- Art of Reconciliation - (closed for Sinful_whispers)

A Dizzy Gillespie tune came through the speakers as faith stood in the tub and reached for the towel, she wrapped it around her as she heard the door bell chimes ringing out. She wondered who it would be and then she remembered that she had called Jeremy before she stepped into the tub. She had lost track of time and had no clue how long she was even in the bubble bath for.

She dried off, brushing out her long hair as she sat upon the bench of her vanity table. faith looked into the mirror and wondered what happened to the young woman she was. It wasn't that she was exactly and old lady but she was feeling it that afternoon. Sitting there thinking about where time had gone and what she was going to do now. When she wakes tomorrow, she will again be alone in a huge empty house once again. It was a feeling she was going to need to get used to unless she bought a dog or cat for companionship.

She left the towel drop as she sat there naked, looking at every wrinkle of flesh, every little freckle and tried to remember the last few years. She knew when she found the letters that her marriage to Ian was a scam, a hoax and they were both playing roles that were on going. The play of life and they were the only actor and actress in it. The play was filled with twists and turns, secrets hidden in the dark and the ghosts of the past forever haunting them.

There was many a nights Faith sat down stairs with a glass of wine in the dark and thought about what could have been. Nights that Ian would call and say he would be getting home late leaving her to have dinner alone. They were here and there and she had never thought of anything if she hadn't have found those letters. It was since then things changed between them. It was her who changed, she knew that. It was still early afternoon and she knew she wanted to box up a few things, knowing they wouldn't do it themselves.

She Slipped on a pair of white panties and a very simple spaghetti strap white cotton summer dress that came about mid-thigh. She placed a hair band on her wet hair and pushed it back from her face letting it hang down to air dry which usually meant it would be a head of loose curls by the time it dried and they would bounce with each step she took. As she walked out of the bedroom she walked past the guest bathroom, the first guest bedroom and stood at the next door. She placed her hand upon the door ever so lightly and ran her fingertips down it.

The door was her door to happiness at one time, since that day it has been locked and not entered or touched. When she made it to her fifth month they found out the sex, picked names and then painted the room and filled it with boxes of furniture, then when she hit her sixth it was then everything went wrong. The furniture remained in its boxes, the clothing folded in drawers with the tags still on them, nothing has been changed since. She hadn't had the heart to ever enter the room.

That day was dark. They had a small ceremony that only her and Ian attended. They had a small stone placed that she went and visited placing fresh cut flowers once a year. It was a day when another piece of her heart crumbled away. The first part was when Jeremy just up and left and then that day. Faith didn't feel it with Ian, she missed him, but the feeling wasn't the same and she felt extremely guilty for it. The problem was, maybe there wasn't enough of her heart for him to have had. Maybe Jeremy took half and their child the other.

Turning she headed down the steps, she stopped mid step when she heard the phone faintly ringing from Ian's office. That line was a separate line for work clients only and whoever else he gave the number to. faith walked down the steps and the phone continued to ring, she opened the door as just as she stepped in to reach for it the ringing stopped.

Miles Davis was now playing, she stood listening for a minute or two and then remembered she hadn't gotten the mail. She walked to the door and as she opened it she came to a complete halt as she starred at Jeremy. "Hello Jeremy. If you have time, I think we need to talk..." She left it at that as she flipped the top of the mailbox and looked in grabbing the envelopes out and walking back inside as she stopped turned and seen if he was coming.

faith told herself this wasn't going to be a repeat of the other day, she was to drained emotionally, mentally and physically to fight and argue at that time.

She didn't answer the phone. That could either mean she was out or that she didn't want to talk to him. From where he stood, both possibilities seemed likely. Even if she was inside the house, she had every reason to ignore him. Maybe she left the voice message on his phone as an act of goodwill, a sign that she was willing to give them both one last chance to reconcile with each other. They would have to talk about Ian, about the past and everything in-between. Chances were, however, that she had regretted her action and just wanted to be left alone for the time being. Her silence was hard to interpret. Just like when they were younger.

Right when Jeremy was about to leave, the front door was opened by the woman, whom his thoughts were centered about. Her sudden appearance startled him for a moment, and he only returned her penetrating look with a shy smile. Then he turned his eyes down. She invited him inside with a neutral statement and a voice that didn't reveal anything about her mood. He remained silent and allowed her to step past him to fetch the content in her mailbox.

“I got your message earlier. I'm sorry I didn't answer my cell phone when you called, though...” he couldn't think of anything better to say to her. She had walked back inside the house, and now she looked at him with an odd hint of expectation in her eyes. Or was it really contempt he saw in those enchanting eyes? It was as though he couldn't read her anymore. He tried to pull himself together and looked back over his shoulder, as though he was afraid the neighbors would see him standing there alone with her. He tried to look calm, when he finally turned his eyes back at her. “And you are right, it is about time we finally got us that talk.”

He followed her inside. It felt as a repeat of events that had happened only a few days ago. But the energy in the room was less tense. Last time had been the first time in years they had stood face to face. This time around, they were more prepared for what the other had to say. More things had been revealed. If Faith had indeed read his old letter, then she was bound to know why he had held onto his claim. But there was no way of telling if she actually believed his words from the past. It was a pretty long time ago. Why had he failed to look at his claim in that perspective?

“Wait, Faith...” He had barely closed the door behind himself when he called out to her, urging her to stop. There was one thing he had to say to her before everything else. Nothing else would really matter, if he left his apology unsaid. He went closer to her, but without crossing the invisible line of privacy between them. This line had never existed in the past, but now that they were like strangers to one another, Jeremy's had set up his own rules. In reality, he was just afraid to make her uncomfortable, and thus ruin his opportunity to make peace with her. No matter how tempting it felt, no matter what kind of joy it would spark in his heart to be close to her, it really was a stupid gamble to take.

“I've already apologized to you, so this will probably sound like one of your old vinyl records going on and on in a loop, but...” he looked at her, serious as ever, but not completely rid of emotions. They were just hard to spot behind the mask he had successfully managed to put on in the few moments it took to close the front door. But the stuff his senses picked up, when he stood in front of her like that, threatened to bring him out of balance. There was a touch of vanilla in the air around her. It smelled nice. She looked calm, almost relaxed. Her hair was pretty, fashioned in a way that brought back memories. His eyes deceived him, didn't stick to her face as he wanted them to. Instead, they stole quick and subtle glimpses of her body. The dress she wore. Her smooth skin. He despised how weak and spineless he was. He had to close his eyes to get back on track. He hoped she hadn't noticed anything.

“I'm gonna let you say what you want. About everything. You don't owe me anything, not even your discretion. But before any of that, I need you to understand how sorry I am. About everything. Leaving town. Coming back into your life and filling it with chaos. I thought I could... say something at he funeral. Something that would make the shadows go away. But I'm not so sure now. I'm just a selfish fool. Always was. But I wouldn't be here, if I felt the past was nothing but a game to me. It wasn't, and I cannot change what I did. I'm sorry.” He finished his apology with a sigh of hidden relief. What she did with his honesty, was her choice. It was up to her now. But his facade could not hold forever. What would happen, if he succumbed to his restrained emotions?

“I got your message earlier. I'm sorry I didn't answer my cell phone when you called, though...," he said as he stood there with the door wide open and she stared him down in a way that wasn't evil but not exactly the friendliest of looks.

“And you are right, it is about time we finally got us that talk.” He followed up with as he came inside and stood there with the door still opened like he was going to talk and then bolt. He was known for the running part but not the talking or maybe things wouldn't have ended the way they did.

There was so much tension between them yet, it was less than the day before when they had come face to face for the first time in years so that said something to her. The anger she felt wasn't at the same level either. Faith knew if she didn't get rid of the anger it would eat her alive and right now she wasn't sure who she was angry at.

As she turned to walk into the kitchen he called to her, "Faith wait... he said in a low tone and she stopped turning to look at him once again as she watched the door slowly close almost all the way which cut him off of being able to turn and run like his ass was set on fire or she was a crazed woman wielding a butchers knife.

Jeremy stepped closer to her yet he respected her private space. Inside Faith's head images bounced back and forth of the man she once knew intimately and the man that was almost a stranger before her yet all those old feelings within bubbled up to the surface. Reality was Jeremy was the one and only love of her life. He was her heart, her soul, Faith's forever mate. He caused her so much turmoil within, it wasn't he who made the choice to marry Ian, she couldn't blame him. Faith could only blame herself for saying 'yes'. She blamed him for putting her in that predicament, not fully because precautions were taken but failed miserably.

A wash of emotions went through Faith as she looked at him, really looked at him and how he had aged. He was still handsome as ever in her eyes. That was when the good memories all came flooding back into her head. He aged backwards in her mind suddenly to the young boy then the teenager and then the man that she one day wanted to marry. The ones that were locked away so deeply within her heart and mind. Those where they had picnics laying on a blanket just talking, the lovemaking, the double dates, romantic dinners....those went on and on because there was so many.

“I've already apologized to you, so this will probably sound like one of your old vinyl records going on and on in a loop, but...” He started to say and that brought her back into the here and now. His voice had changed with his looks and it triggered her back. He finally managed to close the door fully, as they stood on each side of that invisible wall keeping them on their own sides.

Faith watched as his eyes moved from hers to her breasts and dropped giving her a once over and then returning to them once again. The eyes were the windows to the soul and she wondered what he could see in hers. Did he see her soul? Did he see the pain she was in? Faith could see into his, she saw the turmoil looking back till he closed them for a brief moment and opened them again.

Listening to him she could hear a slight tone of the old Jeremy, he was apologetic, he admitted he was selfish and as he spoke she bite her quivering bottom lip hard, so hard she could taste her own blood. Faith wasn't sure what to say, part of her just wanted him to hold her and the other part wanted to beat the shit out of him, she wondered which side would win. Before she had a chance to even say anything she heard the phone in his office ringing and starred at the door. It seemed to ring forever instead of just the four rings before it went to voicemail.

Knowing if she lashed out she would never have any kind of closure between them, and for another who knows hoe many years it would eat at her and hold her back from moving forth. Faith was most likely going to shock him, "I accept your apology," she said and she heard the phone ringing again. "Whom ever it is they sure are persistent," she said in a low tired voice.

"I was about to have a drink, care for one?" Faith asked him as she turned and walked down the hallway, her bared feet making their own sound with each step she took. The hem of the dress met the back of her upper thigh and created a light tickle as it kissed against her warm clean skin. Faith opened the frig and grabbed a fresh bottle of red wine. It was still afternoon, but she wanted something to calm her nerves. Hopefully to be the start of what makes her kiss the Sandman goodnight when she laid her head on her pillow later that night and get some much needed sleep.

She filled her glass and pointed to the beer or another glass to join her. "Your choice....cheers." Faith took a sip and laughed out of nowhere. "We need to toast to Ian, your brother and my beloved husband." Part of her was sarcastic and then another part knew it was a good idea. The man wasn't a saint that all had thought but he was a good man to a point. Faith knew everybody had flaws and she had some as well.

While waiting for him to make his choice she looked out back once again, "I read your letter to me. I'm not sure what it all meant thought. I took it as you expected me to stand around while you left to go see if you could find anything better and if not..." she took a sip of wine and turned around to look at him. " You would return in hopes all the I love yous and such would help keep the door wide open so you could walks back in like you never left?" The tone of her voice was soft, no anger within it, just the everyday normal Faith.

The CD was still playing since she went in for a hot bubble bath, it had played over and over and Faith never heard even one third of what was on it. She listened again to Dizzy Gillespie playing and closed her eyes for a second as the music lingered throughout the kitchen as it did every room in the house. Opening her eyes she looked at him, "the baby was a girl, just so you know." Faith needed to get that out in the open, not as a dig but just to tell him after all this time. She cleared her throat and took another sip choking back tears the best she could.

She accepted his apology in a way that really wasn't her. Simple, almost formal in tone, and without any words that could hint at what she really thought about his effort to make up for his sins. He hadn't anticipated a more straightforward answer from her under these circumstances, but he had hoped she would at least appear more forgiving. A smile on her lips, or just a simple 'thank you'. A tiny act that would somehow pull him out of his misery for good. He probably had to look elsewhere for such personal philanthropy.

She seemed distracted by the sound of a phone ringing somewhere in the house. It certainly was a persistent person, who wanted to get in contact with her, as she so correctly put it. No doubt about it. But why didn't she just walk out and answer the phone, then? It could be an important call. The phone had already rung twice now, and who knew how many times the person in question would try to get through? Then again, it was Faith's decision. She hadn't picked up the phone we he called either.

Jeremy followed her with his eyes, as she turned and walked through the hallway and into the kitchen. Her offer for a drink lingered inside his ears for a while before he finally followed after her. She had already poured red wine into her glass. It seemed a bit early for that, and yet... maybe it didn't really matter to a woman, who had buried her husband the very same day. Besides, who was he to blame anyone for drinking early in the day? He had been there himself many times already.

It was nice to hear her laugh. Sadly, he didn't feel like doing the same. Even less, when she proposed a toast for his late brother. He understood what she meant by doing so, but he didn't see the need to follow her lead. It was as though she picked up on his hesitation to act, and instead, she decided to change the subject. It turned out to be the first obstacle they had to climb to get through the afternoon. His letter, and how she had read and interpreted the message it held.

The message was pretty clear; she had not really understood what he wanted to say to her. But it was an old letter, written in a quite different time. Sure, he had left her and everyone else behind. He had also believed he would be able to return, when he finally found what he was looking for within himself. His return would have been delightful for both of them. She would've perceived his letter differently, if she had received it at the correct time. He couldn't blame her for thinking like she did.

He stepped into the kitchen in silence. There had not been the slightest touch of blame in her voice. Not that it really helped him. It wouldn't make any difference, if he spoke up and tried to explain the letter to her. At best, she would doubt him; At worst, she would look upon him as a lying bastard. So without further speculation, he reached for the nearest, empty glass on the kitchen table and poured a small amount of red wine into it. He remained silent, looked at her and waited for her to speak again.

Her next statement, however, was like a punch to the face. He was at a loss for words and felt completely helpless. The petrifying curiosity he had felt when he stood inside the shower mere hours ago, had been satisfied much quicker than he had expected. He had hoped they would come across the painful subject eventually, maybe when she found the courage to share it with him. But for her to tell him about it so early in the process was almost unreal. It didn't really settle into his heart and mind.

The way she said it, made it sound as though he doubted he even cared to know anything about the child. Like he was some sort of flirt that wanted the sex, but ran away when his woman got pregnant. If that was what she believed, then she was more wrong than she could possibly imagine. He wanted to know about the child. He wanted so badly to hear her speak about this little girl, who in another life would have been their little piece of heaven. There was nothing else he wanted to ask her about than their child.

Alas, he couldn't find a way to ask her about anything. What right did he have to rip into old wounds and ask about a child she could never hold in her arms? Especially on a day like this. The only thing he was supposed to do, was to show compassion and offer whatever comfort he could spare. That was something he owed her far more than any apology or explanation he could come up with.

“Oh Faith...” it was all that he found the strength to say. Silently, hurting. Once he uttered the two words, he knew that he had been defeated. He put down his glass of wine on the kitchen table between them and stared past her, out of the window and into the distance. It crept up on him from behind. The unpleasant knowledge that it was too late to hold back. His eyes went blank, his mouth dried up and made it hard to swallow. He put his right hand over his eyes and forehead, as though it could hide the subtle hints in his face. The tears that slowly came to his eyes and wanted to break free for good. But his attempt to cover his shame only made it worse and increased his despair.

He took a deep breath. Uneasy and heavy, as though his breath had stood still for an infinite amount of time and needed a full restart. His hand still tried to keep his face undisturbed by the visible signs of sorrow. It also muddled his already thick voice: “I know how much you wanted that child, Faith. I know what it meant to you. You always were good with children. And a baby girl... I mean... That's... that's just wonderful. I would've loved to... Oh my God, no...”

He turned around and approached the door slowly. Not that he wanted to leave, but it felt wrong to shove his own agony right into her face. He cleared his throat, tears running down his cheeks. He didn't even understand why he reacted as he did. Maybe it was just the right time to mourn the dead. His brother, who left so much happiness and so many secrets behind, and then this little being, who he would never see or get to know. Silly ideas came to him. Scenarios, 'what ifs' and the eternal question of fate.

The phone started to ring again. It offered him the perfect opportunity to pull himself together. He cleaned his cheeks with the back of his left hand, embarrassed that he had been overwhelmed by his own emotions. “I'm sorry Faith. I didn't mean to put you in this situation... Aren't you going to answer that?”

Faith watched as he poured a small amount of wine in his glass, he looked like a broken man at this point as she starred at him once again. They stood in silence for a bit and then he spoke two words, "oh faith... and dropped off the rest of his sentence. He placed the glass down again as she took a sip of hers, to her it was almost like liquid courage. There were so many emotions within her she felt like five different people all wrapped up in one body.

Jeremy swallowed hard, she watched as his Adam's apple moved in his throat. he looked past her, his eyes were empty and she wanted to hug him, she wanted to yell at him but couldn't move her strength and energy were depleted. faith watched as he moved his hand to his forehead and covered his eyes, and knew he felt a small bit of what she did all so long ago.

Wanting to wipe them away was all she wanted to do but both were so stubborn, both didn't want to take that chance of consoling the other and just giving in the towel for a change and dropping every bit of the past pain and hurt and living in the here and now. The ghosts seemed to be winning, and Faith wasn't sure if that was what she wanted.

If there was anyone that knew this man it was Faith, she had known him inside and out so she thought up till the day he walked out on her and just up and left. That was the last thing she ever expected him to do. Jeremy was never a man of tears, he was the one who always held everything in which she knew when the time came he would speak to her and that was always what happened. He was compassionate, and always knew the right things to say to her or anyone that needed kind words. he tended to be selfish but Faith learned to look past his faults back then before he ran off.

“I know how much you wanted that child, Faith. I know what it meant to you. You always were good with children. And a baby girl... I mean... That's... that's just wonderful.” Jeremy said and turned away and headed for the door once again. All Faith could think was he was about to run again. She wondered if that was all he did anymore in life was run.

There was so much she held inside for so many years, and she was finally letting it out to the one person it was supposed to be let out on...him. faith looked at him, she took another sip of her wine waiting to see if he was going out the door or not. If he did the door wouldn't ever open for him again.

Faith refused to put up with his bullshit he either faced the music or walked never looking back which she was sure would be easy for him to do. It was then she wondered if he would have even come home if it wasn't for Ian's passing. She believed she knew the answer to that, and it was a big fat kiss my ass Faith NO.

Ian's damn phone started ringing again as they stood there in almost another stand-off. That phone was now more annoying than anything that ever annoyed her in her life. Jeremy cleaned his face with the back of his hand and spoke, “I'm sorry Faith. I didn't mean to put you in this situation... Aren't you going to answer that?” He asked her after once again apologizing to her again.

She looked at the closed office door he stood aside, then back to him. "That's Ian's private line in his office. I never once answered it and the two times I called you from it where the only times I ever used it because I was in there. Feel free to answer it because who ever it is seems to be persistent."

Faith lifted her glass to her lips and before he had a chance to decide if he was going to answer his brother's phone faith spoke up again, "You're not leaving, we are going to hash this out here and now Jeremy. If you choose to then there will not be another chance."

She took a few steps towards him and the phone continued to ring as she walked into the living room and clicked the CD out of the stereo and placed it away. She turned and watched if he was going to answer the phone before she went in there and smashed it against the wall. Faith knew it was now or never for them, if it was never neither would have closure.

Whoever is was that kept calling Ian's phone, he or she certainly didn't know how much disturbance it caused between the two people in the house. Jeremy had hoped Faith would just walk into his brother's office and answer the phone, thus leaving him alone for a much needed, solitary pep-talk. It would be the perfect chance for him to regain his composure completely. But he sensed the defiance in her strange statement, as though she feared stepping into her late husband's office. She made it sound as though she didn't care about anything that had happened inside Ian's office. She wasn't going to answer it, but he could, if he wanted to.

She took it for granted that he had been about to leave the house. Like it was some sort of bad habit from the past, a last resort he often used whenever things got ugly. The underlying accusation in her words annoyed him more than he would ever admit. He wasn't like that at all! There had been times, where he had not been present. That was true. But Jeremy Morris had never been one to run. He had always raised his fists to defend what he believed in. Ian and he had ended up in a lot of stupid situations caused by their mutual stubbornness. Sometimes, they had been forced to flee and hide. But never when it came to their personal shit.

A part of him felt challenged by her words. Somehow, it also enforced him with the strength to fight back. If only just a little bit, and in his very own way. He turned to face her again, the disappointment clearly visible in his eyes. Subtle stains of tears remained on his cheeks; it contrasted greatly with the bitterness in his voice:

“So... even when I try to spare you the humiliation of witnessing my pointless grief, you just think I'm going to turn tail and run. Is that it? Is that all you see when you look at me? A coward?”

He stepped into the living room and continued to ignore the ringing coming from within his brother's room. This was more important than talking with one of Ian's former business associates. The phone would stop ringing eventually. It wasn't as though he really cared about the phone at the moment. Contrary to before, where sorrow overwhelmed him in the most creepy way possible, the anger came to him swiftly and dangerous, like in a flash and completely out of his control. He didn't even notice how loud his voice was:

“What is it you want from me, Faith? Confessions? Do you want me to admit I've been with other women in the past four years? Hm? Do you want a deep-felt lie that I left you to rot in this town because I wanted something better? That I had grown tired of you, and just left because it was fun? What do you want me to say? That you couldn't satisfy my needs because you are just an ordinary girl from an ordinary town? Well think again!”

The phone died about the same time as he stopped talking, and it left the room in an unpleasant silence, one that was not meant to last long. He was not done talking, but the flash of anger had been unleashed in a way that even shocked himself. His voice was less aggressive when he continued, but not less powerful:

“I ran after you in kindergarten because you fascinated me like nothing else. I teased you about your hair in high school because I liked you. That was long before I knew anything about love. But I was always around because I cared. So stop thinking I just ran away. You were always on my mind. Why do you think Ian took me out looking for girls in other towns? Because you were dating Timothy Masters at the same time, and I was like air to you!”

It was a stupid, stupid comparison. His mind was apparently finding any kind of dirt to say in the heated situation. Even idiotic memories that had no relevance to the troubles at hand. But everything stood in one straight line, ready to get out in the open. He couldn't find a way to slow down and do as he originally planned: Faith was supposed to run the show this time. Now it was him, who tried to explain his actions over and over again.

Jeremy stepped closer to her. Then a bit further. He ignored the inner voice of warning. Almost too close now. He was deliberately breaking the rules. Brown eyes found her green eyes. If only he could just disappear into them for good. He reached out and took her unwilling hand in his and squeezed it gently. Then he turned his attention to the once so common action. As good as it was to be this close to her and hold her hand, it also brought back a lot of unwanted desires.

“Do you remember this?” he nodded toward their hands, his voice soft and low. “Holding hands after leaving work. Or did you forget that, when I just ran away? I should have called, yes. I should have done something else than wait for you to make contact. Certainly. Maybe I should have come back the moment I realized something was wrong. But if you think I was having fun on my own, then you are mistaken. When Ian finally let me know what had happened... he didn't even mention you. Not really. He just said I had screwed up and that he and you had found each other. Found like it was some sort of romantic fairytale...”

His eyes went back to the features of her face. The green eyes. The small nose at the center of her face. The blonde hair he had worshiped almost since his childhood. So much familiarity, so many painful triggers and reminders of what used to be.

“I hated him. Like only a scorned man is able to. Didn't matter if he was my brother. I plain and simply hated him for what he had done. But I couldn't find it in my heart to hate you. Not for real. I got caught up in my anger and I just... got stuck. My life was not a life without you by my side. And yes, I tried to move on. I did my best to forget you. I found kind women. Women that were attractive and intelligent. But none of them was you. I messed up every relationship I had. Because all this time, all I really wanted was you.”

The emotional roller coaster he was riding on had returned to it's beginning once again. He now was in a state that was both sad and pathetic in nature. Afraid he would suddenly shed tears again, he broke eye contact with the woman in front of him and stared down at their hands. He cleared his throat.

“I don't know which is worse; The fact that I couldn't really mourn my brother today or that my hatred of him was utterly misplaced. You can hate me, Faith. You may even call me a liar and a cheat. But don't say I left you because my love had run out. Don't say I didn't want to raise that child with you. I never stopped loving you during the past four years. I loved you in secret and pain and I still love you. Even if you tell me to go away forever, it will not change the way I feel about you... and the child... well, you saw my reaction earlier.”

He wanted to kiss her. Just lean in close and kiss her, even just on the forehead. As a sign that he meant what he said. But he never got far enough to do anything like it. Ian's phone got it's sweet revenge, when it suddenly started to ring again. Whatever traces of honesty had been in the air between them was destroyed the moment the nerve-wrecking tune began anew. It was like the final ringing of the bell in a boxing match. Decisive and uncaring. Neither of them had won. Jeremy knew it, the moment he let go of her hand.

“No matter what you want, Faith... you sure must hate me a lot.”

Oh, he really wanted to kiss her. He had wanted to do so ever since he saw her a couple of days ago. But it was not going to happen now. The sensation got shoved away in his mind together with other desires similar to it, and he turned away from her and went into Ian's office. He closed the door loudly behind him. It was time to deal with the unknown person, who kept calling his brother's phone.

Faith watched him like a hawk, she could read Jeremy real well or at least she could before. She knew she hit a cord and by the look in his face this confrontation might not end good but both had so much built up that if it ended in a yelling match it wouldn't surprise her but now or never she thought, it was time to hash it all out.

“So... even when I try to spare you the humiliation of witnessing my pointless grief, you just think I'm going to turn tail and run. Is that it? Is that all you see when you look at me? A coward?” He started with as she could see the tears streaks down his face as his voice went from semi soft to quite loud.

He stepped into the living room where she was standing with her glass of wine taking a sip now and then as she stood with the glass in one hand and her other arm was across her upper stomach under her firm breasts. She could feel her nipples against the light white summery dress as they pushed against the material.

God, she thought was his ego that big and was he going to go down the road of throwing other women in her face? Faith often thought exactly what he was saying, that perhaps she wasn't enough for him, that he was looking for something better in greener pastures. She had wished she was the one that walked away that day.

She raised the glass to her lips and took another sip as he continued and the sound of the phone had stopped once again. Jeremy had no idea what went through her head though he pretty much nailed every thought. If it had been her who walked leaving no note, not making a call Faith knew he would have thought those exact same thoughts.

Jeremy brought up those old memories, some Faith had even forgotten about. He did chase her around in Kindergarten, they played together and he would always mess with her long locks of curls. Those thoughts almost made her grin, those were good times but those were when they were mere children. Faith just let him blow up, she wished she could do the same but the desire wasn't even there anymore.

They stood even closer, looking eye to eye when he entered her personal space. her eyes ran over his face, she could see how he had aged in just those years apart. Like her the smaller wrinkles started to appear, the fine lines didn't show when they stood far away but they could chalk it up to stress lines.

Jeremy reached out and took her hand in his and he gave it a squeeze. She wanted to lock fingers with him but she didn't. Faith knew there was more coming at her, and she was letting him unload. He reminded her about when they held hands but she didn't need it, she never forgot. They searched each other's faces, and things were all coming together for her. Faith had questions now as he spoke to her but held back till he was finished.

faith was realizing there were so many things that seemed to be either miss communicated or left out that neither of them knew about. her hand stayed in his, she could feel all those feelings returning again, there wasn't a one that wasn't there. This was the man she had always loved and he will forever remain that.

“No matter what you want, Faith... you sure must hate me a lot.” He said to her as she gave that thought, she didn't it was the opposite. His hand left hers as the phone started ringing again. faith looked past him to the office door and watched as he entered it and closed the door behind him. It was her turn to speak when he came out of there and however this day ends, it ends.

Faith walked into the kitchen and placed her empty glass of wine in the sink and reached for a larger glass, tossed some ice and water in it and walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch with one leg under her and the other stretched out on the floor. She heard Jeremy on the phone but she had no idea what he was saying.

That room was full of his brother's possessions and secrets. That room she never entered, Ian had always closed the door and talked softly into the phone. There was never nothing of them in there, not even a picture on the desk, it was all Ian, or Ian and Jeremy, or Ian's awards and trophies, work, whatever it was you can bet it had nothing to do with Faith. other's wouldn't understand why she was ready to remove Ian's possessions, the marriage was one of convince not one of love. It should have never taken place but it had for the right yet the wrong reasons.

It was not until Jeremy had hung up the phone that he realized how strange it felt to stand inside the office of his late brother. The idea that his brother had used it as a sanctuary, made it even more difficult for him to get comfortable. This was quite possibly the last place his brother had been fully conscious before he passed away. There was an eerie atmosphere about the place, and it almost felt as though someone had been watching him since he entered his brother's domain. Like he was a simple trespasser, who wanted nothing else than steal whatever values were hidden in the drawers of the desk. An unwelcome invader, who was not meant to get a glimpse of the secrets that had been written and spoken between the four walls of the room.

Jeremy did his best to focus, despite the uncomfortable sensations that continued to find him. Now that he was not consumed by the thought of answering the phone anymore, he allowed himself the quaint luxury of actually looking at the room around him. Oddly enough, his brother's sense of style somehow managed to blend order and chaos in a way that actually made sense. Large bookcases containing ring binders and files took up large parts of each wall around him. One of them had been entirely devoted to Ian's taste for books. First editions. “Only the best!” as he could still hear his brother say. The desk was clean, with only a few books and a single pen to stir up some sort of disorder in the overall presentation. Even the pen looked as though it had been put in it's position with special care. The waste can was empty and the carpet clean. Everything about the office was so correct and good.

But when he looked more carefully, it wasn't as stiff as he had thought it was at first glance. Different kinds of memorabilia stood in various places all around him. Most of them were hidden, or at least placed in a way that made them blend in perfectly with their surroundings. Photographs in frames set up strategically in-between two books; Tiny statuettes and figurines standing just above or behind stacks of documents; And, of course, all the ceramics. The different species of fish. Almost too many for him to count. Most of them brought a faint smile to his lips. This sure was his brother's private refuge.

As great as it felt to actually feel his brother's spirit in the decoration and attention to detail, it also presented Jeremy with a unsettling fact of secrecy. All the positive reminders of days long gone had no real effect on his mood or the depressing air in the room. What was his brother hiding in the drawers of his desk? Were those secrets even meant for his prying eyes? Even if they were... it felt so disheartening to think about Ian as a man, who kept secrets. It was like coming face to face with Santa Claus, only to realize the jolly ideal of your childhood was a drunk hypocrite. The agitating thought steered his mind back to the love letters. They were a part of the puzzle, just like the recent call was. It had revealed other aspects of the story, and another side of his brother.

One dominant question remained: How was he supposed to tell Faith about it? Would she believe his words, or would she disregard them as another fantasy of his mind? He had yet to convince her of his honest intentions from five years ago. She still believed he had left, just to get away. If she found it hard to believe now... well, how would he even be able to make her understand what he had just come to know?

He closed the door gently behind himself when he left his brother's office. Didn't want to draw too much attention to his person. Maybe she wouldn't even ask about anything, if he just pretended things were fine. If he just kept his mouth shut and urged her to speak her mind about their personal problems, then she would probably wait for him to tell about the discussion he had just been through. Besides, what interest did she have in one of Ian's old friends?

A couple of moments went by in silence before he finally approached the couch and sat down next to her. Once he had settled down and tried to relax, he placed both hands casually beside him on the soft surface. His right hand was only inches away from where she was seated. Just in case she needed a hand to hold – or she wanted a part of him to psychically attack. He told himself it was an unselfish move, but in reality, it was a covert move, spawned from within his own desire to touch her skin again.

He stole another glance at her. It enabled his mind the final bit of information it needed to properly comprehend what it had failed to register earlier, when they had been closer than they had been in the past five years. Faith had aged. Not in the deteriorating way, like a person without any other goal in life than to stay under the influence of selfish pleasure. Not like a woman, who had reached her life's autumn. She had aged like someone, who had endured and lived through pain and come out on the other side. Scared for life, but alive and still a human being.

The thin lines at the corner of her eyes were slightly visible, but not enough to make a difference. The same could be said about the touches of nearly invisible wrinkles around her mouth. But he physical changes were nothing compared to the atmosphere around her. She had not only aged, she had matured as well. He had only seen a few aspects of the woman she had become, and most of them had been of pain and anger. It made him wonder just how powerful the other parts of her personality had become in his absence.

“You must forgive me for my lack of manners,” he began. In his attempt not to look too much at the woman beside him, he turned his attention to the black screen of the television at the other end of the room. How many times had he begun a sentence with some sort of excuse, now? Hopefully, she wouldn't blame him for it. He took a deep breath before he continued: “I came here with the intention of letting you speak. That was the least I could do after everything that has happened. But instead, I just went on the offense and burdened you with all sorts of unnecessary things. I didn't mean... Well, it doesn't matter. I'll keep quiet now. Just tell me what you have in mind, okay? I'm here for you...”

Faith didn't bother Jeremy, she was however curious as to who was on the phone. Everyone she possibly knew that her late husband would have known was at the funeral. The caller had been bothering her all day long, maybe she should have answered it. maybe it was a bill collector but that was doubtful since they were paid up on everything and something in advance.

The house went completely quiet in an almost eerie way. There was no music, nobody speaking, no ringing phone or coffee pot perking. faith knew he had to be off the phone of the person on the other end was doing all the talking and he was being a good listener. Getting up she went over and grabbed out another CD, she couldn't stand the silence and put another mix in of the greats, this time it was Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Stravinsky, Chopin and so many more that faith loved listening to.

The sound lightly played, she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Felix Mendelssohn. Ian didn't care for classical music but she did, it soothed her most days. She had no knowledge of how long Jeremy had been in his brother's sanctuary, never looked at the clock when he went to answer the phone. faith knew he was most likely looking around at all the thing, memorabilia that Ian had sitting around.

Ian should have called it the secret room, because that's all that it was filled with. Everything in it belonged to Ian and now to Jeremy and his aunt and uncle. She had boxes set aside in the dining room just for the office. She had no idea what she was going to remodel the room into but she knew it would look nothing like what it did now.

No more ghosts of the past in that room, no more ringing non stop phone, or fish statues and little odd trinkets that just appear out of the blue. Faith noticed them when she stood at the doorway to speak to him and one of the trinkets caught her eye.

Faith knew somewhere in the room was a photo book, and old, old album of nothing but pictures of their parents in it, newspaper clippings and odd little items from a flower from their wedding pressed in a letter, but she had no idea where he kept it. That would be something Jeremy would want for sure. it was the last thing of their mother and father that she knew was around.

Opening her eyes as she turned her head hearing the door open and close as he stepped out of the room. Faith couldn't read his face this time as she had in the past, he hid emotions before so many times but she could always figure him out. But now he was like a puzzle to her, one she slowly put together piece by piece. he stood there for a few minutes and then slowly and silently walked into the living room where she was sitting listening to music on the couch.

He sat aside her rocking her body slightly back and forth, she watched as his hands went flat on the seat of the couch and still nothing was said between them as of yet. Her head turned as she could feel his eyes upon her, stolen glances and silent moments. Faith did the same to him, not so long ago while he stood there almost yelling at her when his voice went high in the hallway where it echoed lightly.

“You must forgive me for my lack of manners,” he said breaking the silence between them. Faith looked to him as he turned his eyes away from her and stared elsewhere as he spoke. “I came here with the intention of letting you speak. That was the least I could do after everything that has happened. But instead, I just went on the offense and burdened you with all sorts of unnecessary things. I didn't mean... Well, it doesn't matter. I'll keep quiet now. Just tell me what you have in mind, okay? I'm here for you...”

Faith looked at him, she shifted and crossed her ankles as her bare feet sunk into the plush carpet. "Jeremy, I'm tired. I'm tired of secrets, I'm tired of feeling angry, feeling hurt, I'm tired of just about everything and sometimes I feel like I'm tired of existing. I don't even know where to start anymore," she said. She slid her hand to his and sighed softly.

"Everything fell apart when you left without a word. The letter was never given to me so I wondered everything you said earlier. All these years I have wondered what I did that was so wrong to make you go, to stop the love you had for me. Why I wasn't good enough, was it the sex, was it another woman, was it...everything a person could even imagine." Faith cleared her throat and continued. "if that would have been me, wouldn't you have wondered why? Like I did?"

She reached for a tissue and wiped her eyes. "I never knew you called Ian once since you left that day. He never told me he even spoke to you once. All of this could have been cleared up so easily but instead it snowballed so out of control and so much anger and possibly hate filled the spot where love once was between the three of us."

She wiped her nose and sniffled again. Turning to look at him, "I don't hate you. I may have said and thought it but I could never, ever hate you." Faith squeezed his hand with hers and just felt part of the huge weight leave her shoulders. Life for us has been a puzzle with so many pieces, and more seemingly coming out from other places to tie into the picture." When she said that, she remembered the phone call. "Who was on the phone?"

Faith didn't want to talk about the sweet child placed to rest yet, she just couldn't go there at the moment and let sleeping dogs lay for now but knew it would need discussed eventually. Her thumb caressed the top of his hand as she turned towards him more with not just her head but her whole body.

A lot of the things Faith said to Jeremy resonated within him almost too well. She spoke of being tired. She was tired of walking around in a bubble of hurt feelings and misguided anger. Tired of living in a world of secrets, full of unanswered questions and doubt in herself. Her view of things turned out to be a mirror image of the stuff he had felt and thought during his self-imposed exile. He was tired as well. There were differences, of course, as he had not been forced to deal with the loss of their child yet. But overall, it was somewhat scary to hear this woman, his one and only true desire, let go of feelings that were so similar to his own. Scary, and fantastically comforting at the same time.

He couldn't find the inner courage that was required to look at her while she told him about her heart's pain. It was as though his breath came to a momentary halt when he felt her fingers on the back of his hand. A warm and familiar sensation washed over him, and he closed his eyes in uncertain delight of her touch. True enough, he had placed his hand between them on purpose, but she had moved forward and instigated the physical contact. Just like he had, when they stood face to face moments earlier. Whether or not she had done it to help him or make it easier for herself, however, remained a mystery to him.

She brought up his very old theory of hate, the one he had mentioned before he left to deal with the ringing phone in Ian's office. He had said it to her, like it was something he had concluded on the spot. But in truth, the idea had existed in his mind for a long, long time. It was the natural product of every obsessive thought he had had in the most solitary period of his life. The kind of fantasy that one cannot support through hard evidence, only through one's own conviction.

Looking at other women; Feeling hatred toward his brother; Drinking just a bit more than usual... How could he blame Faith for hating what he had become after leaving town? When he had finally heard the complete, humiliating truth escape her lips, it had strengthened his belief that the woman truly hated him. He had left her behind, without knowing she was pregnant at the time. To make matters worse, he had ignored the oldest rule of all: if you don't get a response to your letter, you try again and again. He had allowed his jealous mind to consume his honest intentions. After such neglect on his part, it would be justified if she only felt hatred toward him.

It only made his salvation so much more sweet when she uttered the few words that cleared up so many things inside the foggy haze of his heart. She didn't hate him. Even now, with everything that had happened, she still did not hate him. Her words compelled him to look at her, just when she squeezed his hand and sent another wave of old emotions through him. Traces of happiness he hardly recognized. He felt more calm than he had in years; Maybe it was because he finally was able to embrace the feeling and just relax in her company.

Then she asked him about the phone call. She moved in her seat, turned her entire body toward him as though she eagerly awaited his response. Looked at him with her green, green eyes and unknowingly fueled not only his desire, but also his love. Her thumb on his hand was a promise of something better, sweeter. Dared he hope that she would really forgive him, even if he told her what he had discussed with the stranger on Ian's phone? He smiled at her.

“It was Josiah Severin, a real estate broker, who runs a small business in one of the neighbor towns,” Jeremy's initial statement sounded rather indifferent, but that was merely because he found it hard to word his sentence correctly. It had to be said in a gentle way, one that did not assume too many things until the time was right. “As far as he told me, he and Ian had been in touch a lot recently. He called to check on the current situation regarding a property in the northern county that Ian apparently bought about six years ago. I...”

His mind wandered back to the seconds after he had picked up the phone inside his brother's office. The man at the other end had mistaken Jeremy for his brother. Not that their voices were that similar, but talking through a phone often had that effect. It had been quite a struggle to convince the estate broker that he could freely share his information with him. The news about Ian had not reached him yet, and he sounded genuinely devastated when Jeremy told him about his brother's passing. As far as he was aware, this Josiah person had told him anything worth knowing about Ian and the secret house in his possession. But he was certain that at least one more person knew about the house...

“I am not sure why Ian would keep it a secret to anyone,” he turned his gaze away from Faith and stared into the soft carpet on the floor. “Maybe you do know about it, and in that case, it's not really a big deal. But the way Josiah spoke about it, made it appear as one, big secret. If it's news to you, well... I can only speculate about my brother's reasons for keeping it secret that way. Unless the letters you gave me hold the answer. Judging by them, Ian and Nancy could easily have known each other many years before I left town. I hate to say this, Faith. I really do. But what if that house was their sanctuary? The place where they met in secret?”

It actually made a bit of sense. Of the two brothers, Ian had always been the man of action. Jeremy was more a man of words, at least when it came to being romantic. His brother had a hidden nerve that enabled him to act on his impulses and buy flowers for a girl he liked – even if he had only just met her. It required a quite special situation for Jeremy to do something that even vaguely resembled what his brother was capable of. Not that he loved with a lesser amount of passion. They were just different that way.

“Josiah told me Ian had more than one key to the house,” Jeremy said after another moment of silence between them. He turned his brown eyes toward her again, and he kept them fixed at her. “I think it's worth checking it out. Maybe it'll answer some questions we don't even know about. I will take you there, if you want me to. I'll even go alone, if you don't want to come along. We are both tired of secrecy and the anger it brings. I want peace. I want to start all over again, with everything. If I have to go to that place all alone, then I will. You know that.”

He was in a rush of emotions and not quite able to figure out the best way to proceed. Instinct guided him on his way, pushed him toward the most natural thing that came to mind, and so, he turned his hand around and intertwined his fingers with hers. Softly, hesitantly. Afraid that she would read his action incorrectly and that it would push her further away. But his senses did not deceive him. It felt good.

Faith looked at him as she asked him about the phone called and he smiled at her. It wasn't the normal cheese one she used to give her that would make her smile back though, it was different almost seeming false. Her eyes were locked with his as she had an odd feeling that he was holding something back from her.

There a connection between people that is so strong it cannot be denied and they had one that was so strong. You can run into old lovers from the past and casually speak, you realize those feelings that once were, were no longer. There was no tingle anymore, there was no excitement that you once felt, then there was just the opposite where you could almost pick up where you left off and that to Faith was what she was feeling except for a few little things that came with time and age.

Jeremy told her who it was, she never heard of a Josiah Severin before. The name wasn't one that Ian had spoke about and then as he explain who he was it confused her even more. faith didn't know why he would go outside of their small town for a realtor. They both knew Bill Wilde was a good man, he had sold them the house that they currently lived in. When thinking about it faith chalked it up to another secret of the puzzle, a new piece to be tossed on the table with the rest.

Now it was really getting Faith confused, because Ian had never told her or talked to her about buying another property other than the current house. Then it dawned on her, the only possible explanation she could think of that made sense to her was, it was a love nest for Ian, or a get-a-way but that second idea didn't fit in, although the first seemed perfect with what she had found out with the letters.

She sat there with Jeremy and there was no anger at Ian, there was just confusion. It wouldn't have done her any good to be angry anyways, Ian was gone and he wasn't returning to faith, Jeremy or any one else. Faith waited for him to continue on and tell her what else this other realtor said as she wrapped her fingers a little tighter around his hand almost to soften the blow to what he was going to say next.

"I had no clue he was buying or even bought another property, so no I didn't know about it. This is the first time I'm hearing it." She responded back to him. "Anymore Jeremy the secrets shouldn't be surprising. I see it all as another piece of the puzzle tossed with the rest on the table for anyone to figure out and apparently the ones are you and I."

Hearing him talk about the other woman was a blow to her. She couldn't place who Nancy was, Faith still thought there was a good chance the woman who appeared and disappeared at Ian's funeral and here at their house was Nancy. She had looked familiar but she couldn't place her. " The thing is I don't know a Nancy."

Faith listened to the rest of the conversation as Jeremy told her about it. She looked out the window and then back to him after a moment of silence. Her hand stayed in his as their eyes locked and Faith easily fell into them, getting lost once again like she had so many years ago.

"No, I want to go Jeremy. You said it a second ago, The secrets needs to be brought out into the light. There are no more reasons for skeletons to stay in the closet they have been in there long enough and I am sure that their known by certain people in town and nobody wanted to say anything.

She felt his hand move under hers, his hand turned and their fingers locked. it was then that the one small piece of her heart that was nothing but a void was filled again. She smiled at him and gave his hand a squeeze. "It's time to clear the slate, to break through the wall even if its brick by brick. Give me a few minutes to change, please."

With that said she released his hand and stood up, and went upstairs to her bedroom and changed into more suitable clothing. Returning back down stairs she wore form fitting jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and swirled around in a bun on the back of her head. "You know the address, you can drive." She said to him and went into the kitchen, grabbed her purse opening it as she walked down the hall and handed him her keys.

Faith smiled as she looked down and slipped her feet one at a time into a pair of moccasins. "Ready to go?"

It became clear pretty quickly that Faith was clueless about his brother's second property. It was just like Jeremy expected, but it didn't make the unusual situation any less shocking. It was extreme for a man like his brother to keep such a thing secret, especially to the woman he lived with. Besides, if he had bought the place before their marriage, why had he not told her anything about it? Even if Ian had remained in touch with Nancy through all the years up until his death, it would have been so easy for him to bring his wife there and introduce the house to her as a 'summer residence'. It certainly would've spared both Faith and Jeremy the confusion and hopelessness they both felt at the moment. All the secrecy left behind by his brother indicated something that was beyond the normal routines of life.

But as discomforting as the revelations about his brother was, it somehow felt insignificant compared to the emotions that washed over him when Faith responded to his touch with a smile. She was... so beautiful when she smiled. Nothing in the world compared to her in that regard, and he had fallen for the impact of her smile more times than he could remember. She squeezed his hand, and even though they were only in contact for a few moments, it spurred Jeremy's desire to be gentle toward her. It gave him hope that the wound between them could finally be mended. Maybe the adventure ahead would be everything they needed to clean the slate and start anew. She let go of his hand and stood up. Jeremy couldn't help but smile at her, even when she had her back turned at him and was well on her way upstairs to change.

Her exit marked the correct moment for him to visit Ian's office a second time around. Not that he particularly wanted to venture into the room's mixed atmosphere of foreign and familiar again, but he was not sure if he could count on memory and old habits for the upcoming rendezvous with this brother's biggest secret yet. Just like uncle Bob and aunt Katie, who still had a spare-key to their house hidden under a flowerpot on the porch, Ian used to keep a spare key in some of his personal belongings. It was logical to think that there was a spare key hidden somewhere around the house in the northern county, but it was futile to go there without taking the right precautions first.

Thankfully, it didn't take long for Jeremy to uncover the thing he was looking for in his brother's office. On the top shelf of one of the massive bookcases, he spotted a peculiar figurine of an animal. It looked a bit too artistic to actually fit into Ian's taste, but it was probably a gift from someone. In any case, the strange hedgehog/bird hybrid turned out to have a hollow underside. There, surrounded by a few coins and a pack of honey-flavored pastilles, was the key. Nothing about the small piece of metal said anything about any connection to the big secret; but Jeremy somehow knew he didn't need to search anymore. This key was all he needed.

The method Ian had used to hide the key was very fitting for their younger alter egos. Jeremy's mind wandered back to the shed he had visited only a few days ago. He thought about the treasure they had buried in the soil-floor, about the action man guarding the entrance... about the rainy day inside the shed where his brother had showed him how to lit a cigar. The good memories brought a quaint smile to his lips, just as he pushed the door open and left the room. Only a few moments later, Faith appeared at the top of the staircase and went down it with an air of calm certainty surrounding her. Her incentive dress from earlier had been exchanged into something more fitting for the trip ahead. Not that it made him any less happy to see her.

He readily accepted the car keys when she offered them to him. Answered her question with a silent nod and returned her smile with surprising ease. He felt light at heart. When they went out of the house, he didn't just walk ahead to the car. Instead, he stopped and waited for her to lock the door behind her. Once she was ready, he followed her all the way to the car. He had suppressed his natural desire to be close to her, but it suddenly didn't feel quite as problematic as before. Opening the car door for her, sitting next to her in the car, smiling at her when he pulled the car out of the driveway... everything felt so much easier under the circumstances.

They drove for a while in silence. All the way through town until they reached the freeway leading to their destination in the north. It was around that time that it occurred to Jeremy what Faith had said earlier. It was something he had not given any thought until that very moment: She didn't know who Nancy really was. He broke the silence by clearing his throat. Maybe now was the time to tell her what he knew...?

“I have something to tell you Faith,” he spoke as gently as he could to her, uncertain how she would react to the truth about Ian's lover. He looked briefly at her from the corner of his eyes. “After I left the funeral feast at your house, I went straight to my uncle and aunt's place. I was rather curious about the content of the manila envelope you had placed in the hallway, so I more or less opened it as soon as I closed the door to my old room. I was as confused about the identity of Nancy as you are now. That is, until I discovered Leisha Deveraux had managed to slip a card with her phone number written on it into my pocket.”

He paused, as though he was about to confess something unforgivable. “I was desperate for answers about Ian, and well... I called her. You know how she is. In any case, she did give me some valuable information relevant to the letters. The woman we know as Nancy, is actually Lydia Forschammer. The girl some of us called Pinky back in high school. I don't know how it is possible, but it is, what it is. I just thought you should know, in case we meet her at the house. Not that I'm counting on it.”

Jeremy waited for her to grab her purse and hand him the keys, he followed her to the car and opened her door. As he closed it she smiled slightly because it felt like old times again. He would always either lock the door or wait as she went out the door and walked with her to the car. They were the couple that people envied. Their friends always wished they had a romance like Jeremy and Faith. It was when he walked away they all were glad they didn't.

Things like them together felt natural, she felt no anger against him any more. There was hurt, sorrow and a pain only a person who cared for another would feel. Pain he lost a child he never got to see or even grow within her belly but perhaps that was best. He didn't feel that pain she felt and Faith wished that upon nobody. Sorrow for the death of his brother, and to have to return and face the ghosts of the past. But she knew it had to be done before they could both move forward with their lives.

Faith looked over to him and caught the smile upon his face and felt the corner of her lips turn up. She caught the look of a few towns people when they stopped at a light and those walking starred at them. Sometimes Faith wished she was the one that left town and not him. This was the past catching up to them, it was if they tried to make her feel she was in the wrong by being with her now dead husband's brother, a man she used to date in a car. Maybe it was time to give up the house and move on she thought.

Lost in her thoughts of everything happening she starred out the window and watched where they were going. To a secret place her husband owned, bought for what reason she wasn't sure. The only common sense reason was to buy it for another woman. Ian did love fishing, maybe it was a fishing cabin but there wasn't anywhere exactly that close to go except a lake forty minutes away. faith was trying to make heads or tails out of it all using logic but was logic went out the window so long ago. Faith heard him clear his throat and turned looking to him.

“I have something to tell you Faith,” he said and Faith felt a lump in her throat form. her brain went a mile a minute thinking of what he was going to tell her. Was there another woman he was seeing, maybe even kids, or he was engaged. Maybe his new life was perfect and he just came back to close the doors...yet, everything he said in her house contradicted that. His voice was soft, he was getting ready to blow her world back up was all she could think of.

Sucking in a breath, she released it slowly. "Please don't take this wrong but it doesn't surprise me. What Jeremy?" She asked him as she could feel her defensive wall start to rebuild.

Faith laughed, "That doesn't surprise me at all. Leisha doesn't hide the fact she's single and likes to get around." She shook her head, "I gave you those letters because I couldn't stomach reading anymore than the first couple. I figured those were private and you as his brother could read them or throw them away or even return them to whomever they belong to."

Faith blinked as she looked at him. "But we called her Lydia. That doesn't make sense...wait, she always had those classic hankies in her purse. I remember she loaned me on, the letters monogrammed on it were N.L.F." Thinking back , they were never close to her, she wasn't one of the girls faith and the other hung around with or really invited to parties and sleepovers. Lydia was more reserved, "Okay so...Lydia/ Nancy was dating Ian?"

Faith let it sink in for a moment. "I guess anything is possible anymore. I don't know why he wouldn't tell anyone, especially you. They were never together when we seen him. I don't think it much matters, I'm just looking for the truth that's all. I don't want anymore ghosts returning. No matter how good or bad, I need to bury this to move on as much as you or anyone else in this mess needs to do."

Looking back out the window she felt a heavy weight upon her shoulders bogging her down. "Changing the subject, what about you Jeremy, where have you been in the past five years? Working? dating? Kids?"

Faith's question caught him by surprise. His first reaction was to close his eyes and let his head drop slightly. He wanted to keep that position for as long as it took to forget the memories that suddenly welled up inside of him. To keep his eyes closed, until the draining recollections of a life soaked in self-pity and alcohol crept back into the darkest corner of his mind. He was almost completely swallowed up by a dire need to run away and hide. But as the driver of the car, it was impossible for him to follow even the smallest of impulses. His eyes opened up almost as quickly as they had closed in, and his attention immediately went back to the road ahead.

She had already had multiple opportunities to ask him. He had touched upon it during the argument, yes, he had even yelled some loose facts about his exile straight into her face. To think that it had taken this long for her to sum up the courage needed to ask what he had experienced in their years apart. Even if she no longer doubted his intentions, it probably wasn't easy for her to ignore the safety of the strong emotions she had grown to live with. She had been through hell. They both had. Maybe it was his own imagination playing games with him, but Jeremy honestly thought he heard the pain in her voice, when she asked the seemingly innocent question.

The road they had followed since leaving the town's perimeter suddenly disappeared into large, unkempt areas of shrubberies and small trees. It looked like an old, crumbled plantation that was slowly giving in to the power of the forest in the distance. It wouldn't be long before they would be completely surrounded by trees as well. How remarkable for Ian to buy a property hidden away inside the quaint comfort of a forest. Whatever he was hiding there surely demanded some level of secrecy.

Jeremy considered his options. It was not right to keep silent about the things that had happened, but it felt hard to surrender entirely to the truth. In his eyes, the most compelling alternative to silence was to claim his story was very dull. That it had no substance and revolved around a stupid man. On the other hand, it would be extremely unfair to give her a vague excuse like that, just to keep silent. He could pretend that it was not for his own sake. Truly, she didn't deserve to worry about his mistakes or things he had neglected. He could repeat it to himself all he wanted. The truth was more complex than that. But there wasn't any way out now. Was there?

“Well...” the plain statement broke the silence, he had allowed to rise between them. It was turning into a rather bad habit on his part. Maybe the time he had spent on his own had turned him more contemplative than he ever thought he would be. He leaned slightly forward in his seat and tried to spot the sky through the menacing treetops above them. He didn't want to think about the past five years, and it was pretty evident in his voice when he finally started to talk. “There's really not much to tell. When I left town, I didn't have any specific plans in mind. I never believed I would be away for so long... and once I realized what had happened here, I lost focus. I went out to blow off some steam, and before I knew of it, I was just drifting around from place to place. I hitchhiked a lot in that period, probably more than I ever imagined I would.”

“I took some small jobs here and there,” he paused and licked his lips. It was all coming back to him, and much quicker than he had suspected. Glimpses of faces he once knew, but no longer recognized. Smells he couldn't identify anymore. Weak memories of girls he had flirted with, touched and kissed. Replacements of something he couldn't get back. Question was how many details Faith could bear to hear. “I tried to hang on. It sounds extremely pitiful, I know. I was so... angry all the time. Couldn't relax, couldn't make lasting friendships or relationships. Nothing of what I did during those years actually lasted long. Things got worse when I began to drink more than usually. I felt how I was falling apart, but I couldn't really stop again and...”

A strange sensation came to him the very moment he mentioned the climax of his downfall. That period was so dark and blurry that it filled him with shame. Sure, he had been a frequent guest on the taverns of all the towns he had come across. Sometimes alone, sometimes together with the crew from his work. It was a time soaked in strong beverages and jolly smiles. The social life found in nightclubs and bars had become his form of entertainment, his way of fitting in wherever he was. He was always surrounded by at least a dozen kindred spirits with the same desire as he: To keep solitude at bay until sleep or work demanded their full attention once more.

But there was more to what Jeremy felt at the moment, than the bitter memories of disappearing into the deceptive comfort of strong alcohol. It was the clear image of a woman with a smile on her lips and tears in her eyes. Sweet words of sympathy and forgiveness that would haunt him no matter what he did with his life. A warmth, not unlike the kindness he had left behind in his hometown. Mutual attraction that ended with unrequited love. It was a sad memory.

“I was really in the deep when I met this woman,” his voice regained a touch of the softness it had possessed earlier in the conversation. He eased the pressure on the gas pedal, an action that almost stopped the car entirely. As hard as it was, he tried to get a glimpse of Faith's expression before he continued: “Her name was Amanda. I'm not really sure you want to hear about her. She was good to me. Much more than I deserved. She helped me get back on track. Got me cleaned up, taught me things I had forgotten about life. Once things had calmed down, I moved in with her. She had so many dreams. She wanted all the things I had hoped... you know, all the things I had hoped would become real between you and I. It felt right.”

“It took me so long to realize that I couldn't give her what she wanted. I liked her, I really did. I tried so hard to forget about what had happened here. I tried to love her. But in my heart, I didn't. Not in the way she deserved.... so I decided to leave. I packed my things, evaded her attempts at changing my mind. And the only thing she said was: “It's alright. I'm ready when you are ready for me.” She had so much faith in me, and she believed so strongly that I would be back. That I would learn to love her. I can't help but think that I broke her heart that day. Isn't that just... ironic?”

Jeremy had not really noticed it himself, but somewhere during his retelling of the past, his voice had become sad. He kept his eyes fixed on the road, too embarrassed and shameful to look at the woman next to him. He had just revealed one of his biggest failures to her. Sad, as it was, it mirrored the situation Faith had been in years ago in a very disturbing way. It gave him reason to wonder if he was only meant to hurt people. “I had lived alone for about six months when I heard about Ian's passing... I think that's about it. There is nothing more to tell.”

It was hard to think, but even more difficult to find something to say. A little remark about why he had failed to find a woman, who could take her place. That was all it took to restore a bit of balance. Telling her so openly about the past felt awkward to him. All he could do, was to pray that she would understand him. Maybe it would make the situation easier for both of them, if he gave his story a bit more emotion. Many of the things he had done, was because of Faith. The love he had for her had prevented him from starting over with another woman. It was the very same love that had turned him into an obsessive and bitter drunk. How could he possibly convey such a message to the woman he loved?

He turned the car down a slightly overgrown dirt road. It felt as though the darkness grew thicker around them the longer they went inside the forest. As far as Severin had told him, the house would be located at the end of this road.

Faith watched out the window as they left the only town she ever really knew. Faith grew up here and she had never left with the exceptions of vacations or doctor appointments at the major hospitals. She never really found a need to leave, she got too comfortable for her own good sheltering herself behind the walls like a dome was placed over the town and she didn't care because she was home or what she knew was home.

Even after all these years this was strange for her, to be sitting along side Jeremy in her car letting him drive felt 'right'. Almost a feeling of deja vu to her. The woods were thick on both sides of the road, nothing but lush green trees and colorful wild flowers, picturesque. the ride was quiet, as she was waiting for him to answer her question , not sure she asked just because or she really wanted to know but was afraid of the answer.

Faith's curiousness got the best of her that's why she asked, she really didn't know if she could handle knowing how many women he was with or what kinds of relationships he had but she was going to find out as he started to speak and hoped she could handle it without either getting very angry or getting so upset she'd cry.

"Well...," was all he had to say because she was going to hear the details of the past as she kept her head turned, moving her hand to the side of her face to possibly be ready to hide any tears that would flow. Faith could see in the glass of her window that he moved about in his seat as he drove. His voice was monotone at first as she didn't pick up any emotions at first then it all changed quickly.

His voice changed, she could detect a little bit of hostility in it as he told his story answering her question. She dared not look at him, she still didn't know if he was the man she had loved before or had he changed so much that he was totally different. Faith felt bits and pieces of the old Jeremy but five years can change a person totally. it was a totally screwed up situation for anyone caught up in it to really be involved in.

Faith didn't understand why he left town really if he had no plan. Again it left her to wonder if he wanted to see if the grass was greener on the other side in hopes she'd be alone at home crying over him and waiting forever for him to return. it would have been different if he left to find a job for them, to move them away or something but to just go and sow wild oats is what she's taking from the conversation so far.

She understood why he got upset, well angry when he heard the news about Ian and her. Faith couldn't blame him for that, she would be just as hurt and just as angry as he was. But, the difference was the circumstances Jeremy didn't know about and that was because he walked away on his own accord.

Faith was doing good with his story so far, but it wasn't until he began to speak of another woman she felt the knife to her flesh, a cut so deep she wasn't sure she could handle knowing all of it. faith swallowed hard a couple times and even cleared her throat. She was choking back the tears now.

This woman got the man Faith was to have, the more he spoke the more upset she got. it was ironic, he broke another woman's heart just like he had hers, just simply walking away and not looking back. Faith wondered if that's how Jeremy was going to live the rest of his life from one woman to another and then another....closing doors behind him till the next female opened another and allowed him in without knowledge he would only hurt her.

Faith had nothing to say after he was done, it was all still settling into her brain. it seemed like he was blaming her for everything that had went on in his life. She sniffled and watched the road ahead from the side window, the truth just placed her into a dark place. Emotionally he just drained her but she could admit it was her own fault for asking about his private life.

She wasn't going to say anything about his story, she was hurt, she was angry and yet she loved him. his inability to love another because he loved her was an all to familiar feeling. She couldn't love Ian, because she still was in love with Jeremy, and Ian loved another as it was. The circle was a vicious one.

Faith composed herself, and turned her head to look at him, "Are we close?" was all she asked, as she knew things could just get worse from here on out depending on what they found out.

The silence that followed his account of events that had taken place after he left their hometown was awkward, almost disheartening. If furthered the bad feeling inside him. It was a ugly sensation of guilt that had been with him since he came to his brother's house a few days ago to make things right between Faith and him. Instead, he had come to learn the painful truth. No one had really betrayed him in the first place, it was all his own fault and he was destined to suffer the consequences. The air between them now was intense. Who knew if they would ever find peace again?

It was obvious they had both been on an extreme roller coaster of emotions for the past few days. Considering all the stuff that had happened, it wasn't really a surprise. Thanks to the huge collection of letters, Jeremy had suddenly discovered new sides of his brother. Faith, for her part, had finally been able to read a love letter so old that she couldn't properly comprehend it's content. They had not even talked about the baby yet. Not for real, at least. But they had been so close to one another. Even if it had only been a few moments of holding hands, there was no denying how right it had felt. His world had suddenly been consumed by the purest light ever.

Yet, when he began to speak about the past, it was as though each and every word cut into the light and threatened to break it down piece by piece. And now, with the silence between them at full strength, the light had faded away almost completely. She had not been ready to hear about his life with another woman. The idea that he had abandoned not only one, but two women and that they had both loved him, was utterly grotesque. The story had most likely reminded Faith of all the emotions and doubts she had been through after his departure. But he was not insensitive – he had told her beforehand that she probably would loathe what he had to tell about Amanda.

All the other women he had been with were not really an issue to him anymore. He had only slept with them for a single night, or met them on some random club for a drink and a dance. The majority of women he had come in contact with during his time alone were all nameless beauties in his memory. Personal details had slipped away, only to leave room for the basic senses. Touch, feelings, warmth. Such things were all he remembered of them. But the memory of Amanda lingered on, because she was so special. He knew what it meant to leave her, he knew it would destroy her hopes and dreams and leave her world in ruins until another man, a kind and gentle one, picked her up and loved her. But at the time, he also felt sure that nothing good would come from staying with her. It was bound to be end in unhappiness for both of them.

Now, however, his decision to leave Amanda only reminded him that he had unknowingly neglected Faith. There had only ever been this one woman in his life, and he had let her down. No matter what excuse he came up with, she at least deserved his sympathy. In some strange fashion, it made the two women seem awfully similar in his eyes.

Jeremy noticed how she turned her head in his direction, but he hesitated to return her look. She sounded distant when she asked whether or not they were close to their destination. It surprised him that she broke the silence with such a simple question, and that she refrained from saying anything related to the things he had told her about. Then again, what did he really want to hear her say? That is was alright, and that they had both made mistakes in the past? Did he really need her to forgive everything he had done in his life?

“We'll be there in a few moments.” In his attempt at sounding indifferent, he kept his answer short at first. He couldn't really bear the thought of confusing her any further, so he ended up rethinking his approach. The strong need to justify himself still haunted him, even though he felt certain she did not want to talk about Amanda. He had to try and make her understand, but it had to wait for a while. Ian's secret would soon be revealed. Maybe everything would find it's solution within the next couple of hours.

Once the dirt road came to an end, it opened up into a large clearing in the forest, and they got the first glimpse of Ian's property. It was a truly idyllic sight: a large wooden cabin stood alone inside the clearing. The light from the sky above gave everything – from the windows of the building to the small bushes surrounding the porch – a touch of something friendly. The forest had appeared dark and dangerous while they drove through it. Now it appeared as a kind guardian, a green wall that kept the world outside at bay. This was the stuff most people yearned for all their lives, the ideal blend of threes, rock and metal. Truly, it was a place where even Jeremy would want to live.

He parked the car only a few feet from the wide porch in front of the cabin. Although he opened the car door, he did not do anything that indicated he was about to step out. Instead, he turned his head to look at Faith. They sat like that for a while, separated once more by a moment of silence. It took a while for him to build up the courage needed to make his next move. He reached out and ran the back of his right hand down her cheek. He repeated the gentle caress a couple of times, his fingers touching against her soft, warm skin to a point where it was too tempting to continue. Noticing how a single strand of hair had fallen into her face, he lifted his fingers and guided it back in place.

“I knew I shouldn't have told you about Amanda. I could feel it before I even said it, and I can't take it back now. I was not my intention to hurt you. I can't deny I cared for her. I can't pretend I am not grateful to her. She is the very reason I am sitting here with you in this car. Without her help and support, I would probably be sitting on a bench somewhere in New York by now. Drunk and alone. Too deep in trouble to help anymore. But I am not; I am sober, and I know I have done wrong. I know I have hurt you. You can't just make your feelings go away, that goes for both of us. Don't think I loved Amanda like I love you. Don't tell yourself I blame you for my inability to bond with others. For better or worse, everything that has happened has led us here.”

Jeremy resisted the urge to lean close to her. This was not the moment for him to ease his guilt by comforting the woman he loved, not the right moment for soft whispers or gentle kisses. So he broke the touch, unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of the car. He took a deep breath of the fresh air outside and felt slightly revitalized. Then he went to the other side of the vehicle and opened the door for her.

“Are you okay, Faith?”

The silence between them wasn't actually awkward but more a time left to reflect and to take everything in she had just heard from him. faith felt like she wanted to get sick, her stomach was so knotted up but it was her own fault for asking. Either way whatever happened she felt it was part of closure if it came down to that.

Faith wondered if this was forever going to be a pattern with Jeremy. he finds one, leads them on and then just up and leaves one day because he cannot find what he's seeking. Maybe he doesn't know what it is other than a certain level of love that nobody can give him, but he said they didn't match what her and him had which leads her to believe he found it with her. It was all so confusing as she thought about it all, it messed with her head.

She wondered if he was going to feel so guilty that he would choose to go back to her? Would he ever be happy with anyone? She thought. Is he going to be one of those men that goes from one woman to another and just roams endlessly? If they were to get back together would she be a replacement for this other woman that he said he loved? Everything was giving her a headache. No more secrets, none, every again she thought. Faith now despised secrets, no she truly hated them and realized nothing good could come out of a secret.

Faith swallowed hard again and just kept her thoughts to herself. This was the man she had loved since childhood, to her he was her soulmate not his brother. Ian was a good man, he gave up ...part of his life to help her so she couldn't be upset if there was another.

The only reason she felt she could be angry with Jeremy was, was for leaving her without telling her, without talking to her. This may have been all resolved so long ago and things would or could have been different but nobody would ever know that. The cards were dealt and each player played their hand up till the hands fell apart.

“We'll be there in a few moments.” She heard him say as she looked out the window into the woods. The silent came back quickly as Jeremy broke through its wall for a brief second answering her back. Faith felt like she was outside her own self looking in. If it were only that easy she thought. Life was tossing her so many curve balls she wasn't able to dodge them all. Each hit was causing her a little more pain and she wondered when it would stop.

Turning her head straight ahead she seen the old gravel/dirt road came to a end finally. There before them was a clearing where the sun shined down through holes in the canopy above. It was honestly a beautiful scene, very picturesque. This was somewhere she could see Ian staying to get alone from the world. She could picture him coming here and going fishing. It was the perfect place for a person who wanted to say write the world's greatest American novel.

The trip here was so dark through the forest and now, everything was light. In a way it was almost eerie. She took in a breath, Stephen king could write a terrific tale in this setting she thought. The cabin wasn't the normal little broken down cabin in the woods, it was quite the opposite. It was a perfect get-a-way place that Faith would have loved to have visited but she had a feeling this was going to be another piece of the puzzle that didn't include her but another.

They parked right out by the porch as Faith looked around not seeing a car or anyone coming outside. She heard Jeremy shut off the car and open his door yet he didn't get out. maybe he was like her waiting to see if anyone would come out to either greet them or tell them to leave.

Out of nowhere she felt Jeremy's touch on her face. It was light, almost like the wind kissing her cheek, that's how soft his touch was. Faith closed her eyes as she felt the touch, she wanted to lean into it and she fought so hard no to. he removed a wisp of hair from her face and put it back behind her ear. His touch melted her inner being, it always had, it did back then and still did today. Faith wanted to turn her face and kiss his hand, it sounded odd but she just wanted him to know she still felt deeply for him through all this mess but stopped herself.

Before he got out he started to talk about Amanda, causing her once again to choke back her feelings but she listened clearly to what he had to say and tried to hear his reasoning instead of assuming everything. "I'm hurt but, not sure of the reasons why. I know because you left me without notice. Because you gave to another what should have been mine, and that was love and time. It doesn't make sense to you but it does to me and I feel I can justify it. It really doesn't matter at this point because we cannot change any of this at this point Jeremy. Secrets, secrets and more secrets, I thought I disliked them but I realized on this drive that I hate them. With every turn comes another, and another, they all need to stop."

Jeremy got out finally and came around to the other side opening her door for her. he asked her is she was okay, and she wasn't. "No Jeremy I'm not, but I will be." Faith reached over and undone the seat belt, she got out of the car and closed the door behind her and looked at him. "Let's get this puzzle piece over now, and see where the next piece leads to."

Faith was right, as she usually was. Although she clearly spoke for herself, her answer somehow appealed to Jeremy. They were both hurting and longing for the secrecy to end. They desperately wanted answers to all the questions that kept them from moving on. All the secrets they had uncovered during the last couple of days had stuck inside them, and they were both about ready to burst from the pressure.

He closed the car door after her and approached the house in silence. Traces of sunshine were dancing in the grass around them, giving the air an almost magic touch. It only took two steps before he was standing on the wide porch in front of the house. At this distance, it was quite clear how well-kept the building actually was. It wasn't just some ordinary, worn-down hunting cabin that was rarely visited by it's owner. The surface of the tree was smooth, clean and lacked the distinct hint of fungi-growth one would expect to appear on such a construction. Wind and weather did not seem to be an issue here. Ian probably nursed the placed with the same precision he did anything else.

Jeremy went to the front door, reached for the handle and tried his luck. The door was locked, of course it was. His brother wasn't stupid after all. He reached into his pocket, and drew out the key he had found hidden away inside his brother's study. It went into the lock with ease, and his efforts were rewarded by the typical clicking sound of a door unlocking. It was a perfect match. He turned toward Faith with a smile of satisfaction on his face.

“I knew it!” There was unmasked triumph in his voice, and he waved in a rather energetic way at her. It was oddly reassuring to know he still understood his brother's mindset to a certain degree. Somehow, it lessened the sense of mystery that revolved around the quest. It also furthered the illusion that Ian was, indeed, watching over them in their efforts to understand his secret life. It was a much needed sensation of safety. “I knew it was the correct key. Hurry up, Faith... let us see what's inside!”

Pushing the door open, he went inside the cabin cautiously. The entrance led straight into one large room, a cozy blend of living room and kitchen. In this room, walls of naked wood met modern kitchen equipment and soft furniture. Most of the decoration looked quite expensive, something that contradicted the old-fashioned feeling the house emitted from the outside. The air inside was still and uncomfortable, as though it had been shut off for a while. It made Jeremy slightly nauseous, so he turned back and opened the door up completely. The faint breeze of air from outside was like a blessing.

He examined the surroundings more carefully, as he slowly walked further inside the large living space. It didn't take long for him to notice something strange about the place. Despite the nice decoration, nothing really indicated what kind of person lived there. There were plenty of books and CDs on the shelves on the wall, but stuff like personal photographs and memorabilia were nowhere to be seen. There were no loose papers or magazines lying about on the table, the blanket on the couch was neatly folded together and the kitchen looked absolutely unspoiled. This was a house without soul. The owner did not really live here at all, not even in mind or emotion. Under different circumstances, Jeremy would never have guessed this was his brother's secret property.

The surprise got to him for a moment. What had he expected to find? Clear evidence of adultery? Traces of a secret, immoral life, tucked away safely underneath the carpet? More heated letters of love and despair?

Maybe not something as definite as that, but something that was less peculiar than the sight of this, an imaginary home. Was it possible that Ian had realized he was living a double-life without any future? Had he ended his relationship with Nancy, and removed every trace of personality from the cabin as a result? Burned all the pictures and letters he kept here? Or had the place always been an empty shell meant to mimic the solitude and luxury of a hotel room? An illusion that brought them close to their shared fantasy of a life together, without the intrusion of others?

His eyes went over each wall in a fruitless search for something that could help him. It wasn't until then that he noticed the two doors at the far end of the room. The discovery made him wonder what sort of secrets the bland-looking doors were hiding. If the pattern remained unchanged, the rooms beyond would probably be nothing more than boring bedrooms without dirt and spirit. Was this really all there was to Ian's secret property?

“This is quite strange,” he said and looked toward Faith. “From the outside, this place looked like the ideal place for Ian. Now, standing here, I can't really feel him. There's nothing of him in here. The furniture is his style, so is the books over there... but there's nothing in here. Not even a picture of himself, you, me or anyone else. Do you think he managed to clean up the place the last time he visited?”

He walked past the couch and stopped before the two doors. He reached out and opened the nearest one, revealing a medium sized bedroom with a very inviting bed at it's center. Nothing out of the ordinary there. Slightly disappointed, he reached out toward the other door and pushed it open. This one was different, small in size and crammed with different boxes. It took a while before he spotted the desk standing against the end wall. Was this it?

“... Why don't we split up, Faith?” He couldn't really determine whether or not he sounded convincing or not. His insides were bubbling with an excitement that felt out of place, almost disturbing in a sense. This was not the time to keep her in the dark, and yet... it was as though the room urged him to come in and close the door behind him. Who knew what the bedroom next door was hiding anyway? “You go look in the bedroom, while I check this room out...”

The air was actually warm as it lightly blew through the surrounding trees and shook the leaves on the lower shrubs, knocking a few colored flowers from the bushes. They took those few steps in silence, she knew they both answers, all the secrets to end and hopefully it stopped here, Faith was tired of all the hurt inside and she had a feeling that her brother-in-law and once lover was as well.

The place was almost magical in a sense. and perhaps it was for Ian and this other woman. She wondered how much time Ian and spent here working on it, cleaning it up, and if the other helped. Did they have picnics in the grass, did they watch the sun rise and fall together. In a way she wasn't feel as hurt as she thought she should be, but that was because of the circumstances. faith in a way hoped he had found what he wanted before he passed away, she wondered if he was happy...ever in his life.

Faith stood there and looked around while Jeremy messed with the door. She heard him talk and watched as the door opened. She didn't even know where the key came from but where ever it did come from apparently he knew it had to be the key. he told her to hurry and get inside so they could wander around.

As they walked in she looked around, she wasn't sure what she was to expect, in her head though she pictured a rustic dirty fishing cabin but it was quite the opposite. the air wasn't bad but it had a 'stale' odor so Jeremy went and opened the door letting in the gentle breeze to extract the stale air as she took a few steps around just looking.

Faith walked into the kitchen and looked around. There was everything that a regular house had, stove frig, table, even pots and pans and quite nice dishes with a country setting upon them. There were appliances on the counter tops, all covered with the correct covers that fit them and nothing really looked used. She looked over into the living room, and the walls.

Shelves with books, CDs, but nothing else that seemed to make it a home. It was missing any kind of personal touches. if this was a place that he brought another, there was nothing to show that. She figured flowers, and frames with pictures on the walls or bills, notes, or something...anything and yet there was nothing. Again this didn't make any sense, she sighed and wondered what this place really was. She wondered if maybe the other woman changed her mind, or maybe Ian did. This was frustrating to Faith.

Everything she thought would be here wasn't. Her first thought was a fishing cabin but she figured Ian would have told her about it, and even brought her there. She had fished with him a few times. But, then when she realized she was never told and the couple letters she did read, the woman at the funeral faith figured this was their love nest. Faith expected another woman, pictures, answers. But there was nothing.

If he led a double-life he could have done it easily she guessed but there wasn't many nights that he wasn't home with her. There was business trips, there were all day events that he had went on. If she were the other woman, which in a sense she was, would she had taken so little time with a man she loved? Would Faith had stuck around for a couple hours here and there, a full day now and then or a couple weekends here and there? Tough call she thought unless it was a love so strong it could withstand anything tossed her way. Clueless.

Could he have came out here alone, just to be alone? When things got to him so bad that he felt like his younger brother and needed to run away from life? This would be the perfect place to do it, secluded from everyone and everything. faith was deep into thinking, asking her self so many questions.

"This is quite strange, from the outside, this place looked like the ideal place for Ian. Now, standing here, I can't really feel him. There's nothing of him in here. The furniture is his style, so is the books over there... but there's nothing in here. Not even a picture of himself, you, me or anyone else. Do you think he managed to clean up the place the last time he visited?” Jeremy asked bringing her back from inside her own head and her own questions.

"I really don't know what to make of it Jeremy," she said as she turned around and faced him. She watched as he walked around the couch and to the twin doors, opening them he looked as she followed him peering around him seeing a bedroom. She could see a bed in the center and that was it from where she was standing.

Faith waited and looked as he opened the other door, and again all she could see was boxes and what could have been a dresser or a desk. He told her they should split up and she took the smaller of the rooms and he took the larger with boxes which she thought was only appropriate, it was his brother.

"Okay," she said and watched as he went into the other room and she stepped into the bedroom and looked around. The bed was made nicely, the furniture wasn't old, the taste was surprisingly very nice. There were two nightstands, a long dresser and a taller chest of drawers. faith started going through them finding absolutely nothing at all but cedar blocks to keep the moths away.

There was a smaller drawer to the right, she opened the door and it was a small closet with a few items in it, a shirt which was Ian's, a pair of jeans which again Ian's and one pair of sneakers. She had always wondered what happened to them and now she knew but it was just each item was old, worn and she had not seen either of the three items for such a long time.

Faith walked back out of the room and through the house and out the front door where she stood and looked for anything yet found nothing. She closed her eyes and took in the scent of honey-suckle, the air much better outside than in. Maybe he bought it in hopes Jeremy would one day come home? A place for him to stay away from all that once reminded him of his past? Speculations...secrets...guesses.

He heard Faith move about in the room next to the one he was standing in. A part of him hoped she would find some kind of useful clue inside the plain-looking bedroom. Just a tiny piece of evidence that could point them in the right direction. It would be so unbearable to have come all the way to this, his brother's “hideout”, only to leave empty-handed. At the same time, he was convinced her search would be fruitless. If Ian had left anything behind that was out of the ordinary, it would either have to be hidden in one of the boxes in front of him, or in the very foundation of the cabin itself. Since the later was quite unlikely, Jeremy held on to a desperate hope that he would uncover something substantial in the room he had entered.

He gave the door behind him a gentle push and watched as it went in completely. The action left the room in an almost impenetrable darkness, and he found himself searching the wall next to him for a light switch. It was a matter of seconds before his fingers finally came in contact with a shape similar to what he was searching for. The darkness around him was dissolved in a rather unpleasant light from the ceiling above. It came from a naked bulb, which was another thing that did not really fit into the otherwise fancy design of the place. The dead light gave the room a sense of coldness he did not really like. It started to feel like the kind of storage rooms one would come across in a basement.

Three steps was all it took for him to reach the desk at the end wall. His eyes went over the barely visible surface of the furniture. It was a simple piece, but nicely crafted. He turned his attention to the cardboard boxes resting on top of the desk and let out a silent sigh of doubt. There were so many boxes - both large and small in size - inside the room that it was hard for him to decide where to start looking. None of them had labels on, none of them looked new or otherwise untouched. Knowing his brother, each box probably contained it's very own system. It appeared as though he was bound to spent a great deal of time in the room.

In the end, he came to the conclusion that it was far easier just to jump straight into it. He lifted the two nearest piles of boxes off the desk and placed them on the floor next to each other. Once he had cleaned the surface of the desk with the sleeve of his shirt, he reached out toward another box and placed it carefully before himself. Fingers dug into the opening at the top, pulled the flaps out to the sides and revealed a pile of documents that looked to be neatly organized. Picking up the topmost pieces of paper from the pile, he skimmed through them quickly, then dropped them on the desk and searched through the remaining papers inside the box. It was nothing but old bills and documents related to Ian's work.

It made sense for his brother to keep such information safe instead of throwing it away like simple garbage. But the logic behind his brother's decision could hardly soothe the disappointment Jeremy felt. He gathered the loose documents and put them back in order, before he placed the uninteresting cardboard box on an available spot on the floor. Then he moved on to the next one, only to find it full of documents similar in nature to the ones he had just put away. It was demoralizing to run into another dead end, and it only got worse as he continued his search. None of the boxes he looked through contained anything that just vaguely resembled intimate details. It was all professional documents revolving around agreements and letters from business associates. Some had even been placed nicely into lager files before they had been put into their designated cardboard prison. There were no personal letters, no photographs.

His initial determination to put things back to where they belonged slowly crumbled the more frustrated he became. Soon, he found himself surrounded by a mess of papers and half-empty cardboard boxes. He kept going through another set of boxes for another twenty minutes until he couldn't suppress his frustration any longer. For just a short moment, he disappeared into a fit of rage and kicked the nearest available target; one of the two piles of boxes he had removed from the desk before he began. It fell hard and loudly, scattering boxes and files all over the floor in several directions.

Jeremy took a deep breath and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. As he calmed down, he felt how the embarrassment slowly crept up to him and forced him to regret his action. He had been silly. He had allowed his own expectations to increase beyond reason. Everything had led them to this place, on this very day. There had been no guarantees, no one had promised them anything. They both wanted answers - now it all looked to be a complete waste of time.

He took in the sight of the mess he had caused. The stuff that had fallen out of the overturned boxes did not look any different from what he had already discovered. Not even when he started to return each piece of paper to it's correct container, did he find anything unusual. It was all papers, business letters, manuals for electronic devices. He found himself tossing the disappointing treasure back into place, growing increasingly annoyed the more stuff he picked up from the floor. But just when he began to wonder how soon he would be able to leave the room, something caught his attention entirely. Among the things he had just picked up from the floor was a scrapbook.

The manufactured inscription on the front made it look quite ordinary, so did the lack of unique, personal text on the first few pages. But compared to everything else he had seen in the room, this book was quite outstanding. Still, it took a while for him to figure out whether or not it was an unused book intended for future use. The answer appeared to him about seven pages into the book. There, he came face to face with his parents. Well, a picture of them. They looked young and carefree, safely unaware of the tragic fate that lured in the distance. The next page revealed a photograph of the entire family as it looked when his grandparent's were still alive. A large family with uncles and aunts, small children and rebellious teenagers. All gathered together in - and around - a huge couch, from which great grandmother Elizabeth kept an eye on everyone. And it continued like this: Each and every page he turned to contained some sort of family picture.

He recognized his aunt's writing underneath most of the photographs he came across. It made sense. This was a gift from aunt Katie to his brother. A book full of memories of a family Ian and he had never really known. Something as valuable as that was not meant to disappear for good. But it was odd to think that his brother had decided to hide it out here. Was the book really such a big secret that it had to gather dust in a simple cardboard box in a remote location? Wouldn't it have been far easier for him to keep it at his house instead? There was nothing in the book that Faith did not have to know about.

But the discovery enhanced his curiosity. He looked toward the box that had previously contained the scrapbook. It only took a few seconds for him to pick it up and put it on the desk. With his hands shaking slightly - the new-found excitement pumping through his veins - he emptied the box carefully. Examined each and every paper he drew out, glanced at each photograph that came into the light of day. It was not really what Jeremy had hoped to find, but it drew him in as only old memories can. There were photographs from their youth, old drawings, papers from school... a very joyful collection. He noticed how some of the photographs also included people from the old gang, smiled each time when he recognized an old face.

“Faith?” he dropped the photograph in his hand and picked up what he believed to be another drawing. He had to show her what he had found. It wasn't much, but it was more than enough to bring them some much needed joy. He went back to open the door, but didn't call out to her again until the light from outside finally fell into the room. “Faith? I have found something you need to see. You won't believe it until you see it!”

He stepped out of the room and looked briefly at the paper in his hand. The smile on his lips disappeared and his eyes narrowed in. It was not a child's drawing he was holding onto, nor was it a silly essay from their days in high school. As strange as it was, the document in his hand was a article that had been cut out of a newspaper and glued to a piece of paper. Trying to make sense of the discovery, he let his eyes wander over the article's header and through the text in a quick manner. It made no sense at first, so he forced himself to start over from the top. The article detailed a tragic hit-and-run accident that had taken place about nine years ago. A little girl had been killed. The local community was in shock. The driver had never been found.

There was something familiar about the article. But it was invisible, untouchable. Not something he could quite identify, no matter how hard he tried to. What did something like this have to do in the most personal of his brother's boxes? Why was it so interesting that someone had gone through the hassle of cutting it out of a newspaper? Did Faith know anything about it, or was it more obscure than either of them could imagine? He tried to smile when he turned his gaze toward her. But even if it felt like a smile to him, it probably didn't look like one to her.

“... This was not what I wanted to show you,” he closed the distance between them and offered her the document in his hand. “I've found all sorts of bills and business material in the room. All neatly archived in the cardboard boxes you saw earlier. I didn't think I would find anything worth our time, until I stumbled upon a box full of personal belongs. Photographs of us, everyone. Old drawings and stuff like that. But... I'm not too sure where this fits in...”

Faith stood out there, she heard a loud thud but figured he was dropping boxes around, nothing like a serious sound and a scream for help or anything. There was such beauty surrounding the cabin. it was in the lush green bushes with colorful flowers in bloom, it was the tall trees with assorted colored leaves and the grass, it looked like a blanket of softness.

She smiled and slipped her shoes and socks off and stepped on to it, she closed her eyes and felt the slight warm dew in certain areas as she smiled and closed her eyes, placed her feet together, her arms went straight out and she spun around and around like they all did together as kids. The day was such a sad one, she lost her husband, he lost his brother and the secrets. But for those few moments, with the sun felt upon her face, the soft grass under her feet she felt like a happy little girl once again. A great memory to have and keep a hold of.

Faith walked back over and slipped her socks and shoes back on and smiled. Death was always something that was spoke as being horrible and maybe it wasn't, maybe it was like people spoke heaven to be about. She could only hope for she had no clue, not yet anyways.

Ian was with his parents now and other relatives. She was far from religious but Faith wanted to think of at least some sort of happiness, maybe he will even see her parents up there and her and Jeremy's baby. That thought took the sunny sky-silver lining feeling away but she wasn't going to do that to herself.

Looking around she walked along the tree line, she picked wild flowers and made a nice bouquet as she did. She was about half way around the circle and something caught her eye. Faith stopped and looked at the overgrowth that hung down from the trees and all the rose bushes twisted within the lower brush and tried reaching out and pushing some of it away and noticed there was an old garage type building back there buried behind everything like it was supposed to never be found.

Trying to work her hand back in and arm she ripped up her soft skin with the thorns and as she pulled her hand back she felt a handle, she stopped and felt a chain, a heavy one and a square padlock. She felt it in her fingertips and then left it slip from them as she winced and carefully pulled her arms back out and looked around. Her hand gripped the flowers she picked tightly as she turned and scanned then looked back to the area.

Faith knew those roses were not wild ones, the tress were planted later in front and around it to purposefully hide this shed or garage. She turned and walked back to the house and as she got closer to the front porch her arm was bleeding in several different areas. She got to the porch and walked into the house and looked around and found a box of old tissues and pulled a few out holding them on her arm as she hear her named being yelled.

She went towards the room Jeremy had went into and they met half way and stopped as she looked at his face. She could see that he wasn't exactly happen nor was he sad, it was a look for the first time that she couldn't read, the expression was odd to her. But, she had her own news to tell him but let him go first as she held the wild flowers in one hand and then the tissues on her other trying to stop the blood from the scratches from the thorns.

“... This was not what I wanted to show you,” he said to her as he stepped closer to her and handed a newspaper article that was cut from an older paper. He continued talking about what else he found as Faith placed the flowers on a small table then took it and read it. After she was done her eyes lifted to his and she looked to him.

"Jeremy I remember this, when it happened. That poor little girl." Faith said to him looking at the clipping. "They never found the driver, the article doesn't say that the person who hit her drug her for a few feet before she..." Faith swallowed hard, "she was caught under the car and pretty mangled. That was horrible, the family moved away a couple years later because they couldn't handle being in a small town where somebody knew something and didn't speak up or the driver couldn't come forth and admit what he did to their daughter."

As Faith thought back it brought back memories of her own baby, and she knew how it ate at her every day and she couldnlt imagine how these parents felt after having a child for so many years and then that happening without no closure, full closure and somebody paying the price for a life. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to hold back but she felt an ache, a hole, a void in her heart. She turned for a minute and used the bloody tissues to wipe her cheeks and then cleared her throat and turned back around looking to him.

Faith took in a deep breath, "I was outside and way in the back somebody planted roses and trees, shrubs to hide a garage or shed. I stuck my hand , arm through them because I saw something and there's heavy chain and a padlock on the doors. I don't know if it's anything or not. I know there is water, creek or a river of sorts behind it a bit because I could hear it as well."

"If I knew we'd have been out here I'd have packed a lunch and drinks." She said looking at him. "So, where to from here. You found a newspaper clipping and I found a hidden building of some kind. We don't want to be here after dark do we? I don't know if the electric is on or anything."

It was not until Faith accepted the document in his hand that Jeremy noticed she was holding tissues against her arm. Small areas of the tissues were soaked in blood, and when she eased the pressure on her arm to turn her focus toward reading the newspaper article, he got a perfect view of the scratches and cuts on her skin. It was the kind of marks one would get from thorns and sharp twigs. Noticing the small bouquet of flowers she had put on the table, he started to wonder if she had walked out of the clearing and into the surrounding forest. It didn't seem entirely unlikely for her to do something as naive and sweet.

He heard what she said, kept his eyes fixed at her and nodded with each statement that left her mouth. Although he was interested in what she had to tell, he still found himself distracted by the marks on her arm. Why did he fall for such a simple detail each and every time? He still cared, that much was true. But the concern he felt toward her was reaching ridiculous heights. It was nothing but small bruises and cuts. Insignificant damages she barely seemed to notice at all, something she could easily deal with by herself. She did not need his pity, did she?

Yet, the moment she mentioned the parents of the child from the accident, he realized she probably needed his pity more than ever. Her reaction said it all; tears came running down her cheeks and the expression in her face was painful. The way she turned away and used the blood-stained tissues to wipe away the tears, convinced him that she tried to conceal her own sorrow. But to reach out and provide physical contact for comfort was not something he found easy in the moment. The fear was too strong. If he reached out and touched her now, he would not be able to let go of her. Not this time.

He had felt it in his stomach, ever since he caressed her cheek in a simple display of affection. The happening had infused him with a daring hope, one that held onto him like a dangerous virus. The only thing he really seemed to notice back then, was the simple fact that she had not pushed his hand away. She had not even backed away from him or left the car in a hurry. None of them had mentioned the act with a single word, but it lingered on in the air between them. He desired her on so many different levels that is was hard to understand and even harder to accept.

In the end - and with all considerations done - he just stood idly by, and waited for her to regain her composure. Brown eyes examined the scratches on her arm from a new angle. He clenched his fist in his pocket, licked his lips and did his best to ignore the frustration in his stomach. Did the scars of losing their child run this deep? Why, they obviously did! He had not been around at the right time to know how it felt to say goodbye before one even had the chance to say “hello”. How was he supposed to mourn a child he had only come to know about a few days ago? He was affected by it, yes, but for reasons that appeared to be slightly different compared to what Faith felt. It was hard to accept that things could have been different if he had opted to stay. Although it was logical to assume that nature would've run it's course and they would've lost the child either way, Jeremy kept speculating what could have happened if he had been around at the time.

Why not just reconsider and give in? Wasn't it time for him to throw every ounce of pride overboard and act on pure emotion, just like he had wanted to do ever since he watched her cry for the first time since they came face to face again? Were they both dead-set on staying emotionally separated from each other that it was impossible for them to look toward the future? What did it really matter if Ian had loved another woman for who knew how many years? It was he, who had made the right decision five years ago when he offered Faith the help she needed. It was him and not Ian, who had to repent.

All his speculations came to a halt when Faith mentioned her discovery. It wasn't unusual for people to build a garage next to a house like Ian's. Even inside the depths of a forest like this, anyone would want to protect their valuable vehicles or tools from wind and weather. But the idea that someone would hide a shed with tress and bushes was somewhat disturbing. That is, unless the gardener in charge of the place had just let everything grow out of hand. He had a feeling, however, that Ian was the only person, who knew about the garage to begin with. But what was waiting for them inside the building, if that was the case?

“So that is why you are hurt,” his statement came out slow and hushed, like a question he did not want to ask. In reality, it was the direct result of the new thoughts that had formed in his mind. His eyes moved from her and over the entirety of the cabin's interior, as if he tried to estimate how inviting the place actually was. “I don't know what to think about any of this, yet. But I don't think we have to worry about being here when night falls. I don't think either of us are particularly fond of the idea of staying here overnight, but we don't have to worry about electricity. The light turned on just fine, when I went inside the room next to the bedroom. I'm not sure where the power comes from, though, and unless Ian has left any canned food behind, we may have to sleep on an empty stomach...”

“In any case, I think it's best if we check out the building you've discovered. But before that...” Jeremy turned around and went back to the room where the cardboard boxes were stored. He went straight toward the desk and started to gather all the photographs and papers he had removed from the precious box of family memories into a pile. Once he was done, he put them all back into place with great care, lifted the box off of the desk and went out of the room again. A smile of relief came over his lips as he closed the door behind him and smiled at Faith. Then he went on to place the special container on a table next to the couch.

“There...” he straightened up and allowed himself the quaint luxury of staring at the topmost photograph inside the box. It was barely visible behind the flaps of the box, but the glimpse was enough to trigger his memory. They all knew about that photograph, and they all remembered the scene. Friends and school comrades stood all around their little gang; Ian with his arm around Amy's shoulder, hugging her tightly; Dan lying on the ground with both hands up in the air; Leisha wearing the biggest glasses she had ever worn; Elliot and Keith locked in another wrestling-duel at the edge of the photograph; Faith wearing the most adorable, red dress. Waving at the camera, waving at the photographer... at him.

He resisted the urge to dig into the box and pull the photograph out of the shadows. It was the ideal way to start a nice and long chat about their childhood and youth, but it felt inappropriate in the situation. They were not there simply to dwell on the countless happy days they had shared in the past. They were there to get whatever closure they could get. So Jeremy instead turned toward the matured version of the girl in the picture and gently removed the newspaper article from her hand. “We can look at this when we are done outside. Lead the way, Faith.”

Faith noticed he kept looking at her scratched and bloody tissues and she looked back at him. "I'm okay." That was all she said and gave him a soft smile of reassurance that it was really okay but her eyes expressed a look that she was glad he was a little concerned for her. They had always been that way though, he daunted over her at the littlest of things like scrapes and cuts. it was amazing he still felt the same way after all these years then again she was the same in return.

She needed to get out of the cabin, the article flooded her back to a time that hurt her the most. Even if the baby would have survived she would have had a part of Jeremy and she really wondered if Ian would have been able to handle that. To be raising his brother's blood child who would technically be his niece. it was something they never discussed but she had a feeling that Ian was putting on an act by the way these puzzle pieces were all falling together.

Looking at him once more she knew that he of all people knew what was going on in her head. She had lashed out on him, her emotions on that subject were all over the board. He had a child that he didn't even know about that was placed into the earth, she was a guardian angel. Faith never was one of religion, she tried to believe but the darkened day her child was taken was the day she refused to believe ever again. There was only one thought that gave her the slightest hope there was something out there and that was the day Jeremy came back. it didn't matter the reason but he was tossed into her life, back into all the turmoil again.

When he looked at her, she shivered. When he touched her, her heart skipped a beat, and when he showed concern she could see a love within his eyes as she looked deep within his soul. Why, why were they so emotionally clashing?

"Yes, the thorns ripped me up. I didn't see them being that bad at first but when I went to pull my arm back I felt them cut into my skin." She listened as he spoke about staying the night, she wasn't sure she wanted to either but she wasn't exactly sure she wanted to return to that big empty house. It felt like a shrine, one to a child and one to a man her married her for that child not from love. The baby was created out of love but she realized that perhaps it wouldn't have got the love it deserved if...and then she sniffled and cleared her throat. She never thought about it like that and couldn't now. She knew she would have been an excellent mother, she had more love than ever for a child alone.

"Let's play it by ear on whether or not we stay here the night. We can see what we find and then go from there, and because Jeremy I really do not want to go back to that house tonight." faith said as she grabbed another tissue and held it on her arm where the blood was seeping through the first one.

“In any case, I think it's best if we check out the building you've discovered. But before that...” he said as she watched him walk away going back into the room he was before. She waited looking around feeling like they were missing something and it was right in front of them but they were over thinking it all. She walked around the living room just looking till she heard Jeremy come back in holding a box and smiled at her.

Faith walked over to him and she peered in the box and smiled looking at the top picture. She reached in and pushed it aside looking at the one under it as it took her back to those days of old. She wasn't ready to go back into the past as they were already there. Something like that was for sitting around with a bottle of wine and drinking it, remembering, reminiscing over times that were her happiest when she was three sheets to the wind on wine.

He reached forth and took the new paper clipping from her fingers as she forgot she still had it in one hand and released it reluctantly looking to him. “We can look at this when we are done outside. Lead the way, Faith.” he said as she starred at the clipping and the box and turned quietly and headed to the door.

Faith stopped as she opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. Without even looking it was like two magnets as she reached back for his hand and it was there for her. She wrapped her hand around his and gave it a squeeze as she turned and walked along side him with her hand in his as the trees began to blow as the wind picked up. She watched a few leaves fall as they walked in the lush grass till they came to where she stood earlier. "Through there is the lock on the doors, "she said releasing his hand slowly almost as if she couldn't but she really didn't want to. he was her 'home' but yet they knew it but it seemed the door was locked and she had no idea how to get back there, to that place again.

As soon as they walked out onto the porch, Faith found his hand and held onto it like she would never let go. His mind went completely empty, while he struggled to make sense of his own emotions. It had only been a few moments since he reluctantly decided not to touch her again. But now it was her, who instigated the physical contact. Although it was surprising, he knew he had hoped for it to happen. He relished the sensation of her fingers, appreciated the fact that she had decided to reach out to hold his hand. It was another, small glimpse of light between them. In the end, all he could was to return her affection by rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

They walked hand in hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. She guided him toward an unknown destination, and all he did was walk right next to her. Ignoring the crudeness of staring, he found himself looking more at her than the surroundings. How could it feel so right to be so close to someone he had not seen for five years? Why was it so hard for them to talk, when it felt so easy to touch? Was it pure instinct that refused to live by their mindset? Sensations so strong that they had survived through neglect, pain and distrust? True, they had once walked together like this no matter where they went. Always connected, always in some sort of physical contact with one another. There had been times where they had walked through locations similar to the clearing around Ian's house and hardly noticed it because they were together. It had all been so easy at the time.

He was still looking at Faith when they reached the place where she had made her discovery. Her words brought him out of the bubble he had put himself into, but the only thing he really sensed was how empty it felt when she let go of his hand. The speed of her hand slipping out of his was so slow that he started to wonder if she was in pain. As silly as it was, he could feel how a part of him was not prepared to let go, just like he had predicted earlier. His hand followed hers, his fingertips brushed against her palm and fingers for a few seconds before he retracted his hand and turned his attention toward the building. It was better that way. The sooner he learned to respect her need for space, the sooner they would be able to move on.

He stepped closer to what he suspected was the front of the building, examined the plants and bushes that made up the majority of the charade. It was much better hidden than he had suspected it would be, and furthered the notion that it was not meant to be found by random visitors. He stuck his hands into the thick mixture of rose bushes and young tree branches, forced his way through the thorns and twigs until his fingers touched the hard surface of painted wood. Moving to the left, he finally found the padlock and chain Faith had mentioned. Both felt heavy in his hands; an ill promise that it would not be easy to get inside the building.

“I don't remember seeing any keys inside the house.” With his hands in a firm grasp around the padlock, he tried to turn his head to the left to get a glimpse of her. He pulled hard at the chain, as though strength alone could break it. It was worth the try, but the chain and padlock remained unaffected by his efforts. He withdrew his hands from the depths of the bushes and sighed, visibly annoyed. Looking at his arms, he noticed how his skin had been marked with thin cuts similar to the injuries Faith had sustained. It was not impossible for them to open the lock by force, but it required the correct tools... and tools were not something they had at their disposal. “I wonder if Ian even knew about this building in the first place? Everything suggests that he cleared did, but I can't really figure out if I want to believe it or not. I mean, why would anyone want to hide a shed?”

Jeremy turned around himself, looked over the grassy area they stood in and tried to make sense of what he saw. There was a chance the key to the padlock was close by. That is, if his brother had stuck to his usual pattern of keeping things within reach. But a person with secrets was like a hard nut to crack. Nothing was certain. Ian could have dumped the key anywhere. He could have brought it with him to his work office and locked it away in a safe. He could have thrown it into the river where they all used to go fishing. Heck, he could even have buried it deep underneath the soil of his own backyard. There was no way of telling what had happened to the key, and it left them with no real alternative.

“I'm afraid we will have to break or pick the lock, if we want to get inside.” He turned toward her with a serious expression on his face. From his point of view, it was her decision. It was only natural that she was the one to inherit every single part of Ian's belongings. He stepped closer to her, focused his attention completely on her eyes. Being this close to her fuelled his desire once more. He fought the need to reach out toward her again, closed his eyes for a brief moment and swallowed before he continued: “... unless, of course, you found a key in the bedroom? It's up to you Faith. This place belongs to you now. I will gladly force my way into the shed, but only if you want me to. There may even be a window at the back that we can smash open, if you want the rose bushes to remain unharmed.”

The feel of his hand within her always had felt perfect, it was like two pieces of a puzzle that were meant to fit together and stay together. There was never a time that she could recall back when they were a couple that they hadn't held hands while walking or laying or a time that they didn't have a hand on each other's arms, legs, or wherever, because it felt so natural and she loved touching him, caressing his skin under her fingertips and him hers.

Faith smiled as she felt him use his thumb and caress the back of her hand as he always had, that was always very soothing to her, it could make her go from angry to happy in about five minutes. It was special like a kiss to the nose or the forehead by a lover. When that was done it made her toes curl and her body tingle as it was doing now. it had been so long since that feeling was felt yet it felt like only yesterday they were hand in hand walking through town, or from school making plans of the future, then he left without notice.

She pushed that thought from her head, it couldn't be ignored forever she thought could it? No, she knew the answer to it and she heard what he did after he left her and it was something that killed her inside BUT she wasn't going to let it ruin this moment with him. She loved him, was all those feelings still there? Yes, she knew it and didn't even have to think about it. If he stuck around could they get back to that place they once were? She had no clue but for not she wasn't going to let it linger she was going to take this moment and move forth with him now.

They walked slowly across the grass like neither one of them wanted the walk to end. They knew then they would need to release hands, she felt his and didn't wish to she liked it there wrapped around hers holding it tightly. They finally reached the area the shed was as it was hidden behind the thick wall of roses and green bushes. Faith felt her hand slowly being released, she looked to him as his fingertips slide along her own as she want to stop time right there and let them keep that one touch that felt so good, so right between them or her at least.

Standing back she watched as Jeremy moved closer, she could see where the roses were slightly parted where her own hand and arm was in there just minutes ago. He looked about it first and then looked to her and she back as he could see what she meant how it was buried from eyes of another like somebody was trying to hide it. If you were going to use a shed you wouldn't plant roses and shrubs all around it to hide it and camouflage it right? Who ever took care of the land, never clipped these plants, others around the house were trimmed nice and neatly and taken care of. maybe there was a landscaper or somebody like a caretaker who looked after it while Ian was away from it.

Jeremy did just as she had, he pushed his arm through the slightly parted roses and reached in searching for the lock and chain she had spoke about. She knew there was no way that it could be opened without a key and from just feeling it you couldn't see in to see if it was a new lock, old lock or if it was rusty or anything to give an idea of what was needed to open it except a key. "Be careful those thorns are sharp." She warned him, not wanting him to get cut up but it was kind of really hard to avoid that with how thick and dense the roses were. There were a beautiful pink in color though, the blooms were huge and they smelled wonderful, something you'd see in a fairytale book along a castle wall that the price was to climb or get by to get to his princess.

“I don't remember seeing any keys inside the house.” he said to her looking at her as she watched him give it a yank with all of his body weight and she knew the door didn't even budge the slightest. he had both his hands in there and when he pulled them back out he was marked just as she was, Faith felt bad. The blood quickly ran to the surface of his flesh where the scratches were as she could see these little beads of blood appearing one aside the other till a droplet was formed. Faith knew they needed to co at least clean his arms up as she had hers. he looked to her and she felt sorry, and offered a tissue to him, it was clean and pulled back instead she dabbed his scratches taking a bit of the blood away as he spoke.

“I wonder if Ian even knew about this building in the first place? Everything suggests that he cleared did, but I can't really figure out if I want to believe it or not. I mean, why would anyone want to hide a shed?” He said as she nodded in agreement.

"He had to know because on the deed of any properties there are listed put buildings and this building would have been clearly listed on it. I wonder though who owned it before him?" faith had a good point but it was too late to call and or go to town and look up the records.

Faith watched as he looked around, she had looked to if he was looking for something to break the lock and couldn't see anything to do it with. She wondered if the roses were not only to hide but were a meaning for something? Why not just use bushes that would form a wall and blend in better why use something as beautiful as roses? Roses would draw anyone to them, people especially women loved to look and smell them and would go out of their way to do just like, like she did.

“I'm afraid we will have to break or pick the lock, if we want to get inside.” he said turning to her as she looked into his eyes lost in them so quickly. They shared a look one that made her feel everything all over again, those old feeling washing through her like a wave of a rough seas because of the up and down good and bad emotions within her. “... unless, of course, you found a key in the bedroom? It's up to you Faith. This place belongs to you now. I will gladly force my way into the shed, but only if you want me to. There may even be a window at the back that we can smash open, if you want the rose bushes to remain unharmed.”

She stood there with him and thought about it for a bit. "I didn't find anything in there. Ian would have stashed it someplace only he would know like an old can , in it or under it, in a small hole in a wall or he would even have it sitting out in the open and people would just casually look past it." She replied to him and that was the moment, it was then and there that she finally stepped forth close to him, he hands took his within hers and she leaned in eyes open, tilted her head and placed a kiss to his lips as her eyes slowly closed feeling him, tasting him, breathing her old lover back into her once again.

Breaking it she looked to him. "I don't want to destroy , why don't we go back and then return in the morning with the correct tools? or look around here a bit more and see what we can find. Somebody hid it for a reason, and it's beautiful. if we can get to a window if there is one, maybe we can look inside it." She stood there her eyes never left his but she licked across his lips tasting him almost talking like it never happened. Faith didn't wish to analyze it, she just knew she wanted to kiss him, and kiss him again and again. Got what this man did to her was scary and yet wonderful all at the same time.