Why Aren't BBW's All as confident as the ones here?

just for fun said:

I'm a guy and I grew up overweight and for me it was horrible. Nobody made fun of me in front of me but I didn't have a lot of confidence back then and it was because of my weight, it really bothered me. It took me until I was older to really realize what an impact that had on me and once you incorporate that thinking it doesn't matter if your 98 pounds it will still be there unless you manage put it in it's place.

I'm miles away from where I was back then but sometimes I feel like a part of my life has a big hole in it like I missed out on a lot of things and I guess now I'm kind of making up for lost time.

God I can't believe I said all this.

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WyldBreeze said:

Stopping by to wish everyone a beautiful day!

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Lady_Fiona said:

Afternoon boobilicious one....(sorry am in a silly mood)

And everyone else

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WyldBreeze said:

*giggles* Silly is always appreciated by me, Lady Fi.

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Scarlett_GA said:

Years and years and years of hearing the opposite of how you feel, that's why. I just turned 37 and have more or less been overweight to some degree all of my life. So for 30+ years I've been made fun of, overlooked, ignored, sneered at, laughed at, you name it. I get the "you have such a pretty face" comment, or as far as men and relationships go, often fall into the "friend" category. I have always had more male friends than females, and I feel very confident they really like who I am. They just can't get over the physical aspect.

So when you deal with that all of your life, it completely makes you question the sincerity of someone who really claims to like you for you. You are always looking for an ulterior motive. That's the direct result of self-esteem issues generated by being treated a certain way in our society... for a lifetime (in my case).

Now, not every BBW has been dealing with it her whole life. Perhaps they have more confidence since they haven't been beaten down for years. But the repeated rejection wears on you. It has worn on me. And yes, I struggle with really trusting whether someone honestly likes me. I hate it. I wish I didn't feel that way, truly I do.

Sorry for the downer post, but you asked! And unfortunately I'm just in a really bad spot right now precisely because of this whole issue. Mentally it's just exhausting sometimes.

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AquaStarryNight said:

I don't have all that much to say that hasn't been said already, but I wanted to reply anyway.

I've been overweight all of my life, but since I'm not big enough to be considered a BBW, I find that I'm stuck in a no-man's-land between average-sized women and big beautiful women. Not only is this annoying because I can *never* find clothes to fit me (the regular XL is usually too small in the chest area, and the 1x is too big in the stomach area), it sucks because men who love big women aren't interested in me, and neither are men who love smaller women.

I have always had self-confidence issues as far back as I remember, and I honestly can't count the number of times I've made some self-deprecating comment in response to some man telling me that something about me is attractive. This is because socialization runs very, very deep...it's extremely difficult to get past. I still struggle with it. The best advice I can give is to be really firm about telling the woman that you find attractive that you think she's hot. A few years ago, I dated someone who wouldn't let me get away with negative comments about myself, made me acknowledge his comment, and insisted that I reply with a simple "thank you." That approach has helped me a great deal.

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sadie_lust said:

probably because there's a ratio 40 BBWs to 1 man that would actually come up to one of them and tell them they like them that way. I know personally that NO man has ever come up to me and told me that i'm beautiful. When you're on a message board like this its easier to let your guards down because you're reading people's thoughts, you get to know a lot of them by their thoughts and personality first. its easier to believe a man that already states in front of everyone that he loves a big woman. IMHO.


Edit: It just came back to me that many years ago this guy that flirted with me and constantly tried to get me to give him oral was talking to me one day and told me that he'd like to have sex but he could never go out with me because i was not his type of girl. So thank assholes like him for a lot of our insecurities.


edit 2: I also work at a call center

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amberlily said:

Why?

Because society tends to beat us with a stick with the idea that there is something "wrong" with us because of our size! Sad, but oh so true. When we get beaten down with that message coming from so many directions all our lives, it makes it difficult to not only have a healthy body image, but also to believe anyone that tells us differently.

A wonderful gentleman could come our way and tell us that we are the most beautiful creature he's ever met....and while we want to believe him & part of us might...it is rare that we truly and completely believe that he's being honest with us.

Am I confident...yes. The older I get, the more I know who I am and the more I own that. I know I am intelligent, witty, fun, sweet, sensitive, and yes, sexy!

Am I insecure...also yes. I've been overweight since my teens, so 15+ years of teasing, put-downs, exclusions, and rejections is difficult to overcome.

Just my 2 cents.

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cuppycakes said:

I'm a chubby gal, BBW whatever, and I too find myself in the smallest size in the "plus" department. Anyway, I think that I've been most hurt by mean things that other women say, not men. Women are really hard on each other sometimes. Like the "pigtails" incident above...that's just shockingly mean!

I really think that (straight) men like women a lot more than we ladies give them credit for. A sexy girl is still a sexy girl whether she's a size 4 or a size 16!

Guys choose to dance with my curvy girlfriends and me over thin women all the time. It's all about just deciding to be confident even if you start to feel self-conscious. Life's too short to worry about stuff like that.

Come on ladies, let's dance!

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sweetpea24 said:

At work we all had to dress up in pink (don't ask) and my team, which is all women, wore our hair in pigtails with ribbons. This bitchy girl who used to be a friend of mine actually made a comment after seeing me yesterday, that fat girls shouldn't wear pigtails, because, hello the word pig is in it and fat girls are already fat enough...she then she oinked.

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GoldunAngel said:

God bless your optimism!!!!

Because not all BBW lovers are next door to us....which sucks!

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HowMayIPleaseU said:

I'm trying to imagine being in this situation... I can't even begin to fathom it. But I do know, I would have picked her up by her throat, put her up against a wall and told her that if I ever heard her make that type of comment again I would rip her throat out... then I would have taken scissors and cut off her pigtails... finally I would have reported her ass to HR for harassment... but then I'm subtle that way... which is probably why no one would dream to say such a thing to me. I am curious as to how you responded and how you are generally acting in the office that gives people the impression it is acceptable to make such comments to you. I think that was a prime opportunity to practice your assertiveness skills (perhaps slightly more tactfully than I would have)

I'm a woman of lush curves, but I'm really more in the middle sizes between regular and BBW. I've never been harassed or picked on. I've always been confident - in fact, more often the words arrogant know it all are whispered behind my back. I've also never cared what other people think. Makes my life a hell of a lot easier and far more entertaining. So technically, this thread doesn't apply to me because I am equally as confident offline as I am online.

That said though, I have had friends who were much heavier than me and their lives were miserable at times from bullies. I recall spending much time fighting on their behalf in high school (I had the most vicious pair of cute leather top wooden clogs and I wasn't afraid to kick a few shins to make a point). They absolutely had self esteem issues and lacked self confidence and who can blame them when they heard insults day after day about their appearance? It is no wonder to me that BBWs would be suspicious of men's intentions.

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2ndchance said:

Being an avid BBW admirer, I dont understand why women are so touchy about their Weight/Size if a man says he likes her? I have met many women in bars and out on the streets who i will tell straight up that i love a bigger woman, and to me soze is not an issue. But once we start talking and getting closer, she usually tends to say "Oh I wish i was smaller" or "please dont turn the light on, i Dont want you to see my body naked!" That is the whole reason i am there, i love your body and i want to make love to you and feel that body against me, why can't they understand that? and I tell them that and they say "Oh your just saying that to get a piece of ass"..... WHY DO BBW WOMEN DO THIS?

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cindy70s said:

Out in the real world, men are not as open about their appreciation of a larger woman. We BBWs are constantly shot down and overlooked because of our size, so it's hard to believe a man could really be interested. It doesn't matter how confident you are, being knocked down takes a toll. Lit has a lot of very loving and vocal supporters of BBW. I wish the real world had a few more.

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cindy70s said:

Out in the real world, men are not as open about their appreciation of a larger woman. We BBWs are constantly shot down and overlooked because of our size, so it's hard to believe a man could really be interested. It doesn't matter how confident you are, being knocked down takes a toll. Lit has a lot of very loving and vocal supporters of BBW. I wish the real world had a few more.

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mr_rippley said:

Confidence is an elusive thing, regardless of body image. It's like a living thing unto itself and must be occasionally watered with complements and crazed lovemaking.

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cindy70s said:

complements and crazed lovemaking are always good.

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WyldBreeze said:

Wishing everyone a beautiful day. Happy Valentine's Day to those that acknowledge it. lol

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craig30 said:

Same to you. Just don't have anyone to spend it with.

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