Sex After VBAC?

I had a 9lb baby via VBAC almost 8 weeks ago. He came out quite quickly once he hit the birth canal, and I had a second degree perineal tear plus some pretty bad vaginal lacerations. I feel more or less healed, although I still have vulvar and pelvic pain now and again.

With the all-clear from my obgyn, we attempted sex for the first time last night, and it was so painful that we had to stop immediately. Even one finger is painful (but tolerable)not just around the perineal scar, but inside my vagina, where those lacerations were. And we used tons of lube (breastfeeding kills almost all of my natural lube) and as much relaxation and foreplay as possible.

I know that it takes some women many more months to heal completely, and I accept that I may be one of them. I guess I'm hoping for some advice on what's worked for other women/couples. Is it going to hurt like hell the first time(s) we have sex again, no matter what or when we try? I've pushed myself through painful sex before, and that just ended up making things worse for both of us.

Thanks in advance! I may not be able to respond as fullyou as I'd like to because I'm limited to using my phone while nursing these days.

Big big congratulations on baby arrival SweetErika.

Congratulations!


Regarding me and Lady C, there were no ill effects, and we had (PiV-) fun again a couple of weeks after.
We took it slow and easy for a start.

My wife delivered two 9 pound kids back 28 and 23 years ago.

I was younger then and probably hornier so we had sex quicker than we probably should have.

Let it heal, have fun in other ways.

Thanks, all! He's our perfect little miracle.

Rainshine, I'm terrified of getting into the anticipatory pain cycle. It's happened before due to vaginal vestibulitis, and it made sex painful for years after we had kiddo #1. I may have some of that going on, too... apparently it's another not-so-delightful side effect of pregnancy and breastfeeding hormones for me.

At any rate, my gut is saying I may have a month or two more of healing to do since I'm a slow healer under the best of circumstances. We'll keep pursuing other types of intimacy, then I'll just have to suck it up if it still hurts, it sounds like.

9 lbs. Ouch. Being a considerate stud, the last child I sired was 5 pounds 5.5 ounces. Sounds like the little brute gave you an frontiersman episiotomy.

I think that either scar tissue itself, or whatever was done by way of repair took up some of the pliability of that tissue. I would think that over time you should be able to get more (flex?) Out of the healthier parts left, making for more room.

If the pain seem definately tied to the perianal area, it probable is from some fissures. Definately talk to your OB, rule out other concurrant issues that may have simply chosen right now to crop up. The pain you are describing reminds me of my ex, early on. She had had a C-sec, then 3 vbac, then c-sec. The pain she had seemed to be tied to endometriosis, though. I remember her being a bit tender after the first vbac but not in a debilitating way.

Happy for your healthy child and hopeful for a full recovery for you.

Nothing to add, except a huge congratulations and a quick healing, SweetE!

Congratulations to you and your family. Sorry I don't have any advice to offer, but I hope you heal quickly.

The headline really had me wondering by the way.

To me, "VB" means "vehicle-borne" (as in VBIED) and "AC" is "air conditioning".


It did not really make sense....

I never had any tearing with my births, but it might be worth looking into perineal massage?

It's usually a technique used during pregnancy to minimize the risk of tearing, but it might be worth exploring as a post-birth pelvic-floor health thing. The scar tissue may be less elastic than the surrounding tissue, which may be contributing to the tension, which may be contributing to the pain.

SweetErika said:

I had a 9lb baby via VBAC almost 8 weeks ago. [snip]

Thanks in advance! I may not be able to respond as fullyou as I'd like to because I'm limited to using my phone while nursing these days.

Click to expand...

Many, many felicitations to you and your hub! I'm delighted to hear that you have your miracle, and I'm hopeful that you'll figure out this complication soon. You're wicked smahht, as they say up in Maine, so I'm sure you'll get past this obstacle as well as anyone could. Please give the newest sweet one a tender little hug for me.

Desenstization

I know after nerve injuries people can develop dysthesia or allodynia where a previously non painful stimulus becomes painful. This isnt a nerve injury but I suspect the same treatment, desensitization, applies here. Basically you have to retrain the nerve endings not to send pain signals for mundane non painful stimuli (not that your sex life is in anyway mundane). I would take sex off the table for now as this may lead to unrealistic expectations and cause conflict and frustration. You will need to stimulate the area by touching regularly. Again, this should be a clinical touch and not a sexual touch. Start with light pressure and if it hurts keep your sessions short. Build up over time with longer sessions and more pressure. Eventually you should be performing tissue massage. Take your time and be patient. You should be able to return to normal sexual function before too long.

Just take some more time to heal, I guess.

You can also consult with your obgyn again, because if something hurts you should tell a doctor. That's what I always do.

I don't know how he gave you an OK in the first place. Surely if even a finger with lube hurts - then it should have been notices on the examination. Aren't they use speculums to check you up thoroughly where you live? Because as far as I know, where I live they do this every time.

Congrats Erika! Enjoy your baby boy, so perfectly new and squishable!

Okay, not to dishearten you, but like others have said, it will take time and patience.

After my VBAC, which was "assisted" by forceps and a vaccuum extractor, I was torn terribly. Like, it took an hour and many, many stitches kind of terrible. Doctors, being all helpful, tend to sew you up extra tight, 'cause hell, you may even be like a born again virgin, amirite?

Fucking hell, I don't think we even TRIED for nine months after the birth, and I am betting it took 5 more months before I didn't want to cry during sex. They can sew you up great, just a little scar, but unfortunately, scar tissue isn't elastic like your normal tissue. So it takes longer to be comfortable.

With or without hubby, try placing some hot, warm washcloths on the area for five minutes or so. Use lube, and try gently pressing and stretching the scar tissue with your (or his) fingers. Press just to the point of pain, then release. Gradually, you will be better able to tolerate the fingers, then maybe try a small toy, and finally his penis.

Ah, the good old days! LOL!

Congratulations once again!

Vbac

Big congrats on the baby!!
We had the same thing happen to us. We unexpectedly VBAC'd.
She had some nasty tearing and serious bleeding afterwords. Sounds like you had the same.
Like you, we attempted copulation about 8 weeks after and found it a no go. We were both frustrated and wiped out from the addition to the family. We ended up seeing the OB, and applying the "tincture of time" method. My advise is to follow up with your OB, and let nature take is course while you heal. There is plenty of other sexual activities to try so you and your SO don't go insane.
Again, congrats on the new addition.

Great advice, all; thank you!

I'll see if I can write a better reply when I'm not nursing in bed and typing on the phone one-handed at 2am. Laptop time is severely limited these days!