Online wardrobe control........who should fund it?

SpunThings said:

Anyone who says you're not a sub if you don't do X is being manipulative, and is a clear sign you're not compatible with them.

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Completely agree with this. Don't fall for that BS.

I'm a domme now but I was a sub once myself. I've seen both sides of the fence over the years (I won't discuss just how many years that is). Whoever said that was definitely trying to manipulate you. Submission does not equate to being a doormat or letting yourself be coerced into anything to your detriment that you don't want to do.

Hope you have good luck with your dom

I would never ask someone to buy me something, I've bought things, not that much, I didn't even think twice, they were all things for me that I didn't realize I needed or even wanted. If I was asked to buy something expensive and I couldn't afford it I would just say I can't afford it at this time and leave it at that. I sort of have disposable income or more like I'm not hurting that much now so I don't naturally worry about buying small things here and there especially if it was something I would use anyways.

One thing I wonder about, how could a new online Dom buy you something without you outright giving them your address. That doesn't seem like a good idea if you are just getting to know the person, which from your post sounds like you are. I would not feel comfortable doing that.

KatKnees said:

One thing I wonder about, how could a new online Dom buy you something without you outright giving them your address.

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Fairly simple: You send for example the code for an Amazon gift card with the proper amount. Or you send the money via Paypal to an email address.

Just as a counterpoint, there is the concept of financial domination, AKA FinDom. This usually involves the submissive partner giving the dominant partner cash, or things off their wishlist.

I will not pretend to understand it, as it's not my thing, but here's an article: http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/findom-kinky-fetish-domination-extortion-blackmail/

I do realize this thread is about a different form of financial expectations, but in case it comes up for the OP or others, I wanted to put this out there.

Etoile said:

Just as a counterpoint, there is the concept of financial domination, AKA FinDom. This usually involves the submissive partner giving the dominant partner cash, or things off their wishlist.

I will not pretend to understand it, as it's not my thing, but here's an article: http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/findom-kinky-fetish-domination-extortion-blackmail/

I do realize this thread is about a different form of financial expectations, but in case it comes up for the OP or others, I wanted to put this out there.

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No offense, but that's a terrible article.

It completely fails to distinguish between money for humiliation, simple payment for professional service, financial domination and abuse.

If I squeeze everything I can get out of a sucker to live a better life myself, then this has nothing to do with financial domination, but everything with being a greedy, egoistic asshole. For financial domination you take the money away to strip him/her from the power of having it. It's not much different than any other control. In essence it's all the same:"May I please cum, Sir?", "May I please wear panties, Sir?", "May I please buy a burger, Sir?".

Yes, it does tie in well with humiliation and also limit pushing.


The "You want me to fuck you? Then pay me, you disgusting bitch." money play is a completely different beast and has nothing to do with financial domination, but is purely humiliation.

Primalex said:

No offense, but that's a terrible article.

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Fair enough! I am very unfamiliar with findom, I only know that it exists, and that was an early google result when I sought something to link here. I'd be very interested to read better articles on it.

I think that if a new Ds relationship is developing and wardrobe control is something a Dom would like, I would be happy to experiment with the wardrobe I already have. buying new things would be a discussion for a later date, and not a rule or protocol to begin with.

Sam xx

I think it depends on what you and the Dom agree on. It makes me uncomfortable for someone to spend money on me. My Master has offered to cover my lingerie and toys before which I appreciate. I ask permission to purchase new clothing items and I'm always open to his input.

Submissive1tou said:

I think it depends on what you and the Dom agree on. It makes me uncomfortable for someone to spend money on me. My Master has offered to cover my lingerie and toys before which I appreciate. I ask permission to purchase new clothing items and I'm always open to his input.

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The few times I suggested a girl buy something, I give her full control if she wanted it. A couple of times, after we had been together a while, I would buy something and send it to her at the office or to a PO Box. It was understood that she was to pay for most things. We both were limited due to our spouses having access to the checking and/or credit cards.
But to answer your question, it's your and your Dom's decision. No right or wrong answer - only yours and His.

Lord Crimson said:

We both were limited due to our spouses having access to the checking and/or credit cards.

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Why was this a problem?

Can't be one all encompassing answer for this surely. All down to specifics and perhaps often a bit of both sides giving

Was going to post that I'd usually expect the dominant to fund wardrobe control and then remembered I have ordered a sub to buy a specific piece of lingerie for me.

She was financially secure and it felt right. She also disobeyed and bought something different, leading to punishment while wearing it. Good times...

Could be either then, depending on the relationship. There's also plenty of scope for wardrobe control without buying new items. Most people have wide enough choices to make things interesting and running out of 'good' choices leads to more discipline as the sub is forced to make sure the dom's favourites are washed and available.