleasure comes from obeying as opposed to what we are doing specifically. Whether we go out for Chinese food or Lebanese food is nothing to me compared to the fact that she made the decision and I was given the opportunity to follow orders.

Total noob looking for advice and/or suggestions

azeera

Virgin

mrron

Personal Sex Coach

seela

Quark Thief

SlutAddicted

Literotica Guru

Similar threads