ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

Karleksknop said:

Hahaha, that is true evil

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nyc... is where i am. Any chance of you coming here anytime soon?

I sent you a note on yahoo messenger and added you as well.

I'd like to talk to you.

***masterrandomfucktard***

P.S. When are you on?

P.S. How old is your child?

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mylaceratedheart said:

In response to my BDSM Personals ad.



So where do I begin?

1) I live in London UK.

2) I have neither the cash or inclination to go off on round the world goosechases.

3) I have no children but how fucking creepy are you?

4) And to crown it all, I got more than 1 pm from this guy. Desperation, thy name is ***masterrandomfucktard*** (edited to protect the afflicted)

Guess I'll just have to risk passing up this golden shower of an opportunity.

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Hello My Dear,

Isn't the time way overdue for you to atone for your misdeeds, with a scheduled appointment with the Headmaster?

I think so!

Please reply in earnest if you are sincere and feel you can benefit from such a visit.

Yours in Dominance,

Sir Asshat

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mylaceratedheart said:

In response to my BDSM Personals ad.

nyc... is where i am. Any chance of you coming here anytime soon?

I sent you a note on yahoo messenger and added you as well.

I'd like to talk to you.

***masterrandomfucktard***

P.S. When are you on?

P.S. How old is your child?

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So where do I begin?

1) I live in London UK.

2) I have neither the cash or inclination to go off on round the world goosechases.

3) I have no children but how fucking creepy are you?

4) And to crown it all, I got more than 1 pm from this guy. Desperation, thy name is ***masterrandomfucktard*** (edited to protect the afflicted)

Guess I'll just have to risk passing up this golden shower of an opportunity.

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That's funny.. your myspace page says you have a kid or two. Interesting.

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***masterrandomfucktard*** said:

Sorry about that. My mistake. That initial email wasn't meant for you.

Cheers!

***masterrandomfucktard***

P.S. If you'd like to chat on messenger though, I'd love to have you hear my voice. I'm also going to London. Where are you in the UK? What city?

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mylaceratedheart said:

I'd quit while I was behind if I were you.

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I've done more than glance at your profile and posts, but you seem not to understand that I'm going to London soon.

I'm not into your attitude, so I'm done with you. You should have looked at my posts and asked around on lit about me.

Your loss. Your attitude blows.

***masterrandomfucktard***


P.S. don't write back unless it's an apology.
If it's an insult, you're wasting your time.

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My Lit profile clearly states that I'm in London but instead you took it upon yourself to go looking up the myspace page of a woman who appears to be in San Diego with kids. After sending snarky messages suggesting I've been dishonest about being a parent (which I am still not) you now start asking what city I'm in, when it's been here on Lit all along beside every post I've made?

Your attitude leaves much to be desired and your insistence that I only write to apologise is just supremely arrogant. I am also done. I was done 3 messages ago when you accused me of lying.

Have a nice life, whichever cities you visit.

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So much for using a site that aims to get people of similar interests together. Apparently, one has to spend every minute on the web, and look at every single detail on their profile before simply talking to them. If I were like you, I'd NEVER meet anyone.

This isn't prime school.

You're an idiot.

Worry not, for I won't be writing you again.

Since you were done with me three emails ago, I'll have you know that I take pleasure in not having to ask you not to write back to me, which doesn't matter, since I'm blocking you.

Oh, and ... sod off.

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mylaceratedheart said:

Oh dear, is it just possible I've offended his delicate domly sensibilities?

And 'don't write back unless it's an apology?' That is just a huge shiny red flag as far as I'm concerned. I can resist anything except temptation.

My reply:



And then this morning, right on cue.



What is it with 'doms' and pathological last-word syndrome? I just love the way Master Knickersinknot elected to block me just to ensure he got the last word.

Cyberdoms

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satindesire said:

That's why I always block them FIRST. It's always hilariously fun to know they are screaming at their computer screen in frustration because they can't get the last word.

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N_B said:

Just to be a jackass... If someone were to feel the need to block another so they could have the last word, wouldn't that be the same as admitting that the only way you could have the last word is by blocking? And by extension, mean that the one who was blocked won out in the end?

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RE: Hi - saw you online


HOW I WOULD EAT YOUR PUSSY



There is really only one way to eat pussy. And that is with every fiber of your being. Now don’t get me wrong there are several styles and positions you can do it in but to really lick and eat pussy I have to want to be down there and not afraid to get my face and hands messy.

You lay back and spread your legs as I kiss and lick and tease your pussy before I even think about entering you with a finger or tongue. I admire feet and toes as I kiss and nibble and lick them. I will not forget that the rest of your body is very sensitive while I am between her legs, as I let my hands roam, playing with your tits, I will take your hands in my hand, feel your excitement. Now that I have driven you crazy with my teasing it is time to lick a single lick from the very bottom of your ass hole to the very tip of your pussy. This single long lick should receive a long slow moan and perhaps your fingers grabbing my hair to show your appreciation. The best thing about going down on a you is hearing you as I do it. The moans and the groans and the screams are what it is all about. Even when you ask me to stop you probably don’t really mean it, getting a you so excited that you need to take a break is the greatest feeling in the world. Pushing you to extremes you don’t normally feel will make me a fond memory for years to come.

And once I get to open you up and lick you and taste you on my tongue I should be moaning from the taste and the feel of you. This amazing pussy that will soon be housing my cock as I fuck you well into the evening. I will show you appreciation for all that it does for you and the feelings it brings you. When I am licking and tasting and sucking on your pussy lips I will do it with the energy of a child going after his favorite candy. I press my face hard as my tongue fucks you, sucking with all my might as I tease your clit with my mouth. I make sure I use every single weapon in my arsenal. I use my fingers and tongue, lips, making sure I attack you body with so many sensations that you cannot help but come for me, over and over. I slide a finger or two in and out of your pussy as your flick your tongue all over her clit, circling and pressing. Make sure you listen to her as well, if you are not as vocal as some you will let me know what you like with your hands or moans, so I will pay attention. You will always let me know one way or another.

And the end result of this incredibly fun act is to make you cum Foxy. It isn’t to warm you up for a fucking, (though you will get that as well) It is to show you that I am willing to give as good as I get. I will know when you are close to coming. I will feel your strong legs holding me, kicking and spreading for me, your toes will curl, I will feel your pussy getting ready to reward me and I will hear the moans and groans of a woman on the edge of ultimate pleasure. I WILL NOT STOP doing what I am doing, I don’t care if my neck hurts or my hands cramp. For this is the best part, the part where your body totally lets go and cums. A woman’s orgasm is an amazing thing, she can have them one after another and that is what makes them so much fun, if I do this right and do not stop one might turn into two and so on. And I am always surprised how much men don’t really care a about a woman cuming. So now that I have a woman that does care and I will put in all the time to make you cum, you will be mine. Body and soul. So as I finger and lick and suck and press my face against that wonderful pussy, tasting all you have to offer, I will never stop, I will keep going. Moaning into you and grabbing you with your hands and hold you as I continue to please you. I don’t dare stop till you are DONE.



ASSHAT
Fairfax, VA
(OMG) SUM-NMBR

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BiBunny said:

I got that one, too, Syd.

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00Syd said:

Haha I'm not surprised. I wonder how many women have been interested in the minute details of HOW HE WOULD EAT YOUR PUSSY.

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BiBunny said:

I had half a mind to call the phone number and sound all sexy at first.

"Ooh, yes, my name is Daisy (or something), and I just got that incredibly hot PM you sent me on Lit about eating my pussy."

He'd get all excited and then I could change to crazy lady.

"This is what you get for sending your phone number to random women on the Internet!"

Then, I realized if I did that, he'd have my phone number, too. No thanks.

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00Syd said:

Do it from a pay phone. Or a phone at a store or some other local place.

I had the idea to get a guy friend of mine with a really deep voice to call and be like "that PM you sent me on lit was so hot, I just wish I had a pussy so you could eat it."

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00Syd said:

Do it from a pay phone. Or a phone at a store or some other local place.

I had the idea to get a guy friend of mine with a really deep voice to call and be like "that PM you sent me on lit was so hot, I just wish I had a pussy so you could eat it."

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Betticus said:

If I said that I wanted to cuddle you while watching Breakfast at Tiffanys would you think I was odd?

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00Syd said:

Do it from a pay phone. Or a phone at a store or some other local place.

I had the idea to get a guy friend of mine with a really deep voice to call and be like "that PM you sent me on lit was so hot, I just wish I had a pussy so you could eat it."

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BiBunny said:

OMG, that'd be great!

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