First story is out here ... feedback , discussion ?

EquinoxRising said:

Any clue on what it's about before people click? After all, people clicking and hitting the back button will affect your "views" total.

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There was some band playing when the 3 of us arrived, a smaller opening act.

Did you think they were good?

Bikini Kill came on after them.

Were you excited about seeing them?

The three of us stood in the back. It was much too loud to talk to each other, so we just watched the band, danced, and jumped around.

Sounds like fun, why don't you tell us it was?


The three of us chatted between the bands.

About what?

Jen was always in a good mood it seemed, always very playful and affectionate when she was out with us.

And what was your mood?


Soon the main act, L7, came on. They had just started to become a "big" act, so the place was packed, probably to over capacity.

Sounds sweaty, was it? Did you feel claustrophobic?

The three of us were near the front, next to the "pit" where people would dance and wildly run into each other.

A minute ago you were at the back. You must have had to fight the crowd to get up front. What did it feel like pushing through that crowd? You must have been excited about trying to get closer.


We watched the band occasionally almost falling to the floor as the crowd moved around.

The band was falling to the floor?


Kym, Jen, and I stayed packed close together to pick one another up if we fell.

That could be either fun or scary as hell. We don't know which it was, you should tell us.

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tempr1974 said:

Thanks , this is very constructive. I’ll blame poor editors

When recounting a story stuff like you mentioned is clear in MY head so I forget what details I should be writing down .

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