First off I agree with the previous comment, 2nd person is a very tough proposition. That said, this story works on an interesting level for me. I'm not a huge fan of the perspective, but enjoy reading things that are different from the norm.
Aside from your first posting, my advice to you on future stories would start off similar to what was already said. Write the story first, then decide where it should be submitted. Also, try thinking of the reading experience as you write it. Your first story was a tough read for some, so take that into account. When you finish, give it a day or two and read it yourself. Does it still make sense?
Not just to appease the masses, but also for your own pride, you should also consider finding an editor. I realize that we will probably never see a dime for our efforts, but I take personal pride in the stories that I submit. I WANT them to be the best possible read for users, so that at the very least they will bash me for my weak characters or lame story line, not because I forgot most of my quotes or commas.
I have a long (scatter brained) list of ideas, some fully flushed out, some barely a one-liner waiting for some meat. I pick them up as my mood sees fit, and it has worked pretty well for me. The one thing that hurts me constantly is "the wall." Most call it writers block, but to me it's just that my imagination checks out, and I'm left with nothing until it comes back. In these cases, I too check out and join my family or friends to just live. Eventually the block breaks and I get back to it.
Anyhow, hope this helps, and good luck with future posts.
FYI, I know the editor search process can be tough, but I found that the easiest way to get a reliable person to help is by submitting requests to those that very recently added themselves to the volunteer editor program. They are likely to be the best bet for a response, over those that added themselves three years ago, with an old email address.