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Mystery Man
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I want to try juggling but I don't have the balls to do it.
Puns
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bigcpl4fun
Oldies but goodies
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There once was a rich Count and an evil Queen. The Queen wanted the Count's wealth, so she had him brought before her. She demanded all his money, but he steadfastly refused. She had him tortured, and he still refused.
She had him brought before her once again and told him she would have him killed if he didn't comply. He refused he was forced to his knees and the executioner raised his ax. As the blow descended, the Count cried out, "Wait, I'll give you whatever you want" , but it was too late.
The moral of the story is don't hatchet your Counts before they chicken...
She had him brought before her once again and told him she would have him killed if he didn't comply. He refused he was forced to his knees and the executioner raised his ax. As the blow descended, the Count cried out, "Wait, I'll give you whatever you want" , but it was too late.
The moral of the story is don't hatchet your Counts before they chicken...
done_got_old
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Great!
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Mystery Man
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Excellent!
done_got_old
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The truth may ring out like a bell, but it is seldom ever tolled.
done_got_old
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Not quite a pun, or is it?
Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what would you like to drink? First one says H2O and he drinks it, second one says I'll have H2O too, he drinks it and dies.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The bartender asks what would you like to drink? First one says H2O and he drinks it, second one says I'll have H2O too, he drinks it and dies.
done_got_old
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Eager for some bargains, she was itching to get to the flea market.
done_got_old
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While I was sitting on the bench I noticed a really pungent odor. No wonder they call it a pew.
done_got_old
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done_got_old
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A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
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Mystery Man
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I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's Dog and Schrodinger's Cat. The librarian replied, "It rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
done_got_old
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After spending all day grinding up tree bark and branches the worker was remarkably chipper afterwards.
done_got_old
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Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.
Especially when I went back for seconds.
Especially when I went back for seconds.
yellow_rose71
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Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
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Mystery Man
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They were counting the days till their release.
done_got_old
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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
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Mystery Man
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That must have been highly illuminating.
done_got_old
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Past, Present and Future walked into a Bar. It was tense.
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Mystery Man
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done_got_old
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I collect vintage time pieces. When I see one I like at online auction, I put it on my watch list.
bigcpl4fun
Oldies but goodies
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Once upon a time there were three American Indian wives.
One slept on a Buffalo hide, one slept on an Elk's hide and one slept on an Hippopotamus hide. The one who slept on the Buffalo hide had one son as did the one who slept on the Elk's hide. The one who slept on the Hippopotamus hide, however, had two sons.
What's the moral of the story ?
The sons of the squaw of the Hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other 2 hides....
One slept on a Buffalo hide, one slept on an Elk's hide and one slept on an Hippopotamus hide. The one who slept on the Buffalo hide had one son as did the one who slept on the Elk's hide. The one who slept on the Hippopotamus hide, however, had two sons.
What's the moral of the story ?
The sons of the squaw of the Hippopotamus hide is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other 2 hides....
done_got_old
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I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
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Mystery Man
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A shipment of viagra was stolen last night. Police are looking for hardened criminals.
done_got_old
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
