As The Hospital Pervs

Hi everybody!

Found this forum a week or so ago but haven't had the chance to introduce myself yet. Figure I might as well jump in while I can. I'm a med/surg - cardiac/tele RN with a long background in the OR, ER, and endoscopy. Yeah, hospitals are about as pervy as you can get, and ORs are the perviest department of all.

Today is my "Sunday." I get to go back to work tomorrow, then again for the weekend. I leave you with this little gem though:



That is sometimes SUCH a tempting idea! Does that give you an idea of what my last day at work was like?

*edited to add* Sorry about the extra junk with the photo. Not sure why that showed up like that.

This is one of the few places I've found (outside of work) where people get you when you say it's your "Sunday." It's Saturday for me.

It's always good to meet another kindred spirit.

Nice to meet you!

You have to admit - our vocabularies are littered with words and phrases that nobody understands other than us. It's kinda cool; we have our own secret code.

Code Brown, Code Blue (or 99 - your hospital's mileage may vary), Cleanup in aisle 7 means something totally different for us. LOL Vitamin A (Ativan), giving a pt a B-52, and have I mentioned my love affair with Geodon? (Giving it - not taking it.) CCFCP (Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs - A/O x0, crazy as a loon, and as high maintenance as hell), and pts being referred to as GOMERs. Where else does OH SHIT! mean get the crash cart and get it the fuck in here? In the OR, holding your fingers in the classic peace sign means put them the hell to sleep NOW or give them more Versed NOW. Also in the OR, a doctor can tell us to suck, but nobody gets offended or even thinks twice; they just grab the Yankauer and suck. Anyone who's going out for a smoke is going for a "breathing treatment."

Common phrases often heard in endoscopy include: Do you feel me now? Is it soft? Give me pressure! And the classic and ever popular - Is it in yet? (Don't even get me started on rectal foreign body stories!)

Who else besides a nurse celebrates peeing, pooping, and the passage of gas? Try to gross out a nurse with bodily fluids or functions. Go ahead; I dare ya. It can't be done. We can ask people the most embarrassing questions (and hear the most embarrassing answers) without batting an eyelash.

Our families wouldn't understand, and frankly, they don't want to hear about our days (unless we're married to other healthcare professionals). We have to have a place to vent and talk amongst others who speak our language.

I almost forgot. Also in the OR:

"Your IUD fell out," means you dropped an instrument.

"Can you tie me up?" takes on special meaning when said with a sultry smile and low voice.

"Goddammit!" means BOVIE, stat, and suction! (Preferably at the same time and with a stick tie handy for good measure.) We have a bleeder!

And my personal favorite: "Why Don't We Get Drunk (and Screw)" is often the classic song to play when closing the incision.

Hahahahahahaa! Nice to read you! Oh, and honey I'm home!!
It was crayzeeee today with a capital K.

"Can I get another pressure bag I here?"

Dear BeachMomma! Today is my Monday, and yes we know what you mean. I think about OR nursing sometimes. I like working in the Trauma ICU, and we have a very close relationship with OR and PACU. I feel cheered up, and even laughed about your love affair with Geodon!

I used to work on Telemetry, and I was one of those nurses that loved it.

I don't think I would like Endo!

Endo...yuck. ERCPs are the worst!

sweepthefloor said:

Dear BeachMomma! Today is my Monday, and yes we know what you mean. I think about OR nursing sometimes. I like working in the Trauma ICU, and we have a very close relationship with OR and PACU. I feel cheered up, and even laughed about your love affair with Geodon!

I used to work on Telemetry, and I was one of those nurses that loved it.

I don't think I would like Endo!

Click to expand...

imemkay said:

Endo...yuck. ERCPs are the worst!

Click to expand...

Endo is actually more fun than you'd think - especially if you get to work with a great crew like I had. And ERCPs are my absolute favorite procedures! It really does depend on who you're working with though. A good doctor can make an ERCP fun and relatively easy; a bad doctor...*shudders*. Good or bad can either mean a good or bad clinician or a good or bad personality. Either one can make for a very long, VERY miserable procedure! Of course, if you can manage to get the best of both, you're very lucky indeed.

Advanced Directive

http://www.gundluth.org/?id=6539&sid=1

gotsnowgotslush said:

Advanced Directive

http://www.gundluth.org/?id=6539&sid=1

Click to expand...

Yes.

sweepthefloor said:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4FoSf6Yi_s

Click to expand...

Could you tell me which way it is to the nudist party?

I had an interesting experience Sunday at work. I do not embarrass easily. As a matter of fact, it's damn near impossible to embarrass me. They managed the impossible.

We were sitting at the desk doing our afternoon charting. I wanted to finish up the chart I was working on, make a run to the bathroom, then go out for a "breathing treatment." We noticed the hospital security guards walking around the department and checking all of the bathroom doors. Finally curiousity got the better of us and we asked what they were doing.

Apparently, somebody had called security to complain that they were locked in a bathroom and couldn't get out. Security knew it was on our floor - but not which department or even which specific bathroom. So they checked the bathrooms across from our nurses desk, found them empty, and went on their way to check the patient's bathrooms and other departments.

I WARNED them that I was going to use the bathroom and that I didn't want them to try to "rescue" me. Now, in their defense, I did have laryngitis and could barely speak, but I maintained full eye contact with one of the security guards when I said it - in the hopes that he'd actually *listen* to me.

I went in, peed, flushed, washed my hands, and emerged from the staff bathroom - to find both guards, every nurse on our floor, and I swear, God himself standing huddled around the bathroom door. My face turned beet red. I squeaked "What?" at them. They just stared at me. I squeaked again, "WHAT?!? Haven't y'all ever seen anybody use the bathroom before?" Everybody burst out laughing. I just said, "Fuck all y'all," and started outside. As I went through the nurses' desk, one of the student nurses commented on my face being so red.

I hate having to maintain a semi-professional attitude sometimes. If it had just been my immediate coworkers, I would've said, "Did y'all enjoy hearing me pee and flush? Ya pervs!" Since the security detail was also there en masse, I didn't feel comfortable making an off-color comment. I don't know them as well as I know my own crew.

I know nurses have superpowers regarding our bladders, but sheesh. You'd think they'd never seen (or heard lol) anybody pee before!

BeachMomma said:

I hate having to maintain a semi-professional attitude sometimes. If it had just been my immediate coworkers, I would've said, "Did y'all enjoy hearing me pee and flush? Ya pervs!" Since the security detail was also there en masse, I didn't feel comfortable making an off-color comment. I don't know them as well as I know my own crew.

I know nurses have superpowers regarding our bladders, but sheesh. You'd think they'd never seen (or heard lol) anybody pee before!

Click to expand...

Maybe you should buy them a DVD of "The Wiz"?

BeachMomma said:

I know nurses have superpowers regarding our bladders

Click to expand...

See, there's your problem. They've never seen (heard) a nurse pee before, because you're supposed to wait until you get home!

I worked a double not too long ago, and realized at 2045 that I hadn't peed since 0445 when I woke up.

I also realized that I need to drink more water during the day.

I used to do that - before my blood pressure decided to take a walk on the wild side, and I had to start taking Lasix. I peed exactly three times daily - when I woke up, when I got home from work, and before bed.

Now? Let's just say I have far more sympathy when I have to push IV Lasix.

If we drink water, that means we have to pee. God knows we don't have time to pee. It's easier to just not drink the water. Hell, who has time to drink water? If it's not caffeinated or alcoholic, it's not worth the time or effort.

There's something about that Lasix! I am pretty sure my co-workers are crushing up the lasix and slipping it into my coffee cup.

My first day on the Trauma ICU I was peeing in our shared bathroom and a Resident walked in. I didn't see his face, I only saw the lab coat. The housekeeper told me: That door is funny.

When I don't pee enough at work I pee all night. It's awful. I rationalize this by thinking: My legs are elevated and there is a venous return to the heart. My preload is elevated now. So... I take a hot shower to vasodilate and this reduces my preload...

I don't know hahahahhhahahaha

Nurse on Nurse

Man Nurse: "Ever have anal sex?"

Me: "No, do you think I would risk perforating my bowels?"

Man Nurse: "Hahahaha you are sick."

Man Nurse: "What about choking? Ever been choked?"

Me: "What? And risk decreased cerebral blood flow to my brain?"

Man Nurse: "Hypoxia!"

I hope that cute respiratory therapist is working tomorrow, I secretly want him to manage my airway. It is their specialty.

Ya gotta love those cute respiratory therapists. It's so sexy the way they just slide an ET tube right down somebody's throat!

Haha! Ya! Except Anesthesia intubates all our patients. But it's still so hott the way they transport with us to the CT scan bat man!

sweepthefloor said:

Man Nurse: "Ever have anal sex?"

Me: "No, do you think I would risk perforating my bowels?"

Man Nurse: "Hahahaha you are sick."

Click to expand...

Nurse humor is awesome, as is anal sex.

jomar said:

Nurse humor is awesome, as is anal sex.

Click to expand...

And we were both broken hearted at the same time, and we pouted through the charting and then OMG it's Ventricular Fibrillation! We forgot all about it.

I removed my first arterial line under his supervision. I was so scared. All I could imagine was blood everywhere! I just held pressure like he told me to do, and it was alright. Months later she dumped him, and he dumped me and we just keep going back to doing the things that we do best. All the while we log-roll, c-spine, and back up drips working at the car wash. Stop, think.

And every few days there is a text to my phone: Head up girl.

sweepthefloor said:

Haha! Ya! Except Anesthesia intubates all our patients. But it's still so hott the way they transport with us to the CT scan bat man!

Click to expand...

Anesthesia - purrrrrrrrrr! They're pretty damn sexy too. Although it's true that 95% of their jobs is boring, that other 5% more than makes up for it. I find it kinda sexy when a nurse can go from machines on cruise control and bored to jumping with a stick of Atropine (or whatever) and on the ball in no time flat. If you want to talk about control in the hospital, anesthesia is all over that. They simply won't allow anybody to die on their table; it's just not acceptable. That's pretty damn sexy in my book!

Anesthesia also sets the tone of any operating room. If you're got a pissy surgeon, anesthesia makes the case bearable or they fall flat. I've met a few anesthetists who have a rotten sense of humor but not many. Most of them are as quick with the wit as they are that aforementioned stick of Ativan. Ativan? Where the fuck did that come from? I must have Ativan on the brain. LOL I meant Atropine.

Speaking of drugs, Diprivan (propofol) has got to be one of the most erotic drugs known to modern medicine. That stuff gives you awesome wet dreams!

Yup! Anesthesia rocks!