New Author Needs Advice and Critique

I need a little advice.

Here is my story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/eves-party
https://www.literotica.com/s/saras-journey-ch-02-1
https://www.literotica.com/s/saras-journey-ch-03-1

Author: Midship25

It is listed in group sex and the first chapter is pretty standard sex party with elements of reluctance. It was originally titled "Eve's Party"

The ending was a bit harsh so I re-edited and re-titled it to better fit the chapters that followed. Each chapter is about 5000 words and I plan on maybe 6 chapters.

The idea is to have the main character (Sara) take a sailing trip with each stop a new chapter. I didn't write with a target audience in mind. I just wrote about what interests me. I plan on adding elements of BDSM, incest, mmf bi as she travels.

I think I may be alienating a portion of the audience with each new element while not picking up readers who might like that stuff. The ratings are good but the readership has dropped off a cliff.

This is my first time writing and I have a lot to learn.

Did I list in the wrong category?
Is it a mistake to mix elements of different categories in the same story?

Should I take up a different hobby?

Thanks

Midship25 said:

I need a little advice.

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advice is more frequently dished out in the Author's hangout.

Midship25 said:

I think I may be alienating a portion of the audience with each new element while not picking up readers who might like that stuff. The ratings are good but the readership has dropped off a cliff.

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totally normal. a fraction of literotica readers will read chapter 1, a fraction of those readers will read chapter 2, a fraction of those who read chapter 2 will go on. unless you have an update cycle that matches the reader's reading cycle, you're going to lose readers along the path. few just jump in at chapter 4.

Midship25 said:

Did I list in the wrong category?

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by definition yes. all categories are the wrong category.

Midship25 said:

Is it a mistake to mix elements of different categories in the same story?

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Stories would be boring if they strictly adhered to the 'only one category' idea.

Midship25 said:

Should I take up a different hobby?

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Yes, you lousy perv. Unless you're writing for your own enjoyment, that is.

First, you've asked the questions in the right forum. This forum is for feedback on stories and that's what you're asking for here. The viewing stat does, indeed, tend to fall off as the chapters progress. Yours have fallen off quite a bit. The two later chapters are pretty recent, but that's still a big drop off. The ratings are good, though. There, indeed, are usually multiple categories included in each chapter/story. Group is a generalized category, so this isn't a bad place to put your series.

I suggest just finishing off as you planned to and see who has stuck with you to the end. If the ratings and views fall off dramatically, you could look to either not dragging your story out or writing a series that maintains plotlines at a high throughout, which usually is done by writing the whole story before posting any of it and making sure it doesn't drag down in irrelevancy and too much repetition. The "traveling around" adventures is a standard theme. I've used it quite a bit myself. It's fun to write.

Thank you for your helpful post.

Midship25 said:

I think I may be alienating a portion of the audience with each new element while not picking up readers who might like that stuff. The ratings are good but the readership has dropped off a cliff.

This is my first time writing and I have a lot to learn.

Did I list in the wrong category?
Is it a mistake to mix elements of different categories in the same story?

Should I take up a different hobby?

Click to expand...

My thoughts on the serial story, and what's going on here - taking your points above, one by one:

1) a serial story, as you have here, gives you a much better indication of your true readership. The views of chapter three are more likely to be closer to "true reads" - don't be fooled by the high view numbers on your first chapter. As a single chapter you have zero idea how many of those 27k views read right through, or clicked out at the end of the first paragraph. In this case, I reckon most people bailed out early (accidental boat pun, sorry...) and I've thoughts on that, later.

2) less than you think. Your writing has a nice flow, you're a natural story teller, and you capture mood and place very well. You need to learn it's vs its, and a few other bits and bobs where spell-check has lead you astray, but technically, you're okay. You can write; better than many, I think. You're on the right side of the bell curve.

3) Group is a good catch-all category, you have more than two sexual protagonists, so it's a logical fit - so category choice is okay... fundamentally...

4) but then you're throwing extra things into the mix, which could well be upsetting the apple cart.

5) take up a different hobby? Hell no. You can write...

Now, some thoughts on what might have gone "wrong":

I'll tell you now, if you hadn't listed the story in this Forum, I wouldn't be writing these notes. I did not read past the opening few paras of chapter one, and clicked right back out.

Why? Because you gave me body part stats, heights and indicators in the opening lines, followed by an info dump of a potted character history. For every person who wants that stuff, the next one won't, so general advice, is don't do it. In your case, double don't, because you don't need to at all, your writing is actually far better than that.

But because you did list your story here, I went straight to the third chapter to see if you got better with a few words under your belt, and you did. Much better. As I say, you can tell a story, and I think, once you got past the perceived need, "To tell us your character's history" and knuckled down to writing, you gave your natural voice a chance.

Now, your natural voice is to catch em slow, reel them in, tell a yarn, conjure up character and mood. But your choice to tell it all present tense cuts against that. You're a contemplative writer, and I think past tense would have suited this better, slowed it down, given you a chance to describe the lovely, delicate details. But with present tense, you're always rushing past everything, too fast. You're in a sail-boat, not a racer, slow down!

Parts of this reminded me of MelissaBaby's Mary and Alvin story - a similar evocation of the sea, possibly - you'd do yourself a favour, seeing how she tells a long, slow story.

My advice: rather than fall into the possible trap of the episodic story where you want to try a bit of this, a bit of that, by continuing with the same "story"; maybe write stand-alone, self-contained pieces, each one exploring a particular "something". It will make your "what category?" choices easier, and will also teach you how to wrap stories up, give them an ending. If you check out my Floating World stories, i take a single character, but place him in different circumstances with different protagonists. So each story has a common thread, but they are each stand-alones - it's not a continuing chapter thing.

Once you have learned more of the craft of story telling and refined your natural voice, found your comfort zone, that's when you say, okay, I can write now, let's try something more ambitious - and push yourself out of your comfort zone. Get ten stories under your belt, you'll see.

Get another hobby? Fuck no, you can write. Just write more (stories, not chapters).

To me, you're writing has lots of wrong phrasings.

original said:

Eve has invited me to one of her "naughty parties". I have known about her parties for years but I never have the courage to go. This time is different, though. This time I'm thinking about it.

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I'd write:

me said:

Eve has invited me to one of her "naughty parties". She's invited me to them for years, but I've never had the courage to go. This time, I'm thinking of going.

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original said:

I was a thin 5-8" and I keep my blonde hair long. I am told I have pretty face and Eve says I have a "smokin' hot ass, " but she's just trying to make me feel better about my small breasts. I was always shy around boys. The only time I didn't feel awkward is when I had a golf club in my hands.

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I'd write:

me said:

I'm 5'8", thin with long blond hair. I've been told I have pretty face, and Eve says I have a "smokin' hot ass." She only says that to make me feel better about my small breasts. I've always been shy around boys. The only time I don't feel awkward around them is when I have a golf club in my hands.

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Thank you electricblue66, for taking the time and effort to respond. You make some valid points. I will take them to heart.


I do have a nit to pick about your "bail out" pun:

Bail out is what you do when you want to leave a plane.

In a boat you bail out if you want to stay.

Thanks 8letters, for your thoughtful input.
I appreciate it.

electricblue66 said:

Parts of this reminded me of MelissaBaby's Mary and Alvin story - a similar evocation of the sea, possibly - you'd do yourself a favour, seeing how she tells a long, slow story.

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Well, I ought to take a look at it when I get a chance!

Midship25 said:

Thank you electricblue66, for taking the time and effort to respond. You make some valid points. I will take them to heart.

I do have a nit to pick about your "bail out" pun:

Bail out is what you do when you want to leave a plane.

In a boat you bail out if you want to stay.

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I thought you bailed water out of a boat? Oh, yes. I see your point... .

Regarding the fall-off of readership: there is only so much that can be done about that, but one option is to have a note at the top of each chapter with links to the other chapters. You can do it with HTML coding or have the administrator do it for you.

I guess if a writer has patience, he or she can finish the entire work and then submit all of the chapters in a very short time period (two weeks perhaps?) I've never tried that so I can only guess what the results would be.

gunhilltrain said:

I guess if a writer has patience, he or she can finish the entire work and then submit all of the chapters in a very short time period (two weeks perhaps?) I've never tried that so I can only guess what the results would be.

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The dropoff still is very significant, although it becomes less so after many chapters. The dropoff is small after many, many chapters. But there's nearly always dropoff from the first chapter through the next few chapters regardless of when they are posted.

gunhilltrain said:

Regarding the fall-off of readership: there is only so much that can be done about that, but one option is to have a note at the top of each chapter with links to the other chapters. You can do it with HTML coding or have the administrator do it for you.

Click to expand...

Chapter stories automatically get joined together as each new chapter gets posted - you don't need links within the content itself.

The issue here is retaining readership in what looks like being a long yarn. I reckon if Midship25 manages to get out a chapter every week for the next ten weeks, the chapter 3 numbers might be the "steady state" for the remainder. That's making a rod for the writer's back, though - another reason to perhaps concentrate on less ambitious but satisfyingly self-contained stories first off.

It's hard work banging out chapter content on a regular, frequent basis, and Lit already has more than enough great unfinished stories, where writers run out of ideas, time, and energy. Sure, there are hundreds of stories with huge chapter counts, and some of them might be very good, but there are also many that just quietly fade away like a stream crossing a sandy beach, or just trickle on forever...

electricblue66 said:

Chapter stories automatically get joined together as each new chapter gets posted - you don't need links within the content itself.

The issue here is retaining readership in what looks like being a long yarn. I reckon if Midship25 manages to get out a chapter every week for the next ten weeks, the chapter 3 numbers might be the "steady state" for the remainder. That's making a rod for the writer's back, though - another reason to perhaps concentrate on less ambitious but satisfyingly self-contained stories first off.

It's hard work banging out chapter content on a regular, frequent basis, and Lit already has more than enough great unfinished stories, where writers run out of ideas, time, and energy. Sure, there are hundreds of stories with huge chapter counts, and some of them might be very good, but there are also many that just quietly fade away like a stream crossing a sandy beach, or just trickle on forever...

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I realize that links are really only useful going backwards in time to earlier chapters. The problem is mostly in the other direction: the fall-off in interest for later chapters.

"A less ambitious . .. self-contained stories:" Yes, mostly true. Before I found Literotica I thought I was writing a novel, but that was a bigger deal than I could handle. I wound up posting some self-contained but related pieces of it (the stories about New York in the 1970s).

Eventually I'll try the whole thing as a novel but, yes, I need more experience first.

Keep writing. Don't worry about the peanut gallery so much. The people that matter will send you personal comments with detail about what they think. 5 years from now your stuff will still be here with a much larger sample size of what your readers think, and your writing will have improved dramatically. I try to remind myself of the above everytime I get a low vote.

gunhilltrain said:

Regarding the fall-off of readership: there is only so much that can be done about that,

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one option is to use the 'universe' idea; like the recent Han Solo movie is in the star wars universe but stands alone Put a header that this is in the 'blah' universe and you can read more in that vein here...

astuffedshirt_perv said:

one option is to use the 'universe' idea; like the recent Han Solo movie is in the star wars universe but stands alone Put a header that this is in the 'blah' universe and you can read more in that vein here...

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Right, the universe idea is like the concept I suggested. You have some characters and settings in common in various submissions. It works if there is a distinct story within each submission. But if you've got a more tightly plotted longer work you probably should go with the same name for each chapter.

gunhilltrain said:

"A less ambitious . .. self-contained stories:" Yes, mostly true. Before I found Literotica I thought I was writing a novel, but that was a bigger deal than I could handle. I wound up posting some self-contained but related pieces of it (the stories about New York in the 1970s).

Eventually I'll try the whole thing as a novel but, yes, I need more experience first.

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I think that's a very common thing to do - new writers decide to write a novel as their first piece of fiction writing. That's what I did. I wrote several chapters in what was going a novel that spanned over 20 years. At some point, I decided to take a break from that and write a short story. When I wrote that, I discovered how truly bad my writing was. Now, I realize my novel idea didn't have an interesting enough premise to hold people's attention.

8letters said:

To me, you're writing has lots of wrong phrasings...

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Pot, meet kettle. Here - FIFY:

8letters said:

To me, YOUR writing has lots of wrong phrasings.

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Sorry - I don't usually pick on people like this, but I'm an incurable grammar Nazi. Loved your story (I forget the title) about the guy who falls for his Irish sister... and I'm also a "stats nerd

Midship25 said:

I need a little advice.

Here is my story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/eves-party
https://www.literotica.com/s/saras-journey-ch-02-1
https://www.literotica.com/s/saras-journey-ch-03-1

Author: Midship25


I think I may be alienating a portion of the audience with each new element while not picking up readers who might like that stuff. The ratings are good but the readership has dropped off a cliff.

Click to expand...

Some people fixate obsessively on one kink. Others want to see the characters they read explore.

However even when it comes to published authors who have years of experience, and have vetted their works with editors, beta-readers, professionals etc... even the books they produce are not read in full by every person who purchases them. Even most people who purchase them.

This is my first time writing and I have a lot to learn.

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We all do. Even if you've been writing for ten years, you have a lot to learn.

Should I take up a different hobby?

Thanks

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Will quitting make you feel better? I don't know. Are you enjoying the process? Do you miss doing something else with your time? I don't that either.