Ok so I apologise in advance as this may be a little disjointed.
So a bit of background. My partner and I have been together for 3 years, she has two kids from a previous marriage, both under 8 and we have an 8 week old now. She is a stay at home mum and I work full-time. We are comfortable although are working hard towards a pretty significant financial goal that we are both making sacrifices to achieve. I do my best to help with cookin housework and taking care of the kids and tend to do most cooking and cleaning on the weekends to make up for how much she does during the week, as well as take night shift with bubs feeding over the weekend to give my partner as much rest as possible.
In the beginning our sex life was amazing and we were affectionate and intimate with each other. Text messages where addressed as hun or love, beloved or any number of other pet names a good by kiss was all but mandatory, the flowers I brought her meant something and needed to be displayed in the middle of the house for all to see, joint showers were an excuse to light candles and touch each other without need of sex at the end (although it often ended that way), nights watching tv had to be spent entwined enjoying each other's company. Sexually we clicked, we're both switches and happily took turns being top (we both tend towards submissive) we experimented and had fun. At that point even if one of us wasn't in the mood for sex and the other was, oral or hands or controlling any of the toys was always on offer.
But over the last 12 -18 months all that has dried up. I can't remember the last time she called me something other then my name a kiss when it happens is on my cheek. We still have moments as is evident by the birth of bubs, but most of the affection we once shared seems to have gone, now when I light the candles for a shower, it's too much hassle, the flowers get moved off to the side and end up wilting in days because they sit beside the stove and cook, sex is almost always missionary in the dark with any attempts at foreplay by me rebuked as she just pulls me on top to stop me kissing and exploring her. And God's help me if I want a handjob or oral (giving or receiving).
I know she has had bouts of depression and I have done everything in my power to help her and help her move on from the causes and she has always had body image issues as she is slightly overweight and her ex-husband belittling her, however I thought that we had made tremendous gains in improving her self esteem.
But things are coming to boiling point. I can for the most part live without sex in our life, it sucks and it's really hard and I do miss and crave it, but a low libido is just part and parcel of life sometimes, but the affection and joy that we once took in each other, that is what I miss, I've tried spontaneous kid free date nights, tried sending poetry and flowers and small gifts, foot rubs and massages. But nothing seems to fan the fast dying embers.
I'm not prepared to give up and I will not cheat, I want this relationship to last, grow and get better. I know I'm not perfect and there are many things I do that causes friction.
But for those of you out there, how did you relight the flame when it started to die from the pressure of life?
So a bit of background. My partner and I have been together for 3 years, she has two kids from a previous marriage, both under 8 and we have an 8 week old now. She is a stay at home mum and I work full-time. We are comfortable although are working hard towards a pretty significant financial goal that we are both making sacrifices to achieve. I do my best to help with cookin housework and taking care of the kids and tend to do most cooking and cleaning on the weekends to make up for how much she does during the week, as well as take night shift with bubs feeding over the weekend to give my partner as much rest as possible.
In the beginning our sex life was amazing and we were affectionate and intimate with each other. Text messages where addressed as hun or love, beloved or any number of other pet names a good by kiss was all but mandatory, the flowers I brought her meant something and needed to be displayed in the middle of the house for all to see, joint showers were an excuse to light candles and touch each other without need of sex at the end (although it often ended that way), nights watching tv had to be spent entwined enjoying each other's company. Sexually we clicked, we're both switches and happily took turns being top (we both tend towards submissive) we experimented and had fun. At that point even if one of us wasn't in the mood for sex and the other was, oral or hands or controlling any of the toys was always on offer.
But over the last 12 -18 months all that has dried up. I can't remember the last time she called me something other then my name a kiss when it happens is on my cheek. We still have moments as is evident by the birth of bubs, but most of the affection we once shared seems to have gone, now when I light the candles for a shower, it's too much hassle, the flowers get moved off to the side and end up wilting in days because they sit beside the stove and cook, sex is almost always missionary in the dark with any attempts at foreplay by me rebuked as she just pulls me on top to stop me kissing and exploring her. And God's help me if I want a handjob or oral (giving or receiving).
I know she has had bouts of depression and I have done everything in my power to help her and help her move on from the causes and she has always had body image issues as she is slightly overweight and her ex-husband belittling her, however I thought that we had made tremendous gains in improving her self esteem.
But things are coming to boiling point. I can for the most part live without sex in our life, it sucks and it's really hard and I do miss and crave it, but a low libido is just part and parcel of life sometimes, but the affection and joy that we once took in each other, that is what I miss, I've tried spontaneous kid free date nights, tried sending poetry and flowers and small gifts, foot rubs and massages. But nothing seems to fan the fast dying embers.
I'm not prepared to give up and I will not cheat, I want this relationship to last, grow and get better. I know I'm not perfect and there are many things I do that causes friction.
But for those of you out there, how did you relight the flame when it started to die from the pressure of life?
