COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Everyday Sub task.

N

NewSubQuestions

Experienced
Joined
May 3, 2016
Posts
58
I wonder if I might be able to get some information from you guys. I'm curious to know what your D/s relationships are like? If some of you have relationships where someone takes control only during play or if the control is throughout your day in everyday tasks? I'm sure that every D/s relationship is different. I'm just curious to learn more about what everyday tasks are like for a sub? Thank you in advance for any sharing you may provide!
 
Last edited:
Oh, they can be anything from very light to hardcore. For example your food habits or clothing can be controlled by the Master/Mistress, or you can be required to do certain things during the day. You can be required to make reports to the Dominant, or it can be as simple as cooking dinner every day and cleaning up. It's basically as deep and as kinky as you want.
It may be a set routine for a sub to follow, or it may be something different (or nothing at all) each day.

The limit here is basically only the impact on the sub's social/everyday life and the amount of it that they are willing to give up. Although I didn't hear about real life examples, I guess total servitude is possible too, where even sub's social life would be controlled by the Master.

Whatever works for you.
 
Thank you Nezhul, it was a difficult long wait to see if anyone would reply lol. Perhaps my wording could have been better. I often will feel a longing to be controlled even in non sexual way for example food and I suppose I wondered if others had the same desire and what it was that they liked. I wanted to feel like less of a freak I suppose lol. Thank you again Nezhul.
 
It's a very common desire actually. So you shouldn't be stressed out or feel like a freak. I'm quite sure that if you tell your partner that you want to be controlled a bit in everyday life and maybe even punished if you break the rules - no one will object. It's hot. =)
As I said before, you can also be made to serve in subtle ways. Like doing chores at home, cooking dinner or wearing something your partner likes (not necessarily something sexy.
For example if you are a girl and your man really likes skirts, you may arrange so that you never wear jeans just to make him more happy. Things like that.
If you are a man you can be required to dress according to your woman's tastes too, for example not wear T-shirts and dress more sharply.
When you can't wear something because someone told you not to - it's limiting, humiliating a bit, and it's hot, if you are into such a thing.
 
Last edited:
Nezhul thank you again. I am a women. It's nice to hear that possibility other Subs feel the same desire. For me it's very difficult to ask someone to take control. BecUse I feel like I'm asking them to be something they are not or don't really want control Myron over and then i end up not enjoying it or feeling guilty because I feel like they do it for me rather then a selfish desire for them self! lol see I might just be over analyzing it. It's rather difficult to say to someone "hey would you take control of what I eat today that really turns me on". "Or hey I'm really turned on if you don't let me orgasm". I have done a ton of readin and I do see that others here do enjoy having some of this control taken from them as well. I was just not as sure as to if most D/s relationships require that control outside of sexual things? This is rather embarrassing but resently talked to a Dom online here and he told me that one of his things was controlling when his Sub could use the bathroom. And the freak in me was immediately intrigued! I did a little research and it seems that is a thing. Made me feel a little better and worst at the same time lol. I self analyze way more then I need to! Thank you again. Sometimes it can be rather lonely to sit and desire these things and it's nice to be around like minded people to bounce things off one another 😌
 
Some D/s are all encompassing, while some are strictly limited in time and/or location, i.e. only happen in the bedroom, only happen at a specific time, only happen when both agree they are "in the scene", or any mix of the above.

It all depends on how far you are willing to take the relationship with your dom.

So what are "everyday tasks"? If you're not DOING a scene, the answer is... nothing! OTOH, a dom can give orders (and it's up to the sub to follow them when they're NOT doing a scene, unless it was agreed that he can give orders all the time), could be take off the panties at work or other naughty things.
 
I view my D/s relationship as being 24/7, because I'm in a relationship the same way I'm a mother. I'm still a mother even when I'm not actively parenting; I'm the pyl in the relationship, even if I'm not "doing a scene". (Which, BTW, we don't do.)

My partner and I are long distance, we coordinate calendars to spend 3-7 days together each month. He's in town at the moment, so when he's in town...

Alarm went off; I hit snooze and we snuggled.
He got up, made coffe, brought it back to bed and we read news on our phones, talked about current events, etc.
I got ready for work, he made himself breakfast.
I left for work (swat on the ass before I left; he told me no spankings/belts tonight... we need to take a break); he's taking care of office stuff from home.
I forgot to put dinner in the crock pot this morning, so tonight I'll either pick up dinner on the way home, or we might eat out.
We'll catch up on our days, finish up anything that needs done, do dishes together, etc.
We'll grab a shower at some point, spend a couple hours in bed, and probably be asleep by11:00.

When he's not in town, we text back and forth daily & talk maybe every 7-10 days.
 
Thank you KayceeCharles. Perhaps I need to communicate better with my partner and let him know what I need. As a sub personality it really is hard for me to ask for what I want without the associated guilt. I think I kinda knew all along that each personal relationship was different based on who is in that relationship and what each person needs from it. I just can't help to think about if what I wanted was a typical sub thing to want and if it was ok? Or a sub like thing to do or if from what I was reading if I was trying to top from the bottom if I asked for more. As a newbie it's rather difficult to know what is expected and what's not. One thing that's for sure is that I adore knowing that as much of a freak as I feel like in my darkest moments that I'm not completely alone.
 
Thank you for sharing CutieMouse! I really do enjoy hearing about other relationship experiences. I think when I fist started to read about this I had a different image in my mind and being a lurker reading more then talking I learned a lot from
Reading all the post and am starting to feel more comfortable talking ❤️
 
NewSubQuestions said:
Thank you for sharing CutieMouse! I really do enjoy hearing about other relationship experiences. I think when I fist started to read about this I had a different image in my mind and being a lurker reading more then talking I learned a lot from
Reading all the post and am starting to feel more comfortable talking ❤️
Click to expand...

Another thing I often point out to people curious about BDSM relationships, is that just because he CAN control any aspect of my life, doesn't mean he WANTS that much control.

Small example - choosing my clothes (for example) adds to his daily "to do" list, which (for us) defeats the purpose.

Bigger example - my water heater will need to be replaced soon. He knows how to do that, and could have announced last night that he was doing so while he's in town this week. Instead he brought up the subject, offered to take care of it, and listened to my thoughts. (He'll replace it, sooner than I planned, but not this trip.)

When it comes to kink/sex, we are very open with one another - no request is off limits, no subject is off limits. (I regularly tease him about Service Topping/slitting his way through the LA scene over the last few years. lol), but we also aren't under any obligation to fulfill a fantasy.

Compatibility and relationship comes first; kink, power dynamics and control/lace thereof are a very very close second. I've found most people looking for long term healthy D/s relationships do things similarly.
 
While it doesn't focus on d/s specifically, this thread has some insight into different types of relationships.
 
CutieMouse said:
Compatibility and relationship comes first; kink, power dynamics and control/lace thereof are a very very close second. I've found most people looking for long term healthy D/s relationships do things similarly.
Click to expand...

I wanted to ask, how long before you trusted your Dom?

I had one and he required me to trust him practically immediately, and I did. He had this power over me and he was so comforting. But even though I trusted him, he has broken my heart so deeply by abandoning me without reason. I don't think I can trust anyone like that ever again. It feels as if a Dom wants you to submit but secretly you still have to guard yourself if he decides one day to give you up. Therefore, how can you truly submit?
 
Just A Thought

This is just a thought that may or may not work for you...

You seem to be well spoken and have a lot of self awareness about what arouses you. Also, you have done a lot of reading on the subject.
It seems the biggest problem is a shyness about talking about your desires. Have you ever considered writing an erotic short story which revolves around your desires? It may be easier to let a fictional character be the one who reveals the kinks/desires/needs you have... the desires you wish the person you care for could understand better. Personally, I find writing very...what's the word I'm looking for...maybe affirming and helpful in solidifying my inner feelings. When you then share it so he can "proof read" it before posting, there is a small buffer between the kinky girl in the story and you, etc. Who knows, it might open an even bigger door of opportunity for open discussion.

Like I said, just a thought for you to consider...obviously I don't know if it would work for you.

Why we fear to let that within us out for other to see, I do not know. But, feel comforted to know that most of us let societal norms and rules dictate to us far too often. Maybe one day the norm will be: indeed we are all unique and uniqueness is normal and beautiful.
 
NewSubQuestions said:
Thank you KayceeCharles. Perhaps I need to communicate better with my partner and let him know what I need. As a sub personality it really is hard for me to ask for what I want without the associated guilt. I think I kinda knew all along that each personal relationship was different based on who is in that relationship and what each person needs from it. I just can't help to think about if what I wanted was a typical sub thing to want and if it was ok? Or a sub like thing to do or if from what I was reading if I was trying to top from the bottom if I asked for more. As a newbie it's rather difficult to know what is expected and what's not. One thing that's for sure is that I adore knowing that as much of a freak as I feel like in my darkest moments that I'm not completely alone.
Click to expand...

Communications is key in any relationship, even D/s relationship. D/s relationship, in fact relies even MORE on communication than normal relationship as trust must be established BEFORE the scene commences.

Topping from the bottom *does* happen, but it's more like GOADING the dom into doing something he normally would not do, such as talkback, verbally abusing the dom to deliberately provoke punishment, and so on.

Just asking for something is NOT topping from the bottom. The Dom can say no. It's a matter of degree.

(And no, you're NOT a freak. Having a kink is doesn't make you a freak. According to a sex survey of 1500+ Canadians, 65% of women fantasized of being dominated sexually. In fact, you are braver because you actually did something rather than just dreaming about it.

http://reason.com/blog/2014/11/11/kinky-sex-survey-finds-everybodys-weird
)
 
Gianbattista said:
If someone demanded my trust, my walls go up. I have found the cleverest spiders for this little fly work with least pressure.
Click to expand...

And that's the way it SHOULD be. Trust is EARNED, not demanded. The sub must *want* to be dominated by the dom, because the sub can TRUST the Dom, and the Dom had EARNED the trust, either by prior reputation... or prior non D/s relationship. The dom can't just "demand" it. A healthy D/s relationship doesn't work that way (IMHO, of course).
 
RacyWilde said:
I had one and he required me to trust him practically immediately, and I did. He had this power over me and he was so comforting. But even though I trusted him, he has broken my heart so deeply by abandoning me without reason. I don't think I can trust anyone like that ever again. It feels as if a Dom wants you to submit but secretly you still have to guard yourself if he decides one day to give you up. Therefore, how can you truly submit?
Click to expand...

I assume you are talking about a long term relationship, as opposed to a casual thing, so I'll address it as such.

I would advise anyone that is approached by another who instantly demands ANYTHING of them, to be cautious. This goes double if you " click " with that person, because you are already at a disadvantage. Trust is a hard thing to come by, and those that immediately expect it, are both rarely deserving of it, and tend to be the last ones you should give it to. I don't give a shit how much they shine in your eyes, they need to prove that they deserve that type of thing. Earn it. Then YOU decide whether or not to proceed with opening up, at your own pace, when you feel like it.

No relationship that is going to last is so completely one sided, and it's degrading to another to completely override the fact that they are a person underneath their label or predelictions. I've seen a lot of that. " I'm a Dom ( pffffft, sure ya are ) and you're a sub, so do as I tell you and don't question me, or you aren't what you say you are and are not valid." That's one of the biggest and most common loads of horseshit I've come across. Regardless of whether or not you like being bound, tortured, choke fucked, humiliated, and made to beg pretty for me, I got to that point by driving home that you are still an individual and that is never forgotten. I earned your trust, made you want to give it to me, and you can truly let go because of it.

I'm probably coming off as preachy or like I'm lecturing, but I just see this happen a lot, and it is one of the few things that still gets to me. Don't listen to anyone that comes at you like this, they are narcissistic, self absorbed, garbage who aren't worth your time. So don't waste one second of your life, thoughts, and certainly not one bit of your consideration on them.

To answer your initial question from my side of things, it takes as long as it does. That's not up to me. If I want it, I work on it until they do, and when they do trust me, I treat it as the precious thing it is. I don't play with my food, I savor it. Always.

... Yeah, I'm bein' preachy. Oh well :D
 
Gianbattista said:
This raises two interelated points for me.

The first is that trust is a sliding scale. I can trust someone enough to give them my name and phone number for example, but withold details like my bank account from them. We deal with this sliding scale with different relationships of people everyday...from our employers to our friends, the people we have in our homes to fix things, our banks, and indeed our lovers.

The second is that I don't really see how trust can be handed over on demand. In my experience, trust, of the ( anywhere near) complete sort is earned, and I have felt it only exceptionally rarely. Perhaps only with my husband, though, in varying degrees along the scale with other people. What we choose to trust with might vary...At some point we have to release some trust to make some connection, but it doesn't mean we have to let the floodgates to the entirety of our hearts, souls, physical safety and financial security open at once. What works for us might be an essence of bdsm? And maybe why I have only chosen to explore this in the trusting relationship I have with my husband?

If someone demanded my trust, my walls go up. I have found the cleverest spiders for this little fly work with least pressure.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply.

I'm so new to BDSM. I know the biggest teacher is experience so I was eager for the relationship. I guess I learnt a great deal - go schooled...lol. It's just crazy because I did nothing wrong, and I did give so much. I think it's wrecked me.

Thanks for your insights. They help sort out my mind.


_Necrosomantic_ said:
I assume you are talking about a long term relationship, as opposed to a casual thing, so I'll address it as such.

I would advise anyone that is approached by another who instantly demands ANYTHING of them, to be cautious. This goes double if you " click " with that person, because you are already at a disadvantage. Trust is a hard thing to come by, and those that immediately expect it, are both rarely deserving of it, and tend to be the last ones you should give it to. I don't give a shit how much they shine in your eyes, they need to prove that they deserve that type of thing. Earn it. Then YOU decide whether or not to proceed with opening up, at your own pace, when you feel like it.

No relationship that is going to last is so completely one sided, and it's degrading to another to completely override the fact that they are a person underneath their label or predelictions. I've seen a lot of that. " I'm a Dom ( pffffft, sure ya are ) and you're a sub, so do as I tell you and don't question me, or you aren't what you say you are and are not valid." That's one of the biggest and most common loads of horseshit I've come across. Regardless of whether or not you like being bound, tortured, choke fucked, humiliated, and made to beg pretty for me, I got to that point by driving home that you are still an individual and that is never forgotten. I earned your trust, made you want to give it to me, and you can truly let go because of it.

I'm probably coming off as preachy or like I'm lecturing, but I just see this happen a lot, and it is one of the few things that still gets to me. Don't listen to anyone that comes at you like this, they are narcissistic, self absorbed, garbage who aren't worth your time. So don't waste one second of your life, thoughts, and certainly not one bit of your consideration on them.

To answer your initial question from my side of things, it takes as long as it does. That's not up to me. If I want it, I work on it until they do, and when they do trust me, I treat it as the precious thing it is. I don't play with my food, I savor it. Always.

... Yeah, I'm bein' preachy. Oh well :D
Click to expand...

Thanks for your reply.

I think this is what I certainly needed to hear.

Do Doms play to break you/their sub? Do they gently manipulate to get inside you? Is that the way it goes. Is there supposed to be love, or is it strictly business? I know a lot of these answers will likely be 'depends on the couple' but it's nice to get some hard answers sometimes.
 
Thank you yukonnights what a humbling compliment ☺️ I tend to think of writing as an art I never acquired. I do however appreciate the idea and may put it to use in the future. And I love your idea of our uniqueness being appreciated instead of ridiculed!

KayceeCharles I think your right about asking not being topping. I'm going to try to communicate my needs better and see if they are received received well or not. He could always say no!

RacyWilde I'm so sorry for your heartbreak!! I completely understand you situation and in fact i tend to trust whole heartedly like you did until the trust is broken and then I'm broken.

Necrosomantic Wow what you said about trust really touched me!!! I wish more people felt about earning ones trust as you do!
 
After 12 years of being together my every day sub tasks are pretty basic-I do what I can to make his life easier. We live 3 hrs apart and see each other every 6-8 weeks. When we are apart I text him good morning every morning and then go from there. If I feel he is busy then I give him space, if I feel he needs someone to talk to then I make myself available if possible. He knows I have a full-tie job and respects that I need to give that job my full attention during work hours.

I am what he needs me to be which mostly is an escape from the stresses of the everyday world. I am a sounding board when he needs to vent, I flirt with him when he needs to be playful, and I provide research and information when he needs that.

Being able to be useful to him fulfills my submissive needs.
 
Thank you ecstaticsub for sharing your experience. I can relate a lot to what you are saying and feel myself doing just as you are saying. Trying to be what the other person needs. I enjoy doing that. Yet at time ainsuppose I find myself here reading stories or post and longing for things I would never ask for lol. I really do enjoy being a part of this forum :)
 
Thank you cookiecat and Meekme I never even noticed that was a link lol and your right it is a very interesting read :)
 
RacyWilde said:
I wanted to ask, how long before you trusted your Dom?

I had one and he required me to trust him practically immediately, and I did. He had this power over me and he was so comforting. But even though I trusted him, he has broken my heart so deeply by abandoning me without reason. I don't think I can trust anyone like that ever again. It feels as if a Dom wants you to submit but secretly you still have to guard yourself if he decides one day to give you up. Therefore, how can you truly submit?
Click to expand...

I'm going to rephrase that as "how do I approach trust in relationships".

Early in my attempts to figure BDSM out, I (mistakenly) thought the rules were different, because BDSM, and I gave too much too early. Now I use common sense, and treat kinky relationships like any other. I recognize NRE (New Relationship Energy) when it happens, etc.

The better I got at choosing compatible partners, the less worries I had about trusting a lover. The less frenzied I was (ZOMG need to try all the kinks NOW!), the smarter decisions I made.

My last serious relationship lasted 5-6 years. The man could text tomorrow and ask a favor and I'd do it no questions asked... but that doesn't mean I trust him blindly, or that I'd ignore my own boundaries just because I trust him.

My current relationship is a little over a year old, and there are kinky things we're just now discovering/exploring, because we've taken our time getting that comfortable. I'm sure we'll be in a different place re:trust a few years from now. It doesn't happen instantaneously; it just happens.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

InCNCestBangPie
Sub and Switch Ladies: How Do You Feel About a Dom Who Doesn't Want To Try Submission?
2
Replies
34
Views
1K
cocktaildress21
C
InCNCestBangPie
PSA 2: A Message for New Subs
2 3
Replies
59
Views
3K
OldroundmaninTx62
O
Abdelkaoolomocro
Does a dom need sub experience?
2
Replies
27
Views
648
honeyandfur
honeyandfur
A
For Subbies seeking Dommes.
Replies
2
Views
833
artslut86
A
K
BDSM & Autism: Intro
Replies
3
Views
331
dschuetz68
D
Back
Top