First part of story

This is the first part of a story based off the idea I posted here in the story ideas forum:

"Oh, Megyn, look at this!" Megyn Kelly looked over at her boyfriend's smartphone screen glowing in the darkness. Her pussy, still wet with cum, tightened as her baggy eyelids opened wide. A picture of a pasty white ass lightly splattered with zits above a pink pussy had the words "Syracuse" tattooed on the left cheek and "LAX" tattooed on the right. "I think she sent it to the whole team" her boyfriend said. "Oh my God!" Magan exclaimed, causing them both to burst into laughter. The laughter faded into the sounds of passionate kissing which was soon accompanied by the headboard rhythmically banging into the wall.

This is really too short for me to have much of an opinion about it, but as an opener, it has some potential. It drops us into the middle of action that establishes some relationship (this is Megyn, she has a boyfriend, they're probably in college) and hints at your main idea (she gets turned on when other women want her boyfriend) but you don't have enough about the character's emotional reactions to the picture. Surprise? Disgust? Feeling disrespect? Feeling uncomfortable? Amusement at a prank? There are a lot of reasons two people would laugh at something and sometimes they laugh at the same thing at the same time for two totally different reasons.

Don't post this piecemeal to the Story Feedback forum, which is for getting advice on finished stories posted to Lit. Just write it and submit it to Lit, then post the link here for feedback. Don't be afraid to write something that's not great for your first submission. If the people on this board didn't want to write better stories this year than we did last year, we wouldn't post here at all.

Good luck!