Story Feedback

I posted my very first story not too long ago, and would appreciate some comments on your thoughts on it.

Thanks for your time.

https://www.literotica.com/s/an-open-letter-to-steve

Well, that was a quick, easy read. There is nothing particularly wrong with your story. I didn't notice any issues with grammar, punctuation, or usage. Such strong writing fundamentals are sadly very rare.

I see two issues with your story that aren't really "wrong" but that may turn off many readers.

The obvious one is the whole cuck thing. A sizeable percentage of Lit readership is vocally opposed to it, and makes a point of trolling cuck authors. If that's the type of thing you want to continue to write, you'll need to develop a thick skin.

The second issue is your use of very clinical terms in your sex scene. "urethral opening"? Really? I get that you are trying to distinguish the characters by having David use words like "penis" and "vagina" while Steve says "cock" and "cunt". If there was a dialog between the two it might work. But using such clinical terms in the narrative of the sex scene just isn't hot at all - to most readers. There may be some out there who really get off on medical language. But if David can't bring himself to use dirty words in the narrative, then I suggest he use softer euphemisms like "shaft" or "blossom".

Again, this is not a bad story. It's technically well written. Unfortunately, I just don't think it will have very broad appeal. That's no reason to give up though. I hope you'll continue writing, and wish you the best of luck on your next story.

As a first story it's a good start.
You have one idiot comment that you can just delete - figure out how to do that. Then there's a pedantic comment about use of words - some of his comments are valid I suppose.
Then there's one thoughtful comment.
If you like you can set it up so that anon comments are not allowed.

Keep writing! And if the cuckold/hotwife thing is what you are into, fine.
Are you going to do a followup? Maybe the reality turns out differently from David's fantasy?

Thanks for your comments. There is another related story pending now, not a follow up to speak of, but on a related note. Thanks again for your time and comments. They are appreciated.

I read your "Letter", and like others said, you write well. Technically the writing is clean and well edited. I also liked the premise of your story, a letter explaining your feelings. And finally, I have no issue with the kink factor of cuckoldry.

But, where I did have some issue is in the transition from letter to a 'story'. A monologue of how the husband envisioned every detail of the 'dirty deed'. In short, this part could have been better written as a story instead of a letter to a virtual stranger.

I think you could have pulled this off if you would have maintained a believable correspondence. A back and forth between the husband and the lover. In doing that, these erotic visions could have been eased into the ongoing sequence of correspondence as both of the two men became more comfortable. It would have also afforded you, the author, a way to portray the growing power exchange through the written dialogue as the husband becomes more and more the cuck, and the lover exerts his dominance, etc.

I hope that's helpful. As I said, very good first effort. (I don't know if it'll help at this point, but I did a "letter" story a long time ago in which I employed this back and forth structure. The story is different, but if you want to actually see what I'm trying to tell about...it's in my story list titled 'Love Letters'.)

Hope some of that is helpful.