Suicide, why the fuck do they do it?

My Niece hung herself 2 days ago. I was first on the scene, had to tell her Mother (my sister). I've run the gamut on emotions, and right now I'm mad. At her. She's causing so much pain. What goes through their mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Any thoughts from anyone? I'm posting this in the Playground because A) All my friends are here and B) People are weird on the GB, I'd get the crazies....

1nut1der said:

My Niece hung herself 2 days ago. I was first on the scene, had to tell her Mother (my sister). I've run the gamut on emotions, and right now I'm mad. At her. She's causing so much pain. What goes through their mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Any thoughts from anyone? I'm posting this in the Playground because A) All my friends are here and B) People are weird on the GB, I'd get the crazies....

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My condolences for what you're been through. That's terrible. It's a sad part of life that people think there is literally no way out except death. It's truly tragic how fast the suicide rate is skyrocketing and we are somewhat powerless to stop it. May your niece rest in peace forever.

We lost a very dear friend to suicide two years ago this October. I can't answer the whys. I can't tell you not to be angry, or hurt, or confused. I can only tell you that eventually time, forgiveness and love will ease some of those feelings. If you'd like to rant, I'm here... And I offer no judgement. Just understanding.

You are your own Worst Enemy

No other words can ring so true.
Your Niece lost the fight against her own worst enemy.
Your Niece won the fight against her own worst enemy... her Enemy can never harm her again.

I am being quite sincere, and I offer my heart to the loss. There is only one person who knows why. All of us can only speculate.

1nut1der said:

My Niece hung herself 2 days ago. I was first on the scene, had to tell her Mother (my sister). I've run the gamut on emotions, and right now I'm mad. At her. She's causing so much pain. What goes through their mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Any thoughts from anyone? I'm posting this in the Playground because A) All my friends are here and B) People are weird on the GB, I'd get the crazies....

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Condolences

I've experienced suicide through friends and family and answers are usually not forthcoming. Keep your chin up.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, this kind of death leaves the survivors with so many unknowns and the search for closure can be almost impossible.

You aren't ready yet - it's too fresh, but eventually having traversed the stages of grief towards acceptance, you will learn that there is no understanding to be gained. It is not an act that is done with sane rationale, so trying to figure out the why's are only going to keep you in a stand still.

Peace can come...down the road a ways. Until then, better off not to torture yourself with questions of why or what you could have done differently. It is a nasty bit of life, and all you can do is minimize the fallout now.

I wish I had better advice, but I have lived it with both parents, and that's the sum of my 'wisdom'.

It's not easy to speak about the matter. Perhaps your niece was having hard time to tell her feelings and problems (everyone has, I know, but the difference of asking yourself "To be or not to be, that is the question..." is a matter of life and death...very, yes) specially if you been there with the edge of knife or razor or in loop of the rope on your neck...

Being there, on the edge of the cliff, crying whether to jump or not thinking of death and life, and looking back at life, it seems your life's hopeless and you have no other choice but to do it. You want to die. End it. There seems like no hope for your life. Yes, I've been there and it's a cycle.

Your world, in my experience, it's dark revolving in the midst of chaos. You hear people laugh or even your friends laugh, you may laugh with them but when you are alone, it's like every positive emotions or feelings is gone. You know you're not yourself but a lonely creature who knows only the negative emotions - pain, depression, sadness, morbid, etc. You are shouting inside you, crying with your soul, wishing that someone or anyone can see your wretched soul consumed by tears and loneliness. Your world is dark and you expect tomorrow is nothing but a day to mourn, your eyes dry and tired. You dream of death or of ugly creatures wanting to devour you or threatening your life. And then you think "what is death? What is like after death?"

We, people who have been there, just need someone to talk to, someone to listen and offer their shoulders for us, someone who's there to help us even though we may think it's pointless but it's a matter of life - easing the pain inside.

Your niece, if I may say, a teen. Issues or problems are hard to handle perhaps because it's also a stage of development for them - either confused and wondering what really life is in the POV of the adults. You may have the blame on her, but I tell, it's not easy to speak of what is inside. You don't know what she had been facing, her fears and everything tormenting her very soul, or what she had in her mind. Just accept she's gone. You may regret you did nothing but you can't do anything to bring her back, she had crossed the boundary.

May she rest in peace.

I am so sorry to hear this. I know what you're going through as I've lost friends in this way. I have no answers for you. Your emotions will swirl, ebb and flow for some time to come, let them come and let them go. In time you'll find peace.

Celebrate

Hi
Loss is loss, suicide is selffish, yes, but the road to that decision was paved by many different influences, including mental heath...it doesnt mean she was deffective, it just means she was still working thru all that she was dealt...she has peace all love and blessings to her and her lovely spirit...

I lost a step brother, he was brilliant iq thru the roof, couldnt dress for shit lol, he is at peace, i lost a kid i coached, undersized until he got to college, i had him at 13, coaches dream, didnt back down from anything, took his life the same way, it was too much for this tough guy...another kid i coached, same tough as fuck, he played soccer at boston college, ultra fit, passed fron cancer, his team and guys from mls there to say goodbye...great kid...all were great people, their loss so painfull...

Whats left for you, celebrate the way too short time you had...be there for the people who she left, try to make it about helping others, morn, then be even more part of life...

Im justa guy, i wish you love and strength to take care of others...
Cheers brother

I have no words of wisdom but would like to offer my condolences, and send you vibes of warmth and strength.

Suicide is the most selfish act short of rape that anyone can commit.

I know, because I have been on the brink more than once. In the moment when you decide to die, that you can no longer live with the pain, you are no longer capable of caring how your actions will affect other people. The agony grows so overwhelming, that you just need it to end. Death is a release from a living hell.

I don't know you, and did not know your niece, so I cannot tell you why she did this. I can only speak from my own experience. There are no words that can take away your pain or confusion. But I can say this...

For some people, life is not a joyful thing. The balance of their experiences is shifted toward the negative and the bleak. An while you may mourn their loss because you loved them, while you may be confused and angry because they threw away what you saw as a life full of prospects and opportunities...

They just wanted out. Maybe that makes suicides weak. But I know that I live today only because I have made promises to others. I've lived for YEARS when every single day I wanted nothing more than to die.

I guess in the end, the best thing I can tell you is to be grateful that you may never know how your niece felt. And that you have every right to be hurt and angry. But that someday, if you really love her...you might find forgiveness.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and insight. It's greatly appreciated.

So sorry for your loss!!!! The hardest part is if they do not leave a note, as the survivors suffer gravely!!!!! The one who takes his/her life has no idea what he/she causes after he/she is gone. How tragic and I pray that as the days pass, you will find peace.

The pain is tough, the understanding may never come.

I'm sorry for your loss. May your niece rest in peace.

This video was something that helped me with the grief of someone's suicide. It was posted by a good online friend of mine, two months before he took his own life. He wasn't the type to hurt anyone. I think he just wanted to help people understand.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm

nicewon4u said:

So sorry for your loss!!!! The hardest part is if they do not leave a note, as the survivors suffer gravely!!!!! The one who takes his/her life has no idea what he/she causes after he/she is gone. How tragic and I pray that as the days pass, you will find peace.

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She apparently left several notes. The fuckin' cops got them. They say it could be months before we get them as they are "evidence".

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you and all who love her peace.

The posts here have been incredible, so heartfelt and moving and honest. I've lost two friends, the first one happened at a time I didn't understand the kind of pain he must have felt. The second time I lost a friend, I knew quite well. I have also been one who asked for the promise from a loved one not to take her life. I've made the promise too.

The older I get (gratefully so) the more I understand how much I just need love, patience and forgiveness in my life.

I'm just so sorry for your pain and the pain others expressed too.

1nut1der said:

My Niece hung herself 2 days ago. I was first on the scene, had to tell her Mother (my sister). I've run the gamut on emotions, and right now I'm mad. At her. She's causing so much pain. What goes through their mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Any thoughts from anyone? I'm posting this in the Playground because A) All my friends are here and B) People are weird on the GB, I'd get the crazies....

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I'm so sorry you had to find your niece like that.

Only several months ago, I too thought suicide was the only way out of my pain, loneliness, misery. I felt I had nothing to live for even though I had a loving family. I could be standing in a room choc full of people and feel utterly alone. I truly thought my family would be better off without me.
Thankfully I ended up reaching out for help and am now much on the road to recovery.

Please don't let your anger at your niece change the love you feel for her. You'll only hurt yourself more that way. Best wish to you and your family.

Normally, I'm verbose. This is a subject about which I just have very little to say. Understanding the mind of someone else in their depths is nearly impossible. And, it's almost one of those things that you don't want to entertain.

It's a good thing that you can't understand how their thinking to lead to that act. Don't pick at it. There's nothing to gain -- trust me.

I handled a lot of suicides over the years. At one of our debriefings, the psych explained to us that most suicides involve moments of insanity. She told us you can't try to assign sane thinking to an insane act. For some reason that made it easier for me to handle.

1nut1der said:

My Niece hung herself 2 days ago. I was first on the scene, had to tell her Mother (my sister). I've run the gamut on emotions, and right now I'm mad. At her. She's causing so much pain. What goes through their mind? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Any thoughts from anyone? I'm posting this in the Playground because A) All my friends are here and B) People are weird on the GB, I'd get the crazies....

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I am so very sorry!

My cousin killed himself about 20 years ago. Hung himself off a railway bridge. He was buried in gambling debt, his wife left him, and that was his out.

I think for some people, when they can't figure out how to change their lives, if they feel hopeless, and are in deep depression, death seems like the only way.

Finding her, I just cannot imagine what that was like. My heart goes out to you and to your family, particularly her parents. What a nightmare. It is an incredibly selfish thing to do, but, I guess we cannot say anything about another's actions until we have lived in their head.

Again, I am incredibly sorry.

(P.S. the GB gets a bad rap, but, there are some very decent and genuine people there...jus' sayin')

jazzygirl66 said:

I could be standing in a room choc full of people and feel utterly alone.

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See, this is perhaps the single most illusory misconception anyone can have. Altho never leading to thoughts of suicide I have also experienced this feeling. Over time I figured out that I'm really not and I don't need to depend on others for my happiness, my sadness, my successes and my failures.

And at the very least, I always have myself. I can be my greatest friend or my worst enemy. And it's always my choice to interact with others or sit back and enjoy people's interactions with others. Kinda like when I'm on Lit.

Back when we were living in Gainesville, right across from UF, we knew of a woman who was the party girl, a social butterfly who was always at all the parties, laughing, joking, horsing around. Everybody knew her and she knew everybody....until she took her own life because she also felt...alone.

How do you figure that.

A couple years ago I lost a friend to suicide, her 6 year old son found her hanging above the washing machine. There isn't anything anyone can say to help you understand why. Don't let the why's and the what it's eat you up. Know that she has peace now and she would want you all to continue to live.

You and your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

I have alot of experience with suicide in my line of work, also teach crisis intervention to first responders as well. I like that you are talking about your feelings here, that is much better than keeping everything bottled up. As human beings we always want to know "why", the truth is we seldom ever know exactly what was going through their minds just before they killed themselves. May I also recommend that you talk to a professional counselor? It is not for everybody, but beneficial for some.

One more thought. Some well meaning people will offer that you will "get over it soon" or everything happens "for a reason". Grieving is different for everyone, you will never "completely get over this" on some level because of the hole that is now left in your life. And that is OK!

Best wishes to all involved. If you want to chat with an outsider give me a shout some time.

M