Mental Illness

BeautifulBlueSky218 said:

Update: I'm on different medication for bipolar disorder and I'm feeling better than I did a few months ago which I'm happy about!!

Now I'm planning on focusing on art and painting! This makes me happy!

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I have a few questions about bipolar and sexuality/sex drive. My wife's a long time sufferer.

Drop me a PM if it's ok to ask.

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-I should find something to post that I don't want to instantly retract-

Blue said:

-I should find something to post that I don't want to instantly retract-

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Here we go

I agree

I sometimes have periods of anxiety and depression and some athlete's foot, and an occasional toothache. Working out helps me tremendously, though, to make that recede, as does sociability and music. The kink, among other things, is a release valve on the molten core.

The differences between anxiety sometimes and major anxiety and so on, are vast and difficult to understand unless you have the later or are very close to those that do.

re: anxiety

I've never experienced the level of anxiety I'm facing now. It's an odd, odd feeling. Depression is its own level of awful but the anxiety is like the rug being pulled out from under me 1000 times a day. I want to do things. I feel like doing things. I go out and start to do things. And suddenly, I can't. I question every single move, try to play out every outcome, what if this? what if that?

The voices in my head are having a trampoline party.

I went on trazadone about two weeks ago. It seems to be having an affect. I was low energy anyways - so that's frustrating to have even lower energy. But the trampoline party has subsided to a surf party - atleast the voices are gliding on waves instead of jumping off the sides of my head.

@FurryFury - I wouldn't qualify what I'm feeling as major anxiety. More situational. So I can't begin to imagine what major stuff feels like. It must be consuming.

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I understand that wanting to do things and then you can't thing. So hard. *HUGS*

Glad the voices are quieter but sorry the energy is lower too. This may sound odd but ginseng helps my energy.

Both of my adult kids and my mother have major depression and major anxiety. Hoping they can find a way to deal with and thrive somehow. It's been a very long and rocky road so far.

cookiecat said:

re: anxiety

I've never experienced the level of anxiety I'm facing now. It's an odd, odd feeling. Depression is its own level of awful but the anxiety is like the rug being pulled out from under me 1000 times a day. I want to do things. I feel like doing things. I go out and start to do things. And suddenly, I can't. I question every single move, try to play out every outcome, what if this? what if that?

The voices in my head are having a trampoline party.

I went on trazadone about two weeks ago. It seems to be having an affect. I was low energy anyways - so that's frustrating to have even lower energy. But the trampoline party has subsided to a surf party - atleast the voices are gliding on waves instead of jumping off the sides of my head.

@FurryFury - I wouldn't qualify what I'm feeling as major anxiety. More situational. So I can't begin to imagine what major stuff feels like. It must be consuming.

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That sounds very difficult. *HUGS*

You must have a lot of drive to be graduating from Uni soon! Congratulations you are doing good things.

Must you stay in touch with your abuser?

I've been hearing really good things about a light therapy with PTSD and also EMDR.

Beth87 said:

How is everyone?

I’ve had odd couple of months. Some symptoms I attributing to the dissociative disorder have turned out to be from unmanaged physical health condition. At first that meant I was less “dissociated” but now it has begun to translate to more * I’m back to having the defences I had before the physical disease started

Which is pretty scary tbh. I’ve been trying to recover from incest and I was managing okay except when I would have contact with abuser. Now I get pretty severe ptsd symptoms and strong dissociation that feel like hallucinations but apparently aren’t

Despite all this, I’m finally going to graduate uni. Something I started way back in 2012. I’m doing loads of exciting things and creating success. Its like being 2 different people, if you’ll excuse the pun. I just need it all to stick. And for these memories to stop trying to push me away.

That turned into long update. Sorry!

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This time of year, anxiety is worse. It just happens that a festive time of year can sometimes be stressful and it's worse, when you're suppose to be all happy and gay.

I have general anxiety, as does my sister, my aunt and my mother did, too. Mental things can run in the family. With my anxiety, I have a trigger. I must be able to breathe through my nose. For some stupid reason (and usually triggers are based on stupid reasons) I must be able to breathe through my nose. If I can't, my anxiety starts building and all sorts of things start going around in my head.

It's bad, because I have allergies and I also broke my nose, back when I was a teen, so I have a deviated septum. And this time of year, I'm a germaphobe because it's so easy to catch a cold this time of year. I really hate that they call it the "common cold" because I think it allows people to assume it's OK to go out in public and spread their germs. Most people don't have a problem with colds. They just suffer through them. My situation is totally different and so I always carry hand sanitizer, watch what I touch and who I'm around, because germs are everywhere.

I recently started working at a place in September and since then, I've had the flu and two colds. Before this, I've had jobs where I could control my situation better and that really ended up with me not getting many colds. I've also always gotten a flu shot.

But, because of the nature of the job (retail sales store), many of the employees can't afford to stay home with a cold or flu and bring their germs to work with them. No sick days for most, as these days 99% of the work force is part time because companies can't afford insurance for them all.

So, I've been in a mild state of panic since starting there and hearing everybody coughing and sneezing and sniffing their noses. I do the same thing, but because of my allergies, it looks like I have a cold. It just gets worse, when I do have a cold.

I've been able to get some allergy pills that help me with my nose, but they aren't cheap. And they have side affects of drying my voice box out, causing a dry cough. Sudafed is really the only product that I can get over the counter that keeps my nose opened up.

I used to take Allegra D by prescription. Now, it's over the counter and because it has Sudafed in it, I have to sign my name, give my driver's license and only get 20 12 hour pills for a month. That's 40 pills less than I got with a prescription. Because the police assume I'm going to either sell them to someone who is making meth or going to make meth myself, I am limited to how much Sudafed I can get.

There's also a cold pill I can get that has Sudafed in it, but I'm only allowed to get 3 packages of 24 pills. That's no good, because you have to take 2 pills every 4 hours. One box doesn't last very long.

I found out that I can get a prescription for Allegra D from my doctor, so I can get the 60 12 hour pills I used to get. But, I'm now paying retail prices and that's $75 for 60 pills. I have found a place where I can get them for $45, but that's still pretty expensive. Since they've gone over the counter, I can no longer get them with insurance and pay a copay.

I have a friend who has a bad heart and he can't take any decongestant. Strangely, he had what he thought was seasonal allergies this past summer and his nose was stuffed up. He recently went to an Allergist and found out he didn't have any allergies but had non-allergic sinusitis. He got a prescription that seems to be working for him, so I'm seriously thinking of going to see an Allergist.

I haven't done it in the past, because I have a sister who has bad allergies, too. She want to an Allergist many years ago and wasn't satisfied with any results. I just assumed I'd end up the same way. My friend having good results has started me thinking new drugs have made changes.

That's the way anxiety is. There are always new drugs coming out to deal with it. I have a problem with many medications and had bad experiences with many that I tried. I've settled on Zoloft (or now the generic for it), and while it doesn't totally alleviate my anxiety, it tends to keep me at a workable level, as long as my nose is open. It's so strange to say this, as I know it sounds stupid to someone who doesn't experience this.

And, I have Xanax (or now the generic for it), which I take when I have an attack. When I feel one coming on, I take a pill and then suffer for about an hour until it starts to work. If I'm at work, I'm usually doing enough mentally that it over rides the anxiety. So, I usually have attacks when I'm at home and many times, in the middle of the night.

Keeping my mind busy doing things can help with the anxiety, because it keeps my mind off of the stupid feeling of it messing with my mind. But, I usually need the Xanax. It acts on the attack which eventually passes and I'm fine.

Going out for a drive in my car, for instance, can help. Doing busy work like loading up and taking out the trash can also help. Things I normally enjoy doing, I stay away from, because I don't want to ever associate them with my anxiety.

I'm a musician and you'd think playing music would keep my mind busy but it really just makes the anxiety worse. Other things I do a lot also don't work, or they don't work well enough to over ride the feeling of anxiety.

As a rule, I don't even need to take any Xanax. It's just a good feeling to know I have it, just in case. But, with this job I started in September and the colds and flu I have had since starting there, I've taken more Xanax than I have in years. This is another reason I'm going to schedule to see an Allergist.

Anxiety is like a back pain or a headache. Nobody sees it. Nobody knows how it's affecting you, but you. Some people will think you are faking it, and many just don't understand it, even if you explain it to them. Telling them I have a panic attack if I can't breathe through my nose...they look at my like I'm strange. And all that does is piss me off.

If they could experience what I experience just once, I know they would understand it. I remember the first attack I had. It was a Sunday afternoon and I had a cold. I woke up and couldn't breathe through my nose and started to panic. That was about 35 years ago.

I thought I was fine before then, but actually, I wasn't. That's back when I was smoking pot. Thinking back, I now know I was medicating myself by smoking pot. Only when I stopped, did I start having full blown panic attacks. That says something about THC, I guess.

Anyway, if you have anxiety or depression, don't ever give up hope. I know there are down times when you think all is lost, but don't let that feeling consume you. That feeling won't last and you will feel better, before long. And if you can find something that helps you counter your anxiety or your depression, that can help, too.

Like when I go out for a drive in the car, it keeps my mind active doing other things. Maybe driving a car isn't your thing, but think of something else that works for you. Maybe it's filling out a crossword puzzle. That wouldn't work for me, because I hate those damn things, but some people love them.

Maybe listening to a certain kind of music will work for you. Like I said, I'm a musician, so that doesn't work for me, but it might work for you. I know some people seek out specific songs at specific times, so maybe you could work on that.

I know there are a couple songs that really make me feel good, or make me feel like the unique person I am. But, I don't want them to ever be associated with anxiety. It might be completely different for you. We're all wired so differently.

Thanksgiving through New Years are tough times for many people. Even those who don't have anxiety have times of high stress they find difficult to deal with. Just at the place I work, I notice the cashiers get testy with customers and visa versa. It's quite a job for all of them to deal with their stresses.

Keep in mind that you are far from alone, in how you feel. Anxiety isn't unusual and neither is depression. It's just neither is really talked about that much, and some self centered people wouldn't understand if you did try to explain it to them. But, it's OK when they have a difficult time dealing with stress, because it's their stress. LOL.

Also, know it's a good thing to find a friend who will listen or talk with you and sometimes it's just knowing someone understands and there is no need for words to even be spoken. So, talking about other things is key, and not dwelling on the anxiety or depression itself.

And again, like when trying to find other things to do when you feel an attack coming on, knowing who to talk to and what to talk about to take your mind off of it all can really do wonders. I know just mentioning anxiety to my sister (who also has it) can be enough, because she understands exactly what I mean and how I feel.

I wish you all the best with your anxiety or your depression. Trust me, I know how difficult it can seem, at times. The way I look at it is this...my life isn't bad, over all. When I think of other people's lives, I don't have their troubles, so I'm better off than they are.

I don't drink much and I don't smoke. I was one of the lucky ones who never started smoking. I tried, but couldn't handle it. Even most alcohols taste bad to me. I've come to enjoy beer, to a point, but I'd much rather have a cold lemonade or a nice cold bottle of water.

I've been able to live out my sexual fantasies, when I have friends who just dream about that. I have some friends who could never understand that side of me, but the ones who do understand, envy my sex life.

Shit happens to all of us. They say what doesn't kill us just makes us stronger. Can you imagine how strong people who have anxiety and/or depression are? We can handle so much and just brush it off. Remember how strong you are, the next time you are feeling depressed or an anxiety attack is coming on. We are the strong ones, in so many ways.

Thanks for your post DVS. I hear you.

Btw, I sometimes have vertigo and guess what helps? No. Not a roller-coaster you sadist, but a small bit of diazepam before bed. Who knew? Well the doctors should have but all these years nothing. Then suddenly one gave me something actually useful. Note, I only need this a half dozen times a year or less.

Harmful and helpful therapy

Came across this article: Harmful and Helpful Therapy Practices with Consensually Non-Monogamous Clients: Toward an Inclusive Framework

Although the focus is on people in consensually non-monogamous relationships (CNM), I suspect the findings would be very similar for BDSM, and of course there's overlap between BDSM and CNM.

The overall finding is that therapists who are open-minded and informed about CNM are much more likely to be able to help their clients. Not very surprising to those of us who've been there, but sometimes it's useful to be able to cite published research.

Good point Bramblethorn. Thanks for sharing that.

As someone with all sorts of issues from ptsd down, I tried 15 years of therapy to find any reprieve and it only got worse. In 6 months of exploring my submissive side finally it has made symptoms as manageable as they possibly can be.

I still have lots of bad days but that is to be expected with the path i have had to walk, but now there are ups with the downs again after many years of downs and slightly less down.

Glad it helps!

IreliaObsession said:

As someone with all sorts of issues from ptsd down, I tried 15 years of therapy to find any reprieve and it only got worse. In 6 months of exploring my submissive side finally it has made symptoms as manageable as they possibly can be.

I still have lots of bad days but that is to be expected with the path i have had to walk, but now there are ups with the downs again after many years of downs and slightly less down.

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I noticed activity on this thread and have been avoiding it because anxiety.



Give me a few days to get used to the idea and maybe i will post something next week.

(I could feel my blood pressure rising as i typed that. )

We can wait. And I understand. *HUGS*

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FurryFury said:

Awesome! Do you mind saying what that med is?




I'm a little past a year in no contact with my borderline personality disordered in denial and wants to blame me, mother. It feels good. Was wondering what she would try over the holidays and other than calling me non stop at work one day, nothing so far. Yay.

Oldest adult child started having seizures a few weeks ago. Spent some time in E.R. and ICU. Exhausting and so worried. Welbutrin was the culprit. Wow. Memory issues are making it difficult to finish up on college courses.

My adult son is still on this.

Our psychiatrist retired. Trying to get a new one.

Hoping the fresh hell political news isn't as bad in 2018 and we can afford to live.

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I feel for you. My college son is in major depression. On Wellbutrin 150 mg xl.
Not really doing the trick. It did help with his sleep.
It’s hard to watch that happen to him. Giving up on school.
Giving up on life.
I think a med change is in order.

FurryFury said:

We can wait. And I understand. *HUGS*

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I'm here!

Recently separated after twenty years in an abusive marriage. About the only thing he didn't do was hit me. He did rape me, forcefully. He did threaten to rape my adult daughter from my first marriage to her face, in front of me (He threatened me, too.).

I wish it were as easy to leave as walking out the door. It's not. Do you know that it takes the typical abused woman leaving an average of seven times before she's able to stay gone? I went back twice, both times because i lacked the resources and support to provide for myself.

I don't know what it's like to live in a healthy environment, both of my parents are survivors of abuse and abusers themselves. What i do know is that life is difficult, and complicated, and I've done a heap more surviving than living.

Now that we are out of his house and into our own, i am doing what i can to give my kids a healthy, happy home, but a ship doesn't turn on a dime. Twenty years in a shitty environment means my kids have baggage, and behavior issues, and mental health issues. It means the sheriffs dept. has been to our house more than once. It means i have a hard time building meaningful friendships both because people shy away from messy families (perfectly understandable), and because I'm afraid to let people in.

It's not a conscious thing on my part. Everyone wants to look like they have their shit together, don't they? But eventually a new acquaintance will start asking the difficult questions, and no matter how delicately i try to word my responses, there is no getting around the truth. Then their face changes, and their voice, and i can feel them pulling away as i crumble inside.

There is a warm, fuzzy thing on Facebook that says somethjng like, 'I am a strong woman because i was raised by a strong woman.' I didn't share it. I was raised by an unstable mother, a cool and distant step-mother, and a father who was harsh and verbally abusive. I am a strong woman because I've had to teach myself to survive, to fight, and now I'm teaching myself to heal and to thrive.

I am enormously grateful to have had, at times, people to meet my needs for acceptance, approval, attention, affection. They were bright spots in a dark sky, they gave me a taste of what life and love ought to look like, and they give me hope.

2019 will be a hard year, I'm sure of it. But it will be a good year, too. I'm determined.

Tally fucking ho.

Wild_Honey_66 said:

I'm here!

*snip*

2019 will be a hard year, I'm sure of it. But it will be a good year, too. I'm determined.

Tally fucking ho.

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Now go kick some butt!

And, when it's hard, remember that you have friends. Don't keep it bottled up.

And remember... moderately stressed grapes make the best wine