the marks of a slave

It's a fascinating process, getting to know someone new. :)

And, of course, you are always bringing yourself to the relationship.

The fact that he wants to compartmentalize his own behaviors doesn't mean that you have to separate one submissive moment from the next.

I used to meet play partners for whom I had a lot of feelings, and each person wanted a different and unique set of behaviors. The constant was my submission to their desires, and the tremendous satisfaction I received in "fluidly" moving from one persona to the next.

Erotically satisfying, but also emotionally liberating, because I no longer felt so attached to any one of those behaviors as "mine." I even had to get rid of "submission" as my defining behavior when that was not what was being asked of me.

I look forward to hearing your thoughts about your experience, Cutie Mouse. Thank you for sharing them with us.
 
Which means I approach things "organically" (he's not a fan of that word lol), and he's going through a year-long dominant mentoring program.

I think dominant mentoring is a great idea, by the way. In my opinion, with the internet - and now 50 Shades' popularity - too many people are jumping into the sandbox, building castles on foundations of shifting sand, without really knowing what they're doing.

Apprenticeship and mentorship used to be the ticket into the dungeons. I wish more of today's online dominants (and submissives) sought out the wisdom and experience of people who have been around a while, before they put up a personal ad.
 
this one got me thinking! there are times when the smallest gesture, look or action cements my feelings of being really owned... i will have to come to this though... i was just told it's time to get off the computer and time to suck Master's cock before finishing my house chores... but i will be back!!!
 
I'm curious . . . can I resurrect this thread? or do I need to start a new one, since it's running so many pages?

I'd love to start writing again.
 
Cutie mouse you have often challenged me, seemingly about my accusation of my previous Dom being a fake and have questioned rhetorically whether your actions make you a fake sub and from this post and your obvious reluctance to compromise to please your Dom, yes I would classify you as a fake sub.
 
I'm curious . . . can I resurrect this thread? or do I need to start a new one, since it's running so many pages?

I'd love to start writing again.

Hey, good to see you again! With Etoile resurfacing and now you it's like second Christmas. :)

You can ressurrect the thread, and should, lots of good food for thought on this thread. I think the cutoff limit on Lit is 5000 posts. Then the thread gets locked for new posts but not deleted.
 
Last edited:
Just because she's a sub that does not mean, by any account, that she has squish down her individuality, preferences and boundaries and make herself completely subservient to the wishes of a dom. I'm the same way in that I can't just do some things for the sake of meager power play, there's got to be some kind of personal investment in it.

Also, I've only been here four damn days and have never been in any other BDSM community and the first thing I learned here on the second day was that there's no such thing as a No True Submissive or No True Dominant, there's subs and doms and then there's misguided folk and jackasses with whips, who are the only people I would classify as "fake". Everything else is personal preference so to say somebody is not a true submissive is just plain silly.

Oh and @previous-page the same still applies to that arrogant "I'm right" mentality. What, because they're the dom they're always right? That's an asinine, immature and purely egomaniacal stance to take and I would never advocate shutting up and letting them trip that censorship high and instead argue your point because if they actually give two pixels about you as an individual they'll understand you're not just a brainless slab of meat for for their amusement.

Being treated and viewed as a brainless slab of meat for their amusement is the best thing ever, sure, but to actually perpetually be considered completely nothing more than that slab of meat and expected to comply like a drone I at least find highly insulting to my intelligence.
This came at a rather coincidental time, just this morning I was considering what I would do if I were a D and one of the top priorities was making sure that the partner/s isn't just some slate ready to be brainwashed and comply to any task at any time merely because I told them to do it.

:mad:

Oh dear, this again? And now, it's being brought into Eastern Sun's thread, of all places? Ugh... :mad:
 
"Fluid" works, too. I'm learning to avoid "organic." ;)



I suspect a lot of my struggle with it, is that I've worked my ass off to learn to be present. I've also had to learn to compartmentalize less (which took a lot of therapy). I don't think I've been in a relationship before, where things are so boxy, or there's relationship-time and play-time, and it's kind of confusing. Nothing that can't be discussed, but confusing.

I have found in my own relationship that it starts off more "fluid" for me and ends up more boxy.

I think the stronger the D/s relationship gets the more rules and restrictions get articulated and therefore it gets more boxy....
 
Yes, please do come back : )
I read back over this thread from time to time and enjoy it as well.
As seela noted, threads aren't closed until 5k posts!
 
Cutie mouse you have often challenged me, seemingly about my accusation of my previous Dom being a fake and have questioned rhetorically whether your actions make you a fake sub and from this post and your obvious reluctance to compromise to please your Dom, yes I would classify you as a fake sub.

Ummmm... Okay?

I actually went back through my feed, to figure out when/where I challenged you, but the only thing I found was a thread where you advised someone to avoid Fet because it was full of fakes and bad people,, and I disagreed with you - because one persons "fake" could easily be another persons "real".

:confused:

But it was interesting to read the thoughts I was having early last year. When I was angsting over a brand new relationship-thing. I think we'd been seeing each other for 3-4 weeks when I posted some concerns up thread...

I walked into it, recognizing we were in very different places philosophically, and we mutually agreed it wasn't working 2-3 weeks after I was posting (up thread) about the challenges that was creating. Even if we hadn't butted heads as much as we did (in D/s; otherwise we got along well & stayed friends), it would have been extremely foolish of me to compromise beyond my comfort level with a dude I'd known for a month[/]. Some people might compromise that early in a relationship; I don't. I don't believe that makes me a "fake", but it does make me, me.

Oh, he also informed me after we ended things, that I was a bottom, not a submissive. lol I just smiled and said "okay". Because if I put myself in his shoes, I can see how I was bottoming, instead of submitting. We weren't compatible enough for me to submit, so I didn't. (I also never described him as "my Dom". He was a guy I was seeing.)

In comparison, I started seeing someone new in September (we started emailing through the dating site in July). I can't articulate why it works; neither can he. But it does. Beautifully, easily, enjoyably.

We have similar views of what we want from a D/s relationship. We use almost identical words to describe what we want (and need) from the relationship. To the point of almost finishing each other's sentences. We're investing, equally. Communication is incredibly simple, open and forthright. We both feel wanted and appreciated for who we are, and what we bring to the table. I have never been with someone who makes me feel so comfortable, just being me. It's kinda fascinating, and I'm looking forward to seeing how things develop. :)
 
We have similar views of what we want from a D/s relationship. . . .We're investing, equally. Communication is incredibly simple, open and forthright. We both feel wanted and appreciated for who we are, and what we bring to the table. I have never been with someone who makes me feel so comfortable, just being me.

Yes! There is no reason why D/s or M/s shouldn't be this simple.

We get so caught up in the potential fulfillment of our fantasies that we complicate simple reality with layers of hope and disappointment, and lose sight of what is actually happening right in front of us.
 
Thank you for encouraging me to write again. I am newly registered, with chains on my ankles to remind me of my slavery as I spend most of my days at work.

Ironically, I am having a very hard time interacting with my bosses. All the slave habits I have developed over the years make me a great worker and a terrible employee.

I have learned that I do not comfortably submit to the will of people who are frightened or insecure. I don't trust that the actions they are taking are in everyone's best interest.
 
Ironically, I am having a very hard time interacting with my bosses. All the slave habits I have developed over the years make me a great worker and a terrible employee.

I have learned that I do not comfortably submit to the will of people who are frightened or insecure. I don't trust that the actions they are taking are in everyone's best interest.

I resemble this remark. :rolleyes:
 
There are the obvious marks - the signs and symbols, the physical footprints of untold activities. But I want a place to speak of the subtle moments, the small mundane events that reinforce my position.

Like the choosing of a seat in a restaurant. Since he always chooses his seat first, I rarely have a view of the people at the other tables, the layout of the building. Occasionally I face the kitchen, the bathroom, almost always a wall. And always him. I watch him watch the room. I focus on his face. His conversation. And must turn in my chair to catch the waiter's eye when his drink is empty or it's time for the check.

Or this morning.

It's early. I'm just dressing. He has to work this weekend and asks as he leaves, "do you want to go to store with me?" I tag along, and he picks up the Sunday NY Times, removing the best sections. "Do you read the front page?" he asks. "Yes." So he leaves it for me, along with the bulk of the paper that will ultimately be recycled. "See you later," he says abruptly as he walks out the store to the subway. And I laugh and pay for the paper and carry it home, smiling at the triviality of the moment and how deeply it makes me feel like his slave - to be brought to the store to carry the heavy newspaper he'd never read home.

When I read the part about the restaurant, I thought he was being protective. If he can see the crowd in the restaurant, then if anything goes amiss he would be aware of it in order to respond as soon as possible. Also, he is enabling you to focus on him, for which I would be grateful in the same situation.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top