When I was in high school a friend of mine(white) invited me to go to a New Years Eve party (house party) with her and her new boyfriend. Mutual friends told me her boyfriend and the group he hung out with considered themselves a skin heads. She assured me that was not true. Initially there were no issues, besides some unsettling glances thrown our way. I was probably more aware of it than her and her boyfriend.
After the drinks started flowing apparently inhibitions were lowered. From the kitchen, we could see there was a commotion between a few of the guys in the living room. Two guys were kind of holding another guy back and telling him to calm down. The guy being held back shouted -why the fuck should I calm down, what is that nigger doing here?!!- My girlfriend immediately became upset and started yelling at the guy, her boyfriend was telling her to calm down. My friend told her boyfriend she would leave if the other guy wasn't made to leave. Apparently her boyfriend was one of the alpha's of the group and he told her he'd go talk to him.
After he spoke to the guy, he came over to me and asked to speak to me in private. I was nervous about it but agreed. He took me over to the stairs that led to the basement and we sat there. He apologized to me and starting telling me why he had the beliefs he does. We were interrupted a few times by people going outside to smoke as the back door was next to the basement stairs. So, he asked me to go in the basement with him to continue talking. I was still feeling uneasy about be alone with him but excited-sexually- at the same time. We went down stairs and continued talking. He asked me to give him a hug to prove I had forgiven him. I agreed. When he hugged me he squeezed me to his chest and lifted me off my feel. When he put me down he continued to hug me asking if I was sure I was ok. The whole time my breasts were pressed against his chest. The mixture of and anxiety and arousal was something I don't know how to describe. Anyway, someone started to come downstairs and he let me go. It was a friend of his who jokingly (I think) started giving him a hard time about being alone with me. He thanked for listening and headed back upstairs.
A group of us ended up spending the night there on a huge sectional in the basement. Somehow he ended up laying next to me. At some point during the night I felt his hand brush against my ass and it ended up resting on my hip. My back was to him...he was facing me-when I turned to look at him, he was "sleeping". I wanted so badly for him to continue touching me or to feel a bulge in his jeans against my ass. I would have pretended to still be asleep if that was what it took for him to explore my body!! Lol Especially knowing there were other people sleeping near us who wouldn't approve.
The idea of disrupting a person's beliefs due to an internal conflict that my presence was the catalyst to.....is thrilling to me. Gives me a feeling of power over someone who seeks to oppress people like me. This man started the night calling me a nigger and being offended I was in his presence but ended up being sexually attracted to me. Maybe he had always been attracted to black women but afraid or ashamed to show it...due to his beliefs about white supremacy...fear of being judged by his peers? Struggling internally with his beliefs and his sexual desires which don't match....It's really no different than a guy who trashes gay men but secretly desires them.
My fantasies about his urgency to fulfill his desires is what really gets my juices flowing. Can you imagine wanting something so badly, but denying yourself...the would have to be some of the most passionate sex. Maybe it would be angry sex...angry about his lust and/or angry about not being able to stop himself from acting on it.
After the drinks started flowing apparently inhibitions were lowered. From the kitchen, we could see there was a commotion between a few of the guys in the living room. Two guys were kind of holding another guy back and telling him to calm down. The guy being held back shouted -why the fuck should I calm down, what is that nigger doing here?!!- My girlfriend immediately became upset and started yelling at the guy, her boyfriend was telling her to calm down. My friend told her boyfriend she would leave if the other guy wasn't made to leave. Apparently her boyfriend was one of the alpha's of the group and he told her he'd go talk to him.
After he spoke to the guy, he came over to me and asked to speak to me in private. I was nervous about it but agreed. He took me over to the stairs that led to the basement and we sat there. He apologized to me and starting telling me why he had the beliefs he does. We were interrupted a few times by people going outside to smoke as the back door was next to the basement stairs. So, he asked me to go in the basement with him to continue talking. I was still feeling uneasy about be alone with him but excited-sexually- at the same time. We went down stairs and continued talking. He asked me to give him a hug to prove I had forgiven him. I agreed. When he hugged me he squeezed me to his chest and lifted me off my feel. When he put me down he continued to hug me asking if I was sure I was ok. The whole time my breasts were pressed against his chest. The mixture of and anxiety and arousal was something I don't know how to describe. Anyway, someone started to come downstairs and he let me go. It was a friend of his who jokingly (I think) started giving him a hard time about being alone with me. He thanked for listening and headed back upstairs.
A group of us ended up spending the night there on a huge sectional in the basement. Somehow he ended up laying next to me. At some point during the night I felt his hand brush against my ass and it ended up resting on my hip. My back was to him...he was facing me-when I turned to look at him, he was "sleeping". I wanted so badly for him to continue touching me or to feel a bulge in his jeans against my ass. I would have pretended to still be asleep if that was what it took for him to explore my body!! Lol Especially knowing there were other people sleeping near us who wouldn't approve.
The idea of disrupting a person's beliefs due to an internal conflict that my presence was the catalyst to.....is thrilling to me. Gives me a feeling of power over someone who seeks to oppress people like me. This man started the night calling me a nigger and being offended I was in his presence but ended up being sexually attracted to me. Maybe he had always been attracted to black women but afraid or ashamed to show it...due to his beliefs about white supremacy...fear of being judged by his peers? Struggling internally with his beliefs and his sexual desires which don't match....It's really no different than a guy who trashes gay men but secretly desires them.
My fantasies about his urgency to fulfill his desires is what really gets my juices flowing. Can you imagine wanting something so badly, but denying yourself...the would have to be some of the most passionate sex. Maybe it would be angry sex...angry about his lust and/or angry about not being able to stop himself from acting on it.
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There's just never a guarantee that someone will pick up an idea here, sadly. Ya just have to be patient. Sometimes trying your hand at writing can help, too. There's an editors forum where people can help edit.
