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the dating game-bdsm style

Netzach said:
I will play in a club or at a play party with someone I met that night., or when I was pro I had someone else around with new clients. I don't get into enclosed spaces with new people. I will always decline "drive you home?" on the first date and I usually meet somewhere I can cab from or disappear into buildings in, rather than risk being followed.

I think it's VERY wise of you to worry more about the car ride than the OTK spanking - even if you were to go play in a hotel room with some toys, it could still be a better idea than that ride home. Physical control to move and numbers of people to hear you make a fuss are key.

I don't have a timeline for feeling safe with someone. I just do when I do.
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See this is my thinking. At least if I go to a hotel room with some one, I know that there will be a maid to come find me some time the next morning or after check out hours. If I'm in a car, they can drop me where no one would find me for a few days. Even if I am in my apt, I'm not sure that any one would come check on me for a day or two. So even if I was just seriously hurt, because there's no one to check on me, it could end up worse.
 
the captians wench said:
See this is my thinking. At least if I go to a hotel room with some one, I know that there will be a maid to come find me some time the next morning or after check out hours. If I'm in a car, they can drop me where no one would find me for a few days. Even if I am in my apt, I'm not sure that any one would come check on me for a day or two. So even if I was just seriously hurt, because there's no one to check on me, it could end up worse.
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Right, and if you have the option to scream fight and throw things enough, you have a fighting chance because there will be someone to hear you. I've known people to do raucous scenes consensually in hotels and have staff called on them, it's fairly easy at a business travel or better hotel.

Come to think of it I've preferred nookie with people I'm not 100 percent sure of but hot for to be at a hotel. I am very weird about my home.
 
Netzach said:
Right, and if you have the option to scream fight and throw things enough, you have a fighting chance because there will be someone to hear you. I've known people to do raucous scenes consensually in hotels and have staff called on them, it's fairly easy at a business travel or better hotel.

Come to think of it I've preferred nookie with people I'm not 100 percent sure of but hot for to be at a hotel. I am very weird about my home.
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Totally agree. He mentioned to me that he doesn't drive well at night and would need a hotel room for the night. I suggested a couple close to where I work. I know the area, and it's rather business snobery-ish. The type of area where if your grass is a quarter inch too high they fine you.

I'm not so worried about him knowing where I work. It's a very public place, and how many people really remember the mcd's chick that hands you your coffee every morning? Most of the regulars don't recognize me out side of my uniform. *shrug* besides, I don't have to tell him that that's my Mcd's you see out side you're window.
 
So, back to the questions list.

We have a good base of 10 questions that should be answered some time in the begining stages, whether that be over the corse of a few dates or phone calls, or ims.

So when do you pop out the kink checklist? And do you actually have a paper form?

In my particular case, I met this person on collarme, so we each have a checklist visible, tho I don't think either of us put everything on there, but we have been discussing a few things. A couple of snags, but only one thing so far that could be a deal breaker.

I have met people who do use a paper checklist. That whole concept is kind of interesting to me.

How important are your deal breakers? Are you willing to bend on them a little or is it that as soon as you hear "no, I'm not realy into that" you say "okay, well thank you for playing our game, we hope you enjoyed yourself, and here's your lovely parting gift"?
 
the captians wench said:
How important are your deal breakers? Are you willing to bend on them a little or is it that as soon as you hear "no, I'm not realy into that" you say "okay, well thank you for playing our game, we hope you enjoyed yourself, and here's your lovely parting gift"?
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Well, by default, a deal breaker is a deal breaker. The only caveat becomes how important is it to the other person. If you list needleplay as a deal breaking hard limit, I'm not going to be bothered. Sure, needleplay is cool, but it's not my 'thing'. If you list rope bondage as a hard limit? Yeah, it's been great having you on the show, and thanks for coming.

So I would say that while deal breakers are hard-core for me, their effect on the relationship may be minimal, dpending on the other person's interest in that activity.
 
Homburg said:
Well, by default, a deal breaker is a deal breaker. The only caveat becomes how important is it to the other person. If you list needleplay as a deal breaking hard limit, I'm not going to be bothered. Sure, needleplay is cool, but it's not my 'thing'. If you list rope bondage as a hard limit? Yeah, it's been great having you on the show, and thanks for coming.

So I would say that while deal breakers are hard-core for me, their effect on the relationship may be minimal, dpending on the other person's interest in that activity.
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For me, it's the willingness to give it a shot. This is pretty big one for me, and when he said "well, it's okay, just not all the time" then I almost said "oh well, I'm sorry but this just won't work then", but as I explaned my pure delight in this activity, he began to consider, maybe he just hasn't had it done by the right person...

Yeah, can any one take a while guess as to what wenchie's deal breaker almost was? :rolleyes:
 
the captians wench said:
For me, it's the willingness to give it a shot. This is pretty big one for me, and when he said "well, it's okay, just not all the time" then I almost said "oh well, I'm sorry but this just won't work then", but as I explaned my pure delight in this activity, he began to consider, maybe he just hasn't had it done by the right person...

Yeah, can any one take a while guess as to what wenchie's deal breaker almost was? :rolleyes:
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Um, he doesn't like that?
 
the captians wench said:
For me, it's the willingness to give it a shot. This is pretty big one for me, and when he said "well, it's okay, just not all the time" then I almost said "oh well, I'm sorry but this just won't work then", but as I explaned my pure delight in this activity, he began to consider, maybe he just hasn't had it done by the right person...

Yeah, can any one take a while guess as to what wenchie's deal breaker almost was? :rolleyes:
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Color me incredulous.
 
the captians wench said:
appearently it's "okay" :rolleyes:

yeah....if that really is the case, then this soooo won't work....

how shallow do I feel now. :eek:
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You can call it shallow, or you can call it knowing yourself, and understanding that, in your case, compatibility means a dick to suck.
 
Homburg said:
You can call it shallow, or you can call it knowing yourself, and understanding that, in your case, compatibility means a dick to suck.
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Yeah, I just don't think I could be happy at all with some one who didn't enjoy it. Been there, wasn't fun.
 
the captians wench said:
Yeah, I just don't think I could be happy at all with some one who didn't enjoy it. Been there, wasn't fun.
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See, I'm one of those guys that considers the act itself to be "okay". But the overall D/s weight behind the act is a big deal. The actual physical feelings? Hey, they're fine, but penetrative sex is what My Cock wants. But the whole kneel and worship part? Yeah, we both dig that.

And, yes, after that thread I think of it as "My Cock" complete with capital letters. *sigh*
 
Homburg said:
See, I'm one of those guys that considers the act itself to be "okay". But the overall D/s weight behind the act is a big deal. The actual physical feelings? Hey, they're fine, but penetrative sex is what My Cock wants. But the whole kneel and worship part? Yeah, we both dig that.

And, yes, after that thread I think of it as "My Cock" complete with capital letters. *sigh*
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*giggles* poor hommy. :kiss:

It's no secret how I feel about cock worship. Even before I knew what it was, I never just blew a guy, I will love his cock with my mouth for hours. And, honestly, sometimes I don't even care if he's enjoying it. :eek: I totally get off on the act, the feel...*sigh* I need a sucker now, thank you so much. :rolleyes:
 
the captians wench said:
*giggles* poor hommy. :kiss:

It's no secret how I feel about cock worship. Even before I knew what it was, I never just blew a guy, I will love his cock with my mouth for hours. And, honestly, sometimes I don't even care if he's enjoying it. :eek: I totally get off on the act, the feel...*sigh* I need a sucker now, thank you so much. :rolleyes:
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That's hilarious. Well, enjoy your lollipop, wenchie. Sorry to have wound you up :D
 
the captians wench said:
*giggles* poor hommy. :kiss:

It's no secret how I feel about cock worship. Even before I knew what it was, I never just blew a guy, I will love his cock with my mouth for hours. And, honestly, sometimes I don't even care if he's enjoying it. :eek: I totally get off on the act, the feel...*sigh* I need a sucker now, thank you so much. :rolleyes:
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Can I direct anyone in the REAL DOMMES WOULD NEVER SUCK COCK base camp to this post?
 
Netzach said:
Can I direct anyone in the REAL DOMMES WOULD NEVER SUCK COCK base camp to this post?
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That whole concept boggles me. The moment I feel least in control sexually is when I am coming, and by far when I am coming from a blow job. Yeah, okay, cock worship is wonderful, but that is when I am standing and controlling the action. If I am laying there, and she's really giving it her all, I do not feel fully in control no matter how free my hands might be.

The beej is a bit too close to the brain's off-switch.
 
midwestyankee said:
Color me incredulous.
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Me too. So much so that I'm seeking an alternative explanation here.

Wench - when you or Shy talk about how much you love cock worship, I grin and think that's awesome.

But if I were in the initial stages of dating a woman, and she hadn't had mine in her mouth yet, then talking about how much she just loves, loves, loooooooooves sucking cock would really not be my favorite topic of conversation.

It isn't that I expect or want a woman to be virginal or frigid pre-me. It's just that the stronger the preference I have for the woman herself, the stronger my preference for her sexual focus to be on me.

So it's possible that the topic or focus of the conversation led to the tepid response, more so than any aversion to the actual deed.
 
Homburg said:
That whole concept boggles me. The moment I feel least in control sexually is when I am coming, and by far when I am coming from a blow job. Yeah, okay, cock worship is wonderful, but that is when I am standing and controlling the action. If I am laying there, and she's really giving it her all, I do not feel fully in control no matter how free my hands might be.

The beej is a bit too close to the brain's off-switch.
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LOL, you obviously do not include crops, canes or floggers in the action as F does.:D

Catalina:catroar:
 
Netzach said:
Can I direct anyone in the REAL DOMMES WOULD NEVER SUCK COCK base camp to this post?
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Ha, ha - I was thinking the exact same thing.


Homburg said:
Yeah, okay, cock worship is wonderful, but that is when I am standing and controlling the action. If I am laying there, and she's really giving it her all, I do not feel fully in control no matter how free my hands might be.
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Really? At the core, control is a mental thing for me.

There can be physical aspects too, of course. But even when I've got her pinned down or tied up, a single word would set her free.

Any position, anywhere, any time - it's all in my head, and hers.
 
JMohegan said:
Me too. So much so that I'm seeking an alternative explanation here.

Wench - when you or Shy talk about how much you love cock worship, I grin and think that's awesome.

But if I were in the initial stages of dating a woman, and she hadn't had mine in her mouth yet, then talking about how much she just loves, loves, loooooooooves sucking cock would really not be my favorite topic of conversation.

It isn't that I expect or want a woman to be virginal or frigid pre-me. It's just that the stronger the preference I have for the woman herself, the stronger my preference for her sexual focus to be on me.

So it's possible that the topic or focus of the conversation led to the tepid response, more so than any aversion to the actual deed.
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I considered this, except for how the topic came about.

After a bit more than a week of talking, and intrest being expressed on both our parts, sexual compatibility has been coming up recently. And he brought up that he has his own oral fixation. I simply replied, "interesting". Then in an attempt to redeem himself, it would apear, he informed me that it's giving, not recieving that he has a passion for. My "oh" and disapointed sound must have been obvious because in an attempt to correct himself once more he says "well it's okay, just not all the time", that's when I tell him that I share his passion, in that I love (such an understatement) to give.

I think it really is a sincere lack of enthusiasm on the giver's part that has turned him off to it. Because he also mentioned that "it just takes so long", which implies to me that he's had girls with the "oh just get off already" mentality.

When we discussed further indepth of my theories on the different mentalities a girl takes to this act, and its results, that was when he considered the posibility that maybe he just hasn't had the right girl do it for him.

I have heard girls say they love oral before. It has been a rare few that have loved it the way that I do (shy and bb would be included on my side of things). And hearing "oh just get off already so I don't have to do this" enough would curb anyone's enthusiasm I think.
 
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