Story: Games at the House of Miranda

This is my first story written for literotica and I would appreciate any feedback on the story as well as my writing. I know that with practice I can get better as a storyteller. It's posted in the novels and novellas section.

It starts out as a first time experience but has the potential to be much more. The main character is in the late 1990'summer recounting his experiences from some time in the future. The main character is a 21 year old male Virgin who is using the Internet of the day to hunt for sex in his real life. He's had experience playing role playing games and responds to an advertisement seeking adult role players.

The first role he plays is that off a Gladiator, trained not in killing but in erotic submission and the giving of pleasure.

I have some ideas on where I could take the story from here but am really hoping to get some suggestions on where I might take the story and what boundaries I should set to my story to help it appeal to a wide audience.

Thanks,

Septimus_Elutherios

It's considered as a good practice to post the links to your story. Just to make it easier for some lazy-asses around here.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-games-at-the-house-of-miranda-ch-01

Septimus_Eleutherios said:

This is my first story written for literotica and I would appreciate any feedback on the story as well as my writing. I know that with practice I can get better as a storyteller. It's posted in the novels and novellas section.

Click to expand...

Welcome, fellow newbie!

There are quite a few mechanical things you could fix to make your story more readable, particularly with punctuation where sentences end. I'm sure there are lots of people here who would be glad to help you with that. Let me tell you what I like about this one, though: I haven't read many stories like it. Your narrator and the other characters seem like real people, and the setup is interesting (to me, at least.)

I would like this story more if there was more tension. Your narrator is obviously nervous about meeting this group. Can you ratchet that up a little? What if the Domina character isn't quite so easy? If you can raise the stakes, the sexy parts will be a lot more fun to read.

Good luck with it!

HHC