NightOfPassion2
Counting down
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HEY! HEY!...
she said please. so, it would be
Please, shut the F8ck up.
Rock on.
Marriage and Relationships
- Thread starter AbsintheFather
- Start date
Rock on.
D
DesEsseintes
Guest
Oh my word, smallgirl. That's appalling: I'm so sorry. I hope you don't mind my asking, but was it completely out of the blue, or were there signs?
I can't think what to say. What a dreadful thing.
I can't think what to say. What a dreadful thing.
Holy Crap, he asked you today? Why?
complete blindside...we had had some struggles over family shit, but I honestly thought we had resolved those and was improving.
totally out of left field.
he just said he was done, and his family (aka his brother's rules) needed him more than he needed to be married to me).
that he couldn't be there for me and do what his family needed him to do and something had to go...and that would be me obviously.
Zach_lost_in_Aus
Meandering.
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I'm sorry to intrude but I feel compelled to. That's a truly awful thing. I can understand many of the reasons why people divorce but that?
My heart goes out to you.
D
DesEsseintes
Guest
What an utter jerk. When you marry, I seem to remember something about 'for better, for worse'?
I would hope that by marrying I have not rejected my family, nor has my wife rejected hers. But if for some bizarre reason there were an absolute conflict between the two, my wife and son would have to come first, for the simple reason that I promised to look after them, until the day I die and, through my will, even beyond that.
Your husband seems to have forgotten that. I hope you still manage to work it out - so often such 'ultimatums' are actually just a bargaining chip. But if not, though I know it will be no comfort now, then he really didn't deserve you - and, in time, you will learn the truth of that with someone new.
My sincere best wishes for the appalling time you must be going through.
I would hope that by marrying I have not rejected my family, nor has my wife rejected hers. But if for some bizarre reason there were an absolute conflict between the two, my wife and son would have to come first, for the simple reason that I promised to look after them, until the day I die and, through my will, even beyond that.
Your husband seems to have forgotten that. I hope you still manage to work it out - so often such 'ultimatums' are actually just a bargaining chip. But if not, though I know it will be no comfort now, then he really didn't deserve you - and, in time, you will learn the truth of that with someone new.
My sincere best wishes for the appalling time you must be going through.
WearMeWell
Literotica Guru
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oh my god.
oh "smallgirl"- ...there are no words. my heart is broken for you.
im struggling with my pain for you- and being so mad at him i could spit!!
i almost hope you slapped the sh*t out of him.
...maybe you should slap me, for encouraging you to "try."
*sigh~
i...served my husband with divorce papers,...twice.
we separated 3 times.
we'll be married 29 years in a few months.
this doesnt have to mean the end; but for most people, it is.
god, i just want to say how sorry i am.
i so wish i could fix it...or just show up and let you slap me.
something.
*
NightOfPassion2
Counting down
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So, so sad....my heart goes out to you for trying...
Well that's how I see it. His family has never liked me me nor have I liked them. They are a bunch of bullies who have always treated me and my daughters like crap. Hubby has only.stood up for us the last couple of years.
Everyone in my family likes my husband except my sister. Years ago when she crossed the line one time I stood up for hubby and put my sister in her place. He comes first...
I really don't know what to do or say right now....I always sensed this day may come..he's just not strong enough to go against his family. His excuse has always been that if he has to choose then I should too and cut my family off.
but my family treats him good. They like him...and my sister knows her place and doesn't cross that line. So I don't quite see that as the same thing. His sister called our oldest daughter trash to her face...my daughter is a nurse working on her nurse practitioner's license this fall. When my MIL was dying of cancer my daughter tried to help. His brother told her to shut up, that he hated "know it all's" and that she didn't know Jack shit. Yeah...she deals with cancer patients every day in her job...but that's nothing.
I guess his family has finally won.
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He gave me 3 main reasons...the first was his family was placing too many demands on him, and it was too much to deal with and be married to me.
two, he was tired of trying to be what I need, it was basically too much trouble and took way too much energy, and with his job and his family something had to give.
three he was tired of me trying to fix our sex life. there was more to life than sex, and at his age and stress level he just needed to get off and not have to worry about all the other stuff, and it was too much trouble and he simply was not the kind of man to give me the sex I need, and he was tired of it always coming back to sex for me.
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
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Smallgirl -
I am so sorry to hear how all this ended up. I've stayed away from adding my two bits to your story because you've had so much good advice from the others.
You seem to have a good clear head on your shoulders and a lot going for you. I have no doubt at all that after you get through the pain and BS that you will emerge happier and better for it. I just hope you don't let the lawyers steal too much of what is yours and that you can do it without too much acrimony.
Best wishes.
I am so sorry to hear how all this ended up. I've stayed away from adding my two bits to your story because you've had so much good advice from the others.
You seem to have a good clear head on your shoulders and a lot going for you. I have no doubt at all that after you get through the pain and BS that you will emerge happier and better for it. I just hope you don't let the lawyers steal too much of what is yours and that you can do it without too much acrimony.
Best wishes.
thank you.
norfolklad
Literotica Guru
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Yes, indeed.
I went through one incredibly abusive marriage - yes it happens to us guys too. I clung onto it for far too long and when the inevitable break did come it hurt like I couldn't believe. I felt much as you are probably feeling now, so my thoughts are with you and I'm sending you all the strength and support it's possible to send through a set of wires.
AbsintheFather is right though. There is light and happiness on the far side. If only there weren't so much to wade through to get there. But you will get there, believe me.
yeah, it's all the bullshit you have to go through to get there, and I am terrified it will carry over into my schooling and that I cant handle. I have worked way too hard.
coffeelover5
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Smallgirl,
I understand where you are coming from. My marriage (second) is not perfect in any definition but when the family adds pressure it is insane. Mine did and as a result of that even though I live less than five miles from the self appointed matriarch (younger sister) since both parents have died I have not spoken with or seen her.
There still is a lot for my wife and I to work on but distancing myself from my family helped. It hurts, a lot but that was one sacrifice I felt compelled to make. Sad to not know my family but I cleave to my wife for now.
Hang in there and focus on yourself for a change. Warm thoughts sent to you.
I understand where you are coming from. My marriage (second) is not perfect in any definition but when the family adds pressure it is insane. Mine did and as a result of that even though I live less than five miles from the self appointed matriarch (younger sister) since both parents have died I have not spoken with or seen her.
There still is a lot for my wife and I to work on but distancing myself from my family helped. It hurts, a lot but that was one sacrifice I felt compelled to make. Sad to not know my family but I cleave to my wife for now.
Hang in there and focus on yourself for a change. Warm thoughts sent to you.
Thank you.
I understand where hubby is coming from when he says his brother taking his dad to live with him eased a lot of the resentment he had towards his brother...I get that completely. But it didn't ease MY resentment, or my girls. They both still refuse to go there, for holidays or anything. So, if I want to spend my holidays with my girls, what am I suppose to do?
For example, Easter, his brother and his wife are cooking Easter dinner, and hubby says he is going cause his Dad lives there. That's all well and good, but if I want to spend Easter with my kids what am I suppose to do? Hubby basically looked at me and said we would be spending every holiday apart then...how is that fair to me or our kids?
norfolklad
Literotica Guru
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That is unreasonable. Your husband clearly does not understand that, by marrying, he has created a new family and that his first loyalty must be to that, not to the one that reared him. The impression I get is that he has never really grown up. He is immature. He still sees himself as a child of the family and clings to it for support. Until he learns that he must not do that any relationship he enters into will be doomed.
Please try to focus yourself on your schooling and let everything else flow past you as much as you can. I know that's easy for me to say but it may help you if you can. Dedicate yourself to that.
Sending you lots of love and strength.
Well that's how I see it. I see it as our girls and myself as his priority. ....or we should be. Over the course of his mom being sick and dying, and taking care of his dad, I have lost so much respect for my husband, due to the fact he just lets his family walk all over him. They bully him and he allows it. The one time he did stick up for himself, and me and the girls? He said it caused so much trouble with his family that it wasn't worth it.
Really?
I'm starting to get really angry over it....and its not going to be pretty. He's giving me ultimatums, and I'm getting ready to give one myself. If, big if, we make it thru this, after his dad is gone, its me or his siblings. Either he walks away from them or I am the one that's done.
I am so incredibly frustrated.
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
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This morning over breakfast my wife was talking about how crabby and miserable her brother has been sounding lately.
I felt like saying to her that it was simple - he was working hard and was stressed out. His efforts weren't appreciated by his hard-to-please wife. That he wasn't getting laid enough, and that would probably be much happier and stress free if he were single.
But I felt it might hit a little too close to home so I just kept my thought to myself.
I felt like saying to her that it was simple - he was working hard and was stressed out. His efforts weren't appreciated by his hard-to-please wife. That he wasn't getting laid enough, and that would probably be much happier and stress free if he were single.
But I felt it might hit a little too close to home so I just kept my thought to myself.
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suckonsimon
delivering the goods
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This morning over breakfast my wife was talking about crabby and miserable her brother has been sounding lately.
I felt like saying to her that it was simple - he was working hard and was stressed out. His efforts weren't appreciated by his hard-to-please wife. That he wasn't getting laid enough, and that would probably be much happier and stress free if he were single.
But I felt it might hit a little too close to home so I just kept my thought to myself.
OR! ... Or that he would be much happier and stress free if he had married a woman who still took pleasure in pleasing him, giving him ample opportunity for distractions from work and deadlines and all that shit, and backed him up with the challenges of his work as he was doing for her too ... etc etc ...
Please, it does happen! It's possible! Dare I say it's even potentially recoverable once lost!
When you stay in a marriage for the sake of your kids, and and the kids get grown, off to college or out on their own, when does your obligation to stay end?
I'm sure most on here know what I went thru yesterday in my marriage and that I need to leave for my own safety. My oldest(she's 23) says what he did was wrong but I should try therapy and us learn how to communicate. That what he did was wrong, but we need to try to fix it.
My youngest(she's 19) doesn't know exactly what he did...she couldn't handle it. I told her he had crossed a line there was no uncrossing and that leaving him may be only option. She cried. Said she understood, but she didn't want it to come to that cause she didn't think she could handle it.
When exactly does my obligation end?
I'm sure most on here know what I went thru yesterday in my marriage and that I need to leave for my own safety. My oldest(she's 23) says what he did was wrong but I should try therapy and us learn how to communicate. That what he did was wrong, but we need to try to fix it.
My youngest(she's 19) doesn't know exactly what he did...she couldn't handle it. I told her he had crossed a line there was no uncrossing and that leaving him may be only option. She cried. Said she understood, but she didn't want it to come to that cause she didn't think she could handle it.
When exactly does my obligation end?
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