Question/ advice needed

Clarkg88

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A few months back after a long time my wife told me she likes the idea of being submissive. So we bought some items ( handcuffs ropes nipple toys flogger and a paddle.). The problem is is that im not a super dominant person. Ive been able to do what she wanted a few times but not very often. Also i thonk about it a lot but when it comes time i have a hard time doing it. Weve watched bondage porn and i get ideas but usually cant go through witb them. I wanted to check out a club but she wasnt to hip on the idea. I guess one question i have is are there online classes to watch or join. Also im looking for ideas here. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading
 
Hmm...it's a little difficult to give advice without knowing more details. What part of 'being sumissive' appeals to her? You said you think about it a lot but have a hard time doing it when the time comes or you get ideas but can't go through with them . . .why? I mean, are you uncomfortable doing those thjngs? Feel silly or like you're acting? Afraid of hurting her or not doing something right?

You said that you're not a very dominant person, but I get that you want to make your wife happy too. Maybe you can find some kind of middle ground. I'm guessing that the first thing anyone would tell you is to communicate with each other. And that really is the first step. Openly discuss what aspects of it appeal to both of you separately. Discuss the things you DON'T like or are not willing to try as well. And not just the 'whats' but the 'whys' too. After that you have a better idea of 'how' to achieve the results your looking for.

I'd also like to say that it's really not a lot of fun and can be very frustrating if both parties are not enjoying what they are doing. Being a good Dom is a lot of work! (I dont envy you at all - I'm very much submissive.) I know that sometimes it can feel like you have to be a mind reader too. But that's where the communication helps. Also, with a little experimenting and practce, you should be able to read her body cues pretty well. And you are doing the right thing by asking for advice. Get tips from other Doms, opinions from subs, read a lot of stuff, and keep learning.

I will say that I had a similar situation with my partner once upon a time. He was new to it all, a little nervous about what he should or shouldn't do, had a hard time giving me commands and had a huge issue with 'punishing' me when I needed it (whether physically or otherwise). He felt like he was being mean to me by acting that way. It took him a while to understand, and the 'why' I needed it helped him understand a lot better. I like a really strong Dominant and handing over control to him, but we compromised on some things and found similar methods we were both happy with to achieve mutual satisfaction. There was a learning curve for both of us, but we worked it out well.
 
First i applaude you for trying to accomadate your wife's submissive desires. That puts you a step up above most stories i hear on here.
Now to answer your question my general advice is you go with the simple stuff you can wrap your mind around first. For me it started with orgasm control/denial and evolved into a love of bdsm from there. I mean there's almost nothing like tying your wife down nude and slowly teasing her erogenous zones until she says "Please let me cum." And teasing like that i believe can be achieved by simply achieved by brushing a bullet vibrator against her bare skin.
 
A few months back after a long time my wife told me she likes the idea of being submissive. So we bought some items ( handcuffs ropes nipple toys flogger and a paddle.). The problem is is that im not a super dominant person. Ive been able to do what she wanted a few times but not very often. Also i thonk about it a lot but when it comes time i have a hard time doing it. Weve watched bondage porn and i get ideas but usually cant go through witb them. I wanted to check out a club but she wasnt to hip on the idea. I guess one question i have is are there online classes to watch or join. Also im looking for ideas here. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading

I can relate, I've told my husband about my submissive fantasies and he is not a dominant partner in the bedroom. That being said, he has tried to some degree to explore that with me. We discuss my desires and his concerns about not being Dom. It's not a one time conversation to get him comfortable with it, it's a progression and an evolution of ideas, not only about WHY I want that, but HOW to do that with me.

To be honest, we did not start with buying gear. We started with words, with him touching me just a little differently and seeing how that made us both feel. For example, we don't play with spanking much but I asked him to try. It was thrilling when he was fucking me from behind and he gave me a loud smack on the ass. I jumped and moaned and squeezed down on him, I knew that would be something I would want to try again, whereas he was concerned about hurting me and wasn't nearly as into it. We still do that sometimes, but I usually have to ask.

My advice to you is to talk to her, explore what she likes and why. Read Dom/sub stories together that she likes, and discuss them. Encourage her to start a tumblr if she doesn't have one already and pay attention to the images that she reblogs. Watching porn together can be fun, but also kind of intimidating I think.

When you find something that she likes, spanking for example, you could take the initiative to do that when the moment is right and not waiting until she asks. Simply taking the lead and doing something that she has already told you she likes is a great step. (Part of that submissive feeling may be a need for you to be in control). Then do it again, and again, and try something else, and do that again.

good luck exploring!
 
Not sure about Clark, but I appreciate the words of wisdom that you are sharing - thank you all!
 
Not sure about Clark, but I appreciate the words of wisdom that you are sharing - thank you all!

It is interesting when people find past threads and add to them. Shescurious11 post has a lot of great suggestions.
 
This is super helpful!

My husband and I fall into this. I have been on here trying to figure out how to talk with him about my desires. Shescurious had some great suggestions! Thankyou!
 
My husband and I fall into this. I have been on here trying to figure out how to talk with him about my desires. Shescurious had some great suggestions! Thankyou!

If you don't mind sharing, are you going to talk to your husband about it??
 
I'm in the same boat with my husband too and this is a very useful thread! Happy to have stumbled across it ☺️ Definitely some things to consider
 
A few months back after a long time my wife told me she likes the idea of being submissive. So we bought some items ( handcuffs ropes nipple toys flogger and a paddle.). The problem is is that im not a super dominant person. Ive been able to do what she wanted a few times but not very often. Also i thonk about it a lot but when it comes time i have a hard time doing it. Weve watched bondage porn and i get ideas but usually cant go through witb them. I wanted to check out a club but she wasnt to hip on the idea. I guess one question i have is are there online classes to watch or join. Also im looking for ideas here. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading

Just tie her up, whip her ass and make her crawl to suck you off
Pus a but plug in her ass, Call her names, like slut, whore , dumb cunt, etc
You know, just the vanilla stuff
 
A few months back after a long time my wife told me she likes the idea of being submissive. So we bought some items ( handcuffs ropes nipple toys flogger and a paddle.). The problem is is that im not a super dominant person. Ive been able to do what she wanted a few times but not very often. Also i thonk about it a lot but when it comes time i have a hard time doing it. Weve watched bondage porn and i get ideas but usually cant go through witb them. I wanted to check out a club but she wasnt to hip on the idea. I guess one question i have is are there online classes to watch or join. Also im looking for ideas here. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading

Just tie her up, whip her ass and make her crawl to suck you off
Pus a but plug in her ass, Call her names, like slut, whore , dumb cunt, etc
You know, just the vanilla stuff
 
Not sure if this is the right spot to ask this, but I'll give it a shot.

Older married couple here. Sex life has it's ups and downs. My wife and I like to smoke a bit, and that makes us more relaxed and less inhibited when it comes to sex.

A few times over the past few months, she's been a bit more aggressive in bed and I like it. Nothing major - just some gentle biting a few times and lately squeezing my balls. I like it. Turns me on. I've made sure I let her know I like it.

Now I want to know where to go from here. She's not into porn at all, so that's not an option. I'd have no clue how to suggest something else, or even what that would be.

All I've done to her so far is the same gentle biting and squeezing her tits hard. She one time dais 'not so hard', but didn't ask me to stop. I've also sucked her nipples harder, but no reaction.

Ladies - any ideas?
 
Just tie her up, whip her ass and make her crawl to suck you off
Pus a but plug in her ass, Call her names, like slut, whore , dumb cunt, etc
You know, just the vanilla stuff
You're so debonaire, Toots!!!
 
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