rape fantasy

headdoctor said:

I hope this doesn't sound sexist, but I wonder if it's "easier" for women to have a rape fantasy than for a (dominant but 21st century enlightened) man?

Anyway, I find many of the posts in this thread deeply arousing. WTF??!! I think maybe I should hang out in this forum more often.

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It's not sexist, it's just probably new for you, as a guy, to experience a lot of guilt and shame surrounding a sexual interest. Women aren't just accustomed to layers of shame and guilt around rape fantasies but around any fantasies.

It's "easier" for women to have rape fantasies now that we talk more about sex as a culture and women have started looking around and going "oh, wow, I thought it was just me."

I really think that fantasies about being sexually overpowered jump gender boundaries more than this thread would indicate. Probably equal numbers of men and nonbinaries have them - I do think that it's a kind of backlash against the pressues that are put on people and the kinds of stress we deal with.

To the point where it's assumed that you have one and you want your hair pulled and your wrists held and cum on your face and all that stuff that a few of us find tedious if you are female and that you do NOT want that if you are male.

That's well said, Netzach. In some ways the recent exposure (?!) of BDSM fantasies a la Shades of Grey is both liberating and rather tiresome. My wife and I have been exploring this, admittedly at a glacial speed, for 25+ years. But the feelings you describe are in large part right. I wouldn't say it's guilt so much, but rather trepidation--and, for the first time in a long time, uncertainty about what my own limits are. I've let my mind roam through some taboo fantasies for ages, and others not so much. It was a revelation to me one night when, with no forethought, I put a hand around my wife's throat, and we both were intensely aroused. But to be sure, as an ardent feminist I say and believe (?) the "right" things about rape, so it is complicated to fantasize about it. It's also the case, at least for me, that being dominant means taking responsibility for what's happening, at least ostensibly: making the moves, risking the limits. I don't mean that the sub is not an equal partner in her way, but that in my case I'm the one who speaks the words, and I'm the one who calls the shots.

I'm not sure this makes sense. I've been writing and thinking and whenever possible exploring sexuality for a long time ... and yet talking about this particular part of my life is new to me.