Old 06-02-2018, 01:11 PM   #1
SaddenedSub
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I seek advice.

My master passed away. I had him with me online for 3 years. I also do have a boyfriend. This isnít for him.

I struggle being able to reach orgasm now and have since he passed recently.
He had built my sex drive very high. Every morning I was to edge and get close as many times for 30 minutes and was not permitted to ever cum.

I also was required to edge 2-3 per day when I could and not cum.

Every evening he would decide if I was allowed to cum that day and how many times. Sometimes he would deny. Sometimes he would tell me to cum a specific number of times and that was I to cum in a certain amount of time.

Many others things he took over for me as well which are also gone and I am lost.

My boyfriend does not know and he would not ever be interested in this. So I am lost.

I am seeking advice to get past this. I cry daily. I still edge for him and each evening want to cum for him and am struggling. Itís as if I am blocked.

I occasionally am able to reach orgasm with my boyfriend but it is quite different.

I am open to any suggestions.
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Old 06-02-2018, 02:27 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by SaddenedSub View Post
My master passed away. I had him with me online for 3 years. I also do have a boyfriend. This isnít for him.

I struggle being able to reach orgasm now and have since he passed recently.
He had built my sex drive very high. Every morning I was to edge and get close as many times for 30 minutes and was not permitted to ever cum.

I also was required to edge 2-3 per day when I could and not cum.

Every evening he would decide if I was allowed to cum that day and how many times. Sometimes he would deny. Sometimes he would tell me to cum a specific number of times and that was I to cum in a certain amount of time.

Many others things he took over for me as well which are also gone and I am lost.

My boyfriend does not know and he would not ever be interested in this. So I am lost.

I am seeking advice to get past this. I cry daily. I still edge for him and each evening want to cum for him and am struggling. Itís as if I am blocked.

I occasionally am able to reach orgasm with my boyfriend but it is quite different.

I am open to any suggestions.
I'm so sorry. How recent is your loss?
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Old 06-02-2018, 04:01 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry. How recent is your loss?
April 1. Itís been a long 2 months.
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Old 06-02-2018, 04:09 PM   #4
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you need to try to find yourself a friend who's familar with bdsm. Or at least someone to help you with what you're missing. THat being said, you're welcome to private message me anytime if you want to talk.
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Old 06-02-2018, 04:12 PM   #5
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April 1. Itís been a long 2 months.
There are at least two issues here, and it may be help you in moving forward to separate out these issues.

The first is your sense of personal loss, your grief for a person who was important in your life. I gather you never met him in person. Nevertheless, it sounds like you spent a lot of time interacting with him. He is gone. You have lost someone important to you, but you do not get to share in the grieving process with his friends and family because of the nature of your relationship with him. I suppose that posting on here may help a bit at coming to terms with the loss of his companionship and the relationship you had. I don't suppose there is anyone else in his life that you can share memories with.

The second is the loss of the sexual relationship you had with him. It would be ideal if you could find ways to start to introduce elements of the control that he exercised over you into your in-person relationship. You can also find some kind of substitute on line with another dominant man. You can explore other ways to achieve the intensity of orgasm that you miss. But you can't look for someone to be just like him. And before you try to find someone new, I think you really need to get through some sort of grieving process first.

Mike
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Old 06-02-2018, 04:26 PM   #6
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There are at least two issues here, and it may be help you in moving forward to separate out these issues.

The first is your sense of personal loss, your grief for a person who was important in your life. I gather you never met him in person. Nevertheless, it sounds like you spent a lot of time interacting with him. He is gone. You have lost someone important to you, but you do not get to share in the grieving process with his friends and family because of the nature of your relationship with him. I suppose that posting on here may help a bit at coming to terms with the loss of his companionship and the relationship you had. I don't suppose there is anyone else in his life that you can share memories with.

The second is the loss of the sexual relationship you had with him. It would be ideal if you could find ways to start to introduce elements of the control that he exercised over you into your in-person relationship. You can also find some kind of substitute on line with another dominant man. You can explore other ways to achieve the intensity of orgasm that you miss. But you can't look for someone to be just like him. And before you try to find someone new, I think you really need to get through some sort of grieving process first.

Mike
It was mostly online but we had met in person many times (so we had used me in-person) and I did attend the funeral. I was there for the visitation as well. I doubt the relatives understood the nature of our relationship but they were kind to me.

My boyfriend considers all of this weird. I love him so much yet he canít fulfill this role for me.
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Old 06-02-2018, 04:30 PM   #7
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It was mostly online but we had met in person many times (so we had used me in-person) and I did attend the funeral. I was there for the visitation as well. I doubt the relatives understood the nature of our relationship but they were kind to me.

My boyfriend considers all of this weird. I love him so much yet he canít fulfill this role for me.
So, your boyfriend knows that he was sharing your sexuality with this man, and he was cool with that? He sounds like a great guy.

To get back to your grieving, I gather that you were not able to share your memories of Him at the wake. There must have been other people who were privy to that side of Him that you could share with.
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Old 06-02-2018, 05:21 PM   #8
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So, your boyfriend knows that he was sharing your sexuality with this man, and he was cool with that? He sounds like a great guy.

To get back to your grieving, I gather that you were not able to share your memories of Him at the wake. There must have been other people who were privy to that side of Him that you could share with.
My boyfriend knew I spent exactly 4 weekends in 3 years with him.
I never hid it. He just thinks what I am is weird.
He did go to the funeral with me actually.
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Old 06-02-2018, 05:29 PM   #9
MrMikelobe1952
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My boyfriend knew I spent exactly 4 weekends in 3 years with him.
I never hid it. He just thinks what I am is weird.
He did go to the funeral with me actually.
I am sending a PM.
If you prefer to continue on the thread, let me know.
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Old 06-02-2018, 05:44 PM   #10
ArthurW
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SaddenedSub don't give up. Look up a new master that will be close but not all the way the same. I hear the edging you love that as that helps you with your boyfriend giving you an orgasm. Give us or someone more information to help you.
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Old 06-04-2018, 10:08 AM   #11
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I'm not an expert at this, but I've heard the body/mind can be "trained" to respond to certain stimulus. Without the stimulus you may not be able to have the same response. (I hope this makes sense as I'm not always the best at wording things.)

The advice you've gotten in here so far is really good and I think keeping this in mind might help you through the process. I'm very sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve, ok? ((hugs)) You can do this.
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Old 06-05-2018, 12:14 AM   #12
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I struggle again tonight. Tears.
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Old 06-05-2018, 01:37 AM   #13
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Sorry for your loss. Keep your head up things will get better in time.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:03 AM   #14
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I struggle again tonight. Tears.
Itís perfectly ok to be sad. Itís natural and expected. And very meaningful.
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Old 06-05-2018, 11:56 AM   #15
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Sorry for your loss. Keep your head up things will get better in time.
why r all doms seemingly from NY?
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Old 06-05-2018, 12:09 PM   #16
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why r all doms seemingly from NY?
I'm not in NY. I'm in FL.
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Old 06-05-2018, 01:02 PM   #17
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I'm not in NY. I'm in FL.
Also in Florida, but from NY
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Old 06-05-2018, 01:06 PM   #18
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why r all doms seemingly from NY?
Chicago
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Old 06-05-2018, 01:40 PM   #19
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Also in Florida, but from NY
Where up there? I am from Port Byron in upstate NY.
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Old 06-05-2018, 03:56 PM   #20
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Where up there? I am from Port Byron in upstate NY.
Red Hook, Brooklyn
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Old 06-13-2018, 08:31 PM   #21
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Still struggling and lost. Seems some understand my loss in messages and most donít.

Itís just so confusing for me.
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Old 06-14-2018, 12:12 AM   #22
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Still struggling and lost. Seems some understand my loss in messages and most donít.

Itís just so confusing for me.
Dear SS,

Iím so very sorry. I lost a Master suddenly, albeit different circumstances. I may not understand your exact suffering, but I do understand that the psychological effects are completely overwhelming to the point of debilitating.

Iíd firstly recommend grief counselling. Youíve suffered a tremendous loss. And you need to allow yourself to feel it and work through the confusion in a healthy way.

Secondly, be kind to yourself. The body reflects the mind/spirit/soul. All three are suffering, so it seems fitting that your body is suffering too. Give it time. Heal your wounds. The rest will follow.

Iím just a PM away if youíd like to talk. But it seems you have plenty of it being offered. Just remember to take care of you.

- Lucy
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Old 06-16-2018, 01:40 PM   #23
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Take your time . Grief is difficult and different for everyone . I lost my little girl ( wife ), and understand how hard it is . Best advice is time, nobody will ever replace him . It is much more about redefining how you want to move on . Just as sexually with your boyfriend is not the same as with your Dom . A new Dom would be a whole different situation . So, time and finding where your life goes next, before trying to solve a very tangled problem. May you receive all the comforts you need .
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Old 06-16-2018, 01:52 PM   #24
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You miss the control being told what when and where to do things. That will help you to have orgasms with your other half. Now you feel lost in a fog. your doing what you did but it feels empty with out him. Not so much the grief as being all alone. Your not here at lit find some one and chat. Good luck sub.
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Old 06-16-2018, 11:38 PM   #25
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You miss the control being told what when and where to do things. That will help you to have orgasms with your other half. Now you feel lost in a fog. your doing what you did but it feels empty with out him. Not so much the grief as being all alone. Your not here at lit find some one and chat. Good luck sub.

Yes I miss him. I miss all of it. I struggle. I know I need help with the orgasm control.
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