D/s and the Lit community

msteel4u

Tower of Strength
Joined
Dec 22, 2006
Posts
790
I have been with Lit for years and have met a lot of wonderful subs. Not every one was a match, but I found a couple of deep meaningful relationships. It was after the me of one of these relationships followed by some major r/l things to deal with, I took some time off.

Definitely missing the expression of this part of me, I came back. Because I feel that it's better to put up an ad that I am looking rather than have a sub post and get nailed with the trolls, I did post. I am surprised by the lack of response. As I look around, seems like the same few that post and respond even in the chat actions. Also seems that the trolls are running wild.

So where is everyone? Is D/s becoming passé? Have the trolls finally drove others away? Is there another site that has risen in popularity? Is all the quality subs currently involved in happy relationships? Are the millenials not into D/s? Perhaps it is just a slower time of year.

Just curious what others are seeing?

Steel
 
I have been with Lit for years and have met a lot of wonderful subs. Not every one was a match, but I found a couple of deep meaningful relationships. It was after the me of one of these relationships followed by some major r/l things to deal with, I took some time off.

Definitely missing the expression of this part of me, I came back. Because I feel that it's better to put up an ad that I am looking rather than have a sub post and get nailed with the trolls, I did post. I am surprised by the lack of response. As I look around, seems like the same few that post and respond even in the chat actions. Also seems that the trolls are running wild.

Women are harassed on sites like this with or without posting a personal ad.

So where is everyone? Is D/s becoming passé? Have the trolls finally drove others away?

Here, making friends and getting to know one another. Personal ads really don’t show a whole lot about a person. It’s not becoming passé, trolls haven’t won the battle, it’s just easier to meet people in the real world. Going to events makes meeting real people way easier.

Is there another site that has risen in popularity? Is all the quality subs currently involved in happy relationships? Are the millenials not into D/s? Perhaps it is just a slower time of year.

Just curious what others are seeing?

Steel

I doubt everyone moved on from Lit to some other site. Forums grow and change and people come and go. The Personals section is probably the fastest and least productive of the boards here. The “quality” of submissive leaning people is probably the same it’s always been. As a millennial, I can say millennials are interested in power exchange.

Here’s what I’m seeing:

-Personal ads are mostly posted by men and the majority write them like they’re ordering fast-food
-There are better meeting opportunities than the personals board
-Your ad will be passed over if it doesn’t say enough about you or what you bring to the table
 
Everything Meek said.

I will add that I just wandered in to the Introduction thread the other day - it's a sticky thread in BDSM Talk. The number of people who come in and say hi and then never post anyplace else is amazing. So many posts asked for help navigating the D/s world and I wondered if they found help? If there are people who troll that thread, looking for newbies, offering troll "help?" Did they ever go in to any other part of the BDSM forum for information?

My point is, posting in threads, actually exposing your personality, bumping in to people in the threads, having a "conversation" that way has been (for me) the best way to get to know people here on Lit.

I realize posting a lot isn't always everyone's cup of tea. I've had people message me from reading my posts and I appreciated they took the time to read through a thread to "get to know me" a little before messaging. That effort has started some good conversations.

- edited to add: Checking through your posts, msteel4u, it looks like you've done some posting on other threads. Hope that helps!

Good luck.
 
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I met someone here on Lit.
In The BDSM Cafe.
In a music thread.

Talk to people. Become friends.
No one I know answers personal ads unless it is under a pseudonym.
 
-Personal ads are mostly posted by men and the majority write them like they’re ordering fast-food.

I laughed out loud at this only because it's true. Regardless of the person's sex, gender, or bdsm preferences, this seems to be the case with personals, doesn't it? We all know what we want but forget to put the effort into making a connection.

And, as another millennial, I can agree that I and countless others are into D/s.
 
I have been with Lit for years and have met a lot of wonderful subs. Not every one was a match, but I found a couple of deep meaningful relationships. It was after the me of one of these relationships followed by some major r/l things to deal with, I took some time off.

Definitely missing the expression of this part of me, I came back. Because I feel that it's better to put up an ad that I am looking rather than have a sub post and get nailed with the trolls, I did post. I am surprised by the lack of response. As I look around, seems like the same few that post and respond even in the chat actions. Also seems that the trolls are running wild.

So where is everyone? Is D/s becoming passé? Have the trolls finally drove others away? Is there another site that has risen in popularity? Is all the quality subs currently involved in happy relationships? Are the millenials not into D/s? Perhaps it is just a slower time of year.

Just curious what others are seeing?

Steel

Over 10 years ago, I found a new world of pleasure and comfort through Literotica. Having made many new friends as well as new insights about my own sexuality, I would say this is a great site. Personals have been unrewarding. The threads gave bean wonderful. Stick with it.....lots of fun, playful people here. Ignore the angry trolls who try to disrupt everything.
 
I think it’s funny when Doms are told that personals are not really the way to go to meet a sub... join the forum. Talk to us. Make friends.
Only to see their Personal Ads bumped (by them) and lonely. Tumbleweed lonely.

Without one extra interaction in the threads.

Maybe funny isn’t the word.
 
Happily satisfied in my relationship, I actually read through the personals for entertainment value. On rare occasion I come across one I will comment on to bump it because I find it amusing or unique but mostly I laugh about them. (Sorry Steel!)
I shudder to imagine the trolls it must awaken if an earnest sub posts something there for themself thinking that it's safe to do so.
 
Happily satisfied in my relationship, I actually read through the personals for entertainment value. On rare occasion I come across one I will comment on to bump it because I find it amusing or unique but mostly I laugh about them. (Sorry Steel!)
I shudder to imagine the trolls it must awaken if an earnest sub posts something there for themself thinking that it's safe to do so.

Agree with all.
I also laugh at the Doms that will go into other Doms posts and critique their ads.
So, now there are a bunch of whiny Doms over there getting all high pitched at each other, while we are all here in BDSM playing with Con and Staggy.
 
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I think it’s funny when Doms are told that personals are not really the way to go to meet a sub... join the forum. Talk to us. Make friends.
Only to see their Personal Ads bumped (by them) and lonely. Tumbleweed lonely.

Without one extra interaction in the threads.

Maybe funny isn’t the word.

Happens every time, just about. I’m pretty sure this thread is just a beacon and there wasn’t really any intention to find answers or have a discussion. Just a thinly veiled personal. He’s off telling women “being shy can be a sign of a submissive,” so I’m guessing it really doesn’t matter what the person on the other end wants. Have a vagina? You could be a sub! Let me show you how sucking my cock is an amazing gift that you can give me!
 
Happens every time, just about. I’m pretty sure this thread is just a beacon and there wasn’t really any intention to find answers or have a discussion. Just a thinly veiled personal. He’s off telling women “being shy can be a sign of a submissive,” so I’m guessing it really doesn’t matter what the person on the other end wants. Have a vagina? You could be a sub! Let me show you how sucking my cock is an amazing gift that you can give me!

*spittake*
 
I've had a couple of adverts posted in the BDSM Personals section, and I have received a few responses from "real" and pleasant people. I don't think it's necessary to be sneery about those who post and reply to them. :rolleyes:

I tend to use my adverts (and the joint one for Tinglebliss and me) in the opposite way from the general trend, though. My adverts are mainly a reference point that describe what I'm seeking, which I link from my profile and signature. I then continue to post actively in the forums, on the basis that someone who is sufficiently interested in me from my interactions there can find out about my wider interests by checking me out. It seems to work okay: my specific problem is that most of the people who browse the personals sections appear to be based on a different continent from the UK.
.
 
I had some conflicts with people here in the past, so I've stayed away, but I'm willing to give it another chance.
 
I've had a couple of adverts posted in the BDSM Personals section, and I have received a few responses from "real" and pleasant people. I don't think it's necessary to be sneery about those who post and reply to them. :rolleyes:

I tend to use my adverts (and the joint one for Tinglebliss and me) in the opposite way from the general trend, though. My adverts are mainly a reference point that describe what I'm seeking, which I link from my profile and signature. I then continue to post actively in the forums, on the basis that someone who is sufficiently interested in me from my interactions there can find out about my wider interests by checking me out. It seems to work okay: my specific problem is that most of the people who browse the personals sections appear to be based on a different continent from the UK.
.

May not be necessary, but it’s a fun pastime.
And you don’t fall into that category. You post all over the page and make friends!!!
We are specifically referring to the Doms than post personals and don’t interact in threads, then wonder why no one answers them.
 
Agree with all.
I also laugh at the Doms that will go into other Doms posts and critique their ads.
So, now there are a bunch of whiny Doms over there getting all high pitched at each other, while we are all here in BDSM playing with Con and Staggy.

I followed someone's post in to the personals - maybe it was the OP's? It was regular personals, not bdsm - but I think they're pretty similar.

I was surprised to see the number of guys who seem to live in those personals, either making snide comments to other guys or rolling out the welcome mat to the newbie posters. It's a weird phenomenon. Maybe it works for their intended purposes??

A while back, I commented on a guy's post who was looking to degrade "classy" moms and daughters. I bet he bumped his thread 50 times with no replies. He told me he got 100's of PMs, though. Wonder if that's true?
 
So, Steel, did you ever come back to read the responses?

Due to the wonderful 50 shades of grey movies and the inaccurate information it implies... I think it’s become main stream and no one has a clue about the lifestyle other than what they see. Few are serious and many want to just play.
 
Note to self, do not post a BDSM personal.

:D:rolleyes:

Right! Exactly my thoughts too!

I've had a couple of adverts posted in the BDSM Personals section, and I have received a few responses from "real" and pleasant people. I don't think it's necessary to be sneery about those who post and reply to them. :rolleyes:

Agreed.

To the OP...I haven't been around long enough to know if things have changed since you were last here, but I was just wondering...you said you met a lot of wonderful subs and had some meaningful relationships. Did that happen instantly back then? How did things get started? Talking on the boards? Private messages? Personals ad? I can't imagine things have changed all that much. Maybe you just need to be more patient. It takes time to make a connection sometimes. Meanwhile, browse the site, jump in on different threads, post an ad if you want (I don't think there's anything wrong with that), and just have some fun!

Good luck! Hopefully see you around :)
 
I'm mostly on Fetlife now because that's where my RL kink friends mostly are. I made some good friendships here, have met a few Litsters in person over the years, but I am pretty active in my local kink community and a lot of the non-in-person interaction is on FL, so that's where I am.
 
I'm mostly on Fetlife now because that's where my RL kink friends mostly are. I made some good friendships here, have met a few Litsters in person over the years, but I am pretty active in my local kink community and a lot of the non-in-person interaction is on FL, so that's where I am.

I'm just happy for you that you're happy, Etoile. Long time, no see.
 
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