Mine doesn’t always work….

intothewoods said:

I'm really orgasm-obsessed. To the point that if a man doesn't come, I don't think we've really had sex, and I feel like I failed. Also, a blow job isn't sex. I'm with Bill on that.

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Blow job = foreplay

Homburg said:

Blow job = foreplay

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Absolutely!

intothewoods said:

Absolutely!

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I don't come from them generally though, so I have reasons for considering them foreplay. I think I've come twice in the past two years from blow jobs.

Everything I learned via lesbian sex I apply outward to what/whoever I'm with.

Not that lesbian sex is always soft amorphous and nice, --it always made sense to me that if you think it's sex, it's sex, pretty much, and there are literally a million things to do in the absence of hard biological cock.

Homburg said:

I don't come from them generally though, so I have reasons for considering them foreplay. I think I've come twice in the past two years from blow jobs.

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My partners come from blow jobs. Mine, anyway.

Netzach said:

Everything I learned via lesbian sex I apply outward to what/whoever I'm with.

Not that lesbian sex is always soft amorphous and nice, --it always made sense to me that if you think it's sex, it's sex, pretty much, and there are literally a million things to do in the absence of hard biological cock.

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I know. I'm totally heterocentrist! I can't help it. In fact, when the guy doesn't come inside me, part of me is like, welllll...does it really count?

intothewoods said:

My partners come from blow jobs. Mine, anyway.

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Everybody says that. It's like a challenge or something. I'm getting to the point where I'm about ready to issue a counter challenge. Something like "Fine, blow me. If I come within ten minutes, I'll give you the keys to my car." Knowing my luck, someone would succeed. =P

Homburg said:

Everybody says that. It's like a challenge or something. I'm getting to the point where I'm about ready to issue a counter challenge. Something like "Fine, blow me. If I come within ten minutes, I'll give you the keys to my car." Knowing my luck, someone would succeed. =P

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I always get that in regard to G Spot orgasms. Look, if I was wired up fully I'd know it by now, trust me.

Homburg said:

Everybody says that. It's like a challenge or something. I'm getting to the point where I'm about ready to issue a counter challenge. Something like "Fine, blow me. If I come within ten minutes, I'll give you the keys to my car." Knowing my luck, someone would succeed. =P

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I know. Fuck it. I don't even care. I prefer a blow job to be foreplay anyway.

Netzach said:

I always get that in regard to G Spot orgasms. Look, if I was wired up fully I'd know it by now, trust me.

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I am totally a clit girl. I can come from a guy's cock if the angle is right, but g spot vibrators are like - get that fucking thing out of me NOW.

Netzach said:

Everything I learned via lesbian sex I apply outward to what/whoever I'm with.

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Sorry I spent a good 10 minutes amusing myself thinking just what you might apply lesbian sex to. "Ohhh I know what to do with a broken carburetor! You see, I was with this woman once and learned this little trick with my tongue....."

That aside, I think people put so much importance on sex that to a large extent it becomes the relationship. I know that soooooooososososo many people assume that sex is the naturally what BDSM is. I mean, in plenty of cases you see Dom/mes who have subs they don't have sex with, nor are sexually attracted to.

Also, I agree with Homburg, something like Shibari and other rope work has a intense erotic sensation, something I prefer to the sexual. Not to say the two don't go lovely hand in hand.

intothewoods said:

My partners come from blow jobs. Mine, anyway.

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This is not a challenge to you itw (well, it might be ) - I have a long held mental block about letting go when I get a blow job from a woman, I very seldom do. But with a man giving me head it is a totally different story, and I don't think it has much to do with my sexual orientation. When I was younger my female partners refused to give me head let alone allow me to cum. I developed a still-held belief that women don't enjoy it - I know in my mind that I am mistaken but my body still reacts that way.

I was making progress while I was living in San Francisco to re-program many of my sexual hang-ups that surfaced with lovers - but that all fell apart in a spectacularly ugly turn of events and I have chosen to be alone these last 5 years.

So now I shall start over again.

Homburg said:

The biggest issue I have with Homburg Jr right now is that he's shy. I have intimacy issues, so the first time I am with someone, H Jr is going to be at about 75% at best. VERY irritating. Same thing happens when I am with "v" and there is anyone else in the room. The bastard just refuses to come to full attention. Drives me up a wall. Sure, it's functional, and works for her, but I would MUCH rather be at full mast if I have a frikken audience. Intimacy issues again.

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LOL - Last night I at least wanted a few moments at attention so she would know that it was at least a possibility . LOL
*sigh*
Our conversation on the phone today was encouraging. Time will tell.

I just love this post of yours - I so know the same territory. Thanks god/goddess for understanding lovers...

_kiana_ said:

I have to admit that in the past I've felt like I haven't done well enough or somehow failed if my partner didn't orgasm. But also, that has always been the primary objective in the play relationships I've had in the past. The play partner I have right now is really helping me learn differently (although i still love the fact I do make him orgasm).

This thread has really helped me learn some stuff about my insecurities and that it's not always about me. Thanks

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This is exactly why I started this thread, You are most welcome.

Shankara20 said:

LOL - Last night I at least wanted a few moments at attention so she would know that it was at least a possibility . LOL
*sigh*
Our conversation on the phone today was encouraging. Time will tell.

I just love this post of yours - I so know the same territory. Thanks god/goddess for understanding lovers...

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This is so very true.

Thank you for starting this thread. It is always good to know that you're not alone in whatever issue it is you're having.

My experience with men is that a pretty large percentage, maybe half, has got some kind of "problem" whether it's not being able to come or coming too soon or having a hard time sustaining an erection or only being able to come in a certain position. Maybe men aren't as simply "plug and play" as myth would have us believe. I know in my current relationship, it's a lot easier for me than him.

Look quickly I’m actually visible for a sec- but likely headed back into my lurking shadows.

I wanted to say thanks to all the guys who have spoken up on the thread. I, like Kiana & Missy_Me, have had the feeling that I am letting ‘3’ down if he does not cum. He has said it does not matter to him, and he was happy with what we did. I always assumed he must be lying, at least in part, but wanted to protect my feelings. ‘3’ only cums about half the time during sex, but a bj will always do the trick (which is great for me since I love obliging).

The thing that just kept tickling my brain is that it isn’t so different between “us girls” and “you guys”. We all seem to have some little kinks (not to mention the overtly huge ones). In my case, someone going down on me pretty much ends the fun. I realize this might be more in my head then my body- but the result is the same no matter which body part the guilt is assigned to.

Homburg said:

Everybody says that. It's like a challenge or something. I'm getting to the point where I'm about ready to issue a counter challenge. Something like "Fine, blow me. If I come within ten minutes, I'll give you the keys to my car." Knowing my luck, someone would succeed. =P

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*shyly raises hand* I am going to be needing a car soon.

On a serious note, I have two points I'd like to make. First I wanted to thank those of you who explained that not cumming doesn't necessarily mean that the sex or bj was bad. I've been fortunate, to this point anyway, that my partners have always cum while with me, but I do know myself well enough that if my partner did not cum, I would think something was wrong with me or my techniques. So, thank you for sharing so openly about this topic and for also explaining that you can enjoy sex without cumming, too. I did not know that before reading it here.

The other point I wanted to make is that it is not always just men having body parts that won't cooperate; Women can have the same problem with their pussies as men can have with their cocks. Tonight is a perfect example of that for me.

The whole reason I ended up on here at this hour is because I was feeling sexually frustrated after two freakin' hours of masturbation and not being able to cum!!! *softly screams so as to not awaken the neighbors* I was definitely turned on, I was wet, and I was relaxed. Why I couldn't cum, I have no freakin' idea, but I finally gave up and was left feeling extremely unsatisfied. So, don't worry guys. It happens to us women at times, too....even if you are your own (hopefully) understanding partner.

Thanks again for starting this thread, Shank! I find the people that have posted on here to be very brave as it's not always easy to discuss sexual problems and/or differences. I know that I've learned a lot from this thread already, and I hope others will decide to share, too.

Luvkitty33 said:

The whole reason I ended up on here at this hour is because I was feeling sexually frustrated after two freakin' hours of masturbation and not being able to cum!!!

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I've failed to come from masturbation before. Very, very frustrating. I know the feeling.

*hug*

Homburg said:

I've failed to come from masturbation before. Very, very frustrating. I know the feeling.

*hug*

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Thanks for the hug!! I needed one!

...and then sometimes you must just ignore the little shit and go on about stroking and kissing and nibbling your lover - becoming totally involved in the other - then he twitches - and he moves a little - and then he grows - and throbs once or twice - and then he drips a little...

and your lover's hand finds him - takes him - caresses him
you open your legs, your loved explores more -
then you give him your own attention, in your mind...

you think - "it's about time"

only to find out a moment later that, indeed, it is not time at all
time for anything besides going soft once again.......

*sigh*



"thats OK boyfriend"
"we have plenty of time"
"it happens to everyone"
"I'm happy with everything we did tonight"


sure-thanks-whatever



fuckin last vestige for poor choices in past lovers
lovers who left lingering messages in my mind about how unimportant my sexual satisfaction was - "you go into the bathroom to take care of yourself once I'm finished - I don't want your messy stuff around me"

BITCH!

Isn't it frustrating? When we were too young to really know what to do with them are cocks were hard all the time, ready for anything (of course that could be a problem too!). As we mature, know what we want, and so on, they go and get unreliable on us!

Perhaps the worst though, isn't not getting hard, but getting and staying hard but not cumming! I hate that!

Shankara20 said:

"thats OK boyfriend"
"we have plenty of time"
"it happens to everyone"
"I'm happy with everything we did tonight"

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She sounds like a great lady, Shanks. And sounds like she is understanding and cool. I think that matters a bit more than all the negative stuff, brother.

Homburg said:

She sounds like a great lady, Shanks. And sounds like she is understanding and cool. I think that matters a bit more than all the negative stuff, brother.

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She is cool, and I expect things will be fine, I was just cranky the morning I posted that.

At the one month mark we are now at about 75% function. That is to say that last night we got me up and I stayed up long enough to, with the help of some skillful hand work, bring about a big O for her. Her #2 for the evening, the first thanks to, well let's just say talking is not the only talent my mouth is know for

ps - all test are back - both of us negative for all STI/HIV so it is "so long" to latex

Now, once that last 25% is accomplished for the first time - and I finely get off - I suspect it will be "Katie-bar-the-door".

*sigh* I've been doing self medicating for so long that the couple-calibrating is taking longer then I had hoped.

This weekend I am taking my cock-rings to see if that will help. We talked about them last night. I had forgotten all about them, she was telling me about a girl friend that told her about using rubber bands to help "keep it up" with some lovers (guess she was talking about us to her friends hee-hee). As she was telling me I went "DUH!" as I remembered the 4 cock rings in my toy chest at home.