Collared_Mel
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Has starting a family changed you?
- Thread starter Collared_Mel
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SpunThings
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I don't know what you do during the day, but you just change any overt behavior that isn't appropriate for kids to stuff you do behind closed doors, or find more subtle ways to express it.
It will also affect your relationship in the same ways it affects vanilla relationships. For a time you will have less time to devote to each other, and the time you do have will require a bit more planning.
MastersDelight
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What SpunThings said.
We were just starting to dip our toes in the BDSM pool when we got pregnant with my daughter. I won't lie, a lot of things were put on the back burner as first time parents. But I was so preoccupied I hardly missed things. We found our stride as parents and started to settle back into familiar BDSM territory when we got pregnant a second time. This time twin boys. And again things haulted. It was 3 or 4 months after, when the twins moved into their own room, that things started to resume for us. Kids shake things up, they make spending time together as D/s, Husband/Wife, Bf/gf difficult. And in the moment you feel like the late nights will never end. But eventually things level out and you can both breathe and normal (or at least a new normal) starts again. I can't greet my Master naked on all fours when he gets home from work. But I can have the kids clean and happy to greet him, dinner ready, and a plug to flash for him once the kids are in bed. I can't nuzzle his knee for attention as he watches tv or plays on his phone, but I can sit at his feet, leaned against his leg while I read a story to our daughter. You find ways to keep the dynamic alive, and it's fun having your own little secret in plain sight.
We were just starting to dip our toes in the BDSM pool when we got pregnant with my daughter. I won't lie, a lot of things were put on the back burner as first time parents. But I was so preoccupied I hardly missed things. We found our stride as parents and started to settle back into familiar BDSM territory when we got pregnant a second time. This time twin boys. And again things haulted. It was 3 or 4 months after, when the twins moved into their own room, that things started to resume for us. Kids shake things up, they make spending time together as D/s, Husband/Wife, Bf/gf difficult. And in the moment you feel like the late nights will never end. But eventually things level out and you can both breathe and normal (or at least a new normal) starts again. I can't greet my Master naked on all fours when he gets home from work. But I can have the kids clean and happy to greet him, dinner ready, and a plug to flash for him once the kids are in bed. I can't nuzzle his knee for attention as he watches tv or plays on his phone, but I can sit at his feet, leaned against his leg while I read a story to our daughter. You find ways to keep the dynamic alive, and it's fun having your own little secret in plain sight.
CutieMouse
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I think it depends on what you want your kinky/BDSM/sex life/relationship to look like.
If you think having a D/s relationship = kinky naked times 24/7... kids are probably going to throw a wrench in the works.
If you think having a D/s relationship is an extension on who you are, and you're still in "D/s mode" doing the mundane adulting stuff everyone has to do (bills, dishes, laundry work)... kids may be more like a hiccup you work around.
The freedom of non-parenting life will go away, but that happens to everyone who has kids. My best advice would be to build a relationship that is as healthy, communicative and functional as you can make it before having kids. It's not a kink-specific thing; just a marriage survival thing.
(From a mother of five and someone who never, ever, ever cares to marry ever ever again. Ever. lol)
If you think having a D/s relationship = kinky naked times 24/7... kids are probably going to throw a wrench in the works.
If you think having a D/s relationship is an extension on who you are, and you're still in "D/s mode" doing the mundane adulting stuff everyone has to do (bills, dishes, laundry work)... kids may be more like a hiccup you work around.
The freedom of non-parenting life will go away, but that happens to everyone who has kids. My best advice would be to build a relationship that is as healthy, communicative and functional as you can make it before having kids. It's not a kink-specific thing; just a marriage survival thing.
(From a mother of five and someone who never, ever, ever cares to marry ever ever again. Ever. lol)
Primalex
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SpunThings
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Soooo true.
Mrtenant
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You'd be surprised at how things can change. I found myself growing naturally, sexually, seeming to head in a direction. After the second child, it took awhile to see it, (child rearing and monetary pressures taking precedence) we both seemed to forget how we once were and how we were growing together sexually. While we were never terribly overt with kink, it was a direction we were heading. Did we become more vanilla. Yes.
10 years later, it became a battle that's been ongoing for the last 5. It hasn't been ugly for the most part. There were days, though, I wondered if we would stay together. But things are finally heading in the direction we once were. 15 years of lost opportunity, total.
I recommend, to not lose sight of the growth and delight in that part of your life. It gets to be too easy to set aside if you are parents of conscience. Make time for it.
10 years later, it became a battle that's been ongoing for the last 5. It hasn't been ugly for the most part. There were days, though, I wondered if we would stay together. But things are finally heading in the direction we once were. 15 years of lost opportunity, total.
I recommend, to not lose sight of the growth and delight in that part of your life. It gets to be too easy to set aside if you are parents of conscience. Make time for it.
