Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

a running comintarry in third person

he thrust his throbbing member in to her quivering mound
she gasps
he smiles thinking he is giving her plesure
she pushes him off her gets up grabs her clothes and runs out the door
 
If you cum before I do, I'll stab you in your mutherfuckin eye, you here me mutherfuckah?
 
Please don't laugh, but I'm 35, still live with my mom, and I sleep in a crib. I hope that you don't mind sleeping on plastic sheets.
 
I don't normally have sex with live women, so please don't move while I make love. And try not to breathe, it creeps me out.
 
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