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Do you do this 24/7?

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Blacklace87

Experienced
Joined
Sep 12, 2015
Posts
91
Quick background, about 3 years ago I had a master. He was wonderful, he pushed what I thought I could do and I was devoted to him. He introduced me to 3soms and more. I had the best time but always felt like I should be in a relationship instead. He was in an actual vanilla relationship as she didn't like this side of him, so I knew we could never be together in that way, I was just his toy, which I liked but also wanted a bit more.

I've always found relationships hard when it comes to BDSM, past partners have always been either not into it, tried *shudder* or they have been into it but then I find once I get to know them in a normal relationship way, they're silly ways etc, I then can't see them as dominant. If they go from playing about, doing normal things and then suddenly try and be dominant with me, i can't take it seriously and it never feels right. It feels like it's just role playing.

I wonder what things would of been like if I did end up dating my master, could we have a normal life in the sense of going on dates, visiting family, whilst all the while maintaining the level of dominance over me? Would we talk about normal things but he'd have that dominating edge and tell me what I could eat or would I get fed up with that? I love having a cuddly boyfriend who is very affectionate but god damn I miss that power over me.

I just wonder if people do live the dom/sub world 24/7, how do you find your daily life? If that makes sense! Sorry if i'm not clear.
 
Check the link in my signature. :) We're all just people, we still have to do silly things like wash dishes and scoop kitty litter.
 
That kind of depends on what you mean by 24/7, and what you idea of "seeing them as dominant" means.

24/7 isn't all kinky fuckery and control.control.control. [for most people] It's like anything else - parenthood, marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, professional/career, etc. Which means the reality is that yes, this -

If they go from playing about, doing normal things and then suddenly try and be dominant with me, i can't take it seriously and it never feels right. It feels like it's just role playing.
Click to expand...

is how most 24/7 D/s relationships operate.

One person runs the show; the other follows.
 
CutieMouse said:
That kind of depends on what you mean by 24/7, and what you idea of "seeing them as dominant" means.

24/7 isn't all kinky fuckery and control.control.control. [for most people] It's like anything else - parenthood, marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, professional/career, etc. Which means the reality is that yes, this -



is how most 24/7 D/s relationships operate.

One person runs the show; the other follows.
Click to expand...

This ^^

When I'm on Jounar's side of the world, we tease, we play, we geek out, we have fun, and we act like any other couple. It was strange the first time. I kind of expected to be tied up and naked the entire time I was there. But seeing him coo at the red pandas and play hide and seek with the baby goats, just made me love him more, and happy to be his.

I'm not exactly 24/7, being an ocean apart and all. And being there on holiday means that we don't have all of the normal day to day business to deal with. We did have a few ordinary trips that had to be done. Like I saw Dublin's Social Welfare offices, which was interesting. So it's not a perfect example. But it wasn't all spankings and commands either.

For the most part, it was silly, playful, and awesome. I loved teasing him and getting the odd swat because of it. I also loved when he went dark and ordered me to strip and get in a position. Being able to tease him didn't make me feel any less submissive, nor did it take away from his dark times.

Being a live in means that you're going to have the same daily tasks you always do.
 
Thanks for the replies. What i meant by 24/7 was more that person having some dominance or power over you. I could understand having power over every single thing and making it sexual all the time could become to much and I'm not saying are you tied up 24/7 etc but for me, i want that bit of power there in the background... waiting.

Maybe I'm washing up or something and I'm doing it not to his standard, so he'll lean in and grab my wrists hard and tell me I'm doing it wrong, then walk off. Just the thought of that makes me melt...

Just knowing he's still in charge.

I think the problem for me is, I've met my partners in normal dating scenes, then power has been talked about but something about bringing that up turns me off... I want it there already. I don't want to be like ok... It's that time of the evening... Switch on the dom.

Whereas when i met my master we both knew what it was, he had the power from our first phone conversation. We went to the cinema once and that was very coupley but he still managed to have some power over me. It was amazing.

So i just wondered how people's dynamics worked but I'm guessing for a lot you got into the relationship knowing what you both wanted? It wasn't a role playing thing?
 
Blacklace87 said:
Thanks for the replies. What i meant by 24/7 was more that person having some dominance or power over you. I could understand having power over every single thing and making it sexual all the time could become to much and I'm not saying are you tied up 24/7 etc but for me, i want that bit of power there in the background... waiting.

Maybe I'm washing up or something and I'm doing it not to his standard, so he'll lean in and grab my wrists hard and tell me I'm doing it wrong, then walk off. Just the thought of that makes me melt...

Just knowing he's still in charge.

I think the problem for me is, I've met my partners in normal dating scenes, then power has been talked about but something about bringing that up turns me off... I want it there already. I don't want to be like ok... It's that time of the evening... Switch on the dom.

Whereas when i met my master we both knew what it was, he had the power from our first phone conversation. We went to the cinema once and that was very coupley but he still managed to have some power over me. It was amazing.

So i just wondered how people's dynamics worked but I'm guessing for a lot you got into the relationship knowing what you both wanted? It wasn't a role playing thing?
Click to expand...

No matter the relationship, there is always talk of boundaries at some point. But I'm very big into talking about what you like/don't like. I think it adds to the relationship/sex not take from it. I hate trying to read minds, and I don't like that disappointing feeling when he can't read mine.

But come to think of it, I can't think of a time that I met a kink partner and that wasn't in a kink setting or with the understanding that it was going to be a kinky thing. Still, the conversation happened even with the Domly types. I wonder if it would be a different situation if I didn't know.

I do know what you mean, the random swat on the ass, getting "the look" for being too cheeky in public. I had one domly type who used to walk up to me in crowded situations and whisper my trigger word in my ear, then hold my hand while I tried my best not to show my orgasm. That was hot. He was one I had a lot of conversations with because he was new to BDSM and I was more experienced. He still always held a power over me, even when I had to correct his technique or explain something to him. Maybe it was more in my head than anything he did. I gave him power, so as far as I was concerned, he had it, he never had to prove it. Maybe you just need some one who is willing to prove it more often?
 
I wear different cock cages 24/7 and my orgasmns are reduced more and more. next year will be my last one forever. I also get a regular very rough spanking on sundays. That's it. Beside of this we have a quite normal life like other married couples too.
 
We are "coupley" quite often. We are friends, co-conspirators, lovers, husband and wife, embarrassments to our children, and companions as well as Master/slave. It's all there, but different parts come to the fore at different times. Underlying it all, though, is the control. Our "special relationship" is the foundation on which everything else is built.
 
Blacklace87 said:
Thanks for the replies. What i meant by 24/7 was more that person having some dominance or power over you. I could understand having power over every single thing and making it sexual all the time could become to much and I'm not saying are you tied up 24/7 etc but for me, i want that bit of power there in the background... waiting.

Maybe I'm washing up or something and I'm doing it not to his standard, so he'll lean in and grab my wrists hard and tell me I'm doing it wrong, then walk off. Just the thought of that makes me melt...

Just knowing he's still in charge.
Click to expand...

That would not work for me. I don't need someone micromanaging me, to know they're in charge. They don't need to micromanage me, to know I'm doing my best to submit.

I think the problem for me is, I've met my partners in normal dating scenes, then power has been talked about but something about bringing that up turns me off... I want it there already. I don't want to be like ok... It's that time of the evening... Switch on the dom.
Click to expand...

Except that if you don't do that boring stuff - talking about it - they are running the risk of getting all domly with someone who hasn't consented, or risking charges of assault, or similar, for doing domly dom dom stuff without making explicitly sure everyone is on the same page.

Whereas when i met my master we both knew what it was, he had the power from our first phone conversation. We went to the cinema once and that was very coupley but he still managed to have some power over me. It was amazing.

So i just wondered how people's dynamics worked but I'm guessing for a lot you got into the relationship knowing what you both wanted? It wasn't a role playing thing?
Click to expand...

I don't role play. I am me, 24/7.

I also don't look for partners in kinky places (the "scene", Fet, etc)... because I'm just as concerned about the really awesome stuff outside of the bedroom and/or "power dynamics" as I am, D/s. It's a package thing, and I have had far more success looking for the kinky outliers (those who are alternative, but don't necessarily fit in, in "kinky society"), than looking for/expecting instant-dominance.
 
I think that all those people who have found in their nature/role their essence and that they decide not to live a life with a mask but to be true to themselves, they need to live the M/s relationship every day.
That's not to say they do not pratice and have interest in the Discipline, the Bondage or have Sadistic and masochistic tendencies and their own personal fetishes, but the practices become part of a path and are not the center around which the whole relationship turns.
This is for me 24/7 lifestyle :)
 
Blacklace87 said:
Thanks for the replies. What i meant by 24/7 was more that person having some dominance or power over you. I could understand having power over every single thing and making it sexual all the time could become to much and I'm not saying are you tied up 24/7 etc but for me, i want that bit of power there in the background... waiting.

Maybe I'm washing up or something and I'm doing it not to his standard, so he'll lean in and grab my wrists hard and tell me I'm doing it wrong, then walk off. Just the thought of that makes me melt...

Just knowing he's still in charge.

I think the problem for me is, I've met my partners in normal dating scenes, then power has been talked about but something about bringing that up turns me off... I want it there already. I don't want to be like ok... It's that time of the evening... Switch on the dom.

Whereas when i met my master we both knew what it was, he had the power from our first phone conversation. We went to the cinema once and that was very coupley but he still managed to have some power over me. It was amazing.

So i just wondered how people's dynamics worked but I'm guessing for a lot you got into the relationship knowing what you both wanted? It wasn't a role playing thing?
Click to expand...

In your first relationship with that master, he had another relationship where he could probably live out his silly goofy side or other dimensions of his personality that didn't match with what you two had going together.
Nothing wrong with that, but it might put up a standard that is hard to live up to, if you are in the "main" or only romantic relationship.
 
IrisAlthea said:
In your first relationship with that master, he had another relationship where he could probably live out his silly goofy side or other dimensions of his personality that didn't match with what you two had going together.
Nothing wrong with that, but it might put up a standard that is hard to live up to, if you are in the "main" or only romantic relationship.
Click to expand...


This is an important point.

We all have different views as to how our Ds relationship should work, but one theme that I think is fairly constant is that the Dom cares for the Sub and is attentive to his/her needs. It just so happens that a stern rebuke in the laundry room is what you want as opposed to candle light dinners, but the fact remains that your Dom is consciously thinking about and trying to fulfill your needs.

Any man who has the presence of mind and care for you to think deeply about your needs has enough depth that he has down times where he just wants to chill-out quietly or maybe even be a bit more tender.

Perhaps what you want is a man who is more naturally assertive and domineering rather than one for whom it is primarily role play. But if you want to have a strong long-term relationship you still need to be able to see other sides of him.

Expecting him to be "on" for you all the time is no more reasonable than it would be for a more traditional woman to expect candlelight dinners every evening and only share the sides of his personality that she wants.
 
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I live with my Master/boyfriend so, yes. The dynamic may not be acted on 24/7, but is definitely always there.
 
tishadomina said:
I live with my Master/boyfriend so, yes. The dynamic may not be acted on 24/7, but is definitely always there.
Click to expand...

The thing is - yes, we all have lives that involve other more mundane activities, but there must always be a secret presence, a reminder of your 'owned' status. For a guy it can be a cock-ring that he always wears. It can also be intimate body-piercing or a tattoo to establish 'ownership'. But if that is too extreme, erotic underwear can be just effective, walking the mall or super-mart with bondage-wear worn beneath creates a constant frisson of eroticism, of danger. Or wearing no underwear, and a sort skirt, in the mall… that's a winner every time...
 
tristantrotsky said:
The thing is - yes, we all have lives that involve other more mundane activities, but there must always be a secret presence, a reminder of your 'owned' status. For a guy it can be a cock-ring that he always wears. It can also be intimate body-piercing or a tattoo to establish 'ownership'. But if that is too extreme, erotic underwear can be just effective, walking the mall or super-mart with bondage-wear worn beneath creates a constant frisson of eroticism, of danger. Or wearing no underwear, and a sort skirt, in the mall… that's a winner every time...
Click to expand...

Just to show how different individuals under the umbrella of BDSM can be... Any dude who thinks a lack of panties in daily lifewill make me feel submissive or somehow reinforce the dynamic, would be met with laughter and eye roll [here].

* Besides which, after years upon years of working with women in dressing rooms, the vast majority if women go "commando" these days, anyway. ;)
 
tristantrotsky said:
The thing is - yes, we all have lives that involve other more mundane activities, but there must always be a secret presence, a reminder of your 'owned' status.
Click to expand...

No. Not for me, physical "reminders" on a daily basis are not needed for me.

For a guy it can be a cock-ring that he always wears. It can also be intimate body-piercing or a tattoo to establish 'ownership'. But if that is too extreme, erotic underwear can be just effective, walking the mall or super-mart with bondage-wear worn beneath creates a constant frisson of eroticism, of danger. Or wearing no underwear, and a sort skirt, in the mall… that's a winner every time...
Click to expand...

Not a single thing in that list means anything to me about ownership.
 
I do not require physical reminders, no. I am very much aware of our dynamic, my status. We do not live together, and do not meet what is typically referred to as 24/7. But, I am always his submissive and he my Dominant.
 
CutieMouse said:
* Besides which, after years upon years of working with women in dressing rooms, the vast majority if women go "commando" these days, anyway. ;)
Click to expand...

Huh?
And I got funny looks in the locker room when I had forgotten to bring clean panties and decided to go commando on my way home rather than putting on the used ones.
Hypocrites!:mad:
Or maybe some cultural difference?:confused:
 
CutieMouse said:
Just to show how different individuals under the umbrella of BDSM can be... Any dude who thinks a lack of panties in daily lifewill make me feel submissive or somehow reinforce the dynamic, would be met with laughter and eye roll [here].

* Besides which, after years upon years of working with women in dressing rooms, the vast majority if women go "commando" these days, anyway. ;)
Click to expand...

It seems I stand corrected. OK, maybe I'm wrong. What I meant that there should be some form of constant reminder, preferably one that puts you just a little outside your comfort zone, which makes you a little nervy-edgy, to maintain awareness, even during the more mundane aspects of your day. Perhaps I'm in need of finer instruction by one of the BDSM groups…? So, anyone prepared to tutor me…? I'm a dutiful pupil...
 
tristantrotsky said:
It seems I stand corrected. OK, maybe I'm wrong. What I meant that there should be some form of constant reminder, preferably one that puts you just a little outside your comfort zone, which makes you a little nervy-edgy, to maintain awareness, even during the more mundane aspects of your day. Perhaps I'm in need of finer instruction by one of the BDSM groups…? So, anyone prepared to tutor me…? I'm a dutiful pupil...
Click to expand...

We subs aren't all the same. You realize this, yes? It's perfectly acceptable for you to need and want a constant reminder, something pushing you out of your comfort zone all day. It's also perfectly acceptable for others to not need this. I certainly don't, at all times I am aware of my dynamic. Neither is better or more right. Your relationship is your relationship.
 
Blacklace87,

The kind of submissive relationship I am exploring is strictly bedroom and sexual only. I am very opinionated, confident and independent naturally. I like making decisions about certain things in my life so I won't be able to submit 24/7.

I could handle clothes and food control if we set boundaries and hard limits. But I know I could not be controlled financially or time management. I have my own commitments and responsibilities and I could only share them not hand them over completely.

Sam xx
 
I am in a relationship that has both a strong D/s dynamic and is vanilla at the same time We established it based off the dynamic first, but with emotions unrelated to that interwoven with it. We go on dates, we live together, share shopping, and I have met his parents. Boyfriend and girlfriend, Master and slave. I identify as a switch, but I am allowed to 'indulge' my other side on occasion with close friends (non-sexually). So all in all, a romantic relationship that incorporates BDSM or a BDSM relationship that transitions into one that includes vanilla emotions as well can work!
 
Blacklace87 said:
... Would we talk about normal things but he'd have that dominating edge and tell me what I could eat or would I get fed up with that? I love having a cuddly boyfriend who is very affectionate but god damn I miss that power over me.

I just wonder if people do live the dom/sub world 24/7, how do you find your daily life? If that makes sense! Sorry if i'm not clear.
Click to expand...

You find your daily life by living it.

When your relationship progresses to the point where you are comfortable in your own skin, and you are secure in the knowledge that the relationship is solid, stable, and moving forward, you're getting there.

When you reach the point where your partner can be a whole human being, instead of a caricature of a Domly Dom or the hero out of a Harlequin/bodice-ripper or 50 Shades type erotic story, you're getting there.

Because you both fart, shit, fuck up, laugh at jokes, have to eat, work, deal with family, pay bills, go grocery shopping.

The only reason someone in a consensual, non-abusive relationship would have any power over you is because you think they do and you gave it to them.

If your cuddly boyfriends aren't tripping your trigger because you don't think they have the power - you need to look inside and figure out why you haven't surrendered it to them. Why are you holding that back from them? There's something incompatible, some need unfulfilled. When you figure that one out, you'll be able to find someone that you can let have the control.
 
tristantrotsky said:
The thing is - yes, we all have lives that involve other more mundane activities, but there must always be a secret presence, a reminder of your 'owned' status. For a guy it can be a cock-ring that he always wears. It can also be intimate body-piercing or a tattoo to establish 'ownership'. But if that is too extreme, erotic underwear can be just effective, walking the mall or super-mart with bondage-wear worn beneath creates a constant frisson of eroticism, of danger. Or wearing no underwear, and a sort skirt, in the mall… that's a winner every time...
Click to expand...

I certainly like that idea! Just that little bit of power in the background
 
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