The Sexless Marriage Hookup Thread

chocobananas said:

So are married folks hooking up from this thread?

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well i have had no messages at all

Guess I'll jump in as well

I haven't posted. I never post. But boy, did this thread strike a chord with me. I am tired of struggling to indulge and engage our passions. Physical intimacy is so vastly important to me, and to so many other people.

Marriage should be the ultimate in sexual satisfaction and trust. Yet it seems we don't do that. Of course everyone gets tired. No, we don't feel like it at time. But my goodness, try to generate some interest. Anything. If you're like me, you feel taken advantage of by your spouse.

I get so frustrated at times. Once a month, maybe. Never anything sexy to wear or generate my interest. Explore, live! Enjoy! We only have a few short years on this earth, if we are lucky.

Sorry, this is a fairly incoherent rant. But I know I refuse to live "trapped" or without any choices. I will not do it. And I no longer feel guilty, or at least not as guilty, if I have the pleasure of intimacy with another woman; though my preference is, and always has been, for my wife.

Nope. I think in my case, just venting. Someone suggested Craig's list, but I had an ex that had me watch Fatal Attraction and that kind of made it hard to do the blind thing. That and my upbringing makes it hard to think of cheating. Though she did tell me I could watch porn and take care of it myself. Thing is, outside of the lack of sex, she is a good woman and we have a good life.

xxxpaulzzz said:

i am uk but wife would no sooner shag you than shag me! LOL

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I wasn't asking YOUR wife to 'shag' me.

I dunno mate, I only do the washing-up around here...

Add me to the list. It's not so much the lack of sex; it's the lack of her wanting me. She'd give me a blow job every day if I wanted one, or so she said at one point. But if it's a task or chore for her, on what level would I be interested? I wouldn't and I'm not. Can't imagine a man with any degree of pride or dignity settling for that. If it's not mutual, it's about 10 percent of what it should be. And I'm not going to settle for 10 percent. I'd rather have 0, and I do.

So, who wants to hook up? LOLOLOLOLOL

I just wish I was in Kentucky right now.

DirtyLittleDiva85 said:

Ugh...

It kills me reading this, because I am in the EXACT same position, only I am 25 years old and have been married less than 2 1/2 years. About a year ago, my hunny suddenly lost all interest in anything sexual. Not just me, but anything. I am right the opposite-- I want it all the time! I masturbate almost daily, and when I do, I always make myself cum multiple times. I love role play, I dress sexy for him, I always get compliments on how pretty I am, and how I smell good, etc...

I don't get it, and something tells me it's only going to get worse!

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I'm surprised how many responses there are on this thread. It seems there are many of us both men and women in this suck ass situation! I wish the best for everyone and hope your sex life improves...hell once a year would be an improvement for me!

We each tend to blame the other in the relationship for the loss of sex, and sometimes that's the case. More often, though, I think the problem is in the relationship, not the individual. For my wife and me, we probably weren't as close to each other in sexual interests when we started, and over time grew more distant. Much resentment builds up, and that makes it even more difficult to address the situation in any constructive way. I don't blame her; I just realize that we're far too different. The real problem, then, is what to do about it and how to do it.

hello

I am bored at work and find this topic extremely interesting. I hear that everyone body chemistry changes every 7 years. This could be a deciding factor on sex drive. I know money use to fuck my sex drive up. Not sure but I think it stressed me out. I have an active sex drive and been married 10 years. I encourage the spontaneous sexual act because it shows your interested. I always like to walk up behind her rub her tits and press my erection to the back of her ass. Communication is always a necessity ...if they don't know what u want..then they can't help you...I can never get enough sex and am always wanting more. It doesn't make sense that some are horny and others are never horny. If your partner is not interested in sex ...do they help you materbate...if not maybe they can be included...

Well said, Tio!

I suspect some are hooking up but when I read the posts my suspsicion is that its not very many.hell I would hook up just for a rendevous over a drink or walk along the beach.

firstclassmale said:

I suspect some are hooking up but when I read the posts my suspicion is that its not very many.hell I would hook up just for a rendezvous over a drink or walk along the beach.

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Your right about the hook up... I agree. just for cocktails... chat it up a little... I have a text message situation. we just can't get out free time on the same page... she is married as well.

giventake65 said:

Well said, Tio!

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Thank you...

SE Wis. - Milwaukee

antiasexual.....Thanks for the topic and a really great thread! Tough topic but as you've stated one that is hitting home to so many people.

And to the ladies who have commented here....prettykitty101, sweetcheeksgirl, zztechnrex, Sensualdreamer, sbelle79, jeanne128, Tessa8, DirtyLittleDiva85, Fmature2play (sorry if i missed you).......thanks for letting us men know that it works both ways.

For me personally it works like a lot of people have mentioned. Early on we were very sexual, wild and amazing. And as with a number of you things have changed due to a number of factors to include health issues for her, increases of work responsibility for me, and the general wear and tear of life with 2 children.

Who do I blame? Neither one of us is "at fault" but rather we've both been partially at fault for where we are now. How does that affect us? Well I'm on here right now aren't I! But in the grand scheme of things I've always had the higher sex drive. Do we still sleep together? Once in a while when she's in a particularly good mood but otherwise we sleep apart.

Well enough of my sob story. In the end I'm like the rest of you, and if someone is interested and in the SE Wisconsin area (Milwaukee area) let me know as I'd be interested in at least chatting if nothing else.

Wow! I thought my situation was not too common but I'm discovering it is quite prevalent.
I've been married 35 years, am fit and ready to roar yet I'm down to sex 4 times a YEAR and have to stand on my head more or less to engineer a chance to get laid. I don't like vanilla and never had it before but now I count my blessings if I can get vanilla.
I love m wife but Man! I need sex too.
I'm open to chat or hook ups in person but I see there are not many Canadians on this thread(I'm in Ottawa).

If you are in this situation and still young, without any kids, and with relatively few financial entanglements, GET OUT.

No matter how much you love him or her.
No matter how much your families will be upset.
No matter what your friends will say.

I stayed for years hoping things would get better and they never did. It wasn't all his fault. Half of the responsibility lies with me. Eventually we separated, but I am seriously considering reconciling with him because at my age, it's too late to find someone new and life is much more easy with a partner, even a roommate/friend-type partner. We are good friends, and love each other, but there's no passion or romance or anything of that sort. How I wish I had gotten out when I was still young and might have had a chance for something different. Yes, it would have been heartbreaking, but we both would have been happier in the long run.

Well Monique it isn't always easy just to pack up and leave especially considering everything that both partners built up over the past 20 years. I'd lose my ass financially and at my age I have no desire to start over again. In my situation sex was great until about 2 years ago so I had no idea to get out while I was young and could start over. So now I am considering cheating and if the right woman comes around and wants me and makes me feel like a man I'm going to go for it. Even if it's just chatting, camming or whatever its better then what I have right now.

Chuck43 said:

Well Monique it isn't always easy just to pack up and leave especially considering everything that both partners built up over the past 20 years. I'd lose my ass financially and at my age I have no desire to start over again. In my situation sex was great until about 2 years ago so I had no idea to get out while I was young and could start over. So now I am considering cheating and if the right woman comes around and wants me and makes me feel like a man I'm going to go for it. Even if it's just chatting, camming or whatever its better then what I have right now.

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Chuck, I totally understand. My post wasn't directed to people like you and me, but to some of the people who have posted who are new in their marriages and wondering if it will get better.

I have no desire to start over again either. I think you misread my post.

prettykitty101 said:

Hubby and I were a 3 times a day couple when we first got together. Now it's more like once a month...if I'm lucky. I hate feeling like he's taking pity on me and fucking me. I want to be wanted.

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I feel the same way, PK. Almost always, I feel like my wife is doing things simply because she knows that I really need sex, but not because there's any particular interest on her part.

monique1971 said:

Chuck, I totally understand. My post wasn't directed to people like you and me, but to some of the people who have posted who are new in their marriages and wondering if it will get better.

I have no desire to start over again either. I think you misread my post.

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Sorry Monique, I meant no disrespect and must have misunderstood what you said. Sorry you're in the same situation as I am. If you ever want to chat let me know!

sounds exactly

prettykitty101 said:

Hubby and I were a 3 times a day couple when we first got together. Now it's more like once a month...if I'm lucky. I hate feeling like he's taking pity on me and fucking me. I want to be wanted.

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I know the feeling of wanting to be wanted. Only time i am wanted is when she wants a baby..

Oh well at least I have the lovely ladies on lit to entertain me.

2 be

have 2 friends that are in a situation like this, we welcome them to our bed as a fun sport like tennis, and stary friends not heavy hang ups, just fun. On eis a woman, the other is a my husband friend and we all have a good time flirting

Think that there are a lot of us in the same situation. Unfortunately what's done is done right! And we all have to live with our choices.......hence the number of us here looking to hook up, and not necessarily to get out of what we're in.

monique1971 said:

If you are in this situation and still young, without any kids, and with relatively few financial entanglements, GET OUT.

No matter how much you love him or her.
No matter how much your families will be upset.
No matter what your friends will say.

I stayed for years hoping things would get better and they never did. It wasn't all his fault. Half of the responsibility lies with me. Eventually we separated, but I am seriously considering reconciling with him because at my age, it's too late to find someone new and life is much more easy with a partner, even a roommate/friend-type partner. We are good friends, and love each other, but there's no passion or romance or anything of that sort. How I wish I had gotten out when I was still young and might have had a chance for something different. Yes, it would have been heartbreaking, but we both would have been happier in the long run.

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Hi all
I've been on lit a little while but this thread ghastly prompted me to make my first post.
I'm in my early 30's and have been with my wife for 6 years. Sex started great and frequently and although the frequency dropped off things were still great. However, my wife was in an accident a few years ago and now she is in constant pain so sex has gone out the window. It's been over a year since we last had sex and she's only managed a handjob once since then.
I do love her but i've been thinking about straying more and more recently, if only to alleviate the tension and resentment thats building between us.
Would I like to hook up, part of me would love to as I miss the intimacy and Passion of sharing bodies with someone. The other part of me feels bad for thinking such thoughts and doesn't think anyone else would be interested anyway.
I guess all I can say is if nothing else comes of this post other than to share my feelings with those that have similar feelings and thoughts then its a great big thank you for starting it.

Hi folks. I don't post often, but this thread struck a chord. I am now divorced after 23 years of marriage, the last 8 of which were marked by a complete lack of sex. I recognize and remember the hurt and anger so many have expressed here. The lack of any sexual contact eventually led to lack of any intimacy at all, whether it be a hug or the sharing of thoughts, and to resentment and anger. We were not partners any longer, just untrusting and constantly sparring roommates, still trying to raise two wonderful kids who didn't deserve to be in such an unloving environment. Believe me, I've tried to analyze it from 18 different angles -- was it me, was it her, was it circumstances, was the lack of sex a symptom of other deeper problems. At one point I concluded it was just a matter of sexual compatibility -- whether at the time of the beginning of the relationship, or as people change over time -- but that doesn't explain why all interest in pleasing a spouse or being intimate in any manner, simply disappears. Two marriage counselors failed to help us uncover the cause, leaving divorce or mutual suffering as the only options (not that a divorce isn't suffering, but you do get better). I think that a woman or a man who doesn't have desire for their spouse, for whatever reason, but who still loves their spouse, would understand that their spouse's sex drive and need for intimacy or affirmation remains strong, and attempt to satisfy that drive, somehow. For those that are remaining in such a relationship, I can't offer you hope or encouragement, I know that remaining would have been the wrong thing for me and for my kids. I needed that intimacy of being with a woman, the contact, the sharing, the sheer fun of sex and flirting and being alive. I was separated for a year, and have been divorced for 16 months. We are both happier now, our kids are well adjusted and happier (I won't kid you, they wanted the family to stay together, even as they recognized and hated the strife and the stress). I have found that there are wonderful women who have strong desire for affection and sex like I do, who were also trapped in sexless relationships. Bottom line, though, is I don't think there is a one-size-fits all cause or solution. I wish all of you all the best.