Always Darkest for Dawn - Any feedback welcome

If any decide to read and give feedback it is welcome. Story is in Novels and Novellas and is just under 23k so I know too long for many. Besides that there isn't much to trigger anyone. I would classify it as romance if I had to but it is tragic and not hea.


https://www.literotica.com/s/always-darkest-for-dawn

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You are a much more talented storyteller than I've ever given you credit for. This story is gritty and heartbreaking, with just the right amount of foreshadowing.

I've ranted about flashbacks being something writers should stay away from, but this is how it should be done. Highlighting really interesting character developments and contrasts. It's nuanced and technically impressive.

It can't be understated that this is a great story with a lot of really great characterizations and motivations. That being said, the writing is the weakest part. The dialogue is strong but it reads a little flat without any narration. This needs something I can't picture my finger on the punch it up just a little. Or maybe to be a little bit shorter and tighter. I don't know.

Don't lose sight of the big picture. It's a fantastic story and you should be proud. It takes risks and, from where I'm sitting, they pay off.

I can't really get into the story. I got as far as page 3 and it just wasn't bringing me in. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have been able to get past the first half of the first page if it didn't read well. It had a lot of charm, and polish, but...

I think the problem was too much jumping around in such a short amount of written pages. It should have been much shorter or much, much longer, but I doubt you could have written it better shorter, so I'd go with much, much longer. That would have made the characters more endearing, and interesting to read on about. To me it read more like one of those ads that flash images at you ever second or two; Just as you notice or see something interesting, there's already been two other images that have flashed on and flashed off the screen and you're scrambling to catch up. Either that or one of those movies that show three or four videos at once, where you don't know which video to look at so you don't miss out on something important.

Information overload.

LWulf said:

I can't really get into the story. I got as far as page 3 and it just wasn't bringing me in. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have been able to get past the first half of the first page if it didn't read well. It had a lot of charm, and polish, but...

I think the problem was too much jumping around in such a short amount of written pages.

Click to expand...

Unfortunately, this was my impression as well. I read the first 2 pages before I tried skimming the third, and couldn't get into it. The interactions between the characters were as typical as they were uninteresting... a total snore fest.

Thanks to those reading (or attempting to) and giving feedback. Is appreciated.