Genderqueer (former) lurker

That was a really lousy attempt at a title... I apologize for the lack of creativity...

Anyway! I'm P and I fluctuate between using male and female pronouns. Either are fine but male pronouns make me most comfortable with new acquaintances. I'm a long time reader of literotica but just recently made an account so I can have all my favorite stories saved, and to meet new friends.

I would love to chat with genderqueer-inclusive folk, and would also appreciate suggestions for a story with an ftm character in it in which his gender is not a kink for his partner (if that makes sense).

I look forward to meeting you all!


P.S.: Lord, is it scary posting on the internet... I usually try not to because I always get trolled back into my introvert cocoon... i dont even think you use postscript on threads... Fuuuu

Welcome to Lit
There are a few GQ folks at Lit, but they don't post much so you may need to be patient. If you have some stories then post a link from your Profile.
If you get trolled just let me know and I'll bash them for you

Thanks! I've gotten one or two good users messaging me but mostly randoms trying to creep. You know the ones: "I'm 54m wut u wearin" haha. I'm just on the forum for friends, but I can understand the advances given the type of site... But at least put effort into it if you're going to send that kind of message! At least something other than using my gender identity as a kink. Lord...

Welcome P !

I think you've come to the right place to explore your writing and your sexuality. I started here for the exact same reasons some years ago and it was very helpful being here. I'm probably not exactly like you, obviously since we're all unique...but I do consider myself somewhat gender fluid. I'm also a confirmed introvert. Now in my own humble opinion that makes for a very special and wonderful person, so I'm thinking that of you too (But I admit that I may be somewhat biased)

The point is, feel welcome. You probably know the ups and downs of such forums as this on, but I'm sure you will find some friends that really do become good friends. In regard to writing and posting here, the Authors forum is a good place to learn craft as there are a number of accomplished authors on the site. In regard to advice on writing and posting a story, this link has some good info -> https://www.literotica.com/faq/05235347.shtml

Hope you find a comfortable place here !

PS: You can turn off Private Messages if "creeps" bother you too much, you can also put them on "Ignore"

EDIT: After reading your original post, I realize that you may be requesting input on a story written by others in regard to non-fetish theme, etc. Maybe you should write one that brings out the love and real world issues of Gender-queer folks??? I always try to touch on the real life emotions in my characters as I think we do have a voice in spreading the word about LGBTQ people. No one can tell the story like you, so I hope you think about it.

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! It's nice to meet some friendly (and queer/genderqueer friendly) people! I'm going to take your advice to heart and emphasize the human and emotional aspects of genderqueer character(s) in my writing to de-fetishize their identity. That is if I ever grow the balls to post a story on to Lit! (Pun not intended, but welcomed haha)

Still looking for friends and chat!

I'm pretty open if asking questions (gender identity related or otherwise) is an easier way for lurkers to start PMs/conversation! As long as it's not "wut u wearin?" Or lame nicknames like sweetie or something... I want to talk with you, not feel like I'm being solicited!

PissKitten said:

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! It's nice to meet some friendly (and queer/genderqueer friendly) people! I'm going to take your advice to heart and emphasize the human and emotional aspects of genderqueer character(s) in my writing to de-fetishize their identity. That is if I ever grow the balls to post a story on to Lit! (Pun not intended, but welcomed haha)

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I hope you do write something. Don't be too intimidated, most every one who posts a story here are amateurs. Plus, you'll only get better with each one you do. I agree with you that it's important to provide a balance to the pure porn aspect of LGBTQ sexuality. I try to blend enough of the erotic in to keep it...well, erotic, but try and show the love too. Drop me a PM if you have any questions on the nuts & bolts of submitting something...it's not too mysterious. (No pun intended on the Nuts or Bolts )

yukonnights said:

I hope you do write something. Don't be too intimidated, most every one who posts a story here are amateurs. Plus, you'll only get better with each one you do. I agree with you that it's important to provide a balance to the pure porn aspect of LGBTQ sexuality. I try to blend enough of the erotic in to keep it...well, erotic, but try and show the love too. Drop me a PM if you have any questions on the nuts & bolts of submitting something...it's not too mysterious. (No pun intended on the Nuts or Bolts )

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Yea, just put your heart into it and write for you, not the crowd. Having said that, I did play to the crowds a bit with my Fishing series, because I felt I had to include more sex for the sake of the readership. If I were to edit them now some scenes would go.

So, banter question. On Reddit genderqueer people seem quite angry: do you agree? How would you describe a typical GQ person or is there such a thing?

stickygirl said:

Yea, just put your heart into it and write for you, not the crowd. Having said that, I did play to the crowds a bit with my Fishing series, because I felt I had to include more sex for the sake of the readership. If I were to edit them now some scenes would go.

So, banter question. On Reddit genderqueer people seem quite angry: do you agree? How would you describe a typical GQ person or is there such a thing?

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I'm not sure if you were asking me or PissKitten...but in my opinion, there is a range of personalities just like every other sexuality. However, I would say that there seems to be more stress in that population. Stress can sometimes come off as angry...and in many cases anger is just a reaction to our own fear, no matter who it is. Also, online vs real-life brings out two very different personalities sometime.

I think it's a balance that one has to deal with in regard to playing to the crowd with a lot of sex scenes. Most people come here to read what they can't find other places, and sex is a real part of life. I'm not offended by the sex scenes so much as the degrading of a person, be it fiction or real. Seems that there is a lot of that in some genres.

stickygirl said:

Yea, just put your heart into it and write for you, not the crowd. Having said that, I did play to the crowds a bit with my Fishing series, because I felt I had to include more sex for the sake of the readership. If I were to edit them now some scenes would go.

So, banter question. On Reddit genderqueer people seem quite angry: do you agree? How would you describe a typical GQ person or is there such a thing?

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That's a super honest answer, relevant to most of us I'd guess as regards the sexy scenes.
As for the GQ question I believe people prod for reaction so I try never to answer in anger, however that's not always easy

Huh, I thought I'd said welcome earlier but apparently I didn't, so... welcome!

yukonnights said:

I'm not sure if you were asking me or PissKitten...but in my opinion, there is a range of personalities just like every other sexuality. However, I would say that there seems to be more stress in that population. Stress can sometimes come off as angry...and in many cases anger is just a reaction to our own fear, no matter who it is. Also, online vs real-life brings out two very different personalities sometime.

I think it's a balance that one has to deal with in regard to playing to the crowd with a lot of sex scenes. Most people come here to read what they can't find other places, and sex is a real part of life. I'm not offended by the sex scenes so much as the degrading of a person, be it fiction or real. Seems that there is a lot of that in some genres.

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I'm glad you replied and yours are always thoughtful
Yup, nods to the fear/anger reaction and it's something we've all witnessed.
I'm just an old-fashioned girl and I can't do sex without a good dollop of emotional connections first. I wrote more from the heart once I'd kinda earned my stripes. I didn't think I was 'allowed' to post here until I'd put something up into the stories section. Duh. When i'm in the zone I love writing and live the scene right down to my hair tingling and heart rate rising as I go - it's a real buzz.

Exescort said:

That's a super honest answer, relevant to most of us I'd guess as regards the sexy scenes.
As for the GQ question I believe people prod for reaction so I try never to answer in anger, however that's not always easy

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My question was kinda based on the reaction I got from my counselor when I mentioned the general ...'mood' in GQ forums - and she concurred. I have a sneaky respect for NB people who put two fingers up to society but I could never do it myself.

Oh goodness. Thank you all for saying hi and welcoming me! I'm gonna be online a little more than usual due to a back injury, so it's nice to start seeing some figurative friendly faces!

You could start a GQ thread - or maybe this is it?! Answer all those GQ questions people want answers to and, if there aren't any, just with some anecdotes or anything to get a convo going
I started a thread about trans and now everyone here is at least degree level with trans issues. Best bit is meeting people, making friends and having to sit down and answer questions in a clear and honest way - it helped me focus on day-to-day problems too. Win-win!

stickygirl said:

You could start a GQ thread - or maybe this is it?! Answer all those GQ questions people want answers to and, if there aren't any, just with some anecdotes or anything to get a convo going
I started a thread about trans and now everyone here is at least degree level with trans issues. Best bit is meeting people, making friends and having to sit down and answer questions in a clear and honest way - it helped me focus on day-to-day problems too. Win-win!

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What a great idea! I am pretty open so long as the questions are coming from a genuine and curious place and not from a hateful or judging one, if you get me.

I'd love to answer any questions people may have, but of course I can only speak from my own life and experiences, which may not hold true for the next genderqueer person! I think it'd be a great way to be myself and deal with some personal things, as I'm not "out" so to speak (I present as my birth sex) because it would be dangerous in my current conservative community and both my and my spouse's family would probably disown the both of us.

Ok.... so coming out. How long did it take you to figure out you were GQ and then what happened? I mean, did the conclusion give you peace of mind or just raise more questions?

stickygirl said:

Ok.... so coming out. How long did it take you to figure out you were GQ and then what happened? I mean, did the conclusion give you peace of mind or just raise more questions?

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I think I really started noticing I didnt feel comfortable in my body around early high school. I was already in a dark space then, without getting morbid on you, so starting to realize I was different or that I felt wrong for questioning myself and body made my depression worse. I suppressed that feeling for years until I was single and had graduated high school, at which time I slowly began to experiment with different ideas of identity and expression.

To be honest with you, it was extremely liberating to feel free to be myself and experiment with what that meant without judgement of an oppressive partner. I began to reach out to online communities and even close friends irl for support and advice.

Unfortunately, I never got to experiment much with a sex life as a genderqueer/trans person irl because that turned a lot of people off where I was living at the time. I did get into some bad situations because of this, but I was lucky that nothing too terrible happened.

I know that was a rather general answer for what you asked, but I tried to keep the details and such forum-friendly

stickygirl said:

Ok.... so coming out. How long did it take you to figure out you were GQ and then what happened? I mean, did the conclusion give you peace of mind or just raise more questions?

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Good question, and I'll try to add my two cents as well.

I touched on this recently in another Thread, but it is something that has sort of solidified in my mind lately. In my opinion, being made to feel that something is wrong with you because of your sexuality definitely leads to depression and a general unhappiness with life. Most of us figure out pretty young about the general direction of our interests in regard to other people. Sadly, even in today's world where so much scientific information is available regarding human sexuality, there still persists an oppressive ignorance and rejection of the facts.

I have held the above view for many years. But more recently I have come to believe that the presence or absence of true inner happiness is closely linked with the level of openness one can experience regarding their true nature. In short; most people simply cannot live a lie without it impacting their overall happiness and joy with life.

Thus, there seems to be something very important in being true to oneself and being allowed to be that in society. You asked if coming out caused more peace or raised more questions. I think both. Obviously at first there are more questions, but questions can be answered with research, thought, and talking with others. The peace, in my opinion, comes when you first truly believe you are "normal"...the next step is being open and honest with anyone who needs to know about the issue.

This is easier said than done though. About believing I'm normal; This can involve a number of tendrils such as family beliefs, religious beliefs/teachings and other people's beliefs. I think the first thing one has to do is simply research and learn about non-hetero sexualities. I gain the most from scientific information, closely followed by testimonies of others who have walked this path. Science is easy, since it is just facts. The testimonies of others who have walked this path offer validation in several ways, but the one that stands out to me is this; I cannot imagine anyone living an open life and going through all of the pain, rejection and sometimes physical danger for just a sexual kink. No, there is a deeper emotional drive that will not rest until it is allowed to live free.

This got longer than I wanted, but it's a complex question

Hiya all,

not got anything to add at this stage. Just bumping for my subscription.

Lots of love

Uggg

Uggg said:

Hiya all,

not got anything to add at this stage. Just bumping for my subscription.

Lots of love

Uggg

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Oh goodness, you're a doll. <3

PissKitten said:

I would love to chat with genderqueer-inclusive folk, and would also appreciate suggestions for a story with an ftm character in it in which his gender is not a kink for his partner (if that makes sense).

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poking my head in the door a year later. Anyone still around? Genderqueer here.

Welcome aboardKantwaves, hugs & kisses

Kantarii said:

Welcome aboardKantwaves, hugs & kisses

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Thank you!

Just going to stick my head in here and say hi as well. I vacillate between describing myself as bigender and non-binary, though I, like you, present as my assigned gender - at least out in public unless it's in a safe space for... reasons I am still working on and can go into more another time.

Read Sticky's trans thread. Kantarii up there also has some good stories - they might not be exactly what you're looking for, but they're pretty hot