'The Arduous Affair' - Honest feedback required! :)

Hi guys,

This is my second story on literotica. My first story recieved many points of improvement which I have tried to work upon. I plan to make more parts of this story. Would really like some honest feedback on how the story feels like as a first part and introduction to the series.

https://www.literotica.com/s/an-arduous-affair-pt-01

Please read and comment. Would really appreciate it.
Thanks!

My thoughts as I read the story:
* Really need to know the setting - is this in the US? England?
* John's arranged marriage to Susan is very unusual and just casually mentioning it doesn't do it justice
* John writing off his marriage after two years is not painting him as a good guy
* Too much narrative summary
* Ch 02 - Were is Sophia going to school? It sounds much more like a private high school than a top university
* Sophia sounds like a high school student instead of a college senior. Not enough life experience. She should be thinking about starting her career and instead she's worried about cliques
* Ch 03 - The feel of a private high school again
* What is John's age? Left nebulous but obviously very important in this relationship. Also, needed to establish his authority to teach such a class
* If Sophia is drop-dead gorgeous, why doesn't she have a long history of relationships? Why haven't people complimented her in the past on her smarts?
* Tennis courts so close the building. Everything has the feel of a private high school instead of a university
* "My dad! He's my inspiration." - sounds like a high school kid

I stopped reading midway through chapter 4. Overall thoughts:
* From threads I've read in the Author's Hangout, cheating is a real turn off for Romance readers. Not sure why you have John married
* Your characters should be thinking about more important things than their relationship. For John, what is his career plan? What's he going to do after this semester ends? What's he going to do with his marriage? What actions is he taking now to position himself for when the semester ends? Same type of questions for Sophia. The absence of such thoughts makes your characters seem immature
* Everything that happens feels like a story about an exclusive private school instead of a top university

Hey 8letters! Thanks a lot for the detailed feedback! Much appreciated!
1. I kept the setting and course and job etc hidden coz didnt want to influence readers based on any of those things
2. John isn't writing off his marriage,hes just starting to find the sex boring. I will dwell more on his attitude towards his marriage in the coming parts. As of now it's just a guy who's not having much sex with his wife and had phone sex with an attractive younger woman who likes him.
3. The points of the university sounding like high school are kinda valid I guess. Will work on that
4. I never mentioned anything about Sophia's relationships before her last one. Maybe she has had many
5. Characters thinking about important stuff is a very valid point. I thought I was already doing a lot of dilly-dallying in the story and wanted to advance the plot instead of spending time on their thoughts
6. About the cheating part, I want to create a realistic cheating story. That was the aim. I'mnot sure why Literotica readers don't like it.Maybe its''s because there aren't many good ones around and I'm trying to change that. Not sure if I'll manage but I'll try.

Thanks for the feedback again! Will work on it! DO follow the upcoming parts of this story!

thev_666 said:

Hey 8letters! Thanks a lot for the detailed feedback! Much appreciated!
1. I kept the setting and course and job etc hidden coz didnt want to influence readers based on any of those things

Click to expand...

I've learned the hard way that you can have too much anonymity in a story.

Something I thought of later - they play tennis outdoors shortly after the start of second semester. If second semester starts in January and the city is say Chicago, tough to imagine her wearing a skimpy outfit while they are playing tennis outside. In Australia, that'd be fine.

thev_666 said:

6. About the cheating part, I want to create a realistic cheating story. That was the aim. I'mnot sure why Literotica readers don't like it.Maybe its''s because there aren't many good ones around and I'm trying to change that. Not sure if I'll manage but I'll try.

Click to expand...

See this thread about cheating in stories in the Romance category.

Part 2

Thanks for the feedback!

This is the second part of the stroy. Would love feedback and suggestions for this one too...

https://www.literotica.com/s/an-arduous-affair-pt-02

Thanks!