citalopram
- Thread starter enigma3
- Start date
Bottomlover
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2002
- Posts
- 434
I don't know the history here, but sometimes antidepressants are prescribed for help getting through a rough spot, and sometimes there is a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs constant help. If this is a rough spot with a plan to evaluate regularly, you might just be supportive and suck up the lack of sex. By the age of 56, most of us have dealt with going without for a year or two. If it is a long term thing, she might discuss it with her doctor, as medications can be adjusted, or you might find some kind of activity that you can both immerse yourselves in and see if that leads to a decreased need for the drug. is she doing any talk therapy?
Sometimes, after taking this sort of medication for some time, sexual interest comes back if an otherwise good relationship is maintained. You may have to find different ways, but it can work.
The most important thing for you is to realize that she's not being a bitch and is not trying to hurt you. Don't make this about you. Don't pull away.
I'm not a professional, and these are just my observations from many years of life.
Sometimes, after taking this sort of medication for some time, sexual interest comes back if an otherwise good relationship is maintained. You may have to find different ways, but it can work.
The most important thing for you is to realize that she's not being a bitch and is not trying to hurt you. Don't make this about you. Don't pull away.
I'm not a professional, and these are just my observations from many years of life.
pplwatching
Full grown man
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 2,345
I think that a big part of a marriage surviving serious sexual dysfunction hinges less on the question "Does she want sex?" and more on the question "Does she think that sex is an important part of your marriage?" The former is a state of being caused by any number of issues, including the medications that she's taking. The later is a state of mind, and an understanding of the potential that this situation has for breaking down intimacy in her marriage and eventually the marriage itself. It sounds like you are already part way there.
My advice comes in two parts. First, ask her her opinion about the importance of sex in your marriage. If she intuitively understands that it's important, then ask her to consider going to her Dr to do something about the meds. Changing meds may not do anything, but it will be a start. If she is also on hormonal birth control, then also look into the effect that it has on women's libido and consider switching to condoms, getting a vasectomy, or something non-hormonal to give her body a fighting chance at wanting sex. If she doesn't think that it's important, then you need to convey that it is important to you and that without it you are left feeling disconnected and isolated from her, and you need to express how that makes you feel. While you need to have empathy for your wife's situation, it is your job to express your concerns if the marriage is suffering.
Second, I would suggest that you take a look at how sleeping in separate beds is contributing to the way that you are feeling about your wife. If you are in separate beds for health or schedule reasons, you may need to make some adjustments to allow yourselves the opportunity to connect sexually. If you are in separate beds for no other reason than not wanting to sleep with a woman who is sexually unresponsive, then you need to consider how that is compounding the situation and contributing to your feelings. Sleeping in the same bed creates the opportunity for the intimacy of saying good night and good morning to each other, and physical intimacy that doesn't lead to sex such as spooning and affectionate touching. I have been in the position of frustration when physical closeness and intimacy lead to wanting to have sex, only to have been rejected sexually and I know that it sucks.
If your wife understands that you need sexual intimacy and is willing to make an effort, then you at least have someplace to start. Being an understanding and compassionate spouse goes both ways. You need to understand her situation and needs, and she needs to understand yours. If the situation eventually wears down your marriage to the point where it breaks apart, then you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying to find some middle ground.
Best to you both.
My advice comes in two parts. First, ask her her opinion about the importance of sex in your marriage. If she intuitively understands that it's important, then ask her to consider going to her Dr to do something about the meds. Changing meds may not do anything, but it will be a start. If she is also on hormonal birth control, then also look into the effect that it has on women's libido and consider switching to condoms, getting a vasectomy, or something non-hormonal to give her body a fighting chance at wanting sex. If she doesn't think that it's important, then you need to convey that it is important to you and that without it you are left feeling disconnected and isolated from her, and you need to express how that makes you feel. While you need to have empathy for your wife's situation, it is your job to express your concerns if the marriage is suffering.
Second, I would suggest that you take a look at how sleeping in separate beds is contributing to the way that you are feeling about your wife. If you are in separate beds for health or schedule reasons, you may need to make some adjustments to allow yourselves the opportunity to connect sexually. If you are in separate beds for no other reason than not wanting to sleep with a woman who is sexually unresponsive, then you need to consider how that is compounding the situation and contributing to your feelings. Sleeping in the same bed creates the opportunity for the intimacy of saying good night and good morning to each other, and physical intimacy that doesn't lead to sex such as spooning and affectionate touching. I have been in the position of frustration when physical closeness and intimacy lead to wanting to have sex, only to have been rejected sexually and I know that it sucks.
If your wife understands that you need sexual intimacy and is willing to make an effort, then you at least have someplace to start. Being an understanding and compassionate spouse goes both ways. You need to understand her situation and needs, and she needs to understand yours. If the situation eventually wears down your marriage to the point where it breaks apart, then you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by trying to find some middle ground.
Best to you both.
Last edited:
mtrainer
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2011
- Posts
- 856
Eloquent response to an all too common modern day relationship dilemma, PPL.
oldasspussy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2015
- Posts
- 1,982
After reading the above responses I'm assuming the deleted post partly had to do with the wife losing her sex drive once she started taking citalopram.
If that's the case I would check with her doctor to see if it's okay for her to take ginkgo biloba.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9611693
"In an open trial ginkgo biloba, an extract derived from the leaf of the Chinese ginkgo tree and noted for its cerebral enhancing effects, was found to be 84% effective in treating antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction predominately caused by selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs, N = 63). Women (n = 33) were more responsive to the sexually enhancing effects of ginkgo biloba than men (N = 30), with relative success rates of 91% versus 76%. Ginkgo biloba generally had a positive effect on all 4 phases of the sexual response cycle: desire, excitement (erection and lubrication), orgasm, and resolution (afterglow)"
If that's the case I would check with her doctor to see if it's okay for her to take ginkgo biloba.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9611693
"In an open trial ginkgo biloba, an extract derived from the leaf of the Chinese ginkgo tree and noted for its cerebral enhancing effects, was found to be 84% effective in treating antidepressant-induced sexual dysfunction predominately caused by selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs, N = 63). Women (n = 33) were more responsive to the sexually enhancing effects of ginkgo biloba than men (N = 30), with relative success rates of 91% versus 76%. Ginkgo biloba generally had a positive effect on all 4 phases of the sexual response cycle: desire, excitement (erection and lubrication), orgasm, and resolution (afterglow)"
