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Cheating. The idea vs reality.

LiamAnthony said:
Isn't the more loving thing to not get caught?
Most people cheat on their partners.
Shouldn't they learn to do it properly so as to prevent causing unnecessary harm to peoples' feelings?
Click to expand...

Sneaking around might sound exciting till you get caught and the fallout is explosive.

For me it is about respecting and loving your present partner enough not to take the risk of a possible std or a baby in the mix.

I've seen the aftermath and the nastiness that can happen. The mistrust, hurt and sometimes self loathing.

It also has ongoing consequences.

Like ending the relationship and eventually starting another one and finding you're overly suspicious and perhaps carrying ongoing emotional baggage into the next relationship that is destructive and erodes at what could be a good thing.

I know it isn't cut and dried when it comes to cheating. Sometimes a spouse is extremely unwell and you still have needs or other reasons.

But for the most part from what I've seen cheating almost always ends in tears and heartache for someone.
 
suckonsimon said:
Quote:
Some 88% of women said that they were more concerned about their partners being engaged in an emotional affair than a physical one.

I'm replying to you Liam for that quote you put up. I can echo it in our relationship. If either of us got emotionally involved with another, it would be devastating. But a few years back we had a two year period when sex was out for us for reasons of her health. Drove me to Lit actually! But here's the thing: she gave me a hall pass to go get a good fuck if I needed it. I chose not to as happens. But if I had, our relationship would have survived it. Just as, when she started getting better, her hearing about my posts and flirts on Lit helped us stoke up a sex life all over again.

Yeah. I reckon that there needs to be a bit more space, culturally, for the notion of lust-sex / sport-sex / pent-up-relief-sex alongside married sex. For the man, for the woman, or for both. Frankly, it would be more honest.
Click to expand...

Married people probably approach the topic differently from single people, but i think that most of the “hurt and damage” caused by infidelity is a show. I think most of a married couple’s behaviours are directed by the invisible hand of social convention. Then again, i am single, so my perspective is of the outsider, the man who sleeps with others wives.
 
LiamAnthony said:
Married people probably approach the topic differently from single people, but i think that most of the “hurt and damage” caused by infidelity is a show. I think most of a married couple’s behaviours are directed by the invisible hand of social convention. Then again, i am single, so my perspective is of the outsider, the man who sleeps with others wives.
Click to expand...

I feel the same way now as a married woman as I did when I was young and single.
 
Cheating is a negative, no doubt about it, and almost everyone's mind and heart knows it. Not honoring what you already know is the truth simply compounds that original negative into even more and more negativity. I cannot imagine any positive that can possibly occur out of such negativity figuratively gone mad. Nothing different than heroin use/addiction, really: nothing good can possibly come from it. Both are also prototypical individual responsibilities to either prevent or indulge. And the heart and mind totally understand that truth, too.
 
LiamAnthony said:
Isn't the more loving thing to not get caught?
Most people cheat on their partners.
Shouldn't they learn to do it properly so as to prevent causing unnecessary harm to peoples' feelings?
Click to expand...

I'm not sure what circles you move in, but in the world I inhabit it is not 'most'. Some, yes, but definitely the minority.
 
warrior queen said:
I'm not sure what circles you move in, but in the world I inhabit it is not 'most'. Some, yes, but definitely the minority.
Click to expand...
In my world, marital cheating usually results in divorce and family destruction, or at least life-long distrust and a reduced / altered social circle. 'Most' are not cheaters, not if they retain their homes.
 
warrior queen said:
I'm not sure what circles you move in, but in the world I inhabit it is not 'most'. Some, yes, but definitely the minority.
Click to expand...

No need to quibble over the numbers, is there? Surveys say it's around 50% or more. And that's assuming people are being truthful about cheating, which is unlikely.

Either way, lots of people fool around on their partners. This forum is full of them, for example.

My point is they should become better philanderers. And more accepting when their partner strays for a taste of something fresh and sweet.
 
boobooo said:
Women do to. But they have more self-restraint and a more active imagination, so they do it in their head.
Click to expand...

The internet has done an excellent job in enabling emotional infidelity for attached people generally.

Just look around; this site is just one example of a collective of married and other attached people forming intimate relationships with others as a add-on to their primary relationship.
 
boobooo said:
You're exaggerating.

I think that the GB is borderline on that, it being a hybrid between Serious debates & Fun threads and porn gazing.

Unfortunately, most forums out there are either or (Debates /or Casual talk and fun); the very few forums that mix them are stupid or boring.
The GB is unique in that it managed to select, out of all the porn gazers out there, the more intelligent and most of all, the imaginative ones. So that combo adds the warmth and playfullness that other more sterile debate forums lack.

That's when it comes to the visible Board activity. I don't know what's happening behi d the scenes to be able to comment in either direction.
Click to expand...


I was referring to this site, literotica.com, but from what I've seen so far, it's pretty obvious I am correct.

In my previous post I was also going to say something like "of course, lots of attached people will deny they are forming alternative intimate relationships here", but I decided to wait for people like you to step up.
 
LiamAnthony said:
The internet has done an excellent job in enabling emotional infidelity for attached people generally.

Just look around; this site is just one example of a collective of married and other attached people forming intimate relationships with others as a add-on to their primary relationship.
Click to expand...

Liam, as a happily married man on here, I have to agree with you! This is so well stated!

Yeah I have had lots of serious flirting on the threads, and some spin-off private heat and, yeah, affection, with other Litsters. I feel it has done me a lot of good. I think I walk taller, actually.

More important, I KNOW that I pleasure my wife better because of all this. The boost to my confidence, not only in physical performance with her but especially in the whole new way I can talk sensually to her - with a corresponding release in her to do likewise -

Yeah, all this "cheating" online has, in my humble opinion, made an excellent lover into a fabulous one, frankly! :eek:
 
suckonsimon said:
Liam, as a happily married man on here, I have to agree with you! This is so well stated!

Yeah I have had lots of serious flirting on the threads, and some spin-off private heat and, yeah, affection, with other Litsters. I feel it has done me a lot of good. I think I walk taller, actually.

More important, I KNOW that I pleasure my wife better because of all this. The boost to my confidence, not only in physical performance with her but especially in the whole new way I can talk sensually to her - with a corresponding release in her to do likewise -

Yeah, all this "cheating" online has, in my humble opinion, made an excellent lover into a fabulous one, frankly! :eek:
Click to expand...


Given that the ID's here are anonymous, I'm puzzled that people aren't more open about things here, but then again, I'm new, so I'm probably missing some secret historical context.
 
LiamAnthony said:
Given that the ID's here are anonymous, I'm puzzled that people aren't more open about things here, but then again, I'm new, so I'm probably missing some secret historical context.
Click to expand...

Point, Liam. I'll be more open then ...

A dude's been married 41 years, both she and he very happy, most of their years lots of sex. Both have known all along that he would like to be more adventurous than she, and in love there has been give and take. She's been a star with supporting a fella who didn't know how to deal with the beginnings of ED, and that has led to him accessing the avenues of support for that which now has his sex drive and ability sky high again. About five years back this couple went through 18 months of nil sex on account of her being not well. At that time she gave him a hall pass to go fuck if he needed to. She had in mind a quality hooker, as women who are into sport fucking of any kind are not on her horizon. As happens the guy didn't use the pass. She got rapidly better! Joy! Oh the sex! Sex! Sex!

Roll on three years or so. This couple are mid 60's. Changes to body and body-comfort and sexual appetite can happen very differently for different people, right? She finds herself very willing, much less often than was for this pair for decades, - she finds herself very willing to give her body to him for some gentle smoochy sex that isn't gonna bash her about too much. She's not getting to orgasm. Quite often he isn't either. It's a huge adjustment in their lives and together they are handling that lovingly.

The two top bucket list items in this 'adventurous' dude's head, for decades, have been: sport fucking with another man's wife at their invitation and probably with his presence; leading on, if all goes well, to mfm threesome with same couple.

This dude finds that an opportunity has arisen, if he plays his cards right, for getting both his bucket list bonanzas.

No way does his 'hall pass' still apply. Over the years he has never been serious talking with his woman about this kind of carry on, so she would be really shocked to discover he really wants to do it. He sees himself as having the following choices:

"Forsaking all other till death do us part" - the simple, honourable transparent route is to pass this opportunity by. How will he feel, in later months and years, about having done that?

Come clean with his wife about his long-held desires, this opportunity, and - "that hall pass you gave me when you were suffering depression ..." NO. Not this option. It would belittle her self-esteem, already taking a bit of a bashing because we are ageing differently. This would in fact be the most un-loving way.

He becomes a cheating adulterer. With the way their timetables work it would not be complicated. In fact hardly any tracks to cover, frankly. He gets a dose or three of raucous sex like he's known and loved in the past, and wow more so. He finds another deep layer of contentment, on which to build even more his being a loving and available fella with his dear ones ...

???????????????????????????????
 
suckonsimon said:
Point, Liam. I'll be more open then ...

A dude's been married 41 years, both she and he very happy, most of their years lots of sex. Both have known all along that he would like to be more adventurous than she, and in love there has been give and take. She's been a star with supporting a fella who didn't know how to deal with the beginnings of ED, and that has led to him accessing the avenues of support for that which now has his sex drive and ability sky high again. About five years back this couple went through 18 months of nil sex on account of her being not well. At that time she gave him a hall pass to go fuck if he needed to. She had in mind a quality hooker, as women who are into sport fucking of any kind are not on her horizon. As happens the guy didn't use the pass. She got rapidly better! Joy! Oh the sex! Sex! Sex!

Roll on three years or so. This couple are mid 60's. Changes to body and body-comfort and sexual appetite can happen very differently for different people, right? She finds herself very willing, much less often than was for this pair for decades, - she finds herself very willing to give her body to him for some gentle smoochy sex that isn't gonna bash her about too much. She's not getting to orgasm. Quite often he isn't either. It's a huge adjustment in their lives and together they are handling that lovingly.

The two top bucket list items in this 'adventurous' dude's head, for decades, have been: sport fucking with another man's wife at their invitation and probably with his presence; leading on, if all goes well, to mfm threesome with same couple.

This dude finds that an opportunity has arisen, if he plays his cards right, for getting both his bucket list bonanzas.

No way does his 'hall pass' still apply. Over the years he has never been serious talking with his woman about this kind of carry on, so she would be really shocked to discover he really wants to do it. He sees himself as having the following choices:

"Forsaking all other till death do us part" - the simple, honourable transparent route is to pass this opportunity by. How will he feel, in later months and years, about having done that?

Come clean with his wife about his long-held desires, this opportunity, and - "that hall pass you gave me when you were suffering depression ..." NO. Not this option. It would belittle her self-esteem, already taking a bit of a bashing because we are ageing differently. This would in fact be the most un-loving way.

He becomes a cheating adulterer. With the way their timetables work it would not be complicated. In fact hardly any tracks to cover, frankly. He gets a dose or three of raucous sex like he's known and loved in the past, and wow more so. He finds another deep layer of contentment, on which to build even more his being a loving and available fella with his dear ones ...

???????????????????????????????
Click to expand...


Somewhere in between the two levels of detail would have been good. :)
Married 41 years? If you've been faithful that long you should qualify for some kind of medal. And a blowjob from a waitress or something.
 
LiamAnthony said:
The internet has done an excellent job in enabling emotional infidelity for attached people generally.

Just look around; this site is just one example of a collective of married and other attached people forming intimate relationships with others as a add-on to their primary relationship.
Click to expand...

Interacting with people here or forming friendships does not not equal intimate relationships that could be considered as cheating on your partner.

Sure some probably are hooking up but not ALL of them.
 
Debbie said:
Interacting with people here or forming friendships does not not equal intimate relationships that could be considered as cheating on your partner.

Sure some probably are hooking up but not ALL of them.
Click to expand...


Let me guess; you’re married? (Rhetorical question)

I was expecting/hoping for more openess from people here, but what little fun that is being had between men and women seems to be written in doublespeak.
 
LiamAnthony said:
Let me guess; you’re married? (Rhetorical question)

I was expecting/hoping for more openess from people here, but what little fun that is being had between men and women seems to be written in doublespeak.
Click to expand...

Mate, there are threads where there's loads of that! Get yourself on the other boards and visit them!
 
LiamAnthony said:
Let me guess; you’re married? (Rhetorical question)

I was expecting/hoping for more openess from people here, but what little fun that is being had between men and women seems to be written in doublespeak.
Click to expand...

Second marriage of 20 years. I have no idea how he puts up with my weirdness, idiosyncrasies and ocd. We got lucky and found each other :)


I have had several friends cheat on their spouse. Of course it happens. An awful lot.

But it isn't all flowers, secret rendezvous, sexy lingerie, fun and sexting.

But if you're not open to discussion on the matter then that's fine by me. :cool:
 
LiamAnthony said:
The internet has done an excellent job in enabling emotional infidelity for attached people generally.

Just look around; this site is just one example of a collective of married and other attached people forming intimate relationships with others as a add-on to their primary relationship.
Click to expand...

Because it brings a feeling of freedom. A lot of people come here to read or just find something that is missing. Be it a spark or solely friendship. Sometimes that takes a turn and it can be easy to fall for the temptation. Hell I did a few times.

Does it screw up marriages and families? Yeah it can. But more than likely it wasn’t the affair that caused the problems. The problems were already there.

Sometimes it’s just sex and sometimes it’s for feeling something other than empty.
 
Debbie said:
Second marriage of 20 years. I have no idea how he puts up with my weirdness, idiosyncrasies and ocd. We got lucky and found each other :)


I have had several friends cheat on their spouse. Of course it happens. An awful lot.

But it isn't all flowers, secret rendezvous, sexy lingerie, fun and sexting.

But if you're not open to discussion on the matter then that's fine by me. :cool:
Click to expand...


I'm 37, never married. In my experience, most married exec women like something on the side, especially on business trips.
 
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