Mature Play Advice Requested

I feel I'm probably older than most on here and I'm late to the game, in fact, this is my first foray into the Forum so excuse any newbie faux pas committed since I didn't search the entire site first.

Having discovered Literotica a few months back, I'm now immersed in reading some of MY fantasies in print! Who knew so many others were out there? It has rekindled a lot of fun and a lot of frustrating activity in our bedroom after some years of drought. (My husband would say that it was a severe drought! Yeah, ok, I own that but get over it already!) It's also opened lines of communication/confession as never before - it wasn't bad before - just never about BDSM. (Spanking? Yes, please, Sir!)

So here's our issue:

Our bodies have aged but our minds are still stuck in our late 30's where one of us ended up in the ER for exhaustion after a weekend to remember. (And that's a whole other bedtime story for later review!) We had dabbled mildly in the lifestyle in the past but stopped due to some lifechanging vanilla-life events.

As we try to resume, there's a multitude of aging and health factors making themselves known that you just don't casually drop on your general MD's lap at the next appointment for blood pressure pills! For instance, kneeling any length of time causes a lot of arthritis pain in hips and knees that just isn't fun and vertigo makes a blindfold a real downer. There's a lot more unpleasant physical changes that I won't even attempt to scare you younger members with as there's no reason to spoil anyone's fun at this point.

Anyone have suggestions for mature play without literally killing each other? I'd be happy to hear anyone's thoughts on this.

Well i am 40. Wife is 38 and we are pretty fresh into this arena as well. Learning new mind blowing things every day. She has had hip issues her entire life and more so after having kids. We found a thigh spreader on amazon ( it was cheap and will likely break soonish but it was enough to test it out before spending $$$ on high end toys and discovering it isnt for you). She found it not only made sex mor enjoyable and less stress on her hips but she actually noticed less pain after we had been using it for a week or so.

Definatley do some searching on this forum. There is a wealth of knowledge and people willing to help with information. From what i can tell as well not all the actives here are young. Definaley seems to be a diverse group when it comes down to age.

Personally i have no issue discussing sex with my dr. Maybe i will leave out the spanking and bed restraints unless ots relavant but the difference great sex makes in a marrage is worth a little embarrassment and trust me. Your doctor has likely heard worse things in his or her career

I have been ruminating on this question.

You will need to make allowances for what you can do physically as do all folks engaging in kink play. But by being creative you can still have fun. Consider how to use items of furniture to support your body comfortably while taking pressure of your joints. If you have the budget you could purchase items to assist either in mainstream or specialist sex shops.

It's hard to accept our bodies don't work as they did once before.

Another avenue to explore is that improve joint mobility and general flexibility with the right type of excercise. I have a feeling Jin joga could help here. It's a very slow medatitive joga that works on joints and interconnecting tissues by easing into to pose holding it and concentrating on breathing and slowly deepening the pose. You stop when you feel the need or stay as long as the instructor.

You could also look at your current diet and try to improve on it or consider supplements to help with joints.

Don't push yourself too far too fast and as they always say consult with your doctor before starting a new excercise regime or diet.

Good luck to you both on your quest don't let age stop you but perhaps allow for it a little.

Love and light

Tom

I have some general input on restraint positions for your bottom

I had a hip/riding injury when I was quite young. As a result I have issues with my hip at times, ongoing since it happened. So in regards to suspension or restraint I cannot stay in some positions for long periods of time. I have always had to give new positions a test run of 15 or 20 minutes, and then see how I feel the following day.

Many times I will feel fine during, but will pay the price the next few days if I am not careful. There have been times when I didn't listen to my own advice, and wound up hurting for a month or six weeks after. By limiting my time in single positions, avoiding positions I know will cause me pain later, and periodically retesting any position I haven't tried in a while before I commit to it for long periods of time I have been able to still enjoy myself without hobbling around the next few days for all the wrong reasons

Good luck and enjoy the ride!

Since there only real rule book you need to concern yourself with is the one the two of you agree on, what I would suggest is just spend some time developing an awareness of what works and want doesn't work for the two of you.

I've dealt with some rather severe injuries over the years that have left their marks in terms of what my body simply can and can't do, and what it can do but shouldn't, and learned to work around it.

In terms of knee/kneeling issues, there are a variety of alternate methods that can have the same psycho-sexual impact and yet at the same time insure the knees are safe. For example, if you like the sensations and feelings of doggy style, try using a bolster or an ottoman as a load bearing brace. Rather than kneeling, lay over the item, so the knees aren't bearing any weight. When dealing with purely physical limitations I've found the best solution is the creative use of furniture, up to and including buying select items that have just the right height, width, and angle to achieve a specific position without the subsequent stress on the body.

Mature players

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement and thought provoking suggestions. There's quite a few suggestions we will be taking into consideration. Thigh spreader, hmmmm? Makes sense to provide extra support.

I'm such a rope bunny but we've had to move away from that because of problems being in restraint longer than 10 minutes at a time-and forget suspension at this point. But some of the issues bleed into basic protocol. Since kneeling in greeting isn't going to happen, any other suggestions?

Gianbattista, thanks for not asking but Medicare is just right around the corner. I plan on sliding to a stop at the pearly gates looking like I've been rode hard and put up wet and begging for more,yes please?! LOL

SouthGent you might find something in this thread useful rather than asking if I'll share what I've learned in a pm

gracie920101 said:

SouthGent you might find something in this thread useful rather than asking if I'll share what I've learned in a pm

Click to expand...

Were you referring to me Gracie? I have learned some things from this thread...all I need is a willing partner.

Cheers...

txgent101 said:

Were you referring to me Gracie? I have learned some things from this thread...all I need is a willing partner.

Cheers...

Click to expand...

Sorry but no. That was a jab at a troll that was being a little dense.

Autmn rustling.....leaves or love......

Fantastic Gracie keep on loving using every ounce of imagination with gentleness & consideration - see you through to yr diamond anniversary and a long healthy life - just don't dislocate a joint.

Years ago my hips were broken in3 places so I'm familiar with pelvic discomfort - I just change position when the pain becomes debilitatingly distracting.

Good luck! x

my solution

I'm 86 and wife 74. due to diabetics I can no longer insert. so, wife lies on her back on the bed with legs open. I lie on my belly, on the SAME mattress, and
crawl up to wife's open legs at which point I commence oral service on her
'kitty'. she can only take about 3 to 5 minutes of my service and then rolls
over exhausted to 'REST' for about 20 to 30 minutes. then she rolls over to the original position for more. no pain, no strain. on those nights she does not even get up, but does get a great night of sleep and so do I. yum,yum

don't knock it, try it............

Gianbattista said:

I cannot kneel properly I practice yoga and while I cannot kneel knees together for poses this is desirable I can kneel with my knees spread. Alternative posture might be a bow, a bowed head or, maybe a Curtsy, depending on how you relate. I like the bow idea, because it can also be used to indicate how flexible / robust you feel, in its depth of expression. Feeling stronger, the bow is straighter and deeper.

If this too is too much, a prostrate presentation on a bed might be possible? Like a maiden on an altar

Regarding rope, / bondage could you consider being secured into a very natural position. For a little 'hit' of secured-ity.

Click to expand...

Thanks for the suggestions. We have agreed at this point that I can be seated on a small stool and in appropriate form when he arrives home. When greeting other Doms, we're still discussing it and I'm pushing for a head bow with my arms folded behind if they're not already restrained. I feel that in no way can cause offense but Jhereg feels it may be construed as insufficient respect. My response is "my gray hair should grant some leeway" so we'll see over the next few months how it's accepted in our group.
As far as the ropes....it is so very hard to give up and accept the body can no longer handle certain things. Nothing beats snug pulse-pounding ropes

romer12 said:

I'm 86 and wife 74. due to diabetics I can no longer insert. so, wife lies on her back on the bed with legs open. I lie on my belly, on the SAME mattress, and
crawl up to wife's open legs at which point I commence oral service on her
'kitty'. she can only take about 3 to 5 minutes of my service and then rolls
over exhausted to 'REST' for about 20 to 30 minutes. then she rolls over to the original position for more. no pain, no strain. on those nights she does not even get up, but does get a great night of sleep and so do I. yum,yum

don't knock it, try it............

Click to expand...

I only hope, sir, I have someone doing that to me when I am either of your ages! You're my hero!

gracie920101 said:

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement and thought provoking suggestions. There's quite a few suggestions we will be taking into consideration. Thigh spreader, hmmmm? Makes sense to provide extra support.

I'm such a rope bunny but we've had to move away from that because of problems being in restraint longer than 10 minutes at a time-and forget suspension at this point. But some of the issues bleed into basic protocol. Since kneeling in greeting isn't going to happen, any other suggestions?

Gianbattista, thanks for not asking but Medicare is just right around the corner. I plan on sliding to a stop at the pearly gates looking like I've been rode hard and put up wet and begging for more,yes please?! LOL

Click to expand...

Mid 50's couple here. Instead of kneeling consider prostrate. Alternatively use a wedge (and you can buy one for sleeping waaaaay cheaper than the ones sold for play) and do a supported ass-up head down position. The cushions help take the stress off joints. Also a sexy as 'hands tied over head' is and makes your boobs look great, don't do it for any length of time. Arms out to the side are much friendlier to the body. Thigh spreaders do help the hips a lot and if you can figure out how to rig up a set of stirrups for the bed (hint: cantilever them between the mattress and box spring) it works for gen better.

Bob Waters said:

Mid 50's couple here. Instead of kneeling consider prostrate. Alternatively use a wedge (and you can buy one for sleeping waaaaay cheaper than the ones sold for play) and do a supported ass-up head down position. The cushions help take the stress off joints. Also a sexy as 'hands tied over head' is and makes your boobs look great, don't do it for any length of time. Arms out to the side are much friendlier to the body. Thigh spreaders do help the hips a lot and if you can figure out how to rig up a set of stirrups for the bed (hint: cantilever them between the mattress and box spring) it works for gen better.

Click to expand...

Thanks....we're still working things out and some days it seems more of a trial than fun and not enough Tylenol to cover it.
On the bright side...We tore it up when we were younger so we got some great things to talk about now.