Insider or Outsider?

coati said:

In this discussion of Insiders and Outsiders, all but four of the many posts were submitted by people who have previously submitted thousands of posts on Lit. No judgement, just an observation.

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I am one of the thousand-plus posters, but I'm afraid that the vast majority I've made are one word answers to word games

So my post count belies what I would class as 'proper posting'...

Maybe it would be more indicative to look at the date of joining, rather than number of posts made?

FurryFury said:

You'll notice this "oldbie" has posted twice before in here. No one quoted me. No one responded. This place is so cliquish and mean, mean, mean! I'm taking my toys and going home!

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Oldbie!

I like that...

I'm not smart enough for the word games. Though, a few times I ventured in and felt pretty proud of myself for being able to participate. (^o^)

MeekMe said:

I'm not smart enough for the word games. Though, a few times I ventured in and felt pretty proud of myself for being able to participate. (^o^)

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If ever you want to live dangerously, try posting a slang word and wait for the wrath of MWY to descend.......

LallyH said:

If ever you want to live dangerously, try posting a slang word and wait for the wrath of MWY to descend.......

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Ooo~ Danger is my middle name.

>.> Not really. It's not even close to danger... They've got two letters in common, though.

FurryFury said:

You'll notice this "oldbie" has posted twice before in here. No one quoted me. No one responded. This place is so cliquish and mean, mean, mean! I'm taking my toys and going home!

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Does it count that I replied to you in the Degrading Acts thread?

LallyH said:

If ever you want to live dangerously, try posting a slang word and wait for the wrath of MWY to descend.......

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I SAW this, young lady. I'll be watching you closely from now on.

midwestyankee said:

I SAW this, young lady. I'll be watching you closely from now on.

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Ooooh, he kind of reminds me of ChainedUp.

*shivers*

midwestyankee said:

I SAW this, young lady. I'll be watching you closely from now on.

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I love that he's already handing out the conciliatory rose

Collar_N_Cuffs said:

I love that he's already handing out the conciliatory rose

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Didn't you know? Rose petals are edible so I'm just offering a pre-spanking snack here.

midwestyankee said:

Didn't you know? Rose petals are edible so I'm just offering a pre-spanking snack here.

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You might do better with this

Collar_N_Cuffs said:

You might do better with this

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My nana doesn't bounce and I'm not fond of anthropomorphic food of any kind. [/hijack]

midwestyankee said:

[/hijack]

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Oh, is that how that's done.
Ok, thanks...
[/HIJACK]

Quoted from the sticky at the top of the page, "We do not encourage off topic material (excessive flirting or personal conversation that interrupts serious topics) in BDSM Talk threads. Light conversation, flirting, off topic type threads, and funtimes are appreciated and to be had in the BDSM Cafe . "

Seriously, can there be any doubt as to why this particular forum is not very active? The above quote is but two sentences from an entire page of rules and guidelines. These rules and guidelines give license for anyone to dismiss virtually anytopic begun here.

After years of participating in various motorcycle groups, professional organizations, fraternal organizations and internet forums I have concluded that very, very few people join these groups or discussions for the purposes of gaining information or knowledge. We join these for affirmation. If we do not receive this affirmation quickly, we simply move on.

In my younger days I was asked to prospect for a motorcycle club. An outlaw motorcycle club. I replied with the following statement: Why would I wish to join an organization which rails against the strictures of society when that organization imposes even more strictures on my behavior?

The same can be said for many BDSM "discussion" groups or forums. People are welcomed with open arms as long as their opinions and actions fall within the narrowly defined parameters.

HellBenttoo said:

Quoted from the sticky at the top of the page, "We do not encourage off topic material (excessive flirting or personal conversation that interrupts serious topics) in BDSM Talk threads. Light conversation, flirting, off topic type threads, and funtimes are appreciated and to be had in the BDSM Cafe . "

Seriously, can there be any doubt as to why this particular forum is not very active? The above quote is but two sentences from an entire page of rules and guidelines. These rules and guidelines give license for anyone to dismiss virtually anytopic begun here.

After years of participating in various motorcycle groups, professional organizations, fraternal organizations and internet forums I have concluded that very, very few people join these groups or discussions for the purposes of gaining information or knowledge. We join these for affirmation. If we do not receive this affirmation quickly, we simply move on.

In my younger days I was asked to prospect for a motorcycle club. An outlaw motorcycle club. I replied with the following statement: Why would I wish to join an organization which rails against the strictures of society when that organization imposes even more strictures on my behavior?

The same can be said for many BDSM "discussion" groups or forums. People are welcomed with open arms as long as their opinions and actions fall within the narrowly defined parameters.

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Thanks for adding your view to the discussion. I do think, though, that you may have overstated the case. The "rules" you mention are simply in place to help people post to the most appropriate place within Literotica and within our two-sided room here. Fully half of the text that you described is standard policy set down by the owners of Literotica. It seems pretty ordinary for those to be posted in every forum.

I do agree with your take that most people seek affirmation when they post to an online community. It seems to me that the best way to get that affirmation is to put your posts up in the place that's most likely to get you that affirmation. This forum in particular was created so that those who wanted to talk about BDSM-y stuff would have a place to do so in relative comfort. When it became apparent that lots of folks enjoyed chatting together here, and not always seriously, the BDSM Cafe was created so that a more Playground-y atmosphere might have some room.

To take this to your analogy: would a BMW motorcycle club be likely to point out somewhere that their club is primarily for owners and admirers of BMW motorcycles, and that while folks who ride Harleys and Hondas are welcome, they might find more affirmation in a Harley or Honda related club?

midwestyankee said:

Thanks for adding your view to the discussion. I do think, though, that you may have overstated the case. The "rules" you mention are simply in place to help people post to the most appropriate place within Literotica and within our two-sided room here. Fully half of the text that you described is standard policy set down by the owners of Literotica. It seems pretty ordinary for those to be posted in every forum.

I do agree with your take that most people seek affirmation when they post to an online community. It seems to me that the best way to get that affirmation is to put your posts up in the place that's most likely to get you that affirmation. This forum in particular was created so that those who wanted to talk about BDSM-y stuff would have a place to do so in relative comfort. When it became apparent that lots of folks enjoyed chatting together here, and not always seriously, the BDSM Cafe was created so that a more Playground-y atmosphere might have some room.

To take this to your analogy: would a BMW motorcycle club be likely to point out somewhere that their club is primarily for owners and admirers of BMW motorcycles, and that while folks who ride Harleys and Hondas are welcome, they might find more affirmation in a Harley or Honda related club?

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I disagree. If anything I believe I understated my case and I believe the "rules" speak for themselves.

Indeed a BMW club would be primarily for owners of that brand. The difference is that we can clearly define a BMW, Honda or Harley. There is no clear, concise definition of BDSM. To further blur that definition the rules state "serious BDSM". Who, other than the original poster of a thread, defines "serious BDSM"?

It is not my intention to criticize this forum or this thread. I merely point out the difficulty in having an active forum based on the stated rules and restrictions.

HellBenttoo said:

I disagree. If anything I believe I understated my case and I believe the "rules" speak for themselves.

Indeed a BMW club would be primarily for owners of that brand. The difference is that we can clearly define a BMW, Honda or Harley. There is no clear, concise definition of BDSM. To further blur that definition the rules state "serious BDSM". Who, other than the original poster of a thread, defines "serious BDSM"?

It is not my intention to criticize this forum or this thread. I merely point out the difficulty in having an active forum based on the stated rules and restrictions.

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You have a point with the notion of "serious BDSM." That's something we should probably look to change, though I'd be willing to bet that it originated as a defense against GB-like postings that probably had something to do with the formation of this sub-forum in the first place.

I wonder who gets to define "active?" Here's what the first page of the forum looks like when you sort on number of replies:



I'd say we're pretty active.

Finally! I am noticed! And validated! Maybe I will stay. Maybe . . .

LallyH said:

Oldbie!

I like that...

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This is to the OP. I find it quite interesting that you make a thread about the inhabitants of this forum being rude when just today you said this:

Bent said:

No really, what's is like? What are your expectations of the other party? How did you find your partner? Are you in a relationship with your Dom or sub on the side or is there another person that you're involved with and they know nothing about this aspect of your life? I'm quite interested so please feel free with your details.

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midwestyankee said:

This is sort of like asking what's the nature of the universe. The BDSM Talk forum has several hundred threads containing multitudes of answers to these questions. Why ask us to regurgitate it all just for you?

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Quite interesting.

I didn't know that. Maybe I'll just eat worms.

midwestyankee said:

Does it count that I replied to you in the Degrading Acts thread?

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midwestyankee said:

I'd say we're pretty active.

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IMO, BDSM Talk is about as active as I like my forums-- I like actually being able to keep up with what people are saying without having to login more than once a day.

midwestyankee said:

You have a point with the notion of "serious BDSM." That's something we should probably look to change, though I'd be willing to bet that it originated as a defense against GB-like postings that probably had something to do with the formation of this sub-forum in the first place.

I wonder who gets to define "active?" Here's what the first page of the forum looks like when you sort on number of replies:



I'd say we're pretty active.

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I can't find anything about "serious BDSM" in the quoted post. It does say serious topics.
I think it's a good idea to separate the serious topics from "Oh look, isn't this hawt?"
I think both should have a place, but they don't mix very well.

rimmy said:

This is to the OP. I find it quite interesting that you make a thread about the inhabitants of this forum being rude when just today you said this:

Bent said:

No really, what's is like? What are your expectations of the other party? How did you find your partner? Are you in a relationship with your Dom or sub on the side or is there another person that you're involved with and they know nothing about this aspect of your life? I'm quite interested so please feel free with your details.

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midwestyankee said:

This is sort of like asking what's the nature of the universe. The BDSM Talk forum has several hundred threads containing multitudes of answers to these questions. Why ask us to regurgitate it all just for you?

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Quite interesting.

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You're quite right, I have not been immune to the very temptation that prompted this thread. You must have missed the two times that I referred to this very transgression in this thread.

On January 19 (2 days after the post you quoted), I posted this:
This thread is something of a mea culpa, as I know that I have been part of the problem. I know that I've treated a few newcomers pretty badly in the past and I intend to change that.

On January 21 (2 days later), I posted this:
I know I'm hardly immune to that temptation. Hell, I found myself doing something like that only a couple of days ago here, even after having started this thread. Shame on me.

I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've posted to this forum but I've been reading (and learning) with a great deal of interest for some time because I think most of the people who post here actually have something to say. And that something is most often useful, thoughtful, well written, honest, and written from a desire to contribute and help in a positive way.

That said, I would also say that the people who post most frequently here are no more or less welcoming than folks in most forums I've visited or been a part of. One thing I have noticed that I like is that when people start a thread by saying 'I'm new to this...' folks tend to welcome them and then quickly say, 'feel free to go visit the library. All the stuff you're asking about is already there...'

I can see how that can come across as dismissive or even rude to some folks. To me, it's kind of what I expect. If there are resources, it's my responsibility to go use them before asking something that 476 people have asked before me.

I do feel like this forum, like almost every single one out there, is a little cliquish. That's not a bad thing. It's just the natural effect of the combined personalities of the people who post here most frequently. They know each other and have for some time.

If I have something to say on a particular topic, I'm not afraid to say it but I'm also "new" here and don't know anyone so that can make it hard to know when to jump into a conversation. I'm also relatively new to the subject matter so I tend to comment less than in other forums (e.g., How To, Story Feedback, etc.) because I'm waiting for one of y'all who've been around longer to share your thoughts as much for the OP as so that I can learn something new too.

My 2 kopecks...

monoblanco said:

I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've posted to this forum but I've been reading (and learning) with a great deal of interest for some time because I think most of the people who post here actually have something to say. And that something is most often useful, thoughtful, well written, honest, and written from a desire to contribute and help in a positive way.

That said, I would also say that the people who post most frequently here are no more or less welcoming than folks in most forums I've visited or been a part of. One thing I have noticed that I like is that when people start a thread by saying 'I'm new to this...' folks tend to welcome them and then quickly say, 'feel free to go visit the library. All the stuff you're asking about is already there...'

I can see how that can come across as dismissive or even rude to some folks. To me, it's kind of what I expect. If there are resources, it's my responsibility to go use them before asking something that 476 people have asked before me.

I do feel like this forum, like almost every single one out there, is a little cliquish. That's not a bad thing. It's just the natural effect of the combined personalities of the people who post here most frequently. They know each other and have for some time.

If I have something to say on a particular topic, I'm not afraid to say it but I'm also "new" here and don't know anyone so that can make it hard to know when to jump into a conversation. I'm also relatively new to the subject matter so I tend to comment less than in other forums (e.g., How To, Story Feedback, etc.) because I'm waiting for one of y'all who've been around longer to share your thoughts as much for the OP as so that I can learn something new too.

My 2 kopecks...

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Thanks for adding your thoughts to the discussion. I'd like to touch on the part that I bolded. Pleased don't feel that you can't add to any given thread just because someone with more experience might later get around to posting. You have a unique perspective - as does everyone here - and as long as you don't claim to know the universal truth and all others be damned, I'm sure you'll fit right in.