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The SCOURIES reader – for both fans and serious scholars…

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Darkniciad said:
Quotes from the first two new stories over there, in the first few paragraphs.

Looks like Danielle's talented grasp of plot, style, punctuation, and grammar would be a major stumbling block over there to me.

servo.gif
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I selected a story at random from today's Literotica New list. Actually, I chose the story with the most "interesting" title. "They Fix a Pipe, She Cleans Pipes" is a must read for those who want to play English teacher. Everywhere there is a speech tag you will find a semicolon instead of a comma before the dialogue. Not just once or twice. Every single time. And two and three characters are speaking in one paragraph.

So we see in that story the violation of two of the fundamental principles of writing dialogue. Not a typo that someone could perhaps easily miss.

Who approves this crap? It is an embarrassment to wonderful writers like scouries.

You must be Danielle's agent. I'm sure she has one.
 
Scribbled said:
I selected a story at random from today's Literotica New list. Actually, I chose the story with the most "interesting" title. "They Fix a Pipe, She Cleans Pipes" is a must read for those who want to play English teacher. Everywhere there is a speech tag you will find a semicolon instead of a comma before the dialogue. Not just once or twice. Every single time. And two and three characters are speaking in one paragraph.
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  1. Two and three characters can speak in the same paragraph without it being a violation of good grammar. It often shouldn't be done, but in summarizing dialogue, it can be done.
  2. Other than the semicolon, just on a brief scan, I did not see any grammatical errors, although they very well may be there. Nothing hit me over the head, however. The story is rushed and the paragraphs too long, yes, but the stories aren't read for quality. They're read for grammatical snafus such that would drive a reader to distraction and would make them hit the 'complaint' button. That story is at about the same grammatical level as yours - about 80-90% grammatically correct.
So we see in that story the violation of two of the fundamental principles of writing dialogue. Not a typo that someone could perhaps easily miss.
Click to expand...
Only one violation, the semicolon error. It won't make anyone hit the 'complaint' button.
Who approves this crap? It is an embarrassment to wonderful writers like scouries.
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Please apply to be a moderator, then, scouries. If your standards are so high, and your approval skills so precise, that you can easily read at least 100 pages per day, if not more, then please offer to help out.
"Wonderful writers" like scouries can help out, instead of bitching about foibles of people who haven't even entered into the discussion. That's downright cowardly, Cowardly Lion.
You must be Danielle's agent. I'm sure she has one.
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Is that your attempt at a burn? Try harder.
 
fcdc said:
  1. Two and three characters can speak in the same paragraph without it being a violation of good grammar. It often shouldn't be done, but in summarizing dialogue, it can be done.
  2. Other than the semicolon, just on a brief scan, I did not see any grammatical errors, although they very well may be there. Nothing hit me over the head, however. The story is rushed and the paragraphs too long, yes, but the stories aren't read for quality. They're read for grammatical snafus such that would drive a reader to distraction and would make them hit the 'complaint' button. That story is at about the same grammatical level as yours - about 80-90% grammatically correct.

Only one violation, the semicolon error. It won't make anyone hit the 'complaint' button.

Please apply to be a moderator, then, scouries. If your standards are so high, and your approval skills so precise, that you can easily read at least 100 pages per day, if not more, then please offer to help out.
"Wonderful writers" like scouries can help out, instead of bitching about foibles of people who haven't even entered into the discussion. That's downright cowardly, Cowardly Lion.

Is that your attempt at a burn? Try harder.
Click to expand...


So you are a moderator and approve stories? Well, I’m impressed. Who else approves stories?

Is the author summarizing dialogue? I don’t think so. If you submitted something like this with multiple characters speaking in the same paragraph for a freshman writing class, what grade to you suppose you would be awarded? How about an F as in fucked up. No wait, make that a 7th grade writing class.

And I find semicolon after semicolon after semicolon instead of comma intensely annoying. But hey, that’s just me.

Oh sure there are other blunders in this literary masterpiece of shit. One I actually managed to find somewhat amusing is the use of the new word “cockhead.” That new word later became another new word “cockheard” in the story.

Great job in approving this story, moderator! You will surely soon raise the quality of the stories on Literotica up to the standards of those on LustyLibrary.
 
Scribbled said:
So you are a moderator and approve stories? Well, I’m impressed. Who else approves stories?
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I am not. You seem to think you are. What I am suggesting is, put your money where your mouth is. You seem to have a history of avoiding my asking you to pay up on claims, though. You won't take a writing challenge against an utter newbie, and you won't offer to apply your apparently extraordinarily high standards to help others.

Is the author summarizing dialogue? I don’t think so. If you submitted something like this for a freshman writing class, with multiple characters speaking in the same paragraph, what grade do you suppose you would be awarded? How about an F, as in fucked up? No, wait; make that a seventh-grade writing class.
Click to expand...

I edited your paragraph for you. You're not really in a position to be critiquing grammar, if you can't make it through a single paragraph without multiple writing errors (above five!) that have nothing to do with internet colloquialisms.

And I find semicolon after semicolon after semicolon instead of comma intensely annoying. But hey, that’s just me.
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You may. If you do, why not press the report button on the story and report it? Why drag someone in who has nothing to do with the conversation at all? That's dirty pool.

Oh sure there are other blunders in this literary masterpiece of shit.
Click to expand...

The stories are not reviewed for literary merit.

One I actually managed to find somewhat amusing is the use of the new word “cockhead.” That new word later became another new word “cockheard” in the story.
Click to expand...

Cockhead is a perfectly fine portmanteau, as such.

Great job in approving this story, moderator! You will surely soon raise the quality of the stories on Literotica up to the standards of those on LustyLibrary.
Click to expand...

LustyLibrary surely awaits your literary talents! Might I suggest investing more time there, if you are more comfortable there? You seem to dislike the community, the moderation, and the stories here. Why waste time here? Greener pastures, and all that jazz.
 
Gawd, I need to give up my excessive use of ellipses. My grammar and punctuation have dived to an all-time low. :(
 
fcdc said:
I am not. You seem to think you are. What I am suggesting is, put your money where your mouth is. You seem to have a history of avoiding my asking you to pay up on claims, though. You won't take a writing challenge against an utter newbie, and you won't offer to apply your apparently extraordinarily high standards to help others.



I edited your paragraph for you. You're not really in a position to be critiquing grammar, if you can't make it through a single paragraph without multiple writing errors (above five!) that have nothing to do with internet colloquialisms.



You may. If you do, why not press the report button on the story and report it? Why drag someone in who has nothing to do with the conversation at all? That's dirty pool.



The stories are not reviewed for literary merit.



Cockhead is a perfectly fine portmanteau, as such.



LustyLibrary surely awaits your literary talents! Might I suggest investing more time there, if you are more comfortable there? You seem to dislike the community, the moderation, and the stories here. Why waste time here? Greener pastures, and all that jazz.
Click to expand...


You talk about Literotica in such an informed manner. I thought you were a moderator. Or own the site.

I go by William Strunk on the comma. You pause a lot in your speech (grasping at straws for some semblance of a coherent thought). I don’t. Therefore you need a comma. I don’t. I say it fast. You say it slow.

Oh, so “cockheard” is a portmanteau. (I am not asking a question) The author of “They Fix a Pipe, She Cleans Pipes” knew that.

Hey, did you get any more votes than 14 on your one and only story yet? (I am asking a question) Maybe scouries will trade you some votes for some commas.
 
Daniellekitten said:
The reason that I am not liked over at Lusty Library is because I wanted to leave that place. I asked that my work be removed from thier site and they refused
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Oh, c'mon, "thier" site? That bitch will be on your arse. I forgot her name.
 
Scribbled said:
I go by William Strunk on the comma. You pause a lot in your speech (grasping at straws for some semblance of a coherent thought). I don’t. Therefore you need a comma. I don’t. I say it fast. You say it slow.
Click to expand...

I suppose you don't go by William Strunk on the difference between the words 'to' and 'do'? He wouldn't make such an elementary mistake.

Oh, so “cockheard” is a portmanteau. (I am not asking a question) The author of “They Fix a Pipe, She Cleans Pipes” knew that.
Click to expand...

Awesome way to misread, Cowardly Lion.

Hey, did you get any more votes than 14 on your one and only story yet? (I am asking a question) Maybe scouries will trade you some votes for some commas.
Click to expand...

Hey, guess what? I don't give a shit about the number of votes. It's enough for people who read it to rate it at about a 90%. That's good enough for me. Hell, an 80% would be good enough. I certainly was not expecting an 'H.' I wrote it to see if I could, as I had not written many sex scenes before this, and because I wanted to learn about a new genre that I hadn't dealt with before. You're barking up the wrong tree, and, furthermore, I can hear you crying from here.

PS Incest challenge. One week. Say the word.
 
Scribbled said:
I selected a story at random from today's Literotica New list. Actually, I chose the story with the most "interesting" title. "They Fix a Pipe, She Cleans Pipes" is a must read for those who want to play English teacher. Everywhere there is a speech tag you will find a semicolon instead of a comma before the dialogue. Not just once or twice. Every single time. And two and three characters are speaking in one paragraph.

So we see in that story the violation of two of the fundamental principles of writing dialogue. Not a typo that someone could perhaps easily miss.

Who approves this crap? It is an embarrassment to wonderful writers like scouries.

You must be Danielle's agent. I'm sure she has one.
Click to expand...

At random, you say? You'll have to pardon me if I don't believe that *chuckle*

Let's examine something else right here on Lit, using your criteria:

"You're not,...
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comma and an ellipse
an American....
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four pips
I..... well
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five pips
"But.."
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two pips

his incredibly large cockhead
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Just a quick reminder:

Oh sure there are other blunders in this literary masterpiece of shit. One I actually managed to find somewhat amusing is the use of the new word “cockhead.”
Click to expand...

And then he was completely in, bottomed out at the gate to my womb, and then watched as kneeling between my legs, his hands lifting and separating my legs, he started a steady rhythm of long, deep strokes, each stroke igniting a million nerve endings the length of my cunt.
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I don't think this needs explanation. There are sentences over 70 words long in places.

Indeed, who would approve crap like this?

For the record, as pure taboo stroke, the story isn't bad. Just doesn't work for me.
 
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Daniellekitten said:
If you are commenting about the Lusty Librarien, she and I came to an understanding before I left. She said she was sorry to see me leave as my work brought a higher class to her site but she understood why I wanted to go. So if you think I'm worried...nope, sorry.
Click to expand...

fcdc told me to tell you it is "Librarian" not "Librarien."
 
Darkniciad said:
At random, you say? You'll have to pardon me if I don't believe that *chuckle*

Let's examine something else right here on Lit, using your criteria:

comma and an ellipse
four pips
five pips
two pips



Just a quick reminder:




I don't think this needs explanation. There are sentences over 70 words long in places.

Indeed, who would approve crap like this?

For the record, as pure taboo stroke, the story isn't bad. Just doesn't work for me.
Click to expand...

That story has one helluva hook to start it you have to admit. "Sit with me Daddy," I said, patting the seat next to me in invitation as he hovered uncertainly in the middle of the room.

That is pure poetry in motion.

Although fcdc would say there should be a comma after me to which I would agree. A comma after the next me is subject to debate.
 
God, you really don't know grammar.

"Sit with me, Daddy," I said, patting the seat next to me in invitation, as he hovered uncertainly in the middle of the room.
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'He hovered uncertainly' would be more effective as a new sentence, too.

You should always comma off a person to whom another person is talking. Is it 'Alas, poor Yorick? I knew him Horatio', or maybe 'Friends, Romans, countrymen lend me your ears'? No, it is not. That comma is required. So too is a comma before an independent clause in a compound sentence, and your independent clause is 'as he hovered uncertainly in the middle of the room.'

No, there is no hook there, either. A hook should make your reader ask questions. The only question raised is whether or not dad will sit with kid, and that is not sufficiently interesting to keep anyone reading who is not into it for incest.

PS - Still concerned that I'll beat you at that challenge? Why are you so scared?
 
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Darkniciad said:
At random, you say? You'll have to pardon me if I don't believe that *chuckle*
Click to expand...

Oh, so you don't like random selection? Okay, fine. For today's story review I have selected one from a Literotica author who has won multiple awards. That author has also posted on this thread. So stay tuned for an enlightening experience. *chuckle*
 
TxRad said:
No one I've seen post on his behave has more than 4 or 5 posts to start with, most only have 2 or 3. This guy has more alts than CV ever thought about. No wonder he had 6 bizzillion views and 2 zillion votes. The only thing I can't figure is why the scores are so low. I guess some of his alts didn't like the story.... :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

You can thank Darkniciad for my selection of your story “Sister, Sister” for critique today. Darkniciad objected to my selecting a story at random from yesterday’s New list. So I glanced through today’s New list and recognized your name from this thread. The fact that you have won multiple awards also piqued my interest regarding the quality of stories that win these wonderful awards.

The review will follow soon. I have to run out to the store and buy a new red marker as the one I was using ran dry after only a few pages of your story.

Hey fcdc, please read this story so we can compare notes. I’m confident you will give it the same intense scrutiny you gave scouries’ stories. Oh, and it’s the Incest category, which is your alleged forte. Since scouries is busy practicing his “I’m published!” speech, I suggest you challenge TxRad to an Incest category writing contest. He’s more your speed.
 
Scribbled said:
You can thank Darkniciad for my selection of your story “Sister, Sister” for critique today. Darkniciad objected to my selecting a story at random from yesterday’s New list. So I glanced through today’s New list and recognized your name from this thread. The fact that you have won multiple awards also piqued my interest regarding the quality of stories that win these wonderful awards.
Click to expand...

Oh-ho! What mystery will Encyclopedia Scouries, Boy Detective, uncover? The Secret of the Online Writing Contest awaits! Pick it up and see Encyclopedia and Sally Kimball uncover the conspiracy that lies hidden behind the shiny exterior of an online writing contest! Is that awful Bugs Meany running it, as a get-rick-quick scheme? Readers: Solve the case yourself, or turn to page 163 for the answer.

The review will follow soon. I have to run out to the store and buy a new red marker as the one I was using ran dry after only a few pages of your story.
Click to expand...

Christ, you're dull.

Hey fcdc, please read this story so we can compare notes. I’m confident you will give it the same intense scrutiny you gave scouries’ stories.
Click to expand...

Sorry, not interested in playing your henchman. I have no reason to play Badass Critic on someone who hasn't asked for their story to be reviewed, and hasn't asked for such intense grammatical/structural scrutiny.

Oh, and it’s the Incest category, which is your alleged forte.
Click to expand...

Way to be unable to read, Cowardly Lion. I said that it was not my alleged forte. I have no interest in it at all. I am confident I can write a better story about it than you, though. It's your area of expertise, and yet you will not take me up on the challenge. Why not? What've you got to lose?

Since scouries is busy practicing his “I’m published!” speech, I suggest you challenge TxRad to an Incest category writing contest. He’s more your speed.
Click to expand...

See, I don't need to challenge Txrad to a category writing contest. I've barely spoken to him, and what posts I've seen of his, he hasn't been a complete and utter asshole, claiming his stories were the best ever written (although, hell, they're probably better than yours, if only because he knows how to deal with people like human beings, and can probably be more perceptive of others' reactions, which was the main problem I had with your story, if you'll remember - the people were mere robots for the plot.)
 
fcdc said:
Oh-ho! What mystery will Encyclopedia Scouries, Boy Detective, uncover? The Secret of the Online Writing Contest awaits! Pick it up and see Encyclopedia and Sally Kimball uncover the conspiracy that lies hidden behind the shiny exterior of an online writing contest! Is that awful Bugs Meany running it, as a get-rick-quick scheme? Readers: Solve the case yourself, or turn to page 163 for the answer.



Christ, you're dull.



Sorry, not interested in playing your henchman. I have no reason to play Badass Critic on someone who hasn't asked for their story to be reviewed, and hasn't asked for such intense grammatical/structural scrutiny.
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fc, you're so mean to him. :D

He's probably off crying to his mom right now. :rolleyes:
 
fcdc, why are you continuing to play this bloke's game? All it does is keep this thread at the top of the page and garner him more publicity.

I don't particularly enjoy his stories, yes I have read several of them. They're not my cuppa tea. But you gotta hand it to him - he sure knows how to stir the hornets!
 
starrkers said:
fcdc, why are you continuing to play this bloke's game? All it does is keep this thread at the top of the page and garner him more publicity.

I don't particularly enjoy his stories, yes I have read several of them. They're not my cuppa tea. But you gotta hand it to him - he sure knows how to stir the hornets!
Click to expand...

He asks for it so well, though, and he's the spitting image of a lot of the worst writers I knew in college, as I said.

I'll gladly let it drop, though. He's running out of fun pretty rapidly, as it is.
 
yevkassem72 said:
Behavioral? So, what do you think of B.F. Skinner?
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I got his autograph years ago at a conference. He was old and had two "pretty young things" on his arms. They didn't dress like nurses, but maybe there was some sort of operant conditioning involved.
 
Yes Scouries, I got your PM and Your E-mail and Your one vote.....
 
TxRad said:
Yes Scouries, I got your PM and Your E-mail and Your one vote.....
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Why would scouries send you both a PM and an email? He doesn't seem to be the redundant sort of chap to me.

I profusely apologize for the delay in posting my review of "Sister, Sister." You'll never guess what my mama wanted for Mother's Day. Dammit, I told her not to read any of scouries' stories. They turn her into some kind of bitch in heat. Finally, I gave her "Sister, Sister" to read. She is still sleeping. So back to my red marker. I bought a dozen red markers so I will be able to finish off your story. The critique will be forthcoming.
 
Scribbled said:
Why would scouries send you both a PM and an email? He doesn't seem to be the redundant sort of chap to me.

I profusely apologize for the delay in posting my review of "Sister, Sister." You'll never guess what my mama wanted for Mother's Day. Dammit, I told her not to read any of scouries' stories. They turn her into some kind of bitch in heat. Finally, I gave her "Sister, Sister" to read. She is still sleeping. So back to my red marker. I bought a dozen red markers so I will be able to finish off your story. The critique will be forthcoming.
Click to expand...
Have fun and to tell the truth, I could care less.... Have a nice day.... :nana:
 
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