Real reactions to a fantasy scenario

Hi,

I've been trying to complete the second part to a fantasy story I posted sometime and I'm really curious to hear any honest reactions from any girls to the fantasy scenario I described. Obviously the story is a a total fantasy but I'm struggling to finish the next chapter so I'd love to hear some real feedback from the female point of view which will hopefully help inform me and add a little realism and clarity to my story and maybe even help with the direction it should take.

The first chapter is here but really all you need to know is how you might actually react if you walked in on one of your girlfriends husband, tied to their bed dressed up as a girl and clearly turned on. Assuming you were not immediately turned off or offended and happy to accept and invitation to join your girlfriend and her husband kinky session, then what sort of opinions or assumptions might do you think you would have? Are there any questions you would be interested in finding out the answers to? Would you jump at the opportunity or just feel mildly bemused by the whole thing?

Honest thoughts very much appreciated!

I'm not female but I'll offer my thoughts:

Your writing is very good. I got into the story even though I don't share your kink fantasy. On the negative side, you REALLY need a beta reader who can help you catch grammar mistakes and who can help you get over using the narrative voice all the time. Don't tell the story, have the characters LIVE the story.

For instance; where you have him in the bedroom while the wifey entertains, what's he thinking? Is he struggling but trying to be quiet about it? Is her underwear too tight for him and binding? Scratchy lace instead of cool silk or cotton? Could he get free or is he actually trapped until released? What's his emotional anxiety/terror level when the door opens and wifey walks in with the coat? As a reader I want to KNOW what he's feeling and why that makes him do the things he's doing. I don't want to listen to a narrator tell me what's going on in a dry distant tone of voice like some schoolmaster reading a history book.

Where to go from here? It's your fantasy, go where you want it to go and to hell with where anyone else wants it go to. Explore your character's fantasy world. Have the new co-worker explore it with them and his wife. Set up a "meet the kinky hubby" party. Swing. Swap. Go ahead and fantasize to your hearts' content. The readers will either like it, or not, or both, no matter where you go from here.

You could also explore through some of the sissy and pet/toy/female domination stories as research and see if you can fit some of that into your fantasy as a way to discover if you can find an end goal somewhere.