eastern sun
hungry little creature
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2005
- Posts
- 2,703
It is hard to focus my mind on tangible aspect of the world when after walking in from work I'm not given even the space to have a glass of water and go pee before being thrown in the whirlwind of a "crisis" ...
I hate not knowing what will the future bring. I hate not having a path or course of action. I hate not knowing what I mean to somebody. I don't deal well with prolonged gray areas. Patience is my lesson in this life, and a hard one indeed.
So when I'd get totally frustrated with the let's thing run their course, or the let's wait and see if we get more elements for a decision approach, I'd do like a mad scientist and introduce a perturbance in the system, mostly in the form of an explosive destruction of the status quo.
Was it to find out what's important to me or what's important to other people?
Good question. It was probably both. Once you destroy something and you have to piece it together, you inevitably face your priorities and also the priorities of the other people involved.
Conflict is when the most progress is made. Perhaps that was (is) the rational behind my creating a conflict to get out of a stalled situation or to speed up the process ...
I understand this. I have lived this way, too.
I can't handle the stress any more though. Whereas the crises and the conflict used to make me actually think more clearly, I can't handle the adrenalin in the same way I used to.