I've just had my first story put in the sites and would appreciate feedback. First time I've written something in s long time so looking to get sone feedback to make my future stories better.
I've just had my first story put in the sites and would appreciate feedback. First time I've written something in s long time so looking to get sone feedback to make my future stories better.
I gave your story a read and there were some definite positives and negatives:
(Positives)
-Interesting story idea. The thought of having an encounter with someone while on business is always a hot idea. Having her take control of the situation adds to the heat.
-You have some good sections of description. I enjoyed the ways that you described the looks of the lady's dress and body.
(Negatives)
-You jump into the story without much of a backstory on the man or woman. It would be beneficial to know if the man was married, often slept around on business, sexual history, etc.
-Dialogue would work wonders for the story. Some banter or dirty talk would take it to the next level.
-Some grammatical and spelling errors.
-The story is way too short. It feels like you rush through the entire thing. Remember, we know nothing about the story that you don't tell us. You have to paint the picture.
Overall: Good idea, poor execution. Try to work on the things I mentioned and let me know the next time you post. I'd like to see how you grow, because there was potential.
- You need an editor to pick out the errors you are missing. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, every author needs an editor (editing with your internal cynical self doesn't count)
- You know that advice to come into the story late and leave early, well you took that advice too far. I think the story would have gained enormously from seeing what triggered the encounter even if that trigger is veiled. You can never have too much erotic tension and foreplay, some TV shows have lasted years before anything happened.
- You are neglecting to add information about the external world they inhabit. Whether you add information about the bar or the bedroom the have sex in, I think the story would feel more complete if you gave the story a few dollops of world information every so often.
- I kinda like your writing style but you will need to spend a lot more time, effort and experience developing your stories to be great. You are missing opportunities to show texture in the characters & world - your story is too rushed.
- You need an editor to pick out the errors you are missing. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, every author needs an editor (editing with your internal cynical self doesn't count)
- You know that advice to come into the story late and leave early, well you took that advice too far. I think the story would have gained enormously from seeing what triggered the encounter even if that trigger is veiled. You can never have too much erotic tension and foreplay, some TV shows have lasted years before anything happened.
- You are neglecting to add information about the external world they inhabit. Whether you add information about the bar or the bedroom the have sex in, I think the story would feel more complete if you gave the story a few dollops of world information every so often.
- I kinda like your writing style but you will need to spend a lot more time, effort and experience developing your stories to be great. You are missing opportunities to show texture in the characters & world - your story is too rushed.
I agree with most of these points, except for the first. You don't have to have an editor, but you do at least need to self edit. Write the story and put it down for a little bit. Then go back and read it to yourself to catch errors. People on here have the tendency to want you to write an error free masterpiece, but I don't buy into that. Use an editor if you like, but there are plenty of writers on here who don't.
I would rather you give us too much information/background than not enough. Writing is like having sex. You can rush it, but it leaves everyone unsatisfied. If you take your time and focus on the non-sexual areas, then you are a lot more likely to get a good reaction.
