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Trixareforkids said:

Misogyny's Morning Wood

It's there
before eyes open.....................

Original: https://www.literotica.com/p/misogynys-morning-wood

I thought about putting this one on the new edit thread, but the text edit is very minor it was more a line break edit, I plan to voice this one and when I was running through the read aloud I found the breaks didn't match the read. Ha! That'll teach me to read everything aloud from now on.

Eta: The link to the recording is live now for anyone that's interested.

Click to expand...

This is a remarkable poem, Trix. I copied the edit and original and put them together in two columns for comparison. I enjoy delving into well written poems. I wasn't sure, however, if you wanted further feedback. Either way, it sure packs a punch.

greenmountaineer said:

This is a remarkable poem, Trix. I copied the edit and original and put them together in two columns for comparison. I enjoy delving into well written poems. I wasn't sure, however, if you wanted further feedback. Either way, it sure packs a punch.

Click to expand...

Feedback is always welcome GM, please, share your insights.

greenmountaineer said:

This is a remarkable poem, Trix. I copied the edit and original and put them together in two columns for comparison. I enjoy delving into well written poems. I wasn't sure, however, if you wanted further feedback. Either way, it sure packs a punch.

Click to expand...

Trixareforkids said:

Feedback is always welcome GM, please, share your insights.

Click to expand...

I like the repeated use of "it" throughout the poem. "It" is hard hitting, both phonetically and the image of reducing a penis to something impersonal, rather than a vessel for love. Personally, I prefer the short lines in the original work that read:

"so you can see it
feel it
smell it
taste it
Like I do"

The hard consonant sound of "t" in the short lines followed by a momentary pause made me think of grunting.

I thought re-arranging the other lines were effective.

Small point perhaps and perhaps just a matter of style, but I would have started "I sometimes think.." and "I wonder.." as second and third stanzas. For me each was a transition between being acted upon and at least thinking about taking some action.

Phonetically, I think "the both of us" elides better than "Of both of us."

As I said, this is a remarkable poem. It hits you in the gut, man or woman.

greenmountaineer said:

I like the repeated use of "it" throughout the poem. "It" is hard hitting, both phonetically and the image of reducing a penis to something impersonal, rather than a vessel for love. Personally, I prefer the short lines in the original work that read:

"so you can see it
feel it
smell it
taste it
Like I do"

The hard consonant sound of "t" in the short lines followed by a momentary pause made me think of grunting.

I thought re-arranging the other lines were effective.

Small point perhaps and perhaps just a matter of style, but I would have started "I sometimes think.." and "I wonder.." as second and third stanzas. For me each was a transition between being acted upon and at least thinking about taking some action.

Phonetically, I think "the both of us" elides better than "Of both of us."

As I said, this is a remarkable poem. It hits you in the gut, man or woman.

Click to expand...

I went looking for the original version I did on the threads but couldn't find it. I can't remember now how much I changed it between the threads and submission.

While editing this time I had considered breaking it at "I sometimes think", I always vasilate when it comes to stanza breaks, I believe you may be right about the breaks here because the "it" changes throughout the piece. That being the case the second stanza would start with "though" where the it changes from the misogynist to the specifics of the misogynist's words or actions. The third stanza would begin with "I wonder" as the subject of it changes again to the relationship of the misogynist with their words/actions and the narrator.

As to "the both of us" the "of" beforehand still needs to be there, do you think it would work better on the previous line?

And a philosophical aside in response to your comment "reducing the penis to something impersonal, rather than a vessel for love" is in a way the heart of the piece. Misogyny is generally impersonal, even when taken personally by the one on the receiving end of it. It is an attitude of entitlement, being better than which can only mean that those to whom it's directed at are less than. To my mind true adult love is only possible between those who see one another as equals. If you are seen as less than, you are not a person but an object, a possession and the things we possess do not hold a value equal in our minds to our own.

I've know some true misogynists and some really good people that weren't what I would consider misogynists at all but still on occasion spout things that are very misogynistic. I tend to take things in the spirit they are intended, I'm not easily offended, but I will (usually) gently push misogynistic comments back at their originator because understanding is the only way to effect change. I don't bother being gentle with true misogynists, they have no interest in changing, with them I just want it to be clear that's it's not worth their while peddling their shit to me. Funnily enough I've managed to get along rather well with the misogynists I worked with and for, by standing up for myself I became the "exception" to their internal belief system. It's too bad that more women won't stand up for themselves for fear of conflict or the consequences, which can be very significant.

Agreed that "of" works better ending the next to last line. The "f" and "b" kinda tied my tongue when one followed the other in the last line.

I'm curious about your use of the word misogyny and how it differs, if at all, from male chauvinism, a term that became very popular when the Feminist Movement really started to take off at the beginning of the seventies to the point where "chauvinism" didn't need "male" in front of it.

greenmountaineer said:

Agreed that "of" works better ending the next to last line. The "f" and "b" kinda tied my tongue when one followed the other in the last line.

I'm curious about your use of the word misogyny and how it differs, if at all, from male chauvinism, a term that became very popular when the Feminist Movement really started to take off at the beginning of the seventies to the point where "chauvinism" didn't need "male" in front of it.

Click to expand...

Misogyny by definition is: dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. Whereas chauvinism's target isn't confined solely to women. There are female misogynists, but it's almost ingrained in men, the idea that women are somehow lesser. Ask any woman, we've all had run ins with overt and ingrained misogynists. The overt misogynists usually get labeled MCPs and as for the others it's usually their words or actions rather than the person that we point out as being misogynistic. So to answer your question I tend to equate misogyny as something that can be overcome but chauvinism seems to go much deeper and most chauvinists are completely aware and unapologetic about their attitude towards those they hold in contempt.

Thank you for your insights about the piece. I'm still learning to consciously think about the importance of sounds and every nudge gets me further along.

Heard a new band that I'm digging, Highly Suspect and their song Lost has a great line: Love has grown, like a vine around my throat.

Feels like the beginning of a piece to me, maybe it'll materialize into something, but either way, I like the song.

......

Trixareforkids said:

Heard a new band that I'm digging, Highly Suspect and their song Lost has a great line: Love has grown, like a vine around my throat.

Feels like the beginning of a piece to me, maybe it'll materialize into something, but either way, I like the song.

Click to expand...

I second HA, very nice.

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Trix is a poet
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