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Feeling shameful after masturbating.

Openmymind said:
God knows we do it, and probably just considers it part of the human nature...nothing to feel particularly guilty about.
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What did George Carlin say about that ... "If God had not wanted us to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."
 
Kitty92 said:
Are you me? I get this, and I'm sure many people suppress that they feel this way as well. I lost my cherry when I was 15 and felt bad and went on a drought and it made me even more sexually experimental and curious. So I got into fetishism and masturbation, erotica, some B&S and like it's not necessary to have intercourse. But it still doesn't help me knowing that this is like kinda crazy lol The best thing for me is to keep busy but sometimes you just gotta unwind.
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Wow, read your profile. You get that many PMs? I never get any, and don't send many. What a difference in the sexes.
 
xtinelauren1 said:
I know there's nothing morally wrong with it and that it's natural and healthy, and as much as I love it I can't seem to shake the guilt afterwards. I know oftentimes guilt associated with masturbation is because of religious backgrounds, but I'm not religious at all nor have I ever been. In fact, my parents completely refused to talk to me about sex until I begged my mother to when I was maybe ten.

How do I get over the embarrassment and shame that I experience pretty much whenever I masturbate/after I orgasm? Has anyone else experienced this?

I will say that I've noticed it's a lot worse when porn is involved. Especially anything with females because I know in the back of my mind how awful the porn industry can be for them. I have a love/hate relationship with it, and I'm sure that doesn't help. Even when I just let my imagination do the work, it doesn't make me feel any better after I orgasm. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Try putting something in your ass while you do it.
 
When I was a teenager, I had a bad experience where I was caught masturbating in a dorm setting.Terribly hard for me socially and emotionally for a while. Every time I masturbated after that, it was an exercise in guilt and shame for a while.

Then I met a cute girl who wanted to watch me masturbate. Since we were having intercourse and I was young and relatively sheltered, I didn't get the turn on. Then she masturbated in front of me and I understood the appeal in no time.

Social stigmas, from peers or authority, create lots of baggage. I don't think there is a "one size fits all" solution for getting past them. I lost any hang ups on masturbation because I really just stopped caring about why I was in the first place. She liked it, I liked it and the world could go get stuffed. You can analyze things all you want but I am pretty sure that's the secret to most mental hangups. If you feel something is right (or not wrong), find a way to tell the world to go get stuffed.
 
socal_dwm said:
When I was a teenager, I had a bad experience where I was caught masturbating in a dorm setting.Terribly hard for me socially and emotionally for a while. Every time I masturbated after that, it was an exercise in guilt and shame for a while.

Then I met a cute girl who wanted to watch me masturbate. Since we were having intercourse and I was young and relatively sheltered, I didn't get the turn on. Then she masturbated in front of me and I understood the appeal in no time.

Social stigmas, from peers or authority, create lots of baggage. I don't think there is a "one size fits all" solution for getting past them. I lost any hang ups on masturbation because I really just stopped caring about why I was in the first place. She liked it, I liked it and the world could go get stuffed. You can analyze things all you want but I am pretty sure that's the secret to most mental hangups. If you feel something is right (or not wrong), find a way to tell the world to go get stuffed.
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It sounds like that cute girl helped you liberate yourself. So many people spend too much of their short lives inhibited from exercising independent judgement. Herd instinct, I guess, but why would a human want to spend their life behaving like a cow or a lemming?
 
I just wanted to give my 2 cents because I too often feel guilty after masturbating... I feel like the act itself (watching the porn, reading the erotica, using my imagination) is like a mental and horny roller-coaster. It's fun, I enjoy it, but when I finally do cum, I feel empty afterwards because I then realize how much time I wasted. I could have been doing a lot of other things during that time.

Maybe because cumming is like a drug? There's always a low after the high. I dunno. I still can't beat the feeling sometimes. :( But it's nice to know that I'm not the only one (and someone of the opposite sex, too)
 
jessalynn15 said:
I used to experience the shame and guilt a lot after masturbation, but it was mostly because of religious reasons, so not being religious anymore helps that haha. And yeah, it sucks when you know the porn industry can/does exploit a lot of women. So for that, find different venues I.e, amateur-submitted porn, Erotic stories, etc. But you also said it happens when you just use your imagination, and I don't want to get too sappy, but here's my personal experience: I watched porn because I'm an incredibly horny person and didn't have an outlet for all that energy. But watching it left me feeling a little empty (easily confused as guilt/shame) because I wanted a connection stronger than what I had with my computer screen.... Since I've joined lit, I've discovered the joy of "dirty chatting", specifically voice chatting, and have met someone really cool that I click with that does that with me. It provides that human connection I wanted as well as all the dirty fun I need, and I don't feel empty or guilty or shameful after it's done. I actually don't watch porn now at all unless I'm just curious about something.

Now that might not be your experience at all. Either way, you've got to get to the root of what's making you feel guilty or shameful about it and address it.

TL;DR Figure out what really is making you feel guilty (if it even is guilt) and address it!
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I had to register simply to respond to this post. what you said made so much sense. I sometimes have felt the coid of masturbating and not having someone to share the experience with. Heck I have felt that way when in a relationship that wasnt foving me the sexual outlet that I needed. I
What you taljed about as far as chatting with someone sounds like just the trick but the troubke I have had is in finding a decent outlet to meet someone interested and then building trust with them. I think I will start writing on lit and see where that leads me. This place was suggested to me and it is great so far.

Just wondering if anyone can point me to a place where one might meet people that are interested in adult chatting with privacy and disretion in mind?
 
I realize this is an old thread, (and the OP probably doesn't check it any longer), but there are a lot of women, (and sometimes men), who do feel guilty about masturbating or having premarital sex. Often they don't know why, or how to overcome it. So, it's for them I offer my advice for what it is worth.

You feel guilty because you grew up in a culture that taught you to feel guilty about masturbation and premarital sex. As a child growing up, you were taught that it was wrong to have sex and only sick people masturbate. If you had grown up in a culture where sex was accepted openly, and people masturbated in public, you would feel no guilt in doing the same thing. But that is not where you grew up. I realize you have to fit in to have friends, but you don't have to suffer their guilt. You have to come to a point in life where you ask yourself: "What right does anyone have to make me feel guilty about my own body, it's my body, not theirs"! In other words, you have to come to a point where you take control of your life and stop trying to feel like other people think you should feel. It's a matter of re-educating yourself as to what is valid in life and what is not. The reality is that most normal people masturbate. Why should you feel guilty about being normal?
 
Reasons

There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Unfortunately, some churches preach it is a sin, then some people try to lay a guilt trip on you when they interrupt you while you are enjoying yourself. If a person is interrupted often enough by people, then they tend to develop the attitude that masturbation is wrong. This is like any other condition, it is hard for a person to change their response and feelings when they have been made to feel guilty for something that is natural. Hell, masturbation is a great stress reliever.

One of the top reasons a person develops guilty feelings is their partner's attitude about masturbation. If the partner walks in while you are masturbating, their attitude, whether negative or positive, will have an impact on you. This impact can be life long, but with conditioning it can be reversed.
 
Some fine sentiments flying around but could not the "shame" be just an aspect of le petit mort often felt after sex?
 
dumbeg4 said:
Some fine sentiments flying around but could not the "shame" be just an aspect of le petit mort often felt after sex?
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Quite possibly. Or, as Almontiago pointed out, it's like the crash after the speed wears off.

Or, as I recently heard, it's hardwired into us because we are momentarily and totally distracted from our everyday life, and it's our embarrassment at putting ourselves at risk that way. (If a sabre-tooth tiger had happened by, you'd have been dead meat.) On the other hand, sex with a partner doesn't come with that baggage, since you're putting your safety into the hands of somebody else who has your back.

That statement was delivered to me all wrapped up on a sermon on why Adam and Eve experienced shame after the Fall, due to their abandoning trust in God and suddenly needing to take care of themselves, but after stripping away that baggage, the essence of it could have some merit.
 
I didn't read all the comments.

Maybe it depends on how much one masturbates. And what is a lot for one person, may not be for someone else. I don't know. I think it's more a cultural thing than anything else. And I have the feeling that it's more ok for men to do it, than women. I can go for weeks or months without it because of stress, and because I don't want it to be something that I feel I have to do. Masturbation is not something I either have on my To Do List or list of favorite things to do. It's usually a spontaneous option I choose for various reasons, one of which is pain relief for headaches. And I've found it more enjoyable when I have a partner. It's kind of a lonely thing, at the end of the day. I'd rather have a partner. I think we all do what we can do to get by. I think it's time that it is seen as just one part of healthy options.
 
Why would you want to give up all that delicious guilt and shame? Go with it. Shame makes it dirtier, hence more fun.
 
Thank you to everyone for all of your advice and responses. I can't properly comment/ read through all of the replies because I'm on mobile, but I'm pleasantly surprised this thread is still going. believe it or not seeing that people have experienced the same makes it a little easier.
 
I think that's probably a big part of it. I'm not a religious person at all, but neither of my parents ever spoke to me about anything sex related. Everything I learned I learned from friends and the tele. I remember instances where I BEGGED my mother to talk to me about sex. It just sucks because I know that it's natural and everyone does it, but I still can't shake those feelings.
 
I never said masturabtion is wrong, actually my feelings are quite opposite. Whether or not I think porn is worse than genocide and/or war is overly hyperbolic and doesn't make me feel any better. Do I think porn is harmless? No. Do I think it's as bad as the things you mentioned? Obviously not... That's a whole issue in and of itself outside of my little problem, but I don't want to derail my own thread. I understand what you were getting at but yeah..
 
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Almontiago2 said:
I just wanted to give my 2 cents because I too often feel guilty after masturbating... I feel like the act itself (watching the porn, reading the erotica, using my imagination) is like a mental and horny roller-coaster. It's fun, I enjoy it, but when I finally do cum, I feel empty afterwards because I then realize how much time I wasted. I could have been doing a lot of other things during that time.

Maybe because cumming is like a drug? There's always a low after the high. I dunno. I still can't beat the feeling sometimes. :( But it's nice to know that I'm not the only one (and someone of the opposite sex, too)
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I think the feelings of emptiness is a perfect way to describe it. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this, especially in a place like this haha.
 
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