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Things What I Wrote

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SugarCoatedSour

Virgin
Joined
Mar 17, 2015
Posts
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Feel free to leave feedback, but I leave what has been written as written. To serve as a reminder, I suppose. After all, poetry is nothing if of it's time.

Expect nothing in particular ... and yes, I am new here ;)

Mostly Nothing

If the universe is mostly nothing, made up of
Atoms that are mostly nothing

( Just tiny points of
Matter in a shell of
empty space/
bodies constructed
of nothing more than
the space in between/
of elements and compounds/
of bicycles and guitars
and art and books
and books about art
and stardust )

Then why is it you're so important to me?
You and I ( and both of us ) are only, mostly, nothing.​
 
SugarCoatedSour said:
Feel free to leave feedback, but I leave what has been written as written. To serve as a reminder, I suppose. After all, poetry is nothing if of it's time.

Expect nothing in particular ... and yes, I am new here ;)

Mostly Nothing

If the universe is mostly nothing, made up of
Atoms that are mostly nothing

( Just tiny points of
Matter in a shell of
empty space/
bodies constructed
of nothing more than
the space in between/
of elements and compounds/
of bicycles and guitars
and art and books
and books about art
and stardust )

Then why is it you're so important to me?
You and I ( and both of us ) are only, mostly, nothing.​
Click to expand...

What you mean regarding poetry and timeliness? Poetry that only speaks to one set of circumstances isn't very interesting to me. Maybe it's my sole burden(alongside my stylish mullet maintenance, of course.)

If the universe is mostly something...
in the way she moves(thank you, George!)
made up of particles in proportion to a less defined something;

then why do I construct shells of symbol just sort of seeming?
"Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning"(w/ thanks to Baby James)

"we are golden we are" part of a universe only teeming rife
and "When we have found how the nucleus of atoms is built up
we shall have found the greatest secret of all — except life"...
-What Rutherford said to Joni
 
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What I mean is this: When you retool a piece after a month, a year, two years, a decade, aren't you a different person, with more or rather different experience? The new piece certainly won't be the same that's for sure.

It's not that this speaks of only one set of circumstances as any good poem should necessary mean different things to different people. We can continue to find new meaning long after the moment has passed. Correct?

To be honest poetry for me is like a historical record. I'll never be the exact same person I was. That's an impossibility. And to change the piece alters its very make up, it's connection to the past. Thus I prefer to focus on the future and new work.

I'm certainly not above revisiting themes with a new frame of mind though ;)

Thanks for reading and replying bflagsst!
 
If you don't mind me saying so, your thread title isn't very grammatical. 'Things that I have written' would be more so.
 
Eh, I like the thread title. Gave me a New York, New Englander vibe.

I also quite liked the piece. The " matter in a shell of empty space" made me thing of a shell game. Are we here or aren't we?

ETA: reminded me a bit of a favorite Dave Matthews song The Space Between
 
Last edited:
UnderYourSpell said:
If you don't mind me saying so, your thread title isn't very grammatical. 'Things that I have written' would be more so.
Click to expand...

Would you have told Eric and Ernie their humour wasn't grammatically correct? ;)

Trixareforkids said:
Eh, I like the thread title. Gave me a New York, New Englander vibe.

I also quite liked the piece. The " matter in a shell of empty space" made me thing of a shell game. Are we here or aren't we?

ETA: reminded me a bit of a favorite Dave Matthews song The Space Between
Click to expand...

As far as the piece goes I think it's overblown in places, but it fits the emotions quite nicely! And it's always nice to remind people of favourite things, moments, songs.

Thanks for dropping by, both of you!
 
I like the poem too. The next to last line, however, felt like a cliché. The lines preceding it really kept me engaged and curious.
 
Does what it says on the tin. Just a little experiment and practice.

Crappy Triolet #1

Hazard a guess? I'd guess it's worse
To know and hate, than bliss mistook.
Lie and cheat, eat, play, love, coerce.
Hazard a guess? I'd guess it's worse.
My dear, you made your own damn curse,
Wrapped up in a way love forsook.
Hazard a guess, I'd guess it's worse
To know and hate, than bliss mistook.​
 
SugarCoatedSour said:
Does what it says on the tin. Just a little experiment and practice.

Crappy Triolet #1

Hazard a guess? I'd guess it's worse
To know and hate, than bliss mistook.
Lie and cheat, eat, play, love, coerce.
Hazard a guess? I'd guess it's worse.
My dear, you made your own damn curse,
Wrapped up in a way love forsook.
Hazard a guess, I'd guess it's worse
To know and hate, than bliss mistook.​
Click to expand...

Nice to see you know what a Triolet is :)
 
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